posted January 20, 2006 11:05 PM              

Forget your high society
I'm soaking it in kerosene
Light 'em up & watch them burn
I'll teach him what he needs to learn
I gave you everything I had
& everything I got was bad
I'm through believing all you're lies
'Cheating' is really not a crime
Now I don't hate you for what you said
I can't hate someone who's dead
You're out there trying to get someone
While I'm holding up my smoking gun...

Of course I changed the words a little but it's still pretty much the same

Oh and here's what happened yesterday:

I was leaving Biology, and there he was beside the door waiting for me. He said "Hey Darlene. I'm sorry if I said anything to upset you..If it's about the night you went to Franco's, I'm sorry. You know I don't like Franco & I was mad at you. I didn't mean any of the things I said."
I just stared at him and he said "I told you I wouldn't hit a girl and definatly not you. You're too sweet." and as he said that he gently pinched my chin.
I said "Don't touch me." and walked away.

posted January 21, 2006 10:00 AM            

I'd like to share a poem I wrote about my experience:
Blond in a Black and Blue Dress

He knew he would have her. Soon
His vision of an ephemeral girl,
Moist dark eyes shining, wide
As an open wound,
Would manifest and serve
His every need,
Would swallow his rage,
His greed, his sorrow,
His seed.

He knew she had never known
Casual cruelty, but she was a seeker,
Sylphlike, sexed up gypsy,
Formless, far from home;
Tear her down and teach her
Ways of the street,
Reptilian grace,
Dance of the broken
Spirit.

posted January 21, 2006 09:46 PM              

I remember one time when we were together, his sister's wedding was on a saturday & about 3 hours afterwards we went to see a movie. I was soo worn out & I started to close my eyes a little bit. He slapped me and said "what the h*ll are you doing? Don't think I won't slap you for being a b*tch."
I just laughed not thinking anything of it. Then I started to thinking "who does he think he is??" And when he was going in to kiss me, I said "I'm not kissing you." And pushed him away.
He got all upset and sat with his arms crossed for the rest of the movie. Even after I apologized he just sat there, ignoring me.

posted January 21, 2006 11:04 PM            

I'm glad to see that you're thinking back and recalling (Venus rx) some times with this Scorpio where there was behavior that was out-of-line, behavior that you laughed off when perhaps you should have reacted and defined boundaries. I hope his lack of respect for you, and desire to control/manipulate you, is plainer to you now.....

posted January 25, 2006 09:39 PM              

But back to the ex~ New problem:

Well I can't get over him...At first when I broke up with him I thought I would be okay but I was still depressed; especially when he would keep coming around. The only thing is that I knew in the back of my mind that I could get him back if I wanted so it helped me feel better.
Then he started to lose interest in me.
This struck me hard & I couldn't take it anymore...I called him up and apologized.
He Said:
"It was stupid of me to even stay with you that long. You're just so much younger, I shouldn't have even talked to you in the first place. I only did because I was so attracted to your beauty and you just seemed different than other girls."
I answered "I broke up with you because you were so aggressive. I still like you though"
Him (in an aggressive tone ): "I was joking about the upsetting things I said! It's just my sense of humor. It doesn't matter anymore. We aren't getting back together...You're a nice girl but I'm not going to waste my time with you again. And you obviously don't know when I'm kidding around so you must not know me too well. Alright well I'm gonna hang up." Then he just hung up the phone...

I talked to his (& my) friend Cody about everything (me and cody have been friends since before me and garren got together)
and Cody said "You know Garren really does have a strange sense of humor. He liked you a lot..He would always repeat things you said and how much he loved you."

What if I never get over him? What if he's "striked a lifetime wound" as Linda puts it..
Whats worse is that I have to see him everyday at school. This has taken all my energy & I can't concentrate in school..All this is so pathetic.

posted January 25, 2006 10:01 PM              

It doesn't matter if he is a good guy with good intentions deep down. Even if he isn't juggling around with you, he obviously doesn't have any control over his actions and is too immature to enter a relationship.

posted January 27, 2006 05:52 PM            

It sounds to me like he is not only manipulating you but your friend Cody as well. He saw that he lost his hold on you for a while, so he tried another tactic. It's simple as that. Now, he is going to the friend that he knows you will talk to about him, and he is finding his control there. Don't give in, Girl! I tell you, this guy thinks he's smooth, but it is so obvious what he is doing.
As for the "lifetime wound". These wounds are what teach us our life lessons. We become stronger, wiser and we learn what is good for us and what is not. The wound is like a "hot spot", so that you can see someone like this guy in the future, turn on your heels and run! Please take care...