posted May 06, 2007 12:36 PM              

Venus in the 12th House:
Secret Love Affairs & Heartache
by Carmen Turner Schott

In our astrological chart, the pl net Venus represents love, affection, beauty, and harmony. The house where Venus is placed in our natal chart will reveal our emotional expressiveness and our ability to express love. Venus will show what kind of lover we are and what traits we find attractive in others. The house where Venus sits is extremely important for our intimate relationships. It enables us to express our love nature and directs how we express that love to others. When Venus is placed within the twelfth house, there are many difficulties.

The twelfth house is known as the “House of Suffering”. All issues that rule this house are kept hidden or secret. The deep secrets about our own personality, as well as our emotions are locked within this house. Having Venus placed here is an indicator of suffering through love affairs and through heartache at some time in one’s life. Almost every astrology book you read will tell you, that a Venus in the twelfth individual is destined to experience clandestine or secret love affairs. How and why does this happen? This happens because the expression of love is kept secret from others. The initial emotion of love is held within and sometimes never expressed.

Individuals with this placement often find themselves in love with someone that is not free. This often manifests as falling in love with someone who is already married or committed to someone else. Below, I will show several examples of individuals that I have worked with who have experienced the intense shock of having Venus in the twelfth house. I have studied several charts with this placement and almost every time the client reveals to me that they either had an affair, were in love with someone they could not be with, or they were in love with someone and never let them know.

The first individual has the Sun and Venus in her twelfth house. She was spiritual, compassionate, and sensitive to others feelings. Happily married for three years, her life suddenly changed. She met someone at work and instantly fell in love. The connection between her and this co-worker was very strong and undeniable. The feelings were mutual between them, but they both were married with children. She described to me how devastating it was for her to feel that way about someone else other than her husband. She felt intense guilt and shame for the love she had in her heart. That love was ignited and it seemed that nothing could ever shake it. This individual told me that she cried in her room each night and asked God to take away the love in her heart for the other man. The sadness in her heart was almost unbearable. She learned to live with her feelings in secret.

She believed in the sanctity of marriage and she never betrayed her husband. She never told her husband about her feelings for this other man. Eventually, she moved to another state. This example illustrates how individuals with Venus in the twelfth individual’s suffer through love and relationships. This suffering occurs because it if often inappropriate to feel and express the love they have openly. The secret nature of the twelfth house forces the Venus love energy inward, deep within and in the darkest recesses of the heart. There is often an inability to express the love nature due to material, practical, psychological or moral reasons.
There was a female client that I met recently, who has the Sun and Venus in the twelfth house. She had experienced tremendous heartache and suffering with her husband for seven years. She was in an emotionally abusive marriage and did not realize that she was unhappy and lonely. One day she reconnected with an old childhood friend from her past who she had loved deeply. There was a long history between them and a deep bond that was always there no matter how much time passed. They started out writing to each other on email and the next thing she knew, her heart was ignited, opened up and energized for the first time in six years. Feeling intense love for this man again, she realized that love was always there locked deep within her heart. She felt alive for the first time in ages. Excitement and energy rushed through her veins each time she spoke to him on email.

Eventually, the two of them decided to meet for lunch as friends. She did not realize what would happen to her that day and how it would change her life forever. She was walking into the fire with a bomb strapped on her back. When she saw him for the first time in seven years, she felt as though only a few hours had passed. It was as if she had known him her entire life, due to the deep, comfortable, feelings that she had instantly for him. She fell in love with him all over again.

The problem was that he was happily married and did not want to change his life. She knew that he loved her deeply, but she knew it was not fair to ask him to change for her. She was in a miserable marriage and was desperately seeking love. She just did not realize she would find it with him all over again. The day she saw him changed her life forever. She decided to stop the communication with him, because it was too painful for her. Eventually she separated from her husband, even though she knew she was in love with someone she could never have. To this day she still loves him in secret and keeps those loving feelings in her heart hidden from everyone she knows.

Many individuals with Venus in the twelfth house experience secret love affairs. Sometimes the feelings are acted on and other times they are kept hidden and repressed. Not all individuals with Venus in the twelfth will cheat on their spouse, but many will have “emotional affairs” because of the energy of this placement. Even the most moral, committed and happily married individual can fall prey to this placement. I have seen it hundreds of times with clients and with friends in my life. This placement of Venus is extremely difficult, but with understanding and compassion these individuals will eventually heal. Suffering arises as a result of the situations that these individuals find themselves in. It is important for anyone with this placement to truly look within and be honest about their emotions.

If you have Venus in the twelfth house and have experienced relationships like the ones described above, remember that it is not your fault. The energy of Venus in the twelfth house will eventually lead you into a situation like this. It is almost inevitable. The more I research this placement, the more I believe in destiny. These individuals are destined to experience these types of relationships and secret love affairs. Do not feel guilty or blame yourself for the experiences that occur. Simply try to realize that it is destiny and meant to happen to you for learning purposes.

My goal of doing astrology is to help others experience greater self awareness and to understand themselves better. By doing this, we can come to better accept ourselves and our own actions. If you experience these situations in your life, look to your natal chart and see if Venus is in the twelfth. If it is, try to remember that this is pl netary energy expressing itself. You have experiences and karma to learn and go through, plain and simple. Trust yourself and trust in the power of experience. Try not to blame yourself if you fall prey to this intense placement.

posted May 06, 2007 02:24 PM            

Is there any hope for us????

posted May 07, 2007 01:04 AM              

I do find myself choosing to not talk about my sexual life with other people. My love connections are felt in a deep, spiritual way--almost as if verbalizing how I feel would somehow make them less than what they are. I also like the novelty of "secret" relationships.

posted May 07, 2007 01:53 AM              

Venus in the Twelfth House indicates a certain kind of shyness that is most appealing. You don¡¯t advertise your sexuality through revealing clothing and suggestive remarks. Rather, you might underplay your allure by wearing baggy jeans and thick glasses. When you meet someone you really like, the real you starts to emerge, layer by layer. All of the sudden, you become more attentive to your appearance, wearing flattering colors, form-fitting fashions, and handsome jewelry. You might even start wearing a subtle cologne as a means to draw attention.

If you¡¯re tired of hiding your light under a bushel, engage in activities that bolster your confidence. You probably excel in things like photography, poetry, and dance. A fondness for animals may prompt you to adopt a pet or volunteer at a shelter. Exploring your spirituality could also give you a stronger sense of self, allowing you to express your inner beauty in new and exciting ways.

posted May 07, 2007 06:55 PM              

Venus in the 12th house people usually see themselves as somewhat inaccessible romantically because we're very interested in our own world, and, depending on the spiritual development of the native, a transcendent realm of experience which can't be reached with any normal human relationship. Thus, what we're always truly seeking is a spiritual union with the divine. So, we feel dissatisfied with our relationships or even the state of humanity and human relationships in general. (hence suffering...we may even suffer for other people's bad relationships) We may not know the reason, because of course divine union is not an easy thing to obtain for the average human being. I also think that, in some ways, falling in love (regardless of whether or not they're taken) reminds us of the feeling we're actually searching for with God (or the universe, or whatever you want to call a higher force). Thus, unless we work towards a self-sufficiency and higher faith/union, we will fall in love with anyone who can stimulate that blissful feeling within us. But in human relations, for someone with 12th house venus, this effect tends to wear off. We're not really interested in conventional relationships because the taste of the divine dies after time and then we again feel lonely.

Hmm...not sure if this made sense. Hope it helps! ^^
Oh, also...I don't actively seek out relationships, I wait for them to happen. And those relationships always have a fated quality, even if they don't last long.

posted May 07, 2007 07:11 PM              

I've been hiding my relationship from my parents and family for 2 years, I live in fear that they wont approve (they know him as my best friend). I'm so scared to let it out...This is very true. I don't know when I'll admit it, or if I even can.
This makes me so sad, I'm tearing!

posted May 07, 2007 09:23 PM            

quote:

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that starts me thinkin...what planets move approximately every 7 yrs?

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posted May 08, 2007 04:53 PM              

"Venus in the twelfth house creates a strong desire for attachment that is almost ‘other worldly.’ Here, the native’s inner world of desire and longing take on a magical, ethereal quality. With Venus in your twelfth house you enjoy your alone time and dream of lofty love affairs that are lush with passion. You thirst for the perfect partner, the perfect creative outlet, the perfect scenario that allows you to feel as though you are as ONE. You have much compassion for those less fortunate than you are. Your affairs are in secret, just where you like to keep them. In the negative, you can become self-effacing and martyr-like. In the positive, you are extremely creative and passionate with a deep love for life and an intense appreciation of beauty. You share this placement with Ben Affleck, Ann-Margret, Cher, Sandra Dee, T.S. Eliot, Frances Farmer, Mia Farrow, George Gershwin, Charlton Heston, Janis Joplin, George Lucas and Ted Turner."

posted April 14, 2013 08:24 AM            

I have moon and venus in gemini with jupiter on my cancer ASC. I'm almost 35 and I'm told definitely look younger than I am... But I act that way too...very free-spirited (always wanting to go out and have fun.). However with my fair skin and light eyes, I learned to stay out of the sun and I have always been physically active so I've got a good shape. I'm sure that helps as well.

posted April 14, 2013 04:11 PM            

Kind of worries me, seeing as he also has moon in 7th and Chiron in my 8th house. He won't talk about his past much. Just that he's had two failed engagements and one on/off 6yr relationship with a legally married (though seperated woman). Doesn't sound too bad, but its discouraging to think he may emotionally fall in love/attached with someone (other than me, that he can't have).

posted April 14, 2013 06:10 PM            

Venus in the 12th also depends on the sign it's in and which house(s) it's the ruler of, I think. What you probably should do as a Venus in the 12th is to reflect a lot on your love life. Try to find out why it went wrong and be okay with some of it not being your fault - or accepting that you did play a part in it (the self-undoing part of the 12th) can give you the inner peace not to lose hope in love.

Maybe you can end up using this experience for the good: by giving others advice or as a chance not to "be like them (= whoever hurt/strung you along in a relationship)". And Venus in the 12th people wouldn't mind giving up something of themselves to make a relationship work (or maybe that's just my Venus being in Virgo. Anyway), which can actually turn out to be a great thing if they find someone who has the same ideas or isn't the type to take advantage of others. They may be a lot more accepting of traits and issues in their partner that most people would be a little awkward about because of the Pisces link. As much as they're very, very vulnerable for being disillusioned and fooled, they're also the ones who can see someone for who they are once that Neptune fog has finally disappeared. For the good or the bad, depending on the person.

From my own experience, I've found that maybe us 12th housers have to go through a lot of pain and disheartening in relationships to find out what we really want in a relationship. Only then can we start picking out the bad guys and choose to walk away from them (because we finally see why they aren't good for us).

One of Grupovenus' reports talked about it being karmic and having judged people only on their looks in one of your past lives, so now you're in a position where you have no chance of picking people out on that alone.

And there's always hoping for Venus to move into the 1st house with transits!