posted September 12, 2006 10:40 AM
Well, I killed this thread. To make up for it, here are the mentioned writings on saturn in the 12th. 
Saturn Through The Houses
Saturn's place in the chart highlights the area in which you are likely to shoulder heavy responsibilities and encounter obstacles. Saturn is the planet of restrictions and limitations, and its position marks the spot where difficult challenges will be met. This is the house in which your management abilities will be tested.
The house in which Saturn is placed is a considerable focal point of the chart, since the sphere of life affected will be taken very seriously and will, in some respects, be a burden to the subject. While there is no reason for this area of life to be entirely unsuccessful or an on-going source of difficulty, progress will usually only be made after a special effort. When it is made, however, great satisfaction will be taken in personal development; the subject will have learned lessons, often the hard way. Here, Saturn is certainly a taskmaster. It is vitally important to remember that the aspects the planet receives will be-a powerful indication as to just how easy or difficult it is for the subject to make Saturn work for him- or herself, and if it is a personal planet, the characteristics it indicates will be a key to the whole personality.
Saturn In The Twelfth House
At its most potent, this tends to make the individual something of an isolationist, and at its least powerful gives a need to retreat from worldly concerns. Sometimes the subject may only feel safe within your own little world. You will do an excellent job during the day, then look forward to returning to the security of his own home at night. It is not a good idea to try to nag him out of this pattern, for it will only encourage him to enclose yourself further. Instead, someone with this placing should learn to enjoy quiet hobbies - music appreciation, reading and handicrafts, for instance.
Too much introspection should not be encouraged, since it can lead to hypochondria and perhaps other phobias. Even so, it is excellent if the subject can accept that the warmth and security of his own home is restorative, since that is where you will gain psychological and physical refreshment. If Saturn conjuncts the Ascendant from this house the subject will be shy, introspective and lacking in confidence, as is the case when Saturn is in the first house, but here the reclusive tendencies will be even stronger.
A need for self-expression Creative exercise through some form of expressive dance or movement is excellent therapy, but yoga and such contemplative disciplines are not as rewarding in the long-term. That is because they may increase the subject's introspection which, if anything, needs to be countered.
A very meaningful sense of vocation may be present. The subject might identify with suffering or with those confined to institutions, and can derive considerable psychological reward from helping such people.
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Liz Greene:
The twelfth house, as the last in the circle and lying hidden behind the Ascendant or outward behaviour, symbolises both endings and beginnings. It is the end because it represents the sacrifice which must ultimately be made of the conscious personality as a separation unit. From a more abstruse point of view it represents the beginning because it refers to those causes from the past which, operating from birth and below the level of consciousness, draw to us those situations which require that we lose ourselves and die to be reborn into group consciousness. From water all life comes, says the Koran; and this house, reflecting Pisces and Neptune, the ancient god of the waters, suggests that plane where life, undifferentiated and without individuality, first sprang, and where, wise with the lessons of individual consciousness, it must eventually return. Even shorn of its more esoteric associations, the twelfth house refers to isolation and submission, and to the dissolution of the personality.
This is often called the house of karma, based on the idea that planets found here are in some way denied normal expression and are often operating as unconscious rather than conscious drives. It is also called the house of self-undoing because isolation, incarceration, helplessness, and bondage are often the lot of the person with the heavily active twelfth house - literal or symbolic - and it is his own actions which draw these conditions to him. Whether a long past is considered or not, the inference is certainly present that the ego, built through the efforts of the previous eleven houses and signs, must eventually be laid on the altar of sacrifice so that the man may become a functioning part of a larger whole and give of his widsom and energy for the good of the group. For the man who refuses to comprehend this, it is the house of hospitals and prisons, for only through the loss of individual power can a man realise that he himself is nothing without a link to the rest of life.
This is always a difficult house, unless the path of service is pursued. Somehow the release of energy in this way alleviates much of the frustration and loneliness which accompanies twelfth house planets, and makes the required sacrifices bearable. Great pain often occurs through the twelfth house, for the loss of the will after so much careful building is a great blow to the man who has come to identify himself with his personal desires. Yet loss of will is the price which all planets pay when found in this house, although the finding of inner serenity is often gained in exchange.
As the last sign of the watery trigon, Pisces symbolises the completion and fulfillment of all emotional strivings - unity not with another person but with life itself. This is the mystical marriage, and is most difficult for the average man, centered in his personality, to deal with. There is no battle required; only acquiescence and devotion. It is almost impossible to make any sense of the twelfth house from a purely mundane point of view, for, even more than the eighth, this is a non-material house and pertains to matters which bring a man into closer touch with subjective reality. Any planet in the twelfth is subject to the dissolving and transmuting influence which blocks the ordinary personal expression of the planet and forces its energies inward and upward. That which occurs here occurs in secret like the gestation of a child. Only when the term is complete can this facet of the individual unfold like a newborn baby into external expression; and by then it is changed.
Saturn in the twelfth house, and to a lesser extent in Pisces, is difficult from the point of view of the personality because the Saturnian energies, geared initially toward self-protection and defense against the environment, are rendered ineffectual. This may in extreme situations be through hospitalisation or imprisonment for a period of time; and the man may learn through his own helplessness how ultimately impotent the personal wlil is against the forces of his own past which he himself has set in motion. The feeling that one is helpless and must submit to something larger and greater is frequent with this placement of Saturn, although it may occur on a very subjective level. This is a cadent house and refers to states of mind; and Saturn here often generates a vague fear that someone or something, a misty or generalised fate or destiny, is going to destroy him or control him. He may isolate himself and attempt to shield himself from contact with others at the same time as he is weighed down by an oppressive loneliness and sense of powerlessness.
The sacrifice of one's material ambitions is often concurrent with a twelfth house Saturn; and this is also one of the commonest significators of the child who dedicates his life to the care of an ailing or helpless parent at the cost of his own development. This is often done not because it must be - there are always alternatives - but because there is an intense feeling of guilt, obligation, and an instinctual understanding that he must make some sacrifice or pay some debt. It is also often the reflection of a fear of confronting external life and a sense of impotence in being able to handle practical affairs.
Guilt looms large with this placement of Saturn although it is generalised rather than specific guilt. It may cause a man to seek penance through solitude, or there may be religious penance in the literal sense resulting in the monk or nun. It may be apparently involuntary penance as is the case with incarceration; but the man himself chooses this course although he may not consciously believe he will have to pay. It may result in sickness or withdrawal from conscious awareness through drugs, alcohol, or insanity. Or it may be much more sublte and less drastic, as in the case of the man who is always alone and always feels separation from the rest of humanity and the rest of life, no matter how many people he surrounds himself with.
Typical Saturnian ambivalence occurs with a twelfth house Saturn too, and there is both a compulsive fascination with and a great fear of losing one's identity and individuality. But whatever the specific mundane situation which is reflected, the individual is generally called upon at some point in his life to endure helplessness and aloneness and the sacrifice of his control. When this occurs on an inner level, the individual is frequently unable to communicate his feelings to others, which only increases his sense of isolation. He does not understand what it is that he is trying to protect himself against, any more than he understands the abyss which draws him with such fascination. He only knows that he feels powerless, and may overcompensate for this feeling by attempting to prove that he is totally master of his life. This may land him in hospital or in jail without his understanding the inner motives which have brought him there.
Saturn is representative in his disguised and baser form as the most personal kind of power, that which a person seizes for self-protection through manipulation of his environment. It is man's defense mechanism which is necessary for a long time while the unfolding of consciousness needs defending; however, when Saturn is found in Pisces or in the twelfth house, the time has come for the scaffolding to be taken down, for the inner struture is nearly complete, and stripping this away is initially like stripping off one's own outer skin and exposing the raw and tender area beneath.
As opposite to the sixth house, the twelth disorgnaises that wihch the sixth has put in order, and offers chaos instead. This is not the chaos of sickness and madness, however; it only seems so to those who have built their conception of reality on a mundane base.
Understanding the meaning of this position takes us beyond the field of orthodox psychology, which has certainly mastered the fourth hosue and some of the eighth but is lost when confronting the mysteries of the twelfth. Recognition of the urge for evolution, for meaning, for the spiritual side of life, as a valid psychological drive in man, is now becoming widespread, however; and when it is understood that this is perhaps the most basic and most important instinct in man - although an instinct of the psyche rather than of the body - then it will not be such a painful experience for a man to sacrifice his personality to permit his total self-expression. The real potential of Saturn in the twelfth house is unfortunately only available now to those of a mystical bent who are inclined toward the path of inner contemplation. To them it is the final sacrifice of the sense of separateness, and is willingly undergone because it is the last door between man and his freedom. It depends in the end on one's perspective. Trying to hunt Saturn down through the mazes of the unconscious is difficult enough in the eighth house where there are still some personality links; but the twelfth is wholly of the soul, and analysis does not help understanding unless it is backed by a knowledge of man's innately spiritual nature. The gold available from a twelfth house Saturn is the power to serve, not to 'do good' - which is not service at all - but to experience the sense of unity which the mystic is forever seeking and the sense of responsibility and detached love which accompanies this unity. This will, of course, make no sense to the earthy man, and may offend more pragmatic astrologers; but the fact remains that the twelfth house has not yet been satisfactorily explained any more than has the nature of man. It may be that as scientific evidence piles up, slowly but surely, in demonstration of the occult teachings of the past, the interrelationships of all living things and their essential underlying oneness will be a fact on the objective plane as well as a subjective experience on the part of the mystic.
Saturn in the watery signs and houses is worthy of first place because it is in this area that he displays his greatest ambiguity and also his greatest emotional suffering. As man is only now beginning to learn how to think objectively as a group, and as the majority of people are still polarised in their feeling natures, Saturn in water is responsible for a great deal of the loneliness and isolation so apparent at the present time. It is of some help for the individual who has Saturn in a watery house or sign to recognise that his potential in terms of inner peace, understanding, and wisdom is as great as his potential for despair if he will only turn inward to the realm of the feelings and of the unconscious.
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Bil Tierney:
It's well established that the Twelfth House is the perfect place to retreat when we want to get away from the bustling, hectic world and find a little tranquillity. Peace and quiet ar what much of this house is about, even though paradoxically the Twelfth House also drums up nightmarish images of bedlam where the insane howl and the disoriented abound in a hellish place of jarring noise and chaos - and that's just of our own inner demons! But for Saturn, it's the silent places of the soul that are most sought after. Neptune in the Twelfth House is much like this too, except that Neptune has a special talent for zoning out - meaning it closes its eyes and flies at the speed of mind to other dimensions where time and space pose no barriers, perfectly unaware of its everyday mundane surroundings. Neptune is quite a trance-maker.
Saturn can never get that far away from its ability to be aware of form and limitation. Saturn retreats to the Twelfth House to deeply contemplate why things turn out the way they do. Saturn wlil dig deeply to understand the purpose behind the endings of situations and relationships, especially when they've ended badly or without sufficient explanations. The Twelfth House is where we hide a lot of our loose ends, but Saturn always finds them and gets very anxious. However, its strong point is organizational power, which is no easy feat in this house of formlessness and anti-matter. What could be suggested is soul structuring, where we learn to build consciousness carefully on our most internal levels. Saturn is learning not to fear the limitless world of the spirit within. By establishing a meditative atmosphere where stillness is emphasized, we can learn to recognize the reality of our spiritual self and feel its constant, protective presence. Saturn always wants a solid connection wherever it's located; and in the Twelfth house, we have an ability to bring more of our Higher Self into earthly manifestation, perhaps throught he power of visualization. But first we have to dissolve a lot of barriers that block our path to such self-awareness.
Some of us may have to deal with burdensome situations as part of our karmic plan for growth in this incarnation. We can suffer in solitude - at least, our pain is invisible to those we deal with in the day-to-day world. We learn to become excellent concealers. But since this is the house of behind-the-scenes activities or hidden circumstances, we are reluctant to come out and expose our more serious problems to others without feeling inexplicably guilty or more embarrassed and humiliated than is reasonable. A few of us opt to lock away and guard our troubling fears (Saturn rules locks and bolts), while moping around like a martyr or victim of fate, figuratively wearing a 'kick me' sign.
Maybe we don't even mope, but instead show a false self-assurance and an assertive drive to accomplish that keeps others from prying into our hidden parts. We over-achievers may try to conquer the hypnotic pull of the unconscious by putting all our energies into establishing ultimate values of the earthly kind. Winning the game of material life is then the ideal we put on a pedestal, while our soul needs are little understood or woefully neglected. It's not a common manifestation, but it can occur. Actually, Saturn does call for a sensible embrace of both spirit and matter. Making peace with being in the world while doing what we can to bring peace would be a goal to envision, but Saturn needs to know how far it can realistically fulfill this dream to avoid disenchantment.
Retreating for purely escapist reasons, to avoid people contact rather than to confront the Great Onesness of life, can be the unwise way Saturn deals with anxiety. We can be hyper-vulnerable to our own crippling doubts or plagued with self-pity. We hardly want to realize that we are so fearful, much less have strangers or loved ones know this about us. We will need to do some honest self-confrontation to determine if we are allowing imaginary limitations to hem us in. Are we assuming certain negative Saturnian responses from others ("they loathe me... they really loathe me!") while being too chicken to get the facts straight by being direct and addressing certain issues face to face? If so, we choose to remain blind to the real truth, and thus hurt ourselves. Being in the dark about anything is not what Saturn's all about; but the Twelfth House can symbolize covert enemies, and that includes engaging in hidden self-destructiveness.
For some of us, our interest in self-preservation (Saturn) or our preoccupation with unconditional safety (Twelfth House and Saturn) can be almost morbid. Inhibitive Saturn helps foster psychological repressions that can hide away and incubate for long periods of time. If not broken down and released through an active attempt at self-realization, these repressed parts can become chronic problems for our psyche, contributing to a bitter sense of loneliness and social alienation. Who really wants that kind of life? Apparently, some do. The soul is trapped in a steel cage and can only face out into a bleak world where darkness dwells.
But this is only part of the puzzle for Saturn in the Twelfth House. There are redeeming elements as well, since the Twelfth House in many ways exists for the hope of soul renewal and the affirmation of the fresh and innocent cycle soon to be experienced in the First House.
This can be a house of sacrifices, made more karmic by Saturn's presence here. Saturn tests character through restrictions and denials; and here it falls in a sector of private sorrows and disappointments. Life can be a painful experience for those of us who lack or refuse to develop spiritual knowledge, or at least deep psychological awareness. Simply living on the surface of the physical world can never delving within to examine and reflect could cut us off from a main source of inner comfort and universal meaning; and we might end up feeling drained or defeated by the mundane world.
We need contact with our Twelfth House to help renew our soul whenever we have become too immersed in our material roles and weighed wdown by our practical responsibilities. To be disconnected would rob us of opportunities to restore ourselves by recharging our spiritual batteries. But when this combination is handles well, we can draw from inner psychological strengths that enable us to courageously endure personal and collective hardships with a mature understanding that somehow, something purposeful is behind whatever otherwise appears to be senseless failure or tragedy. Saturn is a planet that can help us develop true wisdom.
But Saturn also demands justice; and often we see too many injustices in the world that do not get corrected, which can lead to cynicism or a lack of faith in any higher power.
Still, Saturn can imply that as we grow and experience more of what the world has to offer, we can show a determination to pierce through the illusions of our lives and seek a clearer comprehension of the external realities of existence. This could be an excellent position for the serious, scientific study (though not necessarily the active application) of psychic phenomena, mystical awakening, or any cosmology that helps better explain the mysteries of consciousness itself.
Researching the mind-body connection may also be compelling for some of us who wish to explore the healing theme of this house. In fact, researching anything complex or deeply hidden is a great way to use Saturn in the Twelfth House (or in the Eighth House). Maybe for some, the alien inner worlds being contacted are on the micro-cellular level, which is as removed from our daily lives as are the nirvanic planes. It si essential that we have something of interest that allows us to penetrate layer by layer until we uncover its hidden features; and it's best if these features tie into universal awareness or the underlying unity of all life. Then we can feel we are not as isolated and cut off as it appears; that we instead belong to a greater structure that will not exclude or abandon us. The fear of abandonment is typically strong here, and we need to pursue whatever knowledge helps us feel we are an important part of the Whole.
The more competitive our culture and the stronger its message to push to the top, the more many of us feel bewildered and out of sync.. This is not a place that feels like home to the worldly go-getter, because Twelfth House ambitions can lack clear definition. We can have a feel for what we want to do, but can't fill in certain essential details. But with Saturn as our astrological key to career and professional performance, what we do for a living needs to incorporate a few Twelfth House values. What are our best assets here? A serious concern for community welfare and even global peace is typically found. We can feel for the plight of the underdog, and are typically upset about social inequalities and the destructive side of class distinctions. Careers that help remedy the conditions of the socially disenfranchised or the 'rejects' of society may appeal to our idealistic sense of duty and obligation. People trapped in very turbulent situations due to economic hardship or personal instability may be those we wish to help restructure or rehabilitate. Of course, many of these jobs can be hard on the psyche for those who have not begun their inner Saturn work early in life. We'll need to toughen or loosen up a bit so that we can flow with the currents of a higher, inspirational power.
The sad truth is that many of the service-oriented careers that do excellent Twelfth House healing do not pay well, unless we are willing to strive to reach top-level positions of administration and executive power. But we often are less driven or committed to reach key positions, especially when the unfoldment of ouir path seems fuzzy to us to begin with. What if we feel plagued by professional uncertainties and want to later bail out? It's easier to quit a career when lots of people are not counting on us for both their direction and their livelihood.
If we desire to be self-employed in one of the many available healing arts, we'll need to be careful not to undercharge or do too much exchanging of services - such as our deep muscle massage for an aura cleansing session. Once in a while is fine, since it shows we trust the Univese to support our economic needs; but only real bucks will pay our very real bills. Our business instincts are potentially not the soundest.
If our material ambitions are more immaterial to us than we recognize, or if we never seem to be getting anywhere with our time and efforts, it coul dbe that our true security comes more from intangibilities. That's fine for our inner soul growth, but not so good for the practical realities of living. We need to look at any unrealistic expectations we have regarding our career potential. Some of us may float from job to job in hopes of miraculously landing the perfect career some day. It can happen, but not necessarily by dumb luck. We need to visualize our capacity to realistically help society in a humanitarian way. If we turn our backs on people in dire need, a part of us feels more than guilty - it feels a nagging sense of discontent and chronic aimlessness. Humanity needs to be the object of our concern in some fashion. Saturn says we can help build powerful structures for the support of many in need. Quiet by competent service without much fanfare or publicity is to be sought.
Saturn is a very self-contained planet, but the Twelfth House is where we engage in more selfless activities in which our ego and our 'I'-consciousness often take a back seat. Saturn does what it can to protect our ego, which has a right to shine in each and every house. So here is a point of conflict: Saturn can put the brakes on Twelfth House attempts to dissolve our ego's boundaries. This is where we try to block the flow of universal currents that might otherwise help us become a part of a unified field of consciousness and feel connected to others at an essence level. The threat of losing the sense of self in the process frightens Saturn.
But it could also be that we need to fortify our ego to protect ourselves from the uncontrolled flow of images and energies from the unconscious. These could prove overwhelming and disruptive to the functions of 'normal' waking consciousness. It would be like never coming out of the dream state; and that could really terrify Saturn. Losing a grip on reality or going mad are high on the list of this planet's worst fears, so we may not allow ourselves to be susceptible to altered states of awareness. Even if we don't believe in higher consciousness at the moment, we do guard our here-and-now consciousness, and do not trust having it tampered with.
However, when very well-managed, some of us are able to keep our sense of selfhood intact while being open to universal energy and collective currents. We can become steady and reliable vehicles for social enlightenment. We may learn a lot - maybe the hard way - about spiritual love and humility. What we probably most need to learn on the ego-level is how to serve people uncomplainingly and without petty criticism of the imperfections of others (think of the challenge of having Saturn in Virgo in the Twelfth House square Mercury in the Third House). Maybe fear, doubt, over-analysis, shame, mistrust, coldness, aloofness, and defensiveness are just some of the Saturn manifestations that the ego needs to let go of and dissolve for good. We can be much needed comforters for the sick and the weak, as long as we don't make ourselves sicker and weaker in the process.
Saturn is interested in the closing of life cycles, as is the Twelfth House. Maybe we do have some serious karma to work out. We may need to repair our soul foundation from past life damage or harm we did to ourselves and / or others. Atonement is needed on some level; but harsh punishment and self-condemnation only perpetuate the worst this Saturn placement can attract. The discipline of unconditional self-love is probably the hardest lesson of all. People we have put our faith in may have betrayed us, or let us down in some fashion again and again. We are to witness all this during our life and make a few mental notes, but not identify with such low-quality treatment. Constantly carrying such heavy baggage on our shoulders during our soul's journey can break our spirit. Learning to develop all the structure we need from within keeps us feeling safe and sane; and we find we are strong enough to give much of ourselves to the world for all the right reasons.
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Zipporah Dobyns:
Saturn in the twelfth house connects the ultimate creation of structure with the final dissolution of structure. Twelfth house careers include artists, saviors, and victims: the prisoner and the jailer, the patient and the doctor, the homeless person and the social worker. We can work within the society's rules or fight them or give up. Saturn demands realism, but the twelfth house needs faith in a Power beyond humans. When that faith is present at the subconscious level, we are totally protected. We still have to do our share of the practical effort, but then we can let go and trust, knowing it will be ok. The Gauquelin research was mentioned in connection with the ninth house. In addition to Saturn in the ninth house for scientists, they also found Saturn significantly often in both the ninth and the twelfth houses of famous doctors. Doctors are both highly educated and playing a savior role; but the emphasis on the physical world in their training may make it harder for some of them to maintain faith in a Power beyond the physical world. The burden of personal responsibility which results when we lack such faith may be one of the reasons many doctors die young.
A twelfth house father can manifest any of the variations already mentioned, and many more. He may be an artist, a savior, or a victim in innumerable ways. He may be missing, having gone looking for his beautiful dream. He may be too busy saving the world to be there for his family. Or he may expect too much of himself and his family and vice versa. As with Saturn in the ninth house, sometimes we have to learn not to turn human authority figures into gods. When we put our faith in a fragment of life, it is an idolatry, and we may have to lose it to force us to find a bigger god.
One of the hazards of Saturn in the ninth or the twelfth house is the worship of power.
Astrology shows our psychological issues and potentials. We create the details of our lives.
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Bill Herbst:
Imagination. You dream of perfect structure. You want your path laid out by a higher authority than yourself; fantasy has a distinctly paternal tone. You dream of solid strength, total discipline, even restraint. Teachers and institutions have a strong effect on your life. However, looking for an authority outseide the self indicates a longing to return to childhood, free from the real problem of deciding for oneself what life-form to create and how to do it. The challenge is to accept the importance of structure in a way that doesn't imprison or humiliate you, but instead provides you with the stability you need.
Unfocused Intuition. You surround yourself with mysteries to prod the development of your own intuition. But the weight of your ambition makes it a difficult achievement. You're anxious about being wrong. You want to transcend your ego, but you're more than a little nergous about giving up the security of solid personality. You may vacillate between the pitfalls of naive gullibility and hard cynicism, swept away by metaphysical trappings and claims of false mysticism while rejecting real intuitive messages. The challenge is to work steadily at intuitive development by studying the process and the techniques. As you progress, your sensitivity decreases, and you become lighter and more subtle.
Withdrawal or isolation. Your work tends to isolate you from others. This can be literal, as in the case of a scientist or researcher working in a cloistered setting, or it may be metaphorical, as with the person who doesn't really know what career to choose and feels cut off from the world as a result. Your actual work is often behind the scenes, away from public ego platforms. The pitfall is that in some lives the career role becomes so dominatne that the person behind the career is overwhelmed, somehow obscured. The challenge is to understand the full ramifications of your work as the ripples of your efforts spread out into the world.
Selfless giving. Selflessness is a duty. First, you fear it's your lot in life to go without, to surrender or give away what little you possess. Curiously, you also fear being selfless. You could even believe that when all is said and done, all veneers stripped away, that your giving will be revealed as a sham. Caught between these poles, you force yourself to give with little possibility of return. You work overtime to purify yourself, not always at the level of motive, but certainly at the level of behavior. The challenge is to gradually master the art of nonmartyring selflessness, slwoly teaching yourself to give in ways that are self-fulfilling rather than self-abusive. Don't give until it hurts; give until it shines.
'Past lives'. You were very concerned with responsibility and cultural authority in past lives. You may have held high office, been responsible for others, or been in the inferior position, subject to another's authority. In whichever case, something appened that caused you to feel the full weight of responsibility without true understanding. You may have 'dropped the ball', so to speak; or the ball may have been dropped on you. Either way, there are unconscious patterns surrounding authority, responsibility, and blame. It's likely that you're working out karma with your father or other authority figures. It's important to reveal the subtle rhythms in these relationships - in past lives, early in this life, and now. The way you project authority or play out your ambitions needs examination to reveal any shadows of coldness, cruelty, or failure. The challenge is to give yourself a full pardon and mature into conscious adulthood.
There are a couple more if you're interested.
Lindaland
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