posted October 28, 2008 03:45 AM            

quote:

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i guess the trick is to not take it personally and maybe to be prepared for a bit of an emotional rollercoaster

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posted November 02, 2008 07:56 AM            

first, I can't honestly say I understand what all this is about. I can't seem to put my finger on it, you know?

so I'll just go on the things that strartled me. the things that pops up is definetaly that "shall I give him the control" stuff. and this overall feeling that all this IS in fact about control.

one thing I dread in a rel is being controlled; the other is having to control someone else.

I used to have this Leo bf that once actually told me "be the boss; make the rules". and I suddenly became very cold about him. of course, with him, we had easily slipped into a parent-child relationship. and that was such a turn off for me.
sorry - I didn't get your sun sign.

my advice to you is don't! you gotta pull your own weight. and mind your own and his boundaries.

you said at some point - should I respect his own timing? is that a real question? of course you have to do that. with everybody - but especially with this combo.

you keep talking about your SN in Pisces; but you seem to not notice that the future is with your NN - in discriminative, over-annalysing VIRGO! and along with your Taurus Moon who's terrified of losing control of a situation (for fear that it may change) - I think this is what you should pay attention to.

one other thing. give him time to think things over in his own way. if you want something, tell him in a safe way - in a way that is about you (I would like this not "I would like you to do this for me). also let him know that you have taken him under consideration - and then pull back! give him space to figure out what he feels about it and how he'd like to respond.

posted November 02, 2008 01:28 PM              

wellll.. what i meant by 'control' is sort of on an emotional level. i will try to explain it. now that i've thought about it more, i've realized how difficult it is for me to surrender emotionally. i've been in some doozy relationships with guys i could not trust, and should not have (but initially did, hence the dooziness). because of that, i developed a strong outer shell that is very hard to penetrate, and with all my aquariusness, i tend to default to thinking and analyzing my feelings, rather than living with them and trusting them to guide me. my pisces SN is emotional, yeah, but i find it tends more toward psychicness and feeling others' feelings, than being in touch with my own. so trining his moon, i'm finding i'm really feeling the depths of HIS emotions and that is what has made me feel out of my element (haha literally, since i only have one water planet; my uranus conjunct his moon).

so basically the dynamic is this: i FEEL his emotional depth and intensity, his vulnerabilities and also his deep genuineness. i think i got confused because my picking up on this scared me and then felt his increasing vulnerability when my fear made me pull back from the moment, emotionally. i guess TRUSTING him is a more apt word than giving him CONTROL. it's like i stopped trusting people, in the all-encompassing, unhealthy way i used to. i learned a lot since my last boyfriend 3 years ago and just had my saturn return in virgo and i've learned the fine art of discrimination.. so i think it is, in me, a balance between relaxing and trusting and not getting overwhelmed (and potentially being sucked back into piscean obscurity). but the main thing is i feel that i can trust him, and he is such a great person. knowing what i do now, and having learned what i have, i would never give my trust over to anyone if my intuition was telling me not to (which it had before, and i did not listen).

interestingly, my NN conjuncts his ascendant by 1 degree (it's in his 1st), my chiron is our composite DC exactly and his chiron conjuncts my moon, AND we have composite chiron in the 7th. we both feel it is a really healing thing we've got going and we've shared so many similar experiences and understand where we need to go in life and our energies just encourage the other. it feels really good.

i think for me a struggle i've been having is feeling and knowing that i can trust him, but having created such a hard shell for myself after being abused so much, that my experience of his deep emotional sincerity has thrown me. it's not about giving him control over me, but rather, letting him inside and trusting in this process and him. maybe it's my SN in the second house that makes me very rigid and like a self-contained loop i try to hold on to control of my life by closing off to risk and intimacy, but my venus has pluto right on top of her as we speak and my saturn return just happened in my 8th and is now on my NN and i really feel like a certain quality of surrender, and trust is necessary now. but it's true; for me the balance is so necessary. holding onto myself and also trusting others and the universe to guide me.. it's kind of a precarious balance sometimes!!

posted November 02, 2008 04:58 PM            

heart cakes - that's wonderful - what you're writing. trusting him would be something he'd appreciate a lot under these circumstances; and it's certainly some sort of karmic lesson for you with transiting Saturn in your 8th; if you'd be so brave, I'm sure the rewards will be worth it.

posted November 05, 2008 04:33 AM            

once he asked me, in totall owe "have you ever had someone you could trust, completly?" sadly, I had to say "no" (and in my head, I went on - expect for ...you).

and I did that, much like you say, little by little. I learned how to do that by watching him - he was my example (of course, he also has Aries Asc). At first, for years, he was the only one doing any 'revealing' - and I was beyond surprise, I was shocked - as some things, I felt, were not "meant to" be spoken like that. you know... I needed to see him do that and "survive" many times - before I finnaly had the courage to try it myself.

and his reactions made all the difference, too. I learned to trust him - and franckly, it took us years; and every mistake he's made took us back until he learned that I didn't appreciate that kind of behavior (like I needed what I told him to stay between us; I was afraid he may use it agaisnt me - and he did, a few times, until he understood that he lost more than gained by doing so, etc).

small steps - waiting to see the effect; a test of trust, if you will. not if he can be trusted, but if I can do that, with my feelings.

in my opinion, every Sco Moon has had someone abusing their trust in their childhood. someone manipulating them emotionaly, or using their emotions and needs against them. so - we kinda need to know for sure that "you" are not like that. fear is ver strong - and those silent moments you mention are when his system is adjusting. integrating the new experience (like a wow! inside. "look, this happened and i'm ok; wow! so it can happen - even to me; etc).

and yes, I for one do need this. it's liberating, it's empowering. I need to be able to trust someone and in time, I learned to choose them better.

make sure you understand what he sees as 'betrayal'. the 'silliest' things could go there and you may have no idea or simply ignore them. like my ex sitting on the front seat, next to the taxi driver, and not in the back, with me, when I came home from the hospital. or him tricking me into attending a meeting - where he had to bring "someone"; it made me feel like a stranger; his lie was to me him keeping me at a distance, treating me like 'anybody' - and one thing a Sco moon needs to be is 'significant' to their significant other.