posted March 24, 2006 01:03 AM         

I understand perfectly.
You expressed yourself quite well.
And I have great respect for your position.
I do believe that you have untold depths,
and rare treasures, made all the more valuable
for the careful preservation of their contents.

The hundered poems in your head,
reminded me of these song lyrics:

"Little birds born without a mother or a father
I can watch their bodies forming in the running water
Now there is another in the middle of my mouth
100 all together within me now
Little bird little bird, come into my body.

"Mother they're within me every moment I'm awaking
Bodies multiplying till they finally overtake me
Open up my mouth but all you'll ever hear is singing
Put your hands within me and you'll know what I am feeling
I just want to swallow up and promise to protect them."

~ Jeff Mangum

posted March 27, 2006 06:33 PM         

That was beautiful... I almost missed it but knew there was a thread I had forgotten to check.

Thanks for the compliments. We all need people like you to bring out what people like me hold back. You write so well (blood and bones wasn't supposed to be a dig. I admire people that can do that).

posted April 04, 2006 03:15 PM         

Unfortunately, recently I've been more of a protagonist to the couple I know the most. It doesn't help really when we live under the same roof though and one of them isn't my parent, although I love them both dearly.
Any tips?

posted April 05, 2006 05:25 AM         

Your case is a good experimental lab for you to start. So your mom and her bf are not getting on too well? Can you type a small love letter on your mom's behalf and leave it where only he can find it?

Then be guilty as charged when caught and tell the truth that you love them both dearly and want them to stay happy forever?

I cant say it will work 100% but the selfless action sets up a loop of love for all involved people.

posted April 05, 2006 05:57 AM         

As for my own relationship......it has been very happy, then very sad, then very challenging, very exciting, very mundale, very frustrating, very joyful, warm, cold, indifferent......etc etc etc......it has encompassed everything !!!

Together for 17 years and so far faithful to each other....it has been a huge roller coaster ride.....he has moved me to tears more than any other and now he is moved to tears himself......and it is only at this point of complete openness and honesty that I realise what a very strong marrige it is.

I don wanna sound old fashioned, but it is so comforting to know that we have been true to each other, no others involved. I aint saying that wont change....maybe somewhere along the lines it will and either or both of us shall feel the need to share our love, but so far, I or he havent been there. There is a pureness between us....

Happy.....not always.....I always suspect people that overclaim they are happy?

Love....?? Oh yes.....but not always in the ways we want it.....

Challenging....YES.....

But most of all pure and total HONESTY !!!

For me the biggest lesson has been to learn to let go and stop being possessive.....that in itself can destroy a relationship....he tells me that I have been the easiest and most enjoyable to live with in the last few months....!!

Long may it last !!!

posted April 05, 2006 01:00 PM         

Im going off of memory here, but there were many couples involved in the study which lasted a few years. In the end the only identifiable point between the two groups was how they handled conflct. All participants had regular conflicts.

The end result of the study was 50% of the couples relationships ended or were about to end.

The succsessful couples when faced with conflict did not attack, counter attack eachother on a personal level. They would get angry but the conflict never evolved into personal insults. They would work toward understanding eachother and resolution. There was always a level of respect being shown regardless of how angry they were.

What fascinated me was at the end of the study all of the participants were asked to make a list of the issues they had conflict with in the order of most frequent.

Almost every couple succsessful/unsuccsessful turned in the same lists. I think the lists were over 90% identical.

The list of conflict points were as follows, in order of most frequent.

1. Money
2. Sex
3. Family
4. Friends
5. Free time

Regards,

Focused Chi

posted April 07, 2006 02:56 PM         

No! That's meddling!! Haha and pretty cutesy- kid-like don't you think? Like, "Oops, I'm so dumb an' cute I didn't know real relationships aren't like that and that it would be obvious it's not from the person it's supposedly from!"
Sorry Iq, my sarky nature gets the better of me sometimes. Things are okay right now anyway, but I'll think about talking to them in the future to see if I can help.

posted April 09, 2006 07:47 AM         

Was under the huge misconception for quite a long time that this meant blissfully happy unions....

Errrrr....and then I woke up!!!

My husband and I have brought each other so many challenges, especially over the last 2 years (at one point he wasnt even sure if he could live with me anymore).

And now.....he and I have learned to honour the differences, to allow freedom and honesty.....to admit that at times we have felt hate and intense love for each other.

He is the one that has brought me the most learning, the most tears, the most laughter and love.....

Soul Mates........bloody hard work......but worth it for sure !!!

posted April 10, 2006 02:43 PM         

The intention to help itself is sufficient and will work wonders.

posted May 02, 2006 08:34 AM         

Bless you......