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Author Topic:   Depression/mania/anxiety/& general rotten feelings, rant on here~
salome
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posted August 05, 2006 01:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000346.html

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D for Defiant
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posted August 05, 2006 01:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
NEOAOA

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D for Defiant
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posted August 05, 2006 01:19 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 05, 2006 01:57 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 05, 2006 01:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
NEOAOA

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lotusheartone
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posted August 05, 2006 02:17 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Be positive..like begets like..and true Love Overcomes all...

LOve yourSelf now..and Feel God's LOve and Light..it's always there..seek and you shall have it..deep in your heart. ...

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fayte.m
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posted August 05, 2006 03:22 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
D for Defiant!
Quote:
Yesterday, that mentor-figure said to me that I had to learn how to love myself before making others love me. That I HAD to love myself first. She said, after all, I was half my father and half my mother. I said I told someone back in London exactly that and which was why I hated myself (still do). Gosh, she didn't understand.

>>>Honey...you are worthy!
And listen.....
You are YOU.
Your BODY is the ONLY thing half of each your parents. It is not theirs now. It became YOUR body once you were born. NOT theirs!
And your soul NEVER was theirs! They have NOTHING to do with your soul!

I had to let my parents go from my heart.
They do not like me. I do not like them.
Take care dear, and keep talking.
I do understand.

------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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D for Defiant
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posted August 06, 2006 02:56 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 06, 2006 02:58 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 06, 2006 03:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 06, 2006 03:04 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 06, 2006 03:52 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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fayte.m
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posted August 06, 2006 03:58 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
I am so happy you are discovering you and tapping into your good strong soul strength!
I must rest now my friend.
Bless you and keep talking!
You are a survivor!

------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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Inner depths
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posted August 06, 2006 04:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
First off I can't tell you just how happy I am to find this thread to get out what is going through my head. I'm going through a major shift in my life and I have been doing a whole lot of soul searching to sift and sort through many things that has happened through out the years.

I'm aiming to live a healthier life and to leave my former self behind and start anew. I am starting a journey and I know not where the path takes me.

I am coming to terms with childhood issues and the thought of the moment was how I felt and what I sensed after my parents got divorced when I was only 8. I chose to go live with my mom - I thought she was the world to me and the most important person in my world at that time.

I figure the divorce of 1980 really devastated my mom and she has not been the same since. My whole family split up and when I was young my whole world was tossed upside down and I was lost and hurting very badly inside. When I needed my mom the most, she wasn't there and this became a big tend over the past few decades. She had always sent me to her folks to get babysat. Soon after, my grandparents were who I wanted to be with cause I felt safe and could be who I am.

Things really started to fall apart between my mother and I then and the relationship took a turn for the worse. She would come to pick me up to go home and I would sit there crying cause I didn't want to leave with her. Whenever a new man came into her life, it was like she'd shove me away and make him the most important person in her life.

as a child I never felt needed or wanted around by my folks. I never felt safe to open up, to cry or to be who I am.Back then I erected that brick wall around my emotions so that nobody could see in and I couldn't feel outwards.

The abandoned feeling remained in my life for a vert long time. She was never available and demanded that I be as independent as I possibly can. In her eyes, I never needed help. So I had to grow up very quick and now I'm wise beyond my years.

When my stepfather came on the scene, he took over right away and I felt heavily invaded and my space and my mother gone. I was forced to be parent to my stepsiblings and deeply resnted it. He strongly insisted upon replaing my father and was extremely abusive and harsh toward me. After that I grew up in a war zone and there were way too many problems at home. My stepfather never liked me at all. I wanted so bad to leave home and get adopted or live with my grandparents - but my mother and stepfather restricted me from seeing them.

Things are how they are and I can't change the past nor can I ever control what is out of my control. I try to accept things as they are and move on.

Fast forward to today - I have written out my abusive stepfather from my life. He will never get another opportunity to abuse me again. My mom is in a very controlling relationship with her hubby - he dictates to her what she will do with her time and who she will associate with and help. He will not allow her to spend time with her friends or allow her to visit me and my daughter.

I am quite saddened to see somebody who is priceless and very important to me get treated so very poorly. I know that this is not my issue and she made the choice, but it is very hard for me to stand by knowing that he abuses her on a daily basis. How he treats my mother goes against my humanitarian beliefs where everybody should be treated with respect, kindness, dignity, fairness and given their own freedom to live their life how they want and to be who they are. Nobody should live a life in terror.

My mother emailed me the other week and said she'd call me once in a blue moon. I'm through reaching out to her continually and things only being one sided. I feel like an orphan with no blood family left. I know I msut go blaze my own trail up the mountain and life the life I'm meant to live. I struggle in my email to my mother about what was going on with me in the past, after the divorce. I know I don't want to have things one sided and I'm through making my efforts to connect with her.

I hope this is all making sense and I know that maybe my post is scattered about jumping from topic to topic (Typical Gemini rising thing - changing topics every 90 seconds.)

This is what I do to releieve my stress is to journal or find a sounding board to talk it out so I can process things.

On this note, it's now late and I must be getting some shut eye. have a great evening everyone....

ID

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fayte.m
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posted August 06, 2006 10:29 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Inner depths
So very happy to have you here!
I certainly understand what all that is like.
Keep talking! Rant on and spill all you want to!
Hope your night was good!
Sincerely,
Fayte

------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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D for Defiant
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posted August 08, 2006 11:51 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
NEOAOA

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Inner depths
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posted August 08, 2006 08:11 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Your Welcome!

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Inner depths
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posted August 09, 2006 08:00 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Today I am feeling extremely frustrated with my daughter's father. He expects me to explain everything that is happening with my bank account and my life. I told him he has no right to even know what I do with my time. Anything relating to my daughter I will tell him, cause he is her father.

He downright refuses to pay for his half of childcare and totally refuses to even cooperate with me any more.

There are times I deeply regret ever getting involved with him. I put my foot down and set my boundaries and he still waltzes over me as if I had said nothing to him at all. he has no respect for how people are and to him what matters that everybody follows how he is and what he thinks.

I'm not sure what to do with this cause it is stressful. Lately he has been telling me to surrender my child over to him.......

I need to go work off steam now.....

ID

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fayte.m
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posted August 10, 2006 12:08 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Inner depths
Keep talking! It really helps to vent and rant sometimes to clear our minds and focus so we know what to do or how to handle such disburbing life events and situations.
So rant on here dear!
We will all try to advise and help.
Good luck!


------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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Inner depths
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posted August 10, 2006 01:55 AM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Thank you Fayte!

The thing that bothers me is that I have set my boundaries and he has no respect for anything. It has always been a struggle and I wish I had another way to do exchanges with my lil girl without seeing him. I think I need to send a while in a no contact situtaion with him.

He is a strong leo type with 3 planets in leo.....sigh.....it's like he wants to argue and debtae over every single thing even the stuff that is none of his business. It's like he is infringing on my rights. Sigh...

Thank you for listening....

ID

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D for Defiant
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posted August 10, 2006 11:02 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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D for Defiant
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posted August 10, 2006 11:38 AM     Click Here to See the Profile for D for Defiant     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
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Inner depths
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posted August 15, 2006 12:19 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
D,

My Bugaboo is 4 with a rough chart. Sun conj Saturn and north node opposite Pluto in the 4th. 4 Planets in cancer in the 11th. uranus conj the descendant.

She is an only child and will remain that way. I found that going through childbirth once was more than enough for me. She is in daycare on a daily basis and goes to preschool in the fall - for her developmental delay. I'm not sure how she deals with the turmiol between her dad and I but she asks for him almost every day .

Her Father - Sun, Mercury and Mars in Leo in the 12th. Moon in Pisces (7th), Venus in Gemini conj Saturn in Gemini (10th) - Square to Pluto in Virgo (2nd) and opposite Jupiter in Saggittarius. He has early Virgo rising.

Aries Sun, Cancer moon and Gem rising.....I have a whirlwind chart filled with action....

ID

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fayte.m
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posted August 15, 2006 01:26 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
DfD
Quote:
how...why I can't just cheer you up the way you do to others, myself included...


>>>Honey, just knowing I can help somehow even if it is only listening....and that you appreciate my humble efforts...
Makes me cheer up!
I am so very sorry I cannot always be there for everyone and reply as you all deserve.
Hopefully things will stabilize again very soon....and I will be able to contribute more again.

But folks, I am reading your replies and all even if not replying back often of late.

Keep talking! I see many of you are actually helping each other!
Take care all!
And Blessings and love come to you all!
Love
Fayte


------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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fayte.m
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posted August 15, 2006 01:30 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Inner depths
Thank you for your kind words.
And keep talking! It often helps just to write out our woes.
I will get back when I can more.
Good fortune and love and blessings to you.


------------------
Age is a State of Mind. Change Your Mind!
~I intend to continue learning forever~Enigma
~I am still learning~ Michangelo
The Door to Gnosis is never permanently locked...one only needs the correct keys and passwords.~Enigma
The pious man with closed eyes can often hold more ego than a proud man with open eyes.~NEXUS
Out of the mouth of babes commeth wisdom that can rival that of sages.~Enigma
In the rough, or cut and polished..a diamond is still a precious gem.
-NEXUS-

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