posted May 16, 2006 07:09 PM         

Mr. Leo is great at home- he has no problem doing dishes, mopping or vacumming. We work well together and when I was at work and he had time off, he cleaned up the house. When I am at home I do the same - but it's team work.

We both have the same philosophy, the faster we get it done, the sooner we both will enjoy our free time - especially together.

posted May 17, 2006 01:33 AM         

and he did.

i love him.

posted May 18, 2006 06:01 PM         

Lioneye, we have our cycles. Which one are you referring to? We've been good lately, but our problems mostly stem from typical issues most married couples with children have. He feels under-appreciated sometimes and I feel like there's someone out there better, more patient, a better friend, a better listener, etc. We're not in sync like some couples. I live my day to day on a more intuitive level and he lives his on a cerebral level.

posted May 20, 2006 07:49 PM         

But, I also know that Leo men can be real "red-neck" type of men, with about as much sensitivity as a box of rocks.

I'm not referring to any particular instance, but a while ago you mentioned the "D" word - and it sounded like it had actually been initiated. I'm glad you two got through it and are still together, though.

I was thinking about this subject of this thread alot for some reason, and I think another thing that makes women nag and ***** is that they often feel like they're giving all they got for the family and the home, and men are no where near as dedicated to those things as their wives are. Women often feel like they're doing it all by themselves, and usually in addition to working full time. It certainly doesn't seem to be a 50/50 effort.

It's like men said "ok, we'll let you in the work world, and you can make (almost) as much money as us - but only if it doesn't effect your ability to deal with your womanly duties at home.

And at work, we get the message that it's ok to have a family, as long as it doesn't interfer with our work duties.

You know - I'd love to be a stay at home mom. That way I could take care of the home and family, and my man can take care of the family income (which has to be a pretty good one in order for that to work). I wonder if couples who divy up the responsibilities this way fight less often.

posted May 29, 2006 12:33 AM         

------------------
"I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest."
John Keats

posted May 29, 2006 10:47 PM         

I mean my laziest ex b/f was the absolute model of perfection until things got hard.

posted May 30, 2006 12:43 AM         

BlueTopaz124-Exactly.

------------------
"I would sooner fail than not be among the greatest."
John Keats

posted June 07, 2006 05:01 AM         

Is This Cycle Familiar?
-----------------------
He ignores your needs
You ask him to change
He promises to change but doesn't
You get tired of it leave
He finally changes to get you back
Once you're back he returns to his old ways
[Repeat 100xs]
Finally, you land in Divorce Court

posted June 07, 2006 07:46 AM         

Everyone has a little bit of Jekyll & Hide in them. But often times women choose to ignore Mr. Hide in the begining assumung that as relationship progress he will surely go away.

posted June 07, 2006 12:36 PM         

You start with talking, and when that doesn't work, you go to begging, then to crying, then to threats. Finally you make good on those threats and leave, because the situation was intolerable.

He saw the "fair chance" you offered him as nagging or criticizing.

He was shocked with you left. He was getting his way, so he thought the relationship was fine. Unless it's a problem for *him,* there is no problem. Haven't we seen enough of this on the talk shows?

[Host brings out guy who's doing something God Awful, while his wife sits quietly weeping in her chair]

Dr. Phil: "I understand there's a problem in your relationship."

Husband: "No, Dr.Phil, the relationship is going just fine."

Dr. Phil: "I want you to look at your wife over there. Can you see she's in a lot of pain?"

Husband: "Yes, Dr.Phil, and I feel real bad about that."

Dr. Phil: "Do you understand that if your wife is in a great deal of pain, that means there *is* a problem with the relationship?"

Husband: "I just wish she would deal with things better, and learn to accept [Insert God Awful Behavior.]" {Husband Proceeds to justify this behavior.}

Dr. Phil: "Do you understand that the only way your relationship can get better is if you stop [Sleeping with her sister/Calling her fat in public/Shooting up Heroin]?"

Husband: {Visably confused} "No, no, if she would just learn how to handle it, and not get so upset..."

Dr. Phil: "Well, I can tell you now that's not going to happen. She is going to leave you."

Husband: "No, no, she says that all the time. She doesn't mean it."

Dr. Phil: "Can I get you to agree to some counseling?"

Husband: "Okay, I just don't think it's necessary. Our relationship is fine."

[On the shows next update, we learn she served him with divorce papers on the way home from the airport. And he still doesn't understand why.]

posted June 07, 2006 12:36 PM         

Yes! Together!

AG
In my first marriages I DID change and accommodate and adapt to my husbands at loss of myself. My lovers before that. Never got a chance to be loved for BEING THE REAL ME until I met My husband I am with now! We both wated each other to be our actual REAL selves, peccadillos and all and love and enjoy each other not change each other.
So yeah, personally speaking I think women often sacrifice their personal identity to keep the peace, but eventually it gets old.She gets a divorce or kills herself. Sometimes in a funk even kills him.
The below song illustrates both ways of how I felt Before meeting and marrying my Now husband, my soulmate who loves me as me, and I love him too, not some artificial ideal. And also my feelings about being a wife to the first two who did not want me but what patterns they could force me to be a non person, to serve them. I do not think either character here in the song has it perfect. The song does not tell us exacty why the wife is unhappy, except for thinking she might be missing out on something. But if we are in marriages in which we want us each as we are, real people sharing a life togeher, not a fantasy, we can indeed be happy.

I've Never Been To Me
Charlene - I've Never Been to Me Lyrics

Hey lady, you lady, cursing at your life
You're a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I've no doubt you dream about the things you'll never do
But, I wish someone had talked to me
Like I wanna talk to you.....

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me

Please lady, please lady, don't just walk away
'Cause I have this need to tell you why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won't you share a part of a weary heart that has lived million lies....

Oh, I've been to Niece and the Isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht
I've moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed 'em what I've got
I've been undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't supposed to see
I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

[spoken]
Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we'd like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It's that little baby you're holding, it's that man you fought with this morning
The same one you're going to make love with tonight
That's truth, that's love......

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children that might have made me complete
But I took the sweet life, I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I've spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that costs too much to be free
Hey lady......
I've been to paradise, (I've been to paradise)
But I've never been to me

(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Neice and the isle of Greece while I've sipped champagne on a yacht)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to cryin' for unborn children that might have made me complete)
I've been to paradise, never been to me
(I've been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I've been to paradise, never been to me.

>>>So I submit...
It is about allowing and WANTING your partner to be real, to be themselves, or find another partner that you jive with and stop trying to mold another into something or someone they are not.
This goes for men and women!
Respect, space, communication!
Too many couples do not spend time really talking to each other.
Without desiring and enjoying lots of converstations with one's mate, a relationship I feel will fail.

posted June 07, 2006 01:10 PM         

quote:

---

AG- Just curious...you never did mention what it is that has your friends wife so upset.

---

Well, it wasn't over any of those Dr. Phil things that's for sure.

My friends have been married since they were 19, which means 12 or 13 years now. Pretty impressive, really. They are a Taurus man with a Capricorn wife.

posted June 07, 2006 01:37 PM         

I can certainly relate to your song. I could write a song like that in one of my sentimental states. I think I'm very much like the writer of that song, but hopefully I can realize that being free is an essential part of me.

I love family, and yet I stay so far out of that structure that it's really beautiful to visit and be with a family -even if it's not my own. I don't know yet if I'm meant to marry or at what time, but I know that until that question comes clear I'm going to be happy with my freedom and independence. There's so much to see and experience that becomes constrained by being in a relationship or family.

The theme of this song suggests a lie. The lie being that she's a free person who really believes herself capable of being a housewife family person. It's not really a lie, though, so much as it seems to be a contradiction, which we come across a lot in astrology. If her chart were like mine, you could attribute her desire for family and homelife to her Capricorn Sun, and you could attribute her being free and traveling to her Gemini Ascendant (freedom) and three placements in Sagittarius (roaming). It can feel like a lie to go with one energy and reject the other energy. The key is knowing that both energies exist within, and allowing them each proper expression.

Of course that wasn't the theme of your post, but I enjoyed reading those lyrics and I feel like I'm in a good place to understand where they came from.

quote:

---

It is about allowing and WANTING your partner to be real, to be themselves, or find another partner that you jive with and stop trying to mold another into something or someone they are not.

---

posted June 08, 2006 11:36 AM         

I want to say this again
It is about allowing and WANTING your partner to be real, to be themselves, or find another partner that you jive with and stop trying to mold another into something or someone they are not.
And I wanted to add...
If another is trying to mold you into someone or something you are not....then move on, or risk losing the real You!