posted August 24, 2016 09:44 PM            

Thank you, Yin! I appreciate your kind words.

posted August 26, 2016 01:39 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Wow, that is such an amazing story.

Thank you for sharing, Mystic Mel.
Truly warmed my heart.
I hope you two are doing well.
Best wishes~

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posted September 22, 2016 01:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Could you give advice to someone who might be going through the same thing? I finally opened my eyes and saw him, but he's still unaware.

---

So Dancing, I have a suggestion. If it's been a long time in the making, I say start a conversation with him. Get it out in the open.

I loved a man (cap) who said he loved me since we were kids. He's never been married, no kids. We would get together at different times in our lives. Finally, after 10 years of not seeing each other last (I relocated a distance away) I called him up and we talked. As ALWAYS he would talk about us being together. So I asked him this time if he wanted to see me seriously with the intent to see where it leads. I told him to think it over (since he was unaware that I thought of him often), but he said he didn't need time. He wanted to make a go of it.

Sadly, it didn't work out. It ended even before it started good -- we never even saw each other because he did something so confusing, it opened my eyes. But I'm glad I put myself out there. After all the years of wondering, No more 'what IFs'.

Dancing, I say all that to say, put yourself out there. If it's something you want, go after it. Go ahead and knock that blocker out of your life so you can get on with it.

LOVE!

posted September 22, 2016 12:39 PM              

Normally I would go ahead and do it - like you, I prefer to know for certain, even if it means getting hurt, than to wonder what if. But right now it is not the right time.

He is still licking his wounds after his breakup with his ex, and she's twisting the knife in the wound reappearing, promising to come back to him but she never does, so he never had time to get over her. He told me he's on the verge of depression because of this. Yes, he's still emotionally immature and doesn't know what he really wants from a woman (and his Moon-Venus opposition doesn't help). His ex-girlfriend is Venus, I'm the Moon. He never liked her personality but was nuts about her physically. I've been his friend for 4 years, he shows me the darkest parts of himself, but he says there's no chemistry between us. :/ I think he doesn't find me attractive, even though he makes positive comments about my body sometimes. Normally I wouldn't care about it, except this last eclipse made me see him with different eyes and now *I* am attracted to him.

I think it was the eclipse, as well as our progressions. Recently his progressed Sun has opposed my natal Venus. In 2 years, his progressed Venus will trine my natal Sun. I think it's more likely that he will "wake up" during that time, though it's a lot of time until then.

I wrote more about it in here: http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum35/HTML/005951.html

posted September 23, 2016 06:03 PM            

So he's going through a breakup? The way you describe it, it sounds like its just sex he wants from the ex, but with you it's deeper. I understand that Venus aspect can be what men look for in women, right? But isn't the moon who we really think we are? I don't know much about astrology and you do, so please correct me if I'm wrong. If I'm right, opposites attract so would he be more prone to gravitate to you than to her, esp. on the deeper level?

I'm going to read the link you added because I don't want to hijack Mystic's thread, but it is interesting what you say about progressions. I've been in an Aries progressed chart (did I say that right? argh!) and about to go into the Taurus in the next few years. I'm not sure what it all means because you still are what you are, right? Ok, that's for a different thread!

posted September 25, 2016 03:03 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Randall:
Why must things be so complicated?

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posted October 06, 2016 04:18 AM              

Fate is a funny thing. I didn't get to spend the weekend with my friend, like we planned, because he declined having the flu, and I went on a date with someone else, that I like a lot and that I am going to concentrate on. I don't think my friend and I have the emotional maturity required to go from friends to lovers and it's best like this.

posted October 17, 2016 07:31 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
Thank you, Sugar! That new person is now my boyfriend.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Dancing Maenad:
PS: I used to LOVE rum raisin ice-cream!

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posted December 19, 2016 07:09 PM            

Well.... then Chapter Two began and I wrote a little tidbit on it at the time so I guess it requires its very own post...

posted December 19, 2016 07:22 PM            

"Should I tell you this, Dear Diary? Do you really want to know?

Well, of course you do. It is real. It's from flawed me so if you want to stand in judgement, you will find plenty of evidence. If you want to bitterly laugh, you will have plenty of ammunition.

But I like to think you all love me as much as I love you. That as long as I am authentic (oh, I'm not all of the time, but I hold myself to a standard and attempt to live up to it) you will experience the softness of my heart with the softness of your own. So, I will tell you about last night.

Do you remember when I wrote an update on my life, saying I was enjoying a romantic relationship with a man who had been my best friend (who is not a member of FB or on my "Friend List") since I was 16 or 17 years old? I said I was happy and fulfilled and finally enjoying some masculine support of the physical "fixing things" around the house variety in addition to some emotional support and adult conversation. Mars went retrograde not too long after and put that to a halt. He wasn't ready to be "responsible" for a woman so soon after his failed marriage. I was stunned and crushed... and angry at what appeared to be carelessness with my trust.

He reached out a few times in the following months (sent flowers to my work on my birthday), to be met with mostly coldness and irritation. I wasn't sure I wanted even friendship at that point. He messaged again a couple days ago and I read it last night. It was a bit of a cry for help so I agreed to see him, as long as we went to listen to a band. The band was called, "........." or something like that and had a mix tape as their band page photo. I sang karaoke at two other places too. It was this intense psychological journey into my past as we drove through the dark and dirty city through so many of my ghosts and bad memories. Places I used to live with past friends and lovers. Places we (my past) used to share our joys and sorrows.... so much.

I had agreed to go on this adventure as "buddies". I treated him as such, not doing too much engaging and giving him a hard time here and there. It turned into this epic black moon lilith/chironic experience.

When I sing at bars I sing "Crazy Train"

(All aboard! Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay

Crazy, but that's how it goes
Millions of people living as foes
Maybe it's not too late
To learn how to love
And forget how to hate

Mental wounds not healing
Life's a bitter shame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Let's Go!

I've listened to preachers
I've listened to fools
I've watched all the dropouts
Who make their own rules
One person conditioned to rule and control
The media sells it and you live the role

Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

I know that things are going wrong for me
You gotta listen to my words
Yeah

Heirs of a cold war
That's what we've become
Inheriting troubles, I'm mentally numb
Crazy, I just cannot bear
I'm living with something' that just isn't fair

Mental wounds not healing
Who and what's to blame
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

and I sing "Kryptonite"

(I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time
But I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
I feel there's nothing I can do
Yeah
I watched the world float to the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy, then will you still call me Superman?
If I’m alive and well, will you be there holding my hand?
I’ll keep you by my side with my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak, but still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground)

because these are the songs I taught myself so I could share a message in a form that would be accepted in that particular environment... they are my speech to all who will listen. At work (or karaoke at the city park for my daughter's choir festival) I sing things like "Country Roads" by John Denver. I only know a handful of songs really well. My "mystic" melodies.

I sang each of those songs plus another at the two karaoke places we visited. I had the warmest response I've ever experienced AT BOTH PLACES. Half a dozen people at each place hugging me and grabbing my hands and saying beautiful words. Each of these places had a bit of a dark presence when we entered... the second one was the last 15 minutes of an Ultimate Fighting Championship on the big screen, for example.

"Well, lucky me, I get to watch practically naked muscular men touching each other aggressively," I said to my companion. They were beating each others faces to mulch though, as people cheered them on.

The night ended with my companion driving me safely home, after I walked out with men falling over themselves to open the door for me and smile at me and touch me.
It was one of those nights when love was shining through me. I had forgotten my perfect offering and just gave what I had to give, flaws and all, and it was its own kind of beauty. He drove me home on the country roads, the place where so much of our history lives. The place where so much of MY history lives. I said thank you for driving and gathered myself so I could get immediately out of the car when we arrived. He noticed and said, "At least give me a hug" so I did the pat pat hug. He made a strangled noise like "wait" as I went for the door handle, so I let out this enormous sigh and sat back in the seat like, "you REALLY want to have this conversation?" He puts his head in his hands and makes this noise of pain and frustration with an ending note of "I don't know what to do".

So, we have a conversation. I gently tell the truth of my thoughts and pain so he will understand and he listens and does his best to answer my questions. I appreciate the answers because they are understandable and not nefarious/devious. Peace is made. I give him a REAL hug, and kiss on the head. I get the same. I go in and get in bed and try to take pictures of me in case I am still sparkling. I Heart some beautiful things on FB. I go to sleep. I am free of sadness, and wake to sunshine."

posted December 19, 2016 08:00 PM            

I still hadn't decided to put my heart on the line again. It was just SO GOOD to make peace. I hadn't been sure it was possible before so I was relieved. I knew I would be losing him forever if we didn't make it. I had always had a hard enough time being "his friend" when he had a wife... now I was "his friend he had kissed etc". For us it was all or nothing for real. We both had some thinking to do.

<3

Written Nov 21st...

He did all of the right things.
He said all of the right things.
The Feelings began squinting open their almost closed eyes and...

WAIT!
I said.

Not so fast!
Where is my jam-box over the head musical declaration of your feelings??

"Well," he said, "I am a Taurus and I like simple things."
(* meaning the lyrics I was about to receive)
"I have a song, saved in the "Drafts" of my email, for you."

So, here is the iphone in front of my face (2016 version of 80s jambox, right?) musical declaration.
My doorway to a thousand churches.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
https://youtu.be/c5Q0yqTrLxg

What I leave,
When you go,
What I see,
And what you show,
And what I guess,
And when I don't,
Is something you already, already know,
I can't live without,
All I think about,
All I want is you,
You're all I dream about,
I can't live without,
All I want is you,
The things I do,
I go through,
And all I see,
When I'm awake,
And what I make,
The **** that I take,
Is something you already, already know
I can't live without,
All I think about,
All I want is you,
You're all I dream about,
I can't live without,
All I want is you,
Oh,
Is you,
Is you,
Is you,
Is you,
You're all I dream about,
I can't live without,
All I want is you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I listened... and then...
(All my instincts, they return
And the grand facade, so soon will burn
Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside)