posted April 08, 2014 10:27 PM            

We ALL make mistakes because we truly believe that one day these individuals will wake up and say 'hey, this guy/girl really does love me, he/she is the one for me'. WRONG!

On one of the many trips I paid for I flat out asked BK guy while waiting in line at Customs in Aruba if he was going to marry me. He flat out lied to my face and said 'yes'. I felt a sense of relief at that moment. Here are countless days/nights where he made me feel like a fool. Here I was at home waiting on him while he was out with others. I was literally at his beckon call and I knew then it was wrong yet I kept hitting the snooze button.

At one point I literally wanted to drive off the road. I didn't want to live anymore as I didn't see a point. I felt stupid, so unattractive, every negative thing in the book I called myself. I mean in 7 years we were probably intimate a total of about 50 times! I felt ugly, fat, unattractive, just horrible. I blamed myself for him not wanting to be with me. Now almost a year later, I realize it wasn't me. I'm smart, beautiful, just plain awesome and it's his fault that he was too stupid to see it.

He reached out on NYE to wish me a happy 2014 and that he missed our friendship. DELETE...best button ever invented if you ask me!

I could tell you all thousands of stories and you too would be like 'hey DF why are you so stupid? This guy obviously doesn't want you.' I always knew it and the sad thing is that I went through this whole ordeal alone. I was embarrassed to tell my friends for fear of judgment. I mean I did buy him a Land Rover that cost me $30,000. Stupid wasn't the word I would've used to describe myself at the time. He knew me more than I knew myself and that was dangerous and he used it to his advantage. My childhood was an emotional roller coaster and he knew this, he knew everything about me and twisted it and threw it in my face. Not cool.

But that was then. I believed in his word, that he could change, I opened up my heart and life to a man who literally just stomped on it after he cracked it in a thousands pieces. Slowly my heart is being repaired and at one time I never thought there'd be enough glue in the world to fix me but there is!

There's more than enough glue and tape to patch you all up! Didn't give up, don't quit. I almost did and came close to not being here right now with you all.

posted April 08, 2014 11:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SophiaFrank:
@Dreamy Fish

I am so glad you shared your story. It feels as if all of our stories have a common denominator. I know anyone who has read my posts about "M" over the past year probably thought I was a complete utter idiot over this guy. I was. I met him at 22 we were friends and then it turned into a hot mess of emotions.I know all about crying myself to sleep and not even wanting to live. My best friend or so I thought.. I confided in decided to tell one of "M's" mutual friends how I had been feeling, word for word of what I said M came back and repeated. I was not happy because I felt my friend had portrayed me..however, it opened up a can a worms. I finally just asked "M" flat out if he ever saw things progressing into something committed. He sat there and he went in circles...he looked me right in my face and told me he didn't know, he wasn't for sure and he would have to think about it. I knew then...I knew..I guess I always new deep down. Well a week later I will never forget it, it was September he told me that he was going to pursue things with another girl because she had been with him when he had nothing and helped him while he was in jail and got him out of jail several times. He also told me that "other people deserved a chance" after that I can't even say I was devastated...I just felt numb...I went on a reading rampage..(I guess I was hoping he would change his mind) weeks later he called asking me for sex...the exact day he called me that morning he had a nice lunch with the girl he said he was going to pursue..(picture on Facebook) As much as I love him I to..would never want to be with someone who made me their second choice. At times I feel that I will never understand what went wrong and thats when I get on youtube and I listen to TD Jakes, RealTalkKim, Heather Lindsey and other life coaches/motivational speakers. Everyday goes by I think about him..how this one person fueled so many negative things in me...psychic addiction...just many bad addictions over one person. I want to heal so bad from all of this. I just wanted reciprocated love.

---

SophiaFrank you will heal and love will be reciprocated to you. You just have to believe that it will. 'M' is a fool. Don't give him anymore power. Going through a breakup is tough but you need to go through the phases. It's a process and I can't promise you that it's going to get better overnight because I would be lying. You've been lied to enough by him. I felt like BK was like a drug, addictive and hard to let go, but trust me, once you get to the point of just pure frustration and anger, you'll get over this hump. Sure I still think about him once in a full moon but I don't remember the bad; I rememebr the few good times we had. You too will get to this point but you have to believe in yourself, believe that you deserve better, that you are better, that you're going to be someone's #1, not someone's #2, 3 or 4.

Don't quit now; yes the road is going to be long and rocky but stay on it. The end will be worth it! No more sad stories about 'M' as he's no more. What would you tell a friend if he/she was going through the same thing? It's always difficult to follow your own advice but when you actually stop and just listen to a little of it, your eyes will widen!

posted April 08, 2014 11:09 PM            

Some people take all your give and continue taking, sometime people manipulate, make you out to be a shell of your former self. Some people make you hate yourself-for being weak, for being trusting, for falling in love but all those things just mold us to be more self aware in the future.

My first love had borderline personality disorder, was a narcissist, serial cheat, played mind games, had felony charges, drug addictions, school issues, deep insecurities which he projected onto me and sexually/emotionally/verbally abused me. At one point, he raped me. This was after he threatened to kill himself and I had to grab the knife off him. This was after he proposed, which was straight after I found out he was cheating on me. He used my money, my resources and broke me down. But I guess the hardest part was accepting that I fell in love with somebody who could so willingly stamp on my heart so many times without guilt or care, and that I allowed him to do it. I saved up over a year to see him (he went home overseas), he played cruel tests on me and as a 20 year old who finally fell in love after going through a few relationships, it was hard to handle. I think part of it was my pride. My body shut down at one point.

I remember I prayed several times a day for a year (was never religious) and cried so many tears I thought I was insane. He was toxic but he was a big lesson. So I'm glad I went through it. We can all work passed things. It took me two years to really truly get over him, and though I have emotional issues stemming from my experiences...At least I'm now free. This guy continued to try to get back with me for at least a year and a half after i broke up with him, but I blocked him and stayed firm.

posted April 08, 2014 11:33 PM            

She said my past relationship was traumatic, that it was up and down a lot, and the guy had another girl on his side which made things hard. That didn't fit my past relationship or the guy because the relationship was actually amazing and he was a really great guy. It felt like she threw in something generic that could have fit with lots of people's situations. In the end I didn't go ahead with the reading, but just obviously be aware people sprout generic stuff that fits in often enough-because if you're asking a psychic about a person...Obviously they've been somewhat confusing and send mixed signals etc.

posted April 09, 2014 09:47 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:

Keep strong. You're a diamond, don't let anyone ever make you feel less than that.

---

Thank you for sharing your story, Hapless. You have been through so much, yet are so strong and inspiring.

posted April 09, 2014 10:10 AM            

Support. Not enabling, but if I felt the reader truly cared about my well-being and offered support and tools for me to use WHEN I WAS READY, that would have made the prospect of leaving that much easier. For example, if a reader told me that the person in question would not change - that the relationship would continue to be exactly as it was now (I'd feel upset, unappreciated, unfulfilled etc.)... and that no matter if I chose to end the relationship now, months from now, or years from now - that there was support to help me heal etc. I would feel more empowered and open to a realization that this relationship wasn't in my best interest.

I don't know if you do predictive type readings, but it also would have been helpful to be told that there was an ending - but whether I chose to go that route now, or wait a bit until I was ready... that the timing and choice was mine... that would have helped me also.

posted April 09, 2014 10:57 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Julz87:
@Dreamyfish sorry but the only thing that stood out for me from your convo was "on one of the many trips that I PAID for" WTH!! NO!! I hope he has done the same for you if not then that should have alerted you way before, if a man can't pay for his own things and his woman then drop him in a heartbeat. You need someone whos able to afford himself if he can't then do something within his budget range, I believe all relationships should be even and it plays big for me that we go even financially as well. :/ eh the Libra in me "I Balance", a relationship is an investment.
Anywho I hope you find a man who measures up to your standards and is able to bring to the table what you bring ..thats probably the Capricorn moon talking :/

---

I needed those few words of tough love, wish I would've heard them at the time though. Unfortunately, I kept hitting the snooze button. The whole time I knew he was using yet for reasons that I can't explain, I stayed. Lack of self-esteem amongst other things was definitely a factor. He never contributed an ounce; I supported his lavish lifestyle.

It was a hard lesson but I learned it; sure my credit is jacked up but it's only temporary and slowly but surely I'm rebuilding it.

posted April 09, 2014 11:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
All your stories resonate with me deeply. I went through the hardest period of my life four years ago and believe me, even when my head, my body and my heart screamed for me to leave...I just couldn't because I loved him so much.

Some people take all your give and continue taking, sometime people manipulate, make you out to be a shell of your former self. Some people make you hate yourself-for being weak, for being trusting, for falling in love but all those things just mold us to be more self aware in the future.

My first love had borderline personality disorder, was a narcissist, serial cheat, played mind games, had felony charges, drug addictions, school issues, deep insecurities which he projected onto me and sexually/emotionally/verbally abused me. At one point, he raped me. This was after he threatened to kill himself and I had to grab the knife off him. This was after he proposed, which was straight after I found out he was cheating on me. He used my money, my resources and broke me down. But I guess the hardest part was accepting that I fell in love with somebody who could so willingly stamp on my heart so many times without guilt or care, and that I allowed him to do it. I saved up over a year to see him (he went home overseas), he played cruel tests on me and as a 20 year old who finally fell in love after going through a few relationships, it was hard to handle. I think part of it was my pride. My body shut down at one point.

I remember I prayed several times a day for a year (was never religious) and cried so many tears I thought I was insane. He was toxic but he was a big lesson. So I'm glad I went through it. We can all work passed things. It took me two years to really truly get over him, and though I have emotional issues stemming from my experiences...At least I'm now free. This guy continued to try to get back with me for at least a year and a half after i broke up with him, but I blocked him and stayed firm.

Keep strong. You're a diamond, don't let anyone ever make you feel less than that.

---

Haplesschild,

I'm sorry that you experienced such emotional torture. With the exception of the felony charges and drug use, BK guy was exactly like your ex. It's hard to fathom the fact that someone whom you loved so deeply could turn around and literally beat you down. These are definitely hard lessons in life that we both had to endure in order to realize what it is that we're really worth.

Your emotional trauma will heal; sure some scars will be left over but those will only serve as reminders of what you've survived. Think of those as battle scars! If you can survive that, you can survive anything. Don't allow the next person to dump on you because people treat us the way we allow them to. I know first hand and trust me, 7 years was a very long time but it happened, I survived, and now I'm moving on!

I see a survivor in you and the man for you won't give you anything less than what you deserve. You know you're worth more. It's hard to let go when we truly hope and pray that these messed up individuals will somehow change but they don't. At the end of the day though, it's their problem, not yours. People such as your ex prey on loving and caring individuals. They emotionally beat you down and make you feel helpless and that only they can save you when in fact it's the exact opposite. You should feel sorry for him as it's quite obvious he has a lot of demons lurking around. He was never going to be good to you because he wasn't good with himself. Please know that you did nothing wrong in this instance. It only becomes your problem when you allow it; those are his demons, not yours. We all have enough problems of our own that it's not fair to take on someone else's for that matter.

You're the bomb.com!

posted April 09, 2014 11:19 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twirl:
@dreamyfish: may I ask you if anything a reader had said to you at the time could have/would have helped you to go through this realisation quicker?
I wonder, because I have some (phone line) clients with similar questions, but I notice that when I'm upfront about it, it doesn't help. I do offer healjng & awareness tips/meditations etc in my own company & coaching sessions.
But would you say it perhaps wasn't the time yet or was there anything that you would have liked/wanted to hear looking back at it? I am asking this, because I would really like to be able to say something that will speed up the process (if people are in a bad relationship).

Don't feel obliged to answer of course. Thanks if you do

---

Hi Twirl,

Thanks for your concern. Unfortunately I was told by several readers: "there's still juice in this relationship; he loves you but he's afraid; he's realized he's hurt you but he's ready for the next step with you; I see you two married with 2 possibly 3 children; everyone is envious of your loving relationship", etc.

I just couldn't understand how none of the problems appeared. My questions were always framed simple: will A ever commit to me; will A and I ever get married; does A truly love me.

I wish a reader would've said to me with tough love "move on, he's garbage, he isn't going to change, he doesn't love you and never has, he can't commit to you because he's committed to several other women", etc. I know that I played a heavy role in this mess too.

As hard as it would've been to hear those words, I would've preferred it because I knew it all along; I guess I just needed a push in that direction. I was given false hope and that only fueled my addiction to stay even longer.

I'm very interested to hear about your coaching/meditation/healing sessions; I'm really into all of that right now!

posted April 09, 2014 11:40 AM            

Yes it sucked and terribly couldn't even begin to describe the ordeal! I met him when I was 25. He was everything I wanted, on paper of course. He was handsome, charismatic, charming to say the least but extremely selfish. Everything was about him; he was also a very good liar, extremely manipulative and he knew this. As I stated before, he knew everything about me so he used that against me. He fed me bread crumbs Manques and I ate every single one.

Look, I lost about $300,000, possibly more, in 7 years. I could've paid off my house, bought a Mercedes Benz SUV, flown first class! Coulda, woulda, shoulda...

But I'm not the same fool I once was!

posted April 09, 2014 12:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by FairyDust75:
Dreamy I agree with you. I would rather someone tell me he's never coming back or contacting me again then I would really be able to let it go. I slowly am and am truly not counting on a contact from him but it does give me a glimmer or hope unfortunately. I have thrown myself back into the dating pool hoping to meet someone new as I think it would help. No one yet but I have hope.

---

Fairy,

Let go of that glimmer of hope of him contacting you; don't hold onto something you never had. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you but I don't want you to go through what I did. Date, meet new peeps, have brunch on your own, something. Once you meet someone else and you start dating casually, you'll forget about him. Yes it's much easier to let go once you have your sights set on someone else but that's not always the case. DON'T BE A FOOL LIKE I WAS!

Focus on something else...focus on YOU. Take care of yourself because no one else will. If you don't have a journal, I strongly recommend it. I wrote in about 6-7 when I was at my lowest with the BK guy. I've gone back to read them and I can't believe how desperate I was, I embarrassed myself. He knew that too and he used that to his advantage.

Let go hun, let go. It hurts, it's not easy. No amount of readings is going to cure this either. Put that money in a jar and look at it everyday. Instead of readings on a weekly basis, get a manicure instead. Start feeling good about yourself and project that to the outside world.

You're stronger than you think. You'll get through this; if I did, you can too.

I should be the poster child of what holding onto to a shimmer of hope from a man can do to a woman! Bankruptcy, weight loss, weight gain, wrinkles, rage, depression, therapy, medications, failed personal relationships, loss of friendships. All of that and more is what I endured.

Please, please, please let go of that shimmer of hope. I'm sorry to have to tell you that but in order for you to move on you have to let go.

posted April 09, 2014 12:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twirl:
@dreamyfish: may I ask you if anything a reader had said to you at the time could have/would have helped you to go through this realisation quicker?
I wonder, because I have some (phone line) clients with similar questions, but I notice that when I'm upfront about it, it doesn't help. I do offer healjng & awareness tips/meditations etc in my own company & coaching sessions.
But would you say it perhaps wasn't the time yet or was there anything that you would have liked/wanted to hear looking back at it? I am asking this, because I would really like to be able to say something that will speed up the process (if people are in a bad relationship).

Don't feel obliged to answer of course. Thanks if you do

---

posted April 09, 2014 12:15 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Haplesschild*:
I was asking Lidia about my current ex and though she got the job area completely off...What she said made me wonder if she's even a legit psychic.

She said my past relationship was traumatic, that it was up and down a lot, and the guy had another girl on his side which made things hard. That didn't fit my past relationship or the guy because the relationship was actually amazing and he was a really great guy. It felt like she threw in something generic that could have fit with lots of people's situations. In the end I didn't go ahead with the reading, but just obviously be aware people sprout generic stuff that fits in often enough-because if you're asking a psychic about a person...Obviously they've been somewhat confusing and send mixed signals etc.

I got a reading with Mamaroberts on Bitwine recently and she's amazing! I recommend her highly! Lidia either is a fake or just couldn't connect with me.

---

Im trying to get hold of Mamaroberts now! had sent her quite a few msgs and she's reallu kind and sweet. but its so difficult to get hold of her due to timezone differences i guess.

posted April 09, 2014 12:21 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dreamy Fish:
Hi Manques,

Yes it sucked and terribly couldn't even begin to describe the ordeal! I met him when I was 25. He was everything I wanted, on paper of course. He was handsome, charismatic, charming to say the least but extremely selfish. Everything was about him; he was also a very good liar, extremely manipulative and he knew this. As I stated before, he knew everything about me so he used that against me. He fed me bread crumbs Manques and I ate every single one.

Look, I lost about $300,000, possibly more, in 7 years. I could've paid off my house, bought a Mercedes Benz SUV, flown first class! Coulda, woulda, shoulda...

But I'm not the same fool I once was!

---

I know how u feel. At least you're find and
"alive" now right? Happy for u!

posted April 09, 2014 02:04 PM            

An astrologer also told me I wouldn't work until July.

I'm glad I got Astrid on sale.

posted April 09, 2014 04:18 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dreamy Fish:
Fairy,

Let go of that glimmer of hope of him contacting you; don't hold onto something you never had. I'm sorry to be so blunt with you but I don't want you to go through what I did. Date, meet new peeps, have brunch on your own, something. Once you meet someone else and you start dating casually, you'll forget about him. Yes it's much easier to let go once you have your sights set on someone else but that's not always the case. DON'T BE A FOOL LIKE I WAS!

Focus on something else...focus on YOU. Take care of yourself because no one else will. If you don't have a journal, I strongly recommend it. I wrote in about 6-7 when I was at my lowest with the BK guy. I've gone back to read them and I can't believe how desperate I was, I embarrassed myself. He knew that too and he used that to his advantage.

Let go hun, let go. It hurts, it's not easy. No amount of readings is going to cure this either. Put that money in a jar and look at it everyday. Instead of readings on a weekly basis, get a manicure instead. Start feeling good about yourself and project that to the outside world.

You're stronger than you think. You'll get through this; if I did, you can too.

I should be the poster child of what holding onto to a shimmer of hope from a man can do to a woman! Bankruptcy, weight loss, weight gain, wrinkles, rage, depression, therapy, medications, failed personal relationships, loss of friendships. All of that and more is what I endured.

Please, please, please let go of that shimmer of hope. I'm sorry to have to tell you that but in order for you to move on you have to let go.

He's the anchor that's tied to your leg, figuratively. You can't swim away; even though he's no longer in your life, you're holding onto a false hope of him coming back. That glimmer of hope is your anchor. Cut the chord and start swimming; quit sinking deeper into his abyss.

---

posted April 09, 2014 04:54 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by lilacbreeze:
@Twirl - from my experience, the realization had to come from myself. But I have thought about some of the things that would have been helpful from a reading perspective.

Support. Not enabling, but if I felt the reader truly cared about my well-being and offered support and tools for me to use WHEN I WAS READY, that would have made the prospect of leaving that much easier. For example, if a reader told me that the person in question would not change - that the relationship would continue to be exactly as it was now (I'd feel upset, unappreciated, unfulfilled etc.)... and that no matter if I chose to end the relationship now, months from now, or years from now - that there was support to help me heal etc. I would feel more empowered and open to a realization that this relationship wasn't in my best interest.

I don't know if you do predictive type readings, but it also would have been helpful to be told that there was an ending - but whether I chose to go that route now, or wait a bit until I was ready... that the timing and choice was mine... that would have helped me also.

Lastly, (and not that I think you would do this anyway, but just felt I should add it).. for me, any type of "wake up call" or harsh wording, would not have worked for me at all. In fact, it might have made me feel that I was being judged - and that would have felt worse....Quite possibly, could have worked to make me more resolved not to leave the relationship. But I know some people respond to that, so it's a very personal matter.

---

Hi Lilac

Thank you ever so much for this feedback. It's very valuable on all points. I will definitely take it in to my readings. I do predictive readings as well, but I consider myself more of a 'in the moment', 'what can we heal/work on'-reader.
I can be straight forward in my wording irl, but not harsh on purpose, nor judgemental. But I will for sure be extra careful with that too.
Sometimes when I don't see a long term relationship working & we discuss this, it's disregarded. And then months later I get a call from the same person saying that in fact nothing changed between them, but others still see it happening for them. That's why I asked what would be helpful, because it's so often a lengthening of suffering.
So I will definitely taken in your "route" & explain that too.

Thank you

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sandyshore:

Hi Twirl, Hi DreamyFish,
If you both allow my tuppence.
I was in a manipulative relationship. A psychic/tarot reader, affirmed during several readings over the years that everything would work out, that I was the one for him, bla bla bla. Against my better intelligence and intuition I remained or fell back into that dysfunctional relationship. During a trip, I met a psychic who told me - not during a paid reading - that a relationship was over. I should move on. I later had a paid reading with her and she repeated the same, that I had to break up with him. That if I did not do it 'now' I would not be able to do it for another while because of energy level etc. I credit her for kicking that guy out of my life and wish I had met her before on that issue. That would have spared me years of self doubt and misery because of a selfish, narcissistic cheat. Hope that helps Twirl

---

posted April 09, 2014 05:29 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dreamy Fish:
Hi Twirl,

Thanks for your concern. Unfortunately I was told by several readers: "there's still juice in this relationship; he loves you but he's afraid; he's realized he's hurt you but he's ready for the next step with you; I see you two married with 2 possibly 3 children; everyone is envious of your loving relationship", etc.

I just couldn't understand how none of the problems appeared. My questions were always framed simple: will A ever commit to me; will A and I ever get married; does A truly love me.

I wish a reader would've said to me with tough love "move on, he's garbage, he isn't going to change, he doesn't love you and never has, he can't commit to you because he's committed to several other women", etc. I know that I played a heavy role in this mess too.

As hard as it would've been to hear those words, I would've preferred it because I knew it all along; I guess I just needed a push in that direction. I was given false hope and that only fueled my addiction to stay even longer.

I'm very interested to hear about your coaching/meditation/healing sessions; I'm really into all of that right now!

Thanks,
DF

---

Hi Dreamy

Thanks so much for replying! I do try the tough love approach, but I feel often it doesn't have the right effect like lilac pointed out on how it would have worked on her. Even though I genuinely care and would like to see if we can come to a better outcome for the client.
Sometimes I can't find the opening and/or the client doesn't want to find if yet or another reader may be better suited.
There is also a difference in customers though between the private readings through my own company versus the phone readings. If I think I am not a fit/good match for someone through my company, I will happily refer them to another that's better suiting.

And how great you are into the healing sessions! That can be so empowering! I do healjng tarot readings that show what area may first receive attention & I give personalised exercises to go along with it. So it's insight combined with actions one can take to create change. I am also recording meditations (I personalise them in real life sessions - not online yet) and I hope to start uploading some free ones once I figure out how to do that properly.
Especially meditations & exercises can really clean up barriers.

Thanks again for the response! I will definitely try to take them in.