posted December 03, 2013 04:39 PM            

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by a woman of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

posted December 04, 2013 02:14 PM            

Osho: Baby, My Whole Work is to Confuse You

Starting at 6:12, he summarizes Christianity the same way I would, but he's funnier.

posted December 04, 2013 05:50 PM            

I'll watch that later, but nice start! I may comment after but if I don't have anything to add then I'll just make an "ETA" to this post.

I thought I'd throw this in now, however:

"If there is a universal mind, must it be sane?"

posted December 04, 2013 07:23 PM            

But since you found that amusing I'll share a couple of things I was reminded of that I'd guess you'd find funny, too...

And finally...

"The more I listened to what they had to say about the 'Great Bearded White Man in the Sky' the more I realized that he was no one I could talk to. You couldn't say nothing to the dude. He didn't answer prayers. He could go off on you at any minute and you were supposed to be grateful no matter what he did. This is nobody who made any kind of sense to me in my naiveity. So I put him down and hung with Mary [the mother of God]."

posted December 05, 2013 09:37 AM            

Uhhh...warning to readers: the Osho vid I posted isn't that funny! You might like it, but don't sit through to whole long thing looking for a comedy routine.

I was laughing because of the the shock value of someone from another culture (India) and another time (born in 1931) speaking modern American slang. Also laughing with relief that I'm not the only one who thinks it's fine to refute/dismiss a whole huge religion with a few sentences, ie "This does not comport with that, therefore the house of cards falls down."

The apophatic theology link was interesting and I see how it applies.

posted December 06, 2013 10:50 PM            

I used to get so much sh*t, here at LL for loving that sage. He had a huge hand in molding me into who i am today and I'm forever grateful for his wisdom and really being the fire that started the spark. I used to eat his books up.

posted December 09, 2013 08:15 AM            

Anyway, I'm pre-Osho and you are post-Osho, T! I mean, I haven't learned anything yet but I'm looking forward to it. As a middle-aged woman I have nothing better to do. (If only I could say this in fine print to avoid more censorship...wasn't that funny, I knew the thread would get closed!)

@PJ

Honestly I've been looking for cartoons, but so far all my searches turn up ridiculously long exegeses by concerned Christians about the social and political ramifications of said cartoons.

I'm having trouble finding ones that fit the bill here. BUT I enjoy a challenge so maybe someday.

posted March 06, 2014 09:17 PM            

The first was put in a jar of alcohol, the 2nd in cigarette smoke, the 3rd in chocolate syrup, and the fourth in good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol ... Dead.

The second worm in cigarette smoke ... Dead.

Third worm in chocolate syrup ... Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil ... Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"

posted March 24, 2014 04:36 PM            

Then, their pastor retired and a new one was hired. Not only could he see right through the brothers' deception, but he also spoke well and true, and the church started to swell in numbers. A fundraising campaign was started to build a new assembly.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new pastor the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to finish paying for the new building. "I have only one condition," he said. "At his funeral, you must say my brother was a saint." The pastor gave his word and deposited the check.

posted March 24, 2014 04:39 PM            

Alice was to bake a cake for the Methodist Church Ladies' Group in Tyler, Texas, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp. When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!" So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tyler, Texas. But having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south, and to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

posted October 17, 2014 06:16 PM            

The Pope is horrified and tells the carpenter "My son, this is the house of God, such profanities are not appropriate here. If you have hurt yourself in some way you should offer your prayer to our Lord Jesus and he will give you relief from your suffering."

Next day as the Pope is passing the same carpenter chops off his fingers with a saw who cries out, "Oh my God! Sweet Jesus help me now!" With that the fingers levitate themselves and re-attach themselves to the poor carpenter's hand, all the blood disappears and the carpenter wiggles his fingers.

posted November 07, 2014 01:25 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PixieJane:
A Baptist preacher was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas.

After the plane took off, the cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the preacher if he would like a drink.

Appalled, the preacher replied, "I'd rather be tied up and taken advantage of by a woman of ill-repute, than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice."

---

posted March 22, 2015 06:32 PM            

The tailgating woman hit the roof, and the horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the Choose Life license plate holder, the What Would Jesus Do? bumper sticker, the Follow Me to Sunday-School bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk.