posted April 05, 2006 10:33 AM         

whilst on the subject i never used to cry, but over the past 6 weeks i've shed more tears than the sky has raindrops
it's great though, it helps

posted April 05, 2006 12:30 PM         

Glad to hear you are able to open up and cry...... I think society is beginning to realise it is a very healthy expression.......

posted April 05, 2006 06:44 PM         

yeah i know what you mean fayte
i used to be like that but ever since i've opened up i've found a new definition of love that i find much better
it's funny cause i've actually almost got the perfect relationship but it's with a friend, and it's the one girl i knew that i least expected to be this close with
but my mother told me that the best thing about any kind of relationship is to learn to love more and to mature more as a person

posted April 06, 2006 09:34 AM         

And the intelligence aspect....yes, I think I know what you mean there. The intelligence level/average in the area I live is sadly quite low. Many high school drop outs, drug users, drunks and narrow minded right wing folk.
Hard to find like minded people to communicate with. It is for too many all about partying, or fighting or hangingout looking for trouble. Or being hypocritical religious ultra hyper conservatives. Or worse, loonies and violent bigots.
Then of course we have the "degree" folk who are often too snobbish and think they know everything and often find such topics as astrology, and the esoteric as being in their educated opinions, a pile of nonsense.
Is that what you mean?

posted April 06, 2006 05:37 PM         

She bought me some gifts.....a witches hat, a magic wand, candles, a heart shaped incense holder and a small red satin pillow with love on it.......

She is one of my soul sisters.......

After we had a part of our house burn down last year, she was the one that came in and helped me thro....she is a lovely gentle, kind soul and very funny.......

We go to the gym together and laugh at ourselves.....hehehe....

She is a fantastic astrologer and guides many through with her gifts.....

xxx xxx

posted April 07, 2006 08:56 AM         

Oh yes! Anything but superficial small talk!
After the hey, hi, hellos, how's it going, whazzups?...Give me depth! Share! Intellectual banter and two way discussions! And if you want to rant...cool, but expect me to then comment on your rant and I expect the same back when I rant.

And yeah...so many people pretending to live but just going through the often over scheduled motions. Oh yeah...they may have filled every moment but left nothing for themself, for that precious alone with self time. Or to really appreciate life and the finer nuances. Yes, too much alone with self time can indeed get lonely, and one can become complacent and turn into a major recluse. That is not healthy either.
But quality, honest time with self is important for sure!
By the way...Elf is in my name! And Fairy!

posted April 07, 2006 07:48 PM         

p.922

"tears stem from many emotions in the human heart
often from compassion
but always . . from a sensitive soul
and weeping is not always a sign that a soul is sleeping
tears can cleanse the soul
on its path to knowing
whereas unshed tears may sometimes
form an inner mist, to blind the soul from truth
therefore, it is a good thing to shed tears
as long as a proper balance is kept"

------------------
`Who are you?' said the Caterpillar. This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present-- at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
~Lewis Carroll

posted April 08, 2006 11:43 AM         

Now I see that it was their desperate and underhanded attempts to gain our affections and trust and support even when they were blatantly WRONG! Oh my! Oh boy then, did they become the catty vile nasty creatures they really were! Showing us their true colors..and clearly why their relationships failed. The gifts were even sometimes demanded returned!

So I take tend to be suspicious of the entire sisterhood thing until I know someone is not trying to get my approval even though they are in the wrong. But I still get burned from time to time by trusting and caring too much too soon. Some women are very sweet and clever and do not show what their true agenda is until much later and then like a lightswitch, go from being flattering and loving sounding to hateful and vengeful.
I will be much more cautious from hereon. Not paranoid of women, but I will wait and see exactly what kind of person they truly are before giving my love to them and total trust. I will not be blinded by the sweet words and the compliments.
And when another man or men or even another woman/women are/is involved....from hereon I want to hear BOTH/ALL sides, in their own words not from only the woman/women herself/themselves.

13anshee!
You are A-OK on the right track to me!

posted April 08, 2006 03:05 PM         

It may be useful from time to time to remember these words.....

"Nobody does anything
To you that you dont
Let them do"

I find it takes away the temptation to feel bitter and wounded......

And if one then dares to look at their own approach, then maybe the other person wasnt as "wrong" as we thought.....no-one is perfect or beyond reproach....we are all mortals...

It really makes for a much kinder and softer self nurturing life.....

posted April 08, 2006 09:53 PM         

it teaches you how to love and live in love

posted April 09, 2006 12:19 AM         

Well..then here is the rub..
I think perhaps many here can relate to all this...
A person can trust. Or they can avoid ever trusting and not take a chance at ever making friends or finding love.
But people who trust can sometimes get fooled.
And believe the kind words and think another really means the words, assuming naively that the other person takes words of love and friendship to heart and seriously means them in the same way they themselves do.
But assumption is the mother of all fu-kups.
So a person can indeed "LET" a person do unkind things to them. But only because they really trusted the person, believed the kind words were true, but then discovered the feelings were not mutual after all. For one it was real but to the other some kind of twisted head game. Folks like that are very clever and carry the appearance of being all love and purity, wisdom and goodness...but sometimes what appears to be too good to believe is just that...all a facade. The unwary trusting and naive looking for friends and even love...can be snagged by these kind of clever duplicitous folk. These kind of folks tell them beautiful things and call them wonderful things. And the unwary believe them. I mean, after all..how can someone so sweet and kind and loving toward them possibly be otherwise? Big assumption!
So if trusting and caring and reaching out in friendship and or love is met at first with something that appears as a return of the same...how on earth does the trusting party, who really means what they say, how do they know that the other party is/was perhaps just playing them along, for who knows what agenda...and not because they meant any of the compliments and loving kind words? How does one tell the difference?
So to be trusting and caring and open to love and friendship makes one a naive over trusting gullible fool...???? "Letting" others fool them by pretending to care...????
So....
Then being naive, trusting and caring is/was their error.
But that does not obviate or pardon the person who used them or tricked them into believing they were serious about love or friendship, but were just stringing them along until they got what they wanted.
And no one is perfect I agree.
And understanding and forgiveness should spring from that not rejection or hate.
But knowing one was a naive fool for trusting and caring and being honest does not instantly stop the sorrow of losing faith and trust in someone they truly believed was as nice as they initially appeared to be.
It takes time to heal from being taken for a ride.

posted April 09, 2006 03:36 AM         

The saying that you posted:

"Nobody does anything
To you that you dont
Let them do"

That saying is from psychology and it is a rough way of saying that we are in control of our own feelings and that if we allow the actions or words of others to hurt us it gives them control over our feelings. It does not mean that what others do to us is only because we let it happen.

My question is have you ever been hurt by anyone? And if so, does knowing what I just said above about being in control of your own feelings and not giving the person who hurt you control over how you feel make you feel any better about what that person did to you?

In other words, it's easy to take a saying, and use it randomly as a weapon against someone else. A lot of people do that with verses in Scripture too.

Logically, if I take that saying you gave and intrepret it the way you posed it here, then I have to believe that you are saying that if a woman is raped, if a person is murdered or if a child is sexually or physically abused it is because they let it happen. After all no one could do anything to them that they didn't allow to happen.

That being the case doesn't that kind of thinking exonerate the person who committed the act from all responsibility? Instead it places the fault on the victim. After all they let it happen.

Do you follow the logic of that? If as you say, no one can do anything to us that we don't let happen, then it's our fault that someone else hurt us or kicked us down the stairs. You are saying in effect that a child cannot be sexually or physically abused unless they let it happen. A woman cannot be raped unless she let it happen. A person cannot be murdered unless they let it happen.

posted April 09, 2006 03:49 AM         

My understanding of the quote is it is up to the individual as to how they react to another person's actions.

Mmmmm.....for example my second husband behaved very very badly towards me and yes of course I was very hurt at the time......BUT.......now as I am older and please God more enlightened I can spend less time getting screwed up about the way people treat me. If a person has issues with themselves and they project these issues onto me, I can either choose to say "oh poor me" or spend time on moving on from that persons actions.

We all have a choice.

We can all choose how to react.

posted April 09, 2006 04:44 AM         

And to my mind its all to do with what part of "the journey" we are on.

I have gone from being "the victim" (in my younger) days.....to looking at things in an entirely different way. If someone does something which "hurts" me, I have different options.....I can say "oh poor me", or I can look at it as a chance to grow, or even maybe as karma.

Isnt this a part of becoming "aware" and then hopefully "enlightened"

posted April 09, 2006 12:00 PM         

Quote: "My understanding of the quote is it is up to the individual as to how they react to another person's actions."

That is exactly what the quote means and I agree with you that it is true that we are in control of our reactions to what others do to us. However, unless you wish to convince the rest of us that you are so much more "enlightened" than the rest of humanity that you do not react at all to the way that others treat you, knowing that you are in control of how you react to what others say and do to you does not make you feel any better when it happens does it? It's one thing to know something is true in your mind, it another thing entirely to apply what you know intellectually when hurt or angry. We react out of feelings. Not out of intellect. At least 99.5 % of the world population does.

Actually to not react shows little self-respect for the infringement on your boundaries. If we have self-respect we all set personal boundaries that we do not let others cross. There is another saying, *holding hand in front of face* " Where this begins, your rights end."

It is a normal human response to cry when someone else hurts us and to be angry about the treatment. Especially as Fayte described in her post, when we care about that person a great deal and trust that person. Sure, time heals all wounds. Hindsight is 20/20. But the way you reacted at the time your ex-husband mistreated you was the normal, human response to mistreatment at the hands of someone you loved and trusted. I am very sorry that happened to you. We all have to work out our hurt in our own time and in our own way. Please allow Fayte that time and space and please allow her to work it out in her own way. As for being "bitter" or angry that is one of the normal steps of working through grief. We are grieved when someone we love mistreats us. We are grieved in the same way as when someone we love dies over any loss in our life, especially the loss of what we felt was true friendship.

What you are now saying totally contradicts what you said about crying. What were all your tears for? Because crying is a normal human response to the pain and hurt we feel. It is a way of releasing that pain and hurt. Everyone always feels much better after a good cry. However there is no need to cry if it is true what you say that we merely just do not react to what others do to us. Sorry, but that sounds rather cold to me. A person void of human feelings would not be able to react to what others do. People with feelings will always react regardless of what they know intellectually. Our feelings are the way that our body signals us that something is not right.

What Fayte said is that the incident made her less trusting and that is also a normal human response to having been hurt very badly by someone we care about and trust. Weren't you less trusting of men after having suffered your ex-husband's abuse?

Your response to all the feelings that Fayte poured out in her post seems rather cold to me. Not "enlightened." Sorry, but it does. What Fayte needs is your compassion, not a harsh saying posted in response to her feelings. Something a true "enlightened" person would offer her in response. How would you feel if someone did that to you when you poured out your feelings?

Sorry, but I think it's bunk that you don't react when someone does something to hurt you. I think it's bunk because it is inhuman. If you don't react then what were all the tears you described for? It's very hard to force ourself to cry just for the sake of crying. Nor can we force anyone to cry just because we will it. Though, granted some sociopaths have mastered the art of phoney crying to manipulate others. I am not saying that about you. It just happens to be true. We cry because we are hurt and it wounds our soul.

posted April 09, 2006 12:10 PM         

Remember YOU are loved! It doesn't matter how old we get, when someone we THOUGHT loved and respected us, it still hurts if they betray our trust.

Keep your faith in Human Beings...not all will betray your trust.

Love,
GG

posted April 09, 2006 12:20 PM         

i'll be honest i love hitting the casino and gambling, it's a nice kick to liven things up SOMETIMES, and i thought today, i'm going to tell my best friend that i REALLY love her

wheres the fun in this?

it could go either way, it's like put your whole stack of feelings and emotions you have for this person on red or black and watch that wheel spin

it's off topic perhaps but does anyone else have this kinda cavaleer attitude towards love?

posted April 09, 2006 12:23 PM         

He says I am on a love based evolutionary path, but the price here is misunderstanding.

I feel I am misunderstood here

I get called the lovewoman here in Ireland.....and yet I am told here, on this board, I am feared by people.

Dont get this.....but realise that there is no point in me anymore trying to put across my opinion as it gets picked to pieces by some others.

So I will resist the urge to be heard and say to all who have been upset, scared or threatened by me in the past or present.....

SORRY.....SORRY.......SORRY........

Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am right, maybe I am somewhere inbetween!

But at least I am prepared to take a look at myself.....

In the meantime, I will step back and let you ladies enrich the board with your gems of wisdom.

Good luck and enjoy!

Thanks !

posted April 09, 2006 04:46 PM         

"Not his Fault".

Sometimes we must get counseling from a Professional to help us get past these things.
Like I did.
Like the character Will did.
And I will do so again if need be.
No one is perfect.
We all need to re-evaluate from time to time, where we have been, where we are, and where we are going.
Love, clariety, understanding and Blessings to all!

posted April 09, 2006 10:44 PM         

Never for the weak, on the contrary, it takes a great inner resolve and strength to retain Trust in this sometimes cold world.
Sometimes how much easier it would be to give in and harden your heart against it.

But then...lose the opportunity to meet that Special Real Soul, that was waiting with their wide and Trusting Heart for you just around that next corner.

You.
That's what you were to me.
Thank you, Dear Friend....for Trusting me.