posted July 03, 2007 10:52 AM              

you`re so totally right. You already know me so well.
Yes, I think the fear of the terrorists isn`t the true reason.
I was scared of this trip the moment I started planning it. You know, the moment when I started thinking: What the hell am I doing?
And yes, it`s probably best, to not think about it and just doing it.
But it`s a tough one, because all my old defenses have been called to alarm, which means, my fears and minor physical nuisances. FEeling a little bit dizzy, having a little bit headache, heartache, feeling I can`t breathe properly a little bit, back pain, all just a little bit, so I know for sure this is just me panicking. lol
But I will go, and yes, the fear will probably be there, but it will not make me stay at home; I have too many "What if`s" in my life, and yes, it takes a lot of courage to face my fears, and maybe it takes even more courage to face my dreams and to see another one shattered.
But you`re right, I just have to risk it.

posted July 03, 2007 03:49 PM              

ON the first day there`s a multiple parallel of Sun, Karma, Isis and Osiris, which contraparallels Jupiter.
A sun Uranus trine.
A Chiron-Juno-trine
A sun - Neptune quinkunx
a Venus-Pluto-trine
(On the second date there is even a Venus-Chiron-contraparallel).

Oh and that very day T-Kaali will be exactly conjunct my Telephus, my dr Isis and Osiris and his SN, and opposite his Moon.

Tr- Isis will be exactly conjunct his Osiris and trine my True NOde / AC / Atlantis.
Tr Atlantis will be conjunct his Isis / dr Valentine and trine my Sun / Mercury.

And tr Psyche will conjunct his natal Psyxche / Vertex / Atlantis and exactly opposite my Juno / dr VAlentine.
UIt will also square both our Karma`s.

Oh, I should better stop now, this doesn`t make me feel all that better.

posted July 03, 2007 04:05 PM              

But,
yes im happy to see that youre goin of course.I wished all people could truly believe in their SM as you believe it1 i dont think youre bein crazy or paranoid..you know ive already passed through all that

im gonna tell you a little bit of my story so that you see that everyone passes some panics attacks but then...the rainbow comes!

posted July 04, 2007 05:01 AM              

your story is so beautiful. I really hope I will one day find my SM, too, and that he will recognize me, should I find him.
Well, I certainly feel that this actor is extremely important to me and that he is probably a SM, but I don`t want to excpect anything. You know, so I cannot be disappointed that much.
Also, I think maybe part of his coming into my life was to awaken me, to get me moving into that city. I just feel that there`s something there. Something I can only find in that city, and now is the right time for it. I know that sounds all so strange, but it`s what I feel. I am supposed to be there and to see / hear something there, maybe even meet someone there.
Is it this sm actor? Maybe he is, or maybe someone / something else. I don`t know. But this trip feels surely fated to me.
HOwever, you asked about transits; transits are the positions where the planets are right now this moment (or on 11th july for my calculation).
For example Pluto is now in t his moment on 27° Sagittarius and therefore conjunct my natal Sun, which is a huge part of my transformation and probably he is the one, responsible for my massive fears and panic attacks.

Jane and Gemini,

Kyle, well - long story, dark story. But it explains why I cannot even watch "Desperate Housewives" or "Sex in the City" with him; you`re right, those are lighter roles, but he even scared me in the "Flintstones". Can you believe that?
WEll, you would if you saw his horoscope compared to mine. lol
He has a grand cross of Sun, Mars, Pluto and Jupiter; and it connects to my Mars, Amor, ASC-conjunction in Sagittarius, which becomes part of the GRand Cross.
Also his Saturn is conjunct my Venus, Isis, Osiris and square my Pluto. So maybe, it`s just in the stars that he signifies darkness to me.
No, I don`t th ink he personally is dark, but somehow the darkness comes with him. I don`t know, how to explain.
It must be because of that period in my life when I had been watching TWin Peaks and before had this vision, and I had so much fear, and I think, maybe I never really digested this. I sedated it, held on to my reason, yes, but didn`t really digested it.
It`s not only TWin Peaks, it`s connected with TWin Peaks, because of the vision I had.
It was actually 3 or 4 months before TWin Peaks aired here in Germany (so I didn`t even know about its existence); I was just falling asleep, and then had this vision, of the murder of a young woman / a girl. I`ve never seen such horror in a face, and I pray to God, I never will again. She called out to me, and as shocked as I was in my vision, I was also surprised, how someone can call without a tongue. No 16 year old girl should see such disturbing images, and I wasn`t clearly made to come to terms with those.
Also, during that short vision, it was just a very short moment, there came certain informations through like when I "awoke" I knew she had a "man`s name", she was a runaway or maybe a streetgirl, a prostitute, such things.
This vision horrified me endlessly. But then I pushed it aside, thinking I had just eaten badly.
However, not long after this, I dreamed of Kyle, even before I had seen Twin Peaks. WEll, maybe I had subconsciously seen a commercial with him, that is rather likely. However, I started watching TWin Peaks, nearly went crazy, and decided to shut all spiritual doors. Don`t wanna see those things in my mind. Not as a vision, not as a nightmare.

But the really nightmarish thing is, two years ago, I slowly started opening up to my spiritual side again, and since now I had a computer, I did a research on Twin Peaks, on the real town, which is not called Twin Peaks, of course. Because actually the most frightening thing on Twin Peaks were the woods, the trees, the environment, which surprised me.
However, I did this research (and sometimes I wish I hadn´t), and it turned out that there has been a mass murderer in the late 80`s who had been killing many many girls and women, mostly runaways and prostitutes.
I was absolutely startled, because I was reminded of my vision; there was also a list of the victim`s names and pics. I usually are not interested in those things, they horrify me. But I had to know. I wanted to find that there was noone, looking like the woman in my dream, noone with a man`s name, no runaway, noone with the same colour of her hair.
But with the first click i had found her. The oyung woman from my vision, she had the same hair, looked very similiar to her (not the same, since I had seen her shortly before dying I guess), she had been a runaway and she had a "man`s" name.
Don`t ask me how I`m coping with that. Because I`m not. I don`t know why I had this vision. I have never heard of that killings before. Maybe I just had this vision, so she would be remembered. I don`t know.
And if this was only a dream of mine, then the coincidences with reality are just enough to make you seriously wonder about what reality really is.
HOwever, I don`t even really know why this is connected to Kyle (well, he has been born not far away from there and grown up there, but what does it have to do with me??).
But that is the reason I cannot see him again. I like him as an actor very much, but somehow he always triggers the memory of those dark images inside of me, and I don`t want to go there again. BAck then I was really afraid to lose my mind. NOt like oyu do if you`re falling in love, but really losing your mind. And that is nothing I wish to repeat.

DD

posted July 04, 2007 07:09 AM              

But the one Ewan sings to Satine (come what may or your sõng) are simly amazing! - i would love my Jonny sang me those in whatever place hihihi - that story surelly is about Twin Souls

Christine was way to young to know how to choose the right man : i prefer so much the ones that are charming,misterious,a little dark -and of course,sings like no one!

About Twin Peaks,that serie is familiar but i never saw it on tv..my brother was the eone who loved it though.

DD,
Yes,why not?
If you feel that it means you have to be there for sure.and you do well on not goin with to much expectations,im also like that.
Maybe you´ll met other persons who will be important in youf~r life,and not just him

Try not to think in your panic attacks..i also had those some years ago by some time,and i felt very bad of myself by not controllin them.But since my SM appeared he gives me the peace and tranquility needed for me not to feel those attacks again - yours surelly will pass when you see the actor

posted July 04, 2007 10:58 AM            

Izo, ty for the invite, gonna go see it

omg i was OBESSED with Dale Cooper in Twin Peaks, i couldn't help it..I even wrote his name on my shoes (I was 12 lol)I think I liked the way he was so protective, quirky, mysterious, and strong.

aww Thank you Jane, everything you right is so sharp and witty

posted July 04, 2007 04:29 PM              

Izodesmosina,

Would you be so kind as to describe this sun conjunct south node connection and how it worked. I have this with someone and have never been able to find any information on this? Thia person's jupiter conjuncts my south node as well.

posted July 04, 2007 04:56 PM            

His Osiris conjunct my Asc (2)
His Osiris trine my NN (0)
His Osiris sextile my Moon (2)
His Isis square my NN (0)
His Isis square my Moon (2)
My Isis trine his Sun (1)
My Isis trine his Asc (4)
My Osiris sextile his Isis (0)

Also, our composite Draconic Isis conjuncts his natal Sun (0)
Our composite Draconic Osiris conjuncts my natal Karma. (1)
My Draconic Isis conjuncts his natal Karma (0)
Our composite Isis trines my Draconic Isis (2)
Our composite Isis squares his Draconic Isis (3)

posted July 04, 2007 07:18 PM              

Astrologically speaking, I don`t think Isis, Osiris (or anything astrological) can tell you, if a relationship will be a long and happy one. All you can see in a chart is, how it will affect you. At least I think so right now.

posted July 05, 2007 03:45 AM            

I suppose I see it as karmic.