posted May 26, 2020 07:20 AM            

I had a really toxic relationship (2017-2018). I didnt really realize it back then, because i was too in love and passionate about the person. (...)

When i feel like it, i pull cards for myself. 3 cards so they can be a simple message for me.
Before breaking up, the Devil card kept showing up with Three of Swords (heartbreak) and Death. I was like.. Hell yeah cards. I know. I gotta end (death) this addicting relationship, its bad (devil), it hurts me (three of swords). The Devil and Death showed up together many times before ending it with this guy.

Guess what. I realized now that i dreamt of these exact symbols way before even considering a break up! I have a dream journal and in the spring of 2017 I had this very bizarre dream that consisted of Death and the Devil himself (i think)!
I broke up in august 2018, in the spring of 2017 I was so happy and in love... But i dreamt this. So prophetic, i believe. Here it is. Sorry, its pretty graphic:

I was in a hotel type of apartment.. Very dark, no light anywhere. I was sharing it with a couple and some other people that i dont know. The couple was very anonymous.. They had se.x quietly in their own room, away from the rest.
The other people had intercourse constantly, but always thanks to me. I was the one that would initiate and the people would conform. They had no control, and could not do it by themselves, i had to initiate every time. On the wall next to a bed there was a piece of paper with the amount of times i had intercourse, and i remember the numbers 30-60. It was no big deal for me, but i remember the people being surprised "How did you get to 60 times, are you alright, will you not stop?". My answer was clearly no. And i had in my mind the fact that i will continue, no stopping!
After a few hours, morning was slowly approaching and i knew i had to leave the hotel/apartment. Everyone had to leave the place before sunrise. I remember the people leaving, but i was the penultimate. I was packing my stuff.. And i saw that next to me there was the mysterious woman, that had intercourse exclusively with her boyfriend, hidden from everyone else. She told me that she actually has the most intercourse going on, not me. And that was the reason she was hiding from the rest.
While i was finishing packing, she asked me:
"Do you know that when you dont have control, the devil has control?"
I almost rolled my eyes and responded:
"I AM IN CONTROL. Did you not see? The others conformed to me, they did exactly what i told them to do."
And she laughed, saying:
"You have no control when it comes to pleasure. Take care, maybe he will control you completely."
Those words made me so angry. I felt that i wanted to push her on the ground, but she was bigger than me, and for some reason I felt like she was close to me.

We leave the apartment together. Walking on the hallway, it is still dark, the sun did not rise yet.
I barely saw a man in the dark that ran to me and.. Surprise... He pushed me on the ground. I was so scared but the woman next to me was not and she tried to pull him off me. The man and woman had the same stature. I manage to get up and i saw the woman pulling his neck on a side (left) trying to break it. I help her and we both press on his neck. The man didnt move, but i felt like he wasnt dead. I wanted him to die so bad.. To break his neck. But we couldnt. Instead, we decided to cut his face in two. We cut his eyes and mouth out and we put some weird substance in their place. Then we left. And i woke up.

Imo... This speaks a lot to me now. I was so addicted in that relationship, he was the first powerful and godly man I first met… so i gave him all the control. I even wanted to change my life path/studies for him, everything for him. In the same time, my addiction made me want to control him too. I did spells and crazy stuff, its a looong story.
I also had control "sexually" because i always initiated the visits (he was in another city and couldnt leave).

It was a very hot "Devil" experience for me. I went from true devotion and extreme intercourse to yelling on the phone sobbing telling him to leave me alone, police stuff involved. If he ever crosses my path, i would not kneel and roll on the ground in love in devotion like i used to. Instead.. I would be terrified but also try not to attack him and make him suffer the way i suffered and bruised myself for life. He never apologized once. It was always my fault, for every thing. Break. His. Neck.

I believe the hidden woman was a part of myself that tried to guide me also. If anyone has any more ideas, feel free to comment. I just wanted to share this prophetic dream. I wonder why i couldnt kill him, but i cut his face in two instead and put something in his eyes and mouth..

posted May 27, 2020 01:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Lots of detail. I wish my dreams were like that.

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Hi Randall. I wish my dreams were like this all the time, lol!.
It rarely happens, 2017-2018 were the years when I had the most detailed dreams ever. I calmed down a lot since them, on many levels..and I barely dream about stuff now. So, I personally believe that the more you experience things on a deeper level (i did it a lot 2017-2018), the more you dream. I guess so.

posted May 29, 2020 05:53 PM            

Seems that your unconscious/subconscious mind is aware of "patterns" .. Pay attention when you start noticing that again. There might be something you need to know or see about the relationship.

Study your patterns --
Let your wounds be your wisdom (Oprah Winfrey)

You might also think about your relationship with dad and mom in your house. What 'imprint' did you receive from each of them, and, them 'as a couple'.

They wrote a "script" for you.
What would you keep, change, etc.

When we meet a potential partner, we 'activate' these patterns once again. Same goes for the partner. The MORE you know and acknowledge your 'pattern', the better it would be. No unspoken expectations-- to the best of your abilities. You can create your own, and more to your liking.

I was going to look at your chart in reference to the dream you had, but I didn't have it.

Right now, VENUS is in a Retrograde Cycle in the sign of Gemini. .. You're thinking about a "past" love you had. Retrograde.. the past.

On the Spring Equinox March 20, 2017
Venus was in Retrograde AT that time, too.
- http://wisdom-of-astrology.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-cosmic-story-spring-equinox-2017. html

MORE than that, Venus began a New Venus Cycle on March 25, IN retrograde Aries 5-degrees, for 19 months, as a "Morning Star".

She'll turn from retrograde to direct next month in Gemini's 5-degrees. Again, she'll become a Morning Star Venus. You'll be able to see her in the sky at sunrises, instead of at night (Evening Star Venus).

TAROT
The Devil card is associated with sign of Capricorn.

I've heard some relate the Three of Swords to 29+ Scorpio.

Venus retrograde -- Aries 2017
You're thinking about your Love Relationships now? Are you thinking you'll never have a love like that again? Are you apprehensive (or eager) for a new relationship?

Did you have any 'hurts' you'd want to work on and to heal at this present time?

Currently, Chiron is in Aries 8-Degrees.
Venus had started in an Aries retrograde in 2017.

Mars Aquarius Retrograde of 2018
Mars went retrograde in Aquarius 9+ on June 26, 2018, and was featured in an eclipse at end of July, into the first part of August 2018, where it retro-re-entered 29+Capricorn on August 14, 2018.

Mars was involved with the Friday "Full Moon Eclipse 4.45 Aquarius"-- still in retrograde and conjunct the Eclipse Aquarius Moon, on~ July 27, 2018.

Then, Venus made another retrograde in October 2018, in sign of Scorpio.

Since you keep a Journal, I gave you those dates... in case anything jives with that.

Oh! Mars will retrograde this year, 2020, in the sign of ARIES. Starts around September 8th, at 28.08 Aries, and turns direct November ~14, 2020.

Take Care of your Gorgeous Self!

posted May 30, 2020 05:46 AM            

It often happened to me that if i think too much about him, he would sense it and respond to my energy. Pisces. Ugh. Its so distressing, i blocked him again. Its been 8 months of peace, hopefully he stops.
He was just KIND OF sorry for us and what happened and said "namaste" to me, for everything i learned him. Never heard him use that word. He was very reflective and other crap, but i dont buy it and i dont even want to buy anything from him anymore.

posted May 30, 2020 09:33 AM            

What's the deal with cutting his face in half? Was there anything "two-faced" about him? or maybe it was a symbol for seperation of the one you two were, symbolized in your imagination by his face, into the two seperate individuals you basically were, only you couldn't than visualize the seperation but as some monsrosity?
The eyes and the mouth - the senses taken off and blocked by some weird substance - a connection to disconnect from the sensual addiction by destroying his sense organs. By destroying his senses and disfiguring him, you regain your control.

posted May 30, 2020 09:41 AM            

quote:

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Ayelet

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1st post:
I had chills in my body when i first read your post, it was that good. & Also, i read it for a few more times. Sometimes i wish i could interpret my own dreams in such a way way, so Im taking little mental notes for the future. Thank you Ayelet so much for the time, really.

Yeah, for some reason I felt that the woman was like a "sister" to me. Maybe my alter ego, no idea. If I didn't get this " close bond" feeling, then she would have been on the ground because i wanted to smack her down so bad, after telling me that I dont have any control. Funnily enough, i got smacked down a few minutes after myself

The night element interpretation is very important for me too. It is not the first time that i dream like this, i had a few dreams in which it was extremely dark the whole time in interior spaces (when you would normally turn on the lights). It got me thinking. Thanks

Also, dawn/light started exactly when we were trying to kill him. I didnt saw his figure in the dark at all in the first seconds of him pushing me on the ground..., but when she pinned him on the ground, the hallway slowly started to light up, in a very slight light from the cracking dawn. In this way, i saw the part when we cut his face in two - if it was dark i couldnt see that part. Also the eyes/mouth cut. I dont really understand it, but thats it.

2nd post:
Whew.
"It appears that even then you were not ok with this full surrendering to him, and while you may not have identified then your attacker in the dream as your then current love, you wished to kill the man, because you must have felt in great danger yourself"
Whew.. yes.

Maybe I should have been aware (dawning light in the scene) of the fact that it was not healthy/safe for me to be on the ground for him. In the dream it was an exterior force that pushed me on the ground - in real life i would gladly crawl on the ground for him, but it was a consequence of his presence- of what i felt for him - exterior.

I could have brought him on the ground instead (what my other side did) if i was in control, and not succumbed to the pleasure this relationship gave me. !!!!!!!!!!! Damn . The revelation. I think this is the main point of the dream.
I was addicted to the pleasure - i initiated it (the visits/the people from the hotel), but i did not have true control!

"By destroying his senses and disfiguring him, you regain your control."
Maybe the fact that he can no longer see me now, and he cant talk to me anymore (the blocks). WOW. Smelling doesnt really matter when you're texting/interacting from the distance. But eyes and mouth are important.

posted May 30, 2020 10:30 AM            

On top of this.... If he wouldn't have written me today in a specific wording, I probably couldnt access the whole image.

When I ended it I wrote him a long letter.
I mainly accused him of being an animal that brutalized my love until its end.
Today, among other things, he asked me "Was I an animal during those 7 days?" (we spent 7 days together -AT A HOTEL- and it was pure bliss, ecstasy. those were the best moments of our relationship. his eyes were changed, he was another person).

My realization:
Only when i was inside a hotel, with a lot of intercourse (both my dream and reality), i felt in control and fine. I felt above anything. In reality, I still had no control, it was just apparent, it was just inside that place.

When I would leave the hotel (dream scene and real life), his attacks were coming back and I would remain laying on the ground. It is true, i felt in control and in a relationship only when i was at the hotel with him. Whenever I would leave, he would brutalize me, attack me, hurt me, again and again.
If i was in control and not addicted to the pleasure i had with him (if i was the other woman), i would have blocked him long ago (eyes and mouth cut)..

Thank you so much. It it so true and revealing that it hit something deep inside me thinking about it and i cant stop crying

posted May 30, 2020 11:09 AM            

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mirage29

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Hi mirage, thanks for chiming in. I vaguely remember you from the Divine diversities forum..maybe im wrong. You have a specific way of writing

I have a personal affinity for tarot & dreams, astrology is not that intuitive for me - its way more methodical, with rules, many ideas to read about. I feel stuck with it many times so im directing myself more to dreaming/pure intuition/tarot.

I see many patterns. People tell me sometimes that I exaggerate with them.. but i dont know. I realize them without thinking about them - they come to me like intuition.

Mom and dad were separated since i was 1 years old. I thought about family patterns before - and my chart actually has a lot of similar positions like my mom and dad. I inherited a lot from my mom and dads chart. When it comes to relationships, for example:

Mom has venus in 9th house. I have venus in 9th house. (We both had partners that were foreigners/at a distance/that we learned from, a lot.)

Mom has moon in libra, I have moon in 7th house.

Dad has mars in 1st house. I have mars in 1st house.
My mars is in aquarius, mom's mars is in 11th house.

I have saturn in 4th, dad has saturn in 4th.

Etc. I realized that i activated just 2 patterns from my parents, but they are not significant imo.

Very interesting that I dreamt this during venus retrograde.. and now i thought about it again during a venus retrograde. I love being attuned to the universe, lol.

Capricorn-devil. Hey, guy has venus in capricorn. In 12th. Bad aspect with pluto . Devilish

I started healing, distancing myself. And understanding a lot from this distance..

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I wont add more to this subject because I got way too emotional and its overriding my bad memories and feelings.

Only thing I will add is that it hurts me to know that he acted like such an animal/devil to me just because he got broken during his entire life and didnt trust me or his perceptions because he got betrayed constantly. Thats all. Subject closed. I dont want to return to this ever again..

Many of my more vivid dreams (like this one) end up materializing in one way or another in the future. After reading my dream journal from 2017, I realized that a lot of what I dreamt then materialized in 2018-2019. During that time, I had a lot of dreams with repeating patterns - trying to escape someone/feeling trapped in a relationship/bleeding neck. But I was happily in love and consumed by my passion for this ex.
The most shocking dream is one in which I was focusing on a religious tableau/painting that had a Saint in it and a lioness. Next, two guys enter the room and one of them just picks me up and forces me to have intercourse with him whilst he was insulting me and telling me that I am so and so and that I should accept it. I couldnt escape it.
Few months later in real life, this ex was insulting me so much and blaming me so much because of his delusions that he even noted me "***** " in his phone. I didnt have the power to escape this relationship because of the Saint (ex has a priest background, he helped me have faith and i had huge miracles happening because of him. way too special guy to give up..).

I have three special short dreams that ended up happening physically in different ways, but they shocked me the most. I'm going to post about them in a new topic and i will take a break after. Just so i can disconnect from this situation because it hurts.
They are short and its also an invitation for anyone to share any dreams that ended up manifesting

posted May 31, 2020 11:56 AM            

Got contacted once again.
I just wanted to share it because...well.. he contacted me in the first place because he dreamt in the night of 27th may that i killed myself with a "ritualistic knife" made of *Cristobalite. It worried him. Whilst getting dressed up to make my autopsy (he studies medicine atm) he realized that I'm gone and he couldn't process it. Besides, he had access to some belongings i left around me during the suicide and he was inspecting a big hand glove that looked made of band-aid. He also inspected the files made about my death and it said that "she made a small hole, the blood poured slowly, until there was no more."

27th may being right around the time that I really let go of this entire crap after closing the chapter almost 8 months ago.

That is why i wrote this dream too, it showed up in my mind by itself before 27th may and i realized some stuff that just helped me detach completely.

And yeah. When it comes to him - I am dead to him. Literally.
He brought me to the point of self-destruction until i managed to kill the identity/self that was connected to him.

But he cant understand that, and wants to save me..
blocked.

*Cristobalite, a dominant mineral in volcanic rocks, is observed as a detrital mineral in soils formed on pyroclastic volcanic materials, but it is rare in other soils (Drees et al., 1989; Cronin et al., 1996; Sommer et al., 2006). Cristobalite is locally present as discontinuous coatings in andesitic lava.

posted May 31, 2020 01:22 PM            

This is really CORE for you.
Could represent a New Beginning for you.
I'm GLAD you made the decision to LIVE.
Yes... Close the Door.

Let this be a NEW Season for you now...
Let the Healing do its work.

I had a thought about you this morning after I woke up.

When a person is besieged with a lot of sex-energy that has a hard time being quenched-- CONSIDER the Chakra System in your body.

There's some kind of energy-blockage going on when things get like that. You might want to go see an energy healer, chakras-- or, if you can, do it yourself.

The sex chakras are the 1st and the 2nd.
The 1st especially has to do with Survival issues too. The 2nd is more the sexual generator? {At least, if I'm remembering it correctly. You might do some research on it.}

In the chakras, the energies are suppose to flow UP.

If you unblock the problem, then the energy would flow to your Higher Centers, including the Heart Center.

You could have a Breakthrough doing that.
Enter a new dimension for you.

You mentioned God...
Pray. Ask for Spirit's Covering, and Healing.
Keep your thoughts Forward and on the positive side.

LET the energy do its work.
Cleansing any harm, clearing ANY past-life association with ALL of this.
It's OVER.
Karma complete and done. Fulfilled.
Let ALL MEMORIES go now..

I'm glad your family is with you in spirit.
Move on.
Protections!

posted June 16, 2020 06:40 PM            

At the end of this month I will probably find all of my dream notes and write them all together in a bigger dream journal.

I found another short dream noted in a text conversation that has the exact symbols from this dream:

DEATH, HEAD KILL, EYES AND MOUTH

Here: "We cut his EYES and MOUTH out"

Another dream: I was a very old lady that had a lot of sheep in the past. But all of them DIED. I buried in the ground one single sheep head that I now dug up and i... ate its EYES and TONGUE. It was very clean, it seemed fresh even if it had many years.

posted June 16, 2020 07:30 PM            

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mirage29

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Thank you for your thoughtful message mirage

I did not think about these ideas before.. however this high sexual dynamic was present because of him.
The love i felt, i felt in my heart, in my whole body, i felt my heart/chest overflowing sometimes and I would cry. Happy love tears , not anything else. For me love was not translated in sex and still isnt. Instead, for him, it was.. i said in the beginning that sex was his way of expressing love. For me it wasn't only that, even if it was amazing so I indulged in it a lot

"When a person is besieged with a lot of sex-energy that has a hard time being quenched-- CONSIDER the Chakra System in your body."

That would have been so helpful for him, not me. Every time i expressed love in other ways besides sex - "romantic" communication, poetry etc, he would call it BS. I had to prove physically. :/

Excerpt:

posted December 22, 2021 09:53 AM            

09.11.2018

I was an old lady who had a lot of sheep in the past.