posted August 05, 2016 08:27 PM
Hey there, Faith!It's been a week with a lot of variety here in my life.
{{What you wrote, is important for me to hear. Thank you.}}
oH, CAPS? to me, are not yelling. They look "Expansive" to me. So, thank you for being soooo expansive! LOL I never feel like your shouting. ... (I don't know who came up with that??? But, I guess, some people ARE yelling??? LMAO... There I go! ... not-yelling.... expansively laughing.)
Had gone through another bad few days with the woofer-boyz living nextwall endunit. I have increase-sensitivities now in my physical nervous system FROM over-exposure for all these years to the bad sonic environment. I feel such distress inside me that I would 'never' find a place on my own, and of my own, that will allow me to have freedom to escape sonics when and where I would need to. Seems the more rest I get from them, the stronger I get? But then crash happens when the over the top begins, and persists beyond a certain point of physical tolerance.
You know, I WANT to be economically self sufficient. I'd love to be in a small job that I could do, and to love what I do, (and get paid for it??? LOL).
Now that I have this *sonics* thing going on in my life, it super super narrows/limits 'where' I possibly might be able to live, or environments 'where' I could work.
(I always pay attention when I'm out in town, looking at employed-people (~?LOL), knowing (cheerfully) I could do something 'like that' (as I had in my past), but then, I'll FEEL the effects of the *sonics* from bad compressors or certain types of oscillating heavier vortex fans operating nearby, or their public-address muzak atmosphere isn't tuned-in properly, and it's like my world goes on freakin' nightmare, kryptonite-painful. I can stand something like that to endure shopping, but to have that condition all day??, I couldn't do it.
... But I'm ALWAYS thinking about 'what' I could do to earn an income? (around 4 years ago, there was a socialworker who told me I need to get a job as a psychicReader.... I have such trouble-within with that kind imagery. ... actually, that's what I normally do with a person/stranger I feel care about. It's like surreptitious counsel (that sometimes I don't realize I'm giving), and sometimes prayers or giving them scripture verses (without chapter/verse).
... Yes, learning more astrology and certifications could turn hobby into a little bit of income, someday? But I gotta deal with day-to-day survival.
... I've got to learn 'how' to turn something I 'already do' into drawing an income for me... in terms of getting job offers? It's like a vortex I'm in, here. So MUCH Pressure pressure pressure that I have to find ~SOMETHING to do 'before it's "too late" for me? ... I can't allow myself to fall into the grips like that.
Gotta keep UP-thoughts.... WHICH, I do, mostly. --- On some level, I feel sooo positive that there IS something 'there' for me, which I will be offered, and this will happen with INCREDIBLY slick ease, and make me ecstatically happy. .... I KNOW it is sooo Possible. *God??? *looking* Help. 
*
You all know I LOVE being here.... And I love seeing YOU here too, Faith. ... Thank you for what you said. Makes me feel like I 'count' for something. ...
A few weeks ago, I had such a haunting draft (like wind) go through me-- realizing again, that I have no established boots-on-the-ground real in-the-flesh personal advocates--- That's what a real family gives you....
People you can call and say I need a pot of chicken soup, or, I was just out on a date with a creep and could really need you to come pick me up right now. Or a sister you can say I feel like crud and I could use a cleaning buddy to help me 'catch up' on my missed work.
I remember a time when my dad was alive. I just wasn't thriving after a break up in a serious relationship I had had, and I was soooo unhappy with the way everything was going in my life right then. I felt so generally miserable and ill-at-ease. Something ~just wasn't right....
When my dad heard 'how' I was, he got in his big covered pick-up truck, and came for me! He drove 5 hours just to come get me, stash my belongings in his truck, and we drove 'home'......
... Sometimes, I miss having a dad. I miss having people in my life I could just call, and they be there, no matter what it took.
And I'm sooo keen on knowing how very very temporary it is here with me and rm. (I never forget that.)
So, in a very broad way, I just don't know what I'm going to do with my life anymore. ...
If I had had real brothers, I could ask them to help fix me up with a place, leads of a job. They would know what to do, because, they would already know me..... I wouldn't need to explain. They would just-come. Just come, they would.... They would handle all the complicated gnarly-nest of details, and they'd never mind doing it, for it would be a Light Labor for them just-because they love me so much.
In real life living, you WANT to 'do' things for people you love completely. They are not abandoned.
So... *reverie over* ... I miss the feeling of being truly cared-for. I miss the warmth of REAL people, being surrounded in a real Circle of Love and total acceptance around my life.
And Faith, I'm "just sharing" this... not expecting you-personally to react or act in the world. You are my cyber friend. Someone who actually types back to me!!! LOL. I can count on some direct communication from you... And I really A P P R E C I A T E that sooooo much.
When I'm in happy surroundings, life is soo right, and I feel so productive.
Anyways.... I'm glad I got some cleaning in. Some errands out in the community this week, too. I have a few stories to tell-- like losing my wallet for 4 hours, and someone returned it-- nothing missing from it. {{ 
}} Just before that, I had gone to the central bus station because they charged me half-price for my monthly pass by mistake?-- and by the time I reported the interaction, they were creating an ID for me because I 'qualified' for half-price tickets. There had been a man hired to run the company ~4 or 5 years ago, who made some draconian requirements. He was recently fired. Now they have compromises... and they told me I DO qualify just as I had had those discounts before. I've been paying FULL PRICE the whole time I've been here at LL.
O gosh, yes, THIS story.... It's 'surreal'.
I was in the doctor's office the other day, when a strange thing happened. God uses me, in strange and mysterious ways....
.. One of the tech-people (I don't know what they call themselves these days-- 'used' to be called nurses?, but now, the 'nurse' is actually the doctor???? *shrugs*)... *ahem*
One of the tech-people closed the door. She asked if she could ask me something, privately? (...She knows I'm a born again spirit filled Christian.)
She told me she's been in a relationship with another woman, and felt like she WANTED to be with others of like-faith (like church, group-wise), but felt she couldn't because of the terrible condemnation that is put upon her (even if she didn't 'tell', she knew the others would know and would judge her). ...
I was able to counsel this wonderful wonderful girl for the next 15+ minutes.... I spoke scriptures to her, and discussed some of the contradictory things she felt. She had been raised full-Pentecostal, and was aware of her preference (sexual) for a long time.
.. Faith, the Holy Spirit of God brought back up from my Heart to my mind so many scriptures. I spoke them each to her, and she said, 'that's in the bible?' She had never heard them spoken with the perspective of a Loving God who 'loves the WORLD' and He "took responsibility" for the 'fall' in the 'garden of eden' .... and 'fixed it'.
.... (Like metaphor of a car, that has a recall notice, and you take it in to the shop, and they can fix this at NO cost to the owner of the vehicle. The vehicle's Maker authorizes, and provides the Fix. It wasn't the person's 'fault' the car was originally born with invisible unknown problem.)
It got me feeling really moved, and really philosophical about "all the wrongs" on this earth today (as described by some of the most horrid punishing 'people of the cloth' (whatever their dogmatic religion is).
... People will NOT go to hell because they love someone of their own gender. My GOD!!! Can we rise ABOVE that??? ... People have screwed things up-and-over sooooo badly.
ALL That we OWE is to LOVE...
We START at LOVE, then we take it from there......
Things won't fix overnight. And CERTAINLY we can't do a reversal of things, like returning to days when things were even MORE rampantly evil, in their own way (but it was kept under better wraps).
No, we have to go Forward, realizing all the mistakes made over hundreds of years, and Just "BE" the Loving people, the Trust that needed to be Healed... because we ALL make soooo many mistakes. We can't help that. But we CAN Love, if we drop the Baggage of accusations. Start anew. ... The diapers are dirty, the Kids Are Valuable.
Satan is called 'the accuser' of the Brethren. He accuses people. He thought-injects into people's minds to make them condemn themselves and poison EVERY happiness he can get away with. His role is to Rob, Kill and Destroy all Life.
If you'll allow me to continue to personalize him for conversation and communication sake...
Satan knows people sooooo well. He can't read your mind, but he can "guess" like a skilled mentalist. he was 'there' when God designed us. And he was present in the earth (condemned to it, for THIS is hell), when people first populated it.
He's had History..... His gritty pawprints are in the nasties of every vile activity known to mankind. It's "the intention" in the heart that makes something done 'evil'..... It's not people. It's not rightly-defending yourself. It's what is VILE within him. It's him with crafty influence. He's a master psychologist who knows how to manipulate, and to turn people and societies against each other--- then he watches, and, he laughs AT us destroying each other.
There is NOTHING good about the devil. You (generic) can't make friends with it. He fakes being a friend, lulls you into feeling complacent, until you 'realize' the gotcha-moment in front of you. Forget pride, forget ego falling .... RUN.... Drop self condemnation IMMEDIATELY, and KNOW that as long as you draw breath, it's never too late, to reach out, for Good. All Things Are Possible.... Never too late to begin, even at your last breath.
Real LOVE covers a multitude of sin ....
When I told the girl that scripture.... That's when she said with such incredulity, THAT'S in the bible? I said, Yes.
Now, I KNOW she had to have known that scripture. That's standard Pentecostal (Christian) upbringing..... She had heard the simple words. But they had NEVER become TRULY ALIVE to her, until she 'heard' the Gospel of GOOD News, of Forgiveness and Grace and Ease and Comfort for her GOOD GOOD Heart.
..... Faith, that girl had such a Good Heart. And I KNOW she loved Authority and wanted to naturally submit. (Like I do, I have a love for right-authority, and for living in cooperative atmospheres/groups.)
She just couldn't 'deal with' the fact that an old stodgy preacher could say condemning things to her (like she's going to hell) and totally mean it. ....
I had a coworker once, whose brother had committed suicide, and her preacher told HER that her brother was in HELL for doing that.... (What HARM that preacher did to her--- she totally turned her back on God, until she met me. He caused her, her daughters, her family sooo much PAIN. ... And oh, I have many MORE stories about that... as many here can also relate. Religion, preachers in error (but not realizing), can cause RIPS and tears and damage to the Body of Christ. *sad*)
It's the Holy Spirit's job to convict of Sin (capital S)... That's what living with an awakened Conscience does (in my words, made-Alive through the Holy Spirit, who is PRESENT at all times... the expression of the Love of the Father+Son emanating from them, invisible but palpable at the Presence of Love {where 2 or more are gathered} ON the earth plane).
Now, I'm not saying that people don't need to learn, to be taught rules of society and of being good citizens within it. We need to define and know the difference between doing what's right and what's wrong.... Usually that's done by a certain kind of authority who teaches ... (e.g. 10 Commandments -- Golden Rule). Many children in the past have some kind of faith-based teaching.... These teachings are needed. Some people are going to have harder lives than others.... why deprive them? (Teachings have to be really really looked at.... WWJD)
Sometimes, some teachers are taught errors, without realizing it. Those errors get crystalized and passed down as absolute truths, when there is NO Spirit within it. I've been reading the Book of Judges, and Numbers, recently.
... Letter of the Law Kills, The Spirit bring Light and Life.
When people live under heavy condemnation, the Joy leaves them. Then life is like lead. Heavy. Dense. Grave.
Yes OF COURSE, we are all guilty of things we do 'wrong' on some subtle layers, without realizing it..... We have to look at the 'intent' {mens rea}. God judges the Heart.... We are incredibly Human. And, there IS a Point of Divinity that lives within each person--- to be Quickened (made Alive), and to Grow in magnitude and spread.
GOD is LOVE... and *They* that abide in Love, abide in God, and God in Them.
....
(music) Love One Another (The Greatest Commandment) [2:52] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2RqZXShfQo
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