posted February 17, 2007 02:54 PM              

I'm looking to get more info on what a cancer woman is like during a relationship and then after a breakup, also about them re-bounding into a new relationship.
Do they ever get over the old love ("the special one") even though it didn't work out, but the passion is still there?
How long does it take for them to be able to be friends w/ the Ex?

FYI, I'm a Libra female w/ Scorpio rising and moon, I think ...my DOB is 9/25/1965, 10:42am.
My Cancer's DOB is 7/4/1967, I don't know her time of birth.

We broke up about 6 mos ago reluctantly and mutually, but was still painful, we had a huge passion for each other.
She rebounded into a new relationship a month later, I want us to be friends ...but she isn't returning any of my contact. I know we will be friends down the line, but i'm going a little crazy, not knowing what she's feeling or thinking, due to the no contact on her part. I'm ok with her being w/ some one else ...i just hoped we could still be talking and becoming better friends.
I contact her once a month or so, just to say Hi and i think she likes it, but not sure, she doesn't call back, and she never used to be like that.
Any help anyone can give me would be very much appreciated, especially insight from other cancer women.

Thank you very much!

posted February 17, 2007 05:16 PM            

And I'm sorry to say, I'm kind of like your cancer ex. I don't usually stay friends with exs (there's only one I've said hi to from time to time). Sometimes it out've spite but most of the time its just that I don't feel the need to stay in contact with the person because it only makes things worse for me. My objective (depending on how bad the break up was) is to obliterate the person out of my mind..LOL. And also, it has to do with me not wanting to see them with other people (which I know would eventually happen). So I just completely distance myself from them.

posted February 17, 2007 05:42 PM              

With the father of my children I mourned my lost(my marriage) while being married, in fact I didn't even know I was doing that , it was a long dragging process and I fought it the whole time because of the great bond the children had created and society making you think that you should have one marriage forever and ever.
It took me about 4 years from realizing that I wanted out to the moment of filing the divorce.
Any other relationship has been quick, once I know it is over because usually of disappointment i am done and ready to be free and very happy of being free.Then again this was when I was in my teens, because I was married for 15 years.So, I am very much starting to find myself again, I haven't even had a serious relationship yet.

posted February 17, 2007 05:49 PM              

thanks for answering ...Well, for me i never under stood, why people didn't stay at least casual friends ...if things didn't end up bad, like you hate each other ...and that was not our case. I look at it like, we once had a such a love for one another ...how can you just cut some one out, if things were fairly amicable. I know the healing takes time ...on both people's parts ...but after awhile ...why not ...i mean you shared an intamcy w/ them ...etc, etc ..

she also said when we were breaking up ...it would take at least a year to be able to see me again w/out wanting to get back together or still hv feelings ....but i wonder about the rebound, especially after only a month of being broke-up ...this person she started seeing was just a friend she knew casually over the years ...and then after we broke up she tried dating ...but she sd she was comparing everyone to me ...until the friend showed interst and asked her out ...and as far as i know they're still together and she's now moving in w/ her after only 6mos ...i know she was hv'g financal trbl ...etc, etc ...but man!

posted March 01, 2007 10:26 PM            

that nice and all.. but is that really good news for any of us currently in relationships with cancer women? to be thinking they never got over their first relationships and still love them in a sense? Im sorry but I have to disgree with you on this. and a suggestion if you are in a relationship or are going to be in one dont tell your guy that...

posted March 01, 2007 11:04 PM            

Yeah, I've been through that with a Cancer woman as well. A lot of them are stubbornly anti-contact after getting out of a relationship. If Isolaede was around, she could probably articulate why. She's a Cancer who's very good at articulating why they are the way they are.

posted March 02, 2007 06:13 PM            

Dear Toolgirl – Have faith – your Cancer hasn’t completely let you go. She just needs time to heal. Break-ups are devastating for the typical Cancer. Even those we initiate. Remember Linda’s comparison of Cancers to real life crab in Sun Signs? Once we grab onto something, whether it be old ticket stubs or the love of a partner, it’s near impossible for us to let it go. We may know in our minds that things had to end but our hearts just aren’t wired to let go. I think that’s why so many Cancer’s go all silent after relationships, because the love we still feel, the instinct to continue to hold on is SO strong. We have to completely isolate ourselves to even begin the process of letting go.

I’ve behaved exactly like your partner after most of my breakups. And every time I did it, I stayed up every night thinking about my ex, fighting the urged to call, wishing they’d call me. I’ve KNOWN relationships were bad for me, but still agonized for months. Often times I would have hopped right back into a relationship if my ex they’d shown any sign they wanted to try again, although I knew it would be bad for me. I think that may have been one reason I didn’t pick up the phone and call, because I knew how weak I was and I was afraid of ending up back in a relationship that had outlived it’s freshness date. I think Cancers also tend to rebound back into relationships quicker than other signs. Because many of us recognize that the quickest way to save ourselves from our instinct to never let go of one relationship for as long as we live, is to land ourselves in a new relationship. It gives us a shield, an excuse to not run back to our old partners and beg them to take us back. It helps us heal.

There are two other possible reasons your Cancer may be avoiding you right now. And even if one of these other two reasons come into play, I’d theorize that her MAIN reason is probably just a desperate need to heal and let you go.

1. So, there is a possibility that your breakup was not as mutual as you may have thought, and your Cancer is trying to punish you by not calling you back. I hate mentioning it because it’s rare we get this petty but there can be a Cancer tendency to want to punish those that have wounded us. We can be a little like children with hurt feelings, we stomp our feed, squish up our nose and cry “I’ll show them! I’ll show them what it’s like to not have me in their lives! Then they’ll miss me and wish they’d never left!” It’s silly, it’s childish, but it this instinct, if it comes into play at all is generally very short lived. Because your Cancer just can’t stop loving you, she’d have a hard time doing anything to really hurt you for a prolonged period of time.
2. Lastly, there is a chance your Cancer isn’t calling you back for YOUR sake. Remember we’re an extremely empathic sign. She may have somehow intuited that you are having issues letting her go, and she may be distancing herself to ease in your healing process. I think we tend to assume other people need what we need, so if she thinks you need help letting her go, her first instinct would be to create distance. She may also want to spare you from being hurt by her current relationship.

posted March 03, 2007 05:58 AM            

I completely agree with both Dulce and Isolaede! I'm a Cancer woman (with Cancer Ascendant and Venus too) and I'm exactly the same way. I totally isolate myself for all the reasons that were already mentioned. It's just so painful when all I really want to do is either be with the person or have it be over so I can move on.

All the Libras I know have a fairly easy time being friends with their ex's while I only have one ex with whom I have remained friends (and that's because he was my best friend for 5 years and then my bf for 7 years).

She may eventually feel comfortable re-friending you, but if she doesn't, try not to take it to heart. It's really just the only mechanism that many (most?) Cancerians use in order to get on with their lives. I'm sure she still loves you very much.

~ Love

posted March 03, 2007 06:18 PM              

THE REASON I ASK IS THAT I RECENTLY DISCOVERED THAT THE PERSON I AM SEEING WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF THEN STARTED GOING OUT WITH ME ONLY A WEEK AFTER THEY BROKE UP.

posted March 04, 2007 09:41 AM              

Yes, I believe he loves me. He think he has loved me a long time but we don't talk about it out loud. Its just that I have discovered little things. For example, his ex is attempting to write again (she is cancer too, they have broken up since aug) He has saved all their coorespondences via email and all sorts of things. He has been bringing her up in conversations more. If we are at a certain restaurant he may say oh Lisa and I came here for one of our first dates. Or if I say I like a certain food he might say Lisa wouldn't even try that to see if she liked it.

Thats why i was inquiring about the rebound thing. I thought perhaps that he may just be realizing what he walked away from and is now missing it since our relationship has been going on for several months now.

posted March 04, 2007 12:06 PM              

ILWL

posted March 07, 2007 01:14 AM              

Your advice is so insightful that it is truly helping me in regards to things in this relationship

i mean the whole ex girlfriends thing was starting to make me question his feelings to me and if I was just in the middle of something until he decides to get back with her or carry on. Now I totally get it. That he is just comparing his situation and understanding it better now that he is with me. If he wants to reference his girlfriend now, then it is cool with me. the way you explained it makes it seem like a compliment that he would share those intimate moments and thoughts with me. Come to think of it. he mentioned to me that neither of them shared there feelings or made mention of their ex's when they were dating each other. I asked why and he said it was none of his business and she felt the same. Now I look at it like this. that they just were not close enough to each other to talk to each other like that. So am I getting this?

The only thing that does sort of rub me the wrong way is that he said they were very compatible in bed. But I have to respect the fact that he is being honest with me. I guess that is another sign of being close and trusting to me to tell me this then?

I just sent him two really intimate poems i wrote on how i feel for him. I hope that will help him open up more. Its weird. He will start jibber jabbering on and on and i sit and listen and then there are some days when we bring up a similiar topic and he seems hesitate to speak about it. I was thinking that is the infamous mood swings I have heard about in regards to cancers.