posted April 18, 2013 02:22 AM            

Composite:

Synastry:

I won't go into the backstory too much. I'll just say this.

Eight years ago, we developed what's now being adapted into a TV series. He was everything in this regard. He'd been my best friend for several years, then he became my producing partner. My co-writer, co-creator. Co-star. Everything.

I can't take this anymore. I'm a professional, but I have my limits. My heart is broken. My faith was deeply shaken. I'd never felt like this before with anyone; I only assumed (after many years of denying the possibility) that it must be for something. This feels like the something.

Problem is, we've hurt each other so deeply through the years now, it hardly feels like we have anything left. He hasn't left the series, but our personal conflict has made working together practically impossible. If it's not a cold war, we're at each other's throats. No mind I miss my best friend. My partner. My muse.

I'm dreading working on set together. We're not even speaking. We've not decided to be officially estranged - we've just both given up trying. He's changed careers recently, and, despite staying with the show, I don't even know what I'M still trying for.

Oh, wait - my cast. The story. Our fan base. The people who are eagerly awaiting this, to whom I've promised that it will happen. THAT's why I'm still trying. But, God ... it hurts every day. I feel so abandoned in so many respects. It's like I can't even talk to him anymore. There's so much unsaid ... it's taken over everything else. We'd never had that before; I didn't think WE were capable. We always told each other anything. Anything.

The kicker is what our series is actually about ...

Twinsoul relationships, their complicated nature, and the important work or mission they're here to do. It's fiction, of course. (... Sort of.) Big story, ensemble cast, complex dynamics, many nuances. I can imagine many will be able to relate - even if they're not sure how, or why.

But I've lost so much faith. My optimism. My belief that this is even worth it. I don't know how to keep going.

Can someone shed some light? Provide some real advice? Offer a game-plan? I'm looking for understanding, and any and all insights here.

I WANT to get things back on track. I WANT to find out HOW we can work this out. I WANT to bring him back on to his path - on to our path. The one where he isn't ignoring his dreams, denying the very essence of his soul. Running from me, and the story I very much feel we're here to share with the world.

Can anybody help?

posted April 18, 2013 02:26 PM            

However, and I speak from my own experience, despite the good potential you see in a relationship or even in a partner, they have their own choices to make and their own agendas. And you shouldn't interfere with that. You don't know that his path is to continue this with you, though you feel that yours is. It might just be that from his pov he has learned what he needed from you and now needs to move on.. Or, the most frequent case, staying on this path of growth and evolution is too hard and too overwhelming for him - since, after all, it involves a great deal of confrontations with oneself.

posted April 18, 2013 04:06 PM            

He's the Sag - and boy, is he. His Sun's on the GC with Neptune and conjunct this asteroid Magion. It's kinda funny - and fitting - since his character is a wizard.

Oh, communication. So complex. So honest, and yet, so much deception. Highly telepathic and on so many levels. We only can lie to each other with words. That's why I think we do it so much.

If he is my twin, it would make a lot of sense to me. He's changed my understanding of reality. I'd experienced things with him I never had with anyone else - which rocked my concept of the universe. I'm sure it's been just a difficult for him.

I'd also never found someone with whom I wrote so seamlessly so immediately. We were in each other's heads. It was ... incredible. God, everything we created .... I'm just doing what I can to keep things afloat.

I feel like he's losing himself in mediocrity. I asked him years ago, if he had no pragmatic concerns, what would he do with his life. And he told me. And I never forgot that. Now, I'm not sure why he's throwing it all away - unless it's just way too hard. I could believe that.

I honestly feel that if he'd get back on to his path, this horrible anxiety that everything is so wrong somehow. That we're just travelling farther. And, no, there's nothing I can do.

I'm just trying to keep us both alive on the planet and in this dimension with minimal pain and on the right path.

posted April 18, 2013 05:56 PM            

I want to thank you. Reading this has brought a sort of epiphany to me. Because I've felt the same with the ones I considered special (I will refrain from using soulmates/twin flames etc because bottom line it's just terminology.. I'd only know for sure what they were once I cross over lol). And damn it's so frustrating to see them throw it all away. I felt so helpless because I couldn't force the sense into them. And ultimately I had to accept their decision to not see us through. But I don't believe there is right or wrong, not really. There are opportunities, sure, and some are better than others. But from a soul growth perspective, that is pretty irrelevant. Who knows why we make the decisions we do, why we are drawn to some people and reject others sometimes at first sight?.. I'd like to think that there is a deeper purpose and that is bigger than my ego wanting things to go a certain way or my need to cling to people or situations that I think are good for me.. Yeah, sometimes we choose despite that. We choose the wrong things, the mediocrity and the harder path. I don't know why. I believe I have chosen a mediocre path myself, though I know people won't agree with me because I am a doctor bla bla. But looking backwards I could have been so much more, so much bigger, successful etc. But also know that I HAD to take this path to get to where I am now. Which might be a so-so position from a material pov but psychologically and spiritually.. oh man!! I am so proud of the progresses I made and I don't think there would have been a different way to arrive here except the one I took.

I know this is probably not what you were hoping to hear.. I am not even sure if it's any bit helpful - or if it is, to me or to you? lol Because reading your words made me realize I've come full circle. I've been in both positions, though slightly more attached to the one you're in right now. And uhhh.. it made me see things so much clearer. To be able to forgive, accept and move on.

posted April 18, 2013 07:50 PM            

I've been angry and resentful, not knowing where I'm going or what I'm doing; having that vague sense of something but being too -something- to follow it through myself. My greatest resentment came when I finally took the biggest and hardest steps which really would open up my whole future - as I see it. Moving to Los Angeles, and following the path that then opened up after: getting married. Unfortunately, I don't think he understands the position I was in, yet, there's a part of him that still hates me for it - deeply. He still feels like I betrayed him, and can't understand - or accept - that he left me no choice.

Everything changed when he did one thing which changed everything. He told me the truth, removing the one huge thing preventing us from having a real relationship, since our failed meeting 6 years ago. It was off to a very rocky start, too. It wouldn't sort out until February. But those next several months ... wow. Pretty magical. Finally getting to take some of my best work and DO with it what it's deserved for years. AND I got my best friend back - with honesty! God, we were in constant contact again ... even more than before. I thought it'd never end.

I guess it needed to, though, in order to go on to the next steps. Some clearly must be taken solo. Hard, though. But I'm learning to trust the process.

I see what I had to do to get where I've gotten. I'm sure he's going through a similar thing. Letting go of some regrets, and, hopefully old resentments. I came to notice even when we were best friends, we were never friends. I'm not sure what we were, but it wasn't true friends. There was too much underlying intensity: jealousy, possessiveness, resentment, anger, unexpressed emotions ... you don't have that with friends. I can only hope he may eventually come to actively admit that we have so much unresolved. But, like you said, I'm not in control of that.

I miss him, but I'm not sure what to do at this point. It's all piled on top of each other, and trying to be friends is almost dishonest. I want to be. I'd like to be. Hell, I keep thinking we need to be. But I don't think it's what we are. We've always been SO much more than that. Relating on just one level and pretending otherwise ... I don't think we can. I know I can't. It's all messed up. I know he's unhappy - I can see it in his face, hear it in his voice - feel it. I know he stopped calling because he's upset I wouldn't answer, and he finally gave up.

But I get so flustred. So tongue-tied - not like me! I always loved talking to him, but the more our relationship would get pushed into definition and parametres (by my husband, mostly) it'd get weird. Then we finally realised we're kidding ourselves if we thought we could be casual. And our lives aren't really allowing for anything beyond that right now. So ... here we are.

I'm glad you've come full circle. I'm ... at least past the 180° mark, coming up slowly to the beginning. I somehow feel, despite it all, despite logic and reason and sense, that he'll be there with me. That, somehow, it'll all still happen. I FEEL that. I don't know how.

It's like looking at the blueprint of a building that you've just lost the funding to construct, and seeing yourself looking out over the city from your office that doesn't exist. It's THAT kind of illogical 'insane' sense of -knowing-.

Agh!

posted April 18, 2013 08:01 PM            

His Saturn, Karma, and Lilith are all on his SNode, near his MC. THAT's where my Moon-Uranus hit. WTF, right?

Add to that, his Venus-Mars and Eros-Psyche MPs are exactly on my SNode - which means the actual points all hit it, too.

Whatever went down, it's like it was positively Shakesperean. We came into all of this with each other with intricate deception games for the purpose of self-preservation, fears of abandonment and betrayal, and an overwhelming intensity. How's that for Karma-Saturn-Lilith? Heh.

My poor Moon-Uranus. It means well! But I've got my own fears of intimacy, and issues with too much closeness (oh, God, clinginess). Part of what I think I've always respected about him: his independence. He actually stopped calling (the first time, back in October, when I first instituted distance) because he'd 'noticed he was becoming too dependent on me'. To hear that from a double-Sag, Aqua-Venus/Mars/ASC - wow.

And, no, I don't take pride in that ....

... well, maybe a little.