posted August 22, 2013 08:03 AM            

I need help or some kind of advice on trying to figure out what's going on in the mind of my Sagittarius man.

We met in May. He first initiated contact and although I had just come out of a long term relationship which ended very badly, I wasn't looking for another man. But he swept me off my feet with his words and told me how lucky he was to have met me and that he hoped I was the one he'd been looking for.

He is divorced, 18months prior, after 12years of marriage and no children. I have one child. He told me he was looking for a relationship because he missed sharing with someone else and the fact I had a child didn't bother him. Infact on our first date my son (5yrs old) came too.

He worked overseas in a remote location so for the next few weeks we emailed, Whatsapped and chatted all day long....I have hundreds of emails from that time.

Our 2nd date he flew me to another city for the night. All was well. We didn't sleep together.

Fast forward to July. He went on a 4week holiday to Europe. Before he left we spent the night. Whilst he was away we messaged everday. He came back and we went away for 5days. He was a little wierd but still affectionate and loving. When we got back he didn't contact for a few days. His excuse....he needed time!!! And he was confused.

A week ago before he left for his job 5 hours away he said although he enjoys spending time eith me he's not feeling it. Then he texts and says he felt I was wanting more than he could offer and felt i was going too fast fir him. Then another message saying he'd prefer a casual but exclusive relationship. ...so confusing. Now it's been a week and he hasn't replied to any messages I've sent.

posted August 22, 2013 09:48 AM            

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Sun Pisces
Scorpio Rising
Taurus Moon
Venus in Capricorn
Mars In Leo

posted August 22, 2013 09:50 PM            

He claimed right from the start he had no problem being a step dad and as late as last week said my son wasn't an issue.

We both spoke of wanting the same things ie marriage, kids, a future together right from day 1, so I don't understand his sudden change of heart except that he is scared things are progressing too quickly an he needs time out to catch his breath.

Why does he ignore all my attempts at communication?? That's the hardest to deal with!! I told him I'd give him all the time he needs but he's taken it a bit too far I think.

posted August 23, 2013 06:28 AM            

I only just got out of a 10year relationship in Feb so yes, he did kinda sweep me off my feet when I was vulnerable.

I haven't told him 'I love you' although he does know I like him alot. We don't see each all that much as he works 5 hours away 3weeks on and one week off.

I'm just confused, he has been single much longer than I have...maybe he still wants to play the field????

posted August 23, 2013 04:01 PM            

Anyway, his behavior is typical. He feels crowded. Things are going too fast for his comfort level. And of course he'd like a "casual but exclusive relationship". My translation of that: He doesn't want you to date and find something better while he takes his sweet time making up his mind (while he keeps his possibilities open as well). Casual and Exclusive do not belong in the same sentence. IMO

posted August 23, 2013 04:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ScorpionAz:

The more you withdraw from him, the better. STOP messaging him. STOP chasing. Let him do the pursuing. YOU have already made your intentions clear. Ball is in his court. If a man wants to be with you, he will move freakin' MOUNTAINS to be with you. You'll never doubt if they want you. If he felt you were the one, he would not let you get away! What you put up with --- you end up with. Let him know that "casual" is not what you want and when he's ready for a real relationship, then look you up. Make it clear you have no time or tolerance for games or wishy-washy men who cannot make up their minds. Ever heard of that saying: If you love something, set it free .... ?

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posted August 23, 2013 06:35 PM            

I have stopped messaging him and left him alone. I'm letting him have his space to do as he pleases and not bothering him.

I am also NOT going to go running back if he calls and wants to 'hook up'. I think I deserve better than that.

posted August 23, 2013 06:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Single Cancer:
Thanks everyone.....

I have stopped messaging him and left him alone. I'm letting him have his space to do as he pleases and not bothering him.

I am also NOT going to go running back if he calls and wants to 'hook up'. I think I deserve better than that.

And yes...men will move mountains if they want to be with you....which is what he was like in the beginning. Now I'm beginning to think he just played me I guess.

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Yes you do deserve better. He was clearly into you at first but he got scared. I don't think he was out to play you, based on what you said. I just think it's bad timing.
Que Sera Sera ...

posted August 23, 2013 07:07 PM            

Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up ... boom! They marry.

As simplified as this is, I really do think it's all about timing. I know that doesn't help much when it feels like your heart has just been ripped out with a gardening claw, which is how I've been feeling lately but .... but it is what it is.

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posted August 23, 2013 10:27 PM            

Rushing being serious after such a short time only backfires most of the time.

posted August 23, 2013 11:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ScorpionAz:
Hera ... I don't know what "eagle/phoenix" type means? lol
Still new to this stuff.

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Oh, I was referring to the 3 symbols of the Scorpio sign: the scorpion, the eagle and the phoenix. The scorpion is the least evolved of the 3, is set on survival and primal instincts. The eagle has learned to distance him/herself from all these but not all the time, whereas the phoenix was reborn from the ashes of all his/her flaws. Phoenix types of Scorpio are methinks the rarest and most awesome to witness. They are healers instead of destructive and vindictive like the scorpion.

posted August 24, 2013 07:13 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Oh, I was referring to the 3 symbols of the Scorpio sign: the scorpion, the eagle and the phoenix. The scorpion is the least evolved of the 3, is set on survival and primal instincts. The eagle has learned to distance him/herself from all these but not all the time, whereas the phoenix was reborn from the ashes of all his/her flaws. Phoenix types of Scorpio are methinks the rarest and most awesome to witness. They are healers instead of destructive and vindictive like the scorpion.

You seem like a very wise woman and reminded me of this. Oh and I like your chart! Definitely not an easy one, but it's beautiful.

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Interesting stuff! I have much to learn! I wish I could read my chart like others can but someday I hope! I can definitely relate to the eagle and phoenix, in more ways than I can really explain here. I know scorpios have the reputation of being vindictive but that's really not me .. not even to the people who truly deserved it. Revenge serves no purpose and only made me feel worse. I can, however, be a manipulative, sarcastic, scathing B**** who just doesn't know when to stop. "Obsessive" is my middle name! There's a major scorpio trait right there. I think I hold the patent on it! Words are usually my weapon though. And I do have a temper. Someone hurts me bad enough and that stinger comes out fast. A scorpion with a pen in hand though, since I have a hard time facing someone when I'm angry. I see red but it goes away pretty quickly. I have a hard time forgiving people who've wronged me. I hold grudges. I know that's not a good thing .... I do eventually but it takes YEARS. I tell myself that anger is baggage and I'm only hurting myself in the long run. Giving that person power over me! It's been so bad in the past (especially after getting out of an abusive relationship) that I literally felt like it was eating me from the inside out. Let's just say I'm gradually getting better in how I handle it. Trying not let other people's messed up actions effect MY moods and feelings. I'M in better control of ME! Still have a long way to go though!

But Anyway! I'm especially hard on myself, particularly if I let a man hurt me ("Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, Shame on me"). The hardest one to forgive is myself. However, in relationships, I'm normally very unassertive and not confrontational which kinda makes me crazy about myself, always trying to keep the peace and making myself miserable in the process ... and also tired of being a pushover, especially to men. Stupid me .. always trying to be understanding and patient. Keep the peace. Keep my mouth shut .. until I EXPLODE. Then watch out! LOL But that's just one of many things I am trying to improve upon. Always a work in progress .... building myself up, so others cannot tear me down so easily!

Anyway, sorry to talk your ear off. I can't sleep tonight but I do thank you for the compliment. Not exactly sure what you mean since I can't read my own chart but I have some idea. I feel pretty emotional, intense and complicated, to the point of making myself crazy at times. It can get exhausting inside my head. Is that what you meant by "not an easy one"? It's no wonder men have never understood me ... or could handle me. It takes a strong man to handle a "handful" of woman like me. LOL Can't really blame them. I can barely understand myself or handle myself. Ha!

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posted August 24, 2013 11:36 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ScorpionAz:
Another Sex and the City reference ...

Men are like cabs. When they're ready to get married, they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up ... boom! They marry.

As simplified as this is, I really do think it's all about timing. I know that doesn't help much when it feels like your heart has just been ripped out with a gardening claw, which is how I've been feeling lately but .... but it is what it is.

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My Natal Chart:
http://tinyurl.com/ScorpioSun

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