posted June 27, 2008 05:29 AM            

Aries: "It's only 11:00. If we do it, like, 5 more times before midnight, we could break my old record!"

Taurus: "You were thinking about him the whole time weren't you?! ***** ! No, wait! Don't go. I love you."

Gemini: "OH. MY. GOD! That was amazing. Was it amazing for you? I hope it was. I had so much fun tonight. Will you call me tomorrow? I hope you'll call. I'd call you. If I had your number. Not that I'm complaining. Obviously you like me or you wouldn't have slept with me. Or would you? I mean, you're not that type are you? Oh God, you're not gonna dump me are you?! Am I being presumptuous? Are we even together? Love is strange...[date sneaks out backdoor]

Cancer: "...and that's when she told me I was a failure. How do you say that to your own child? I was only 7! I tried to catch the damn ball. I tried! It was just...it was coming right at me! I was afraid. I panicked! I've never gotten over that. I hate that woman. She ruined my life. ...Oh my gosh, I just remembered! You've never met Mom. Oh, you're gonna love her. She's got a heart of gold."

Leo: "Wait, one more thing before you go! Here's an autographed 8x10. I'd want to remember me too."

Virgo: "I really hate to ask again, but you're absolutely positive you don't have any communicable diseases?"

Libra: "I'll just need to see your driver's license and three other forms of identification."

Scorpio: "Okay...we've got a little problem. I can't seem to find the key. Just don't make any sudden movements. I think that harness will hold for at least another 10 minutes."

Sagittarius: "Oh yeah, I'll totally call you. What? My number? It's um, 555-..."

Capricorn: "Ooo, my cedar chest will look perfect in that corner. I was thinking about a spring wedding, unless you prefer summer. To think I just met you tonight! Oh, and just so you know, I prefer IRAs to playing the market. It's too risky. We've got to plan early and stay safe if we want our children to get into good schools."

Aquarius: "Sweetie, I am so sorry, but we're gonna have to do that all over again. I forgot to take the lens off."