posted June 14, 2023 05:02 PM            

His is only effect on is on me now during Lions Gate portals. So today I asked Spirit about my one love, an indicator of whom he was/is. I pulled "Moon" and this person from the thread here's Sun+Moon signs (cancer, Scorpio). Which I've been romantic with several water Sun signs; however is the only water Moon sign I had this type connection, in this combination. Thus he's the one. No wonder why no matter what I do, his heart still calls for me. I meditated yesterday actually on him, with that 8/8 coming up, it made me look closer at my own feelings, I asked myself "what would I do if we saw each other again" .. weirdly, I came up uncertain. I at the core know we were left untrusting of one another. Yet, life has brought others to us, something deep within tells me he has softened, knowing I'm most true of the many tried partners. This is what perhaps in 5d he told me. Like we were tossed by life apart to realize how the world had many characters, upset somehow our connection wouldn't completely die.

Why am I writing this? who the h*** knows! lol
I do believe I have gotten over him, yet this damn portal every year does some strange stuff. I am uncertain why the heart is obstinate to release, while the mind/ memory can. It's sad we can't dictate whom our heart might respond to. Despite the character being worthy or right to be may in some cases to be in question. Like the old adage "the heart wants what the heart wants".

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In my case, I am happy we faced that challenge. Pride, ego and superficiality were in the way of AUTHENTIC love. I wasn't valued in a true way, it was a test. This is why no man has been deserving of my heart - those egos. I being the opposition of Leo (heart) have been at the end of romantic pursuers that were the TIN MAN pre the HEART from the wizard. Unfortunately I see this so late.
Men with over inflated egos are both NOT lions (courage) and certainly not HEART .. merely TIN MEN. damn. I've never known a man willing to release the need to be roosters. It's sad too, these men likely let other women down too - not only me. I may have been most observant of this though. Less superficial, more authentic, as many told me how "home" I was to them, they got from me the "right" ingredients, yet I was not given the same.

I'm going yo go back to my studies. I'll add here any new lions gate data.

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For 8/8/23
In my transit chart his name will be conjunction to my name in my chart, 3rd house, communications.

In midpoint both nodes are transiting in (0) conjunction to the shared nodes. Our north node (we value each other) and the south node(our ending, death) in 8th. Both of us have clung all these years to the north node together, as in we knew we were fated. This is ironic as he was often speaking as though he knew I was his forever when we met. Tbh I may had been but we met too early. I was younger. We crashed that chariot, had we of been mature we could have weathered any storm.