posted July 01, 2021 10:37 PM            

i can make someone cry with words if they cross me for sure. i didnt understand how i would antagonize others for a long time because i truly believed i was “just talking”. i became acutely aware of it through meeting other aggressively argumentative people. -_-

some years ago while slightly irritated, i left a voice message for my mom and when i replayed it, i sounded so ANGRY - not at all how i felt, which was a another wake up call.

i try my best to be mindful of how i come across now but it does come out sometimes when i am triggered. at times, i can only really tell from the other persons reaction that i may not be expressing myself in an efficient way.

id much rather do without this aspect.. as i really dont like causing conflict or hurting other peoples feelings. transit pluto has been on it this past year or so and now retrograding back over. its been difficult but the potential transformation keeps me trying to mellow out this need to fight and be “right” (whatever that is lol). i have to tell myself to shut up a lot which kind of helps.