posted June 09, 2008 12:33 AM           

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian
10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

posted June 09, 2008 01:00 AM         

i'm always highly amused that immaculate conception is acceptable but astrology and the like are teachings of the devil, etc.

glad to see that others get it too.

posted June 09, 2008 05:53 AM           

hindu fundamentalists believe that their religion, culture, medicine and science is the base of all other religion, culture, medicine and science.

my jains believe and have an attitude that they are the 'puriest' of all religions!

islam believes anyone not following their code is a kafir 'non believer' thus disapproving the existence of any other religion!

posted June 09, 2008 12:58 PM         

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7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

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THE UNHOLY CONDONED

posted June 10, 2008 01:32 PM           

"Thou shall not sow thy field with mingled seed" Lev 19-19

posted June 11, 2008 04:08 AM         

you have committed several cardinal sins. not only have you acquired excessive clothing but sharing it with the poor - that does not fit in with the fundamentalist ways. of course should any of these garments resemble any papal type robing then i think your fashion faux pas may be forgivable and the fashion police spared from paying you a visit some time soon.

but then as they say - no one ever expects the spanish inquisition. so find some pics of david beckham when he was with real madrid (shirtless preferably) and hang them on the wall while burning sage.

it is possible at any time that there could be a knock on your door and some men and women dressed in chanel and prada carrying flame torches and ak47s may seek to rid you of your ways. perhaps in adding to your fashionista fest you should go out and just for the sake of survival buy some serious bling in the form of a cross.

posted June 11, 2008 10:15 AM         

You pray to God to give you bread daily.

Arre - why not ask God to give you bread for eternity?

I do not think that if Jesus was enlightened he would have given us the prayer "Our father in heaven..."

Its the most idiotic thing any Master can do.

posted June 16, 2008 08:37 PM         

And no need to fear hell by not being convinced that Jesus is the "only" son of God and all that crap.

posted June 21, 2008 12:13 PM           

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Jesus sought to bring the fellowship of man and God into one of the most revered in human expression--that of a father and His children.

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posted June 23, 2008 12:19 PM           

And no need to fear hell by not being convinced that Jesus is the "only" son of God and all that crap.

I think there are several ways of understanding this "son of God" stuff. In some ways, yes, I am. In other ways, no. I'm most certainly not.

Don't we all look for a Daddy?

Yes, mannu. I think we all really do.

posted June 27, 2008 01:14 PM           

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Dear President Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said, "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman. I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination...End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them. 1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Canadians, but not Mexicans. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Mexicans? 2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? 3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. 4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? 5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it? 6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination? 7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle- room here? 8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die? 9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

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posted June 27, 2008 01:17 PM           

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Jesus sought to bring the fellowship of man and God into one of the most revered in human expression--that of a father and His children.

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Well said.

And he succeeded. As did many before and after him,
bringing comfort to untold billions of people.