posted January 11, 2015 08:48 AM            

I just hope it does not mean he does not like me anymore.
I wasn`t even aware of what impression that would leave, not even on myself.
maybe I should have chosen my words more carefully, maybe I really picked a bad time. lol

But it was just sucvh a tearing. On the one hand him as the family man, on the other hand he obviously saw me. lol

In fact in one song he started from the audience in the back, where his wife and his son were sitting and was singing to his son, which was too cute, and from there he paced down the aisle and then instead of getting onto stage directly, was strolling between stage and first row and randomly stopping in front of me. wEll he was tousling the girls hair beside me (she was maybe 13 or 14 and it was fitting the songline he was singing), but all the while slowly coming down that path, he was looking at me.

So he basically went straight from his wife and son into my direction and only then climbed back on stage.

I think this is what pretty much made me crack.

That and havng bumped into her on the toilet in the intermission, I was on my way out she was coming in, and I was holding open the door for her and realized I was actually smiling at her (and her son of course) and I felt at peace and calm about it (that was before his audience-acting. *Sighs* ) but she startled, she actually jerked a little and froze up seeing me, and it made me endlessly sad.
He chose her, and while I wish he hadn`t, I o course respect and accept that. I would never do something behind her back. and hopefully he wouldn`t do either.

I think I was hurting about that more than I was aware of, and just was being driven to this decision to very visibly settle into my role (the fan-role), as a visible sign of acceptance maybe. That and I wanted to look into his eyes and see, really see there, that it means nothing, that he doesn`t care. Of course that was stupid of me, I can`t read his expression anyway. lol

so I did get in line for talking to him, which was unfortunate with so many people areound and behind me in the line as well.
And while he was writing autographs, I then told him that I did not want an autograph, to which he asked why not and almnost seemed disappointed.
lol
And I then true to my foot-in-mouth MErcury in sag said: "What would I do with your signature anyway?"
He hesitated a moment and then answered: "I don`t know either."

I am aware NOW that thsi might have come across as offensive, I did not mean it that way though.
And I did point out that I just had been approaching him to thank him for the beautiful and touching show, which he liked to hear I suppose.
And then I heard myself congratulate him to his son and saying he was just such a cute little one.
OUch, Aqua-Moon gushing about someone else`s baby? Talk about being out of character!
I do not know why I said that, it just blurted out of me. I mean his son is the cutest! lol

He smiled even more (I think he agrees with me in that. lol), but also well I guess he was surprised for a moment about me saying this. I could not have said it any louder: I know you are father and have a family, and I am happy for you. (and i am not heartbroken about that, not even a tiny little bit, there is only joy in my heart for your happiness, because in fact you don`t mean that much to me, not in a personal way, not in the way that I might have had hopes there could be more between us. - well it could be read like that, even though it is only partially true. Hopefully he did not think this. lol)

Anyway he pointed to the left with his head and said he (his son) was just being on the top of ths stairs, which meant M was there as well, which meant we were under surveillance once again.

I finished the talk with pointing something else out, more professionally about a song he had been singing and I had been glad to hear. And then I turned to leave, but while I did, in turning around he told me to "take care", which is a weird way of sayng goodbye in GErmany. But it gave me the opportunity to turn around for a last glance at him, before I left.

posted January 11, 2015 03:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:

Well I'm glad you felt good about how you looked when you went out last night! I was thinking of you and wondering how it went??!!

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Well he shared the photos his assistant was shooting during the show (apparently), and I happen to be on it. But only from behind of course. lol
Nevertheless I found it interesting to see, as I remember other shots from behind, of 4 years ago, and the difference is really something!

posted January 11, 2015 05:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by I'm so cappy:
But you don't regret going there, right?

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Not at all!!!

posted January 11, 2015 05:52 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Ah Tgem,
my Mom would be SO embarassed, if she even knew I was talking to him.

Who do you think educated me that autographs are silly?

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posted January 11, 2015 06:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Well, mine is a Scorpio. She knows a LOT. and sometimes she is a tiny little paranoid.

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posted January 12, 2015 11:28 AM            

he actually put the video online, he took from the audience, singing a nursery rhyme (and making some silly gestures) for his son.
It`s very short, and you can`t REALLY see how I look. But yes, I am vaguely, shortly on it, I am the one at the right frame, first row, with the red scarf (I had to wear red, I can`t go to a concert without wearing at least something in red).
Though it does shock me how overweight I still am, I did not look THAT much in the mirror. (well there is still some work left to do, and that video def. confirmed that. ). Oh and at the end of the video I am not so much at the right frame, but more to the middle.

I think you get a first glimpse of me at about 0:18-0:21; and then again right at the end of it at 0:29-0:33.
Actually I think the clearest glimpse you can get of me is at the absolute end.
http://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=351035271746289&set=vb.125136184336200&type=2&the ater

Edit:
LOL Ijust see that was the 111th post