posted August 06, 2016 06:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
Spot on about condemnation. People need acceptance. A little kindness goes a very long way. Sometimes it can make all the difference in the world.

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*fireworks* on your comment, Randall.

And you know what some of the worst condemnation can be? ... When a person condemns their OWN self, constantly, in their mind.

My heart aches when I see that in others... I know I have to still work on that myself... It heals in layers. Always finding deeper places to have to uproot not believing in self (mostly). I have made great strides and breakthroughs. I'll advance, then do a couple missteps/backslides, and then, the QUALITY of the healing shows itself.

Wounds to self-esteem and confidence must be worked and re-worked over again... but when the Healing REALLY REALLY happens, it's as though that pitting gets filled in so well that you'd forget it's even there. I've been stepping up, up, up, in my life. And I look forward to the day when I REALLY own my self. ... I have had whiffs and tastes of time, that get longer and fuller, where I realize that 'this' is 'the me' that I will 'own'.... If I can 'be' it for longer and longer periods of time, it's just a matter of WHEN and not 'if' anymore.

In fact, I realize with gladness that instead of a person with confidence-problems trying to become confident? ... I am confident, working through feelings of fears and doubts. (That's a flip that's occurred within me over these years here at LL.) I may still have far to go with that?, but at least I'm Standing. ~wobbles at times, but I'm in Standing-mode. ... With spotting time-to-time (like coaches and friends in sports, when you're on the balance beam), at least?, I'm Standing on the beam. ... Don't go away. Just be there with me.

I'm just soooo grateful for the encouragement I get here. ... I work with the voice of self-condemnations--- it's old programming. Right now tJupiter is on my Moon opposing tChiron (t-Cry-on!!!). As I fell asleep last night, I woke up from the dream that a woman came into my room to tell my mother was on the phone for me. My eyes flew open! There was no way she'd ever do something like that (I don't even know if she's still alive). ... But it was my subconscious working on some of my childhood programming. It was startling, but a GREAT sign to me. The Universe is Doing It. And I want to advance to the next-level of conquering and settling every fear at-this-level.

It's never too late. God has ~weird ~weird ways of surprising. Sometimes when I think it's all over?... My God, it's JUST begun.

Seeing defeat and failure was the 'old' paradigm for me. But I still have to sit with it, and just ride a little further in it. I want to squeeze all the juice from this, and REALLY REALLY ground what I learn--- because I 'know' that the things I conquer, will radiate out of me for Healing another person who was just like I was.

H2 Chiron.... Has Potential to Heal Others' Self-esteem? My wounds, my healing, my Wisdom.

I know my post above was pretty gloomy? ... But my body WILL heal (stress is what really gets to me-- if I lower stress, or get smarter at handling it, this will go to my credit). I will adjust. Things can change for the much much better. I have to keep returning to that inside.

And, I will dream of taking more astrology classes. Maybe even??? get credentialed in it (like I wanted to), as this would increase a sense of accomplishment for me.

And I'm going to write some great articles about an assortment of topics (topics I generally talk about at LL).

And I'm going to be an Inspiration to others, pouring out more and more Light Strength Kindness and Forward movement for ALL People. It's our Destiny!... We have to take it on!!

Been catching up on getting more organized in my room (hallelujah!). It's very small, and I get so frustrated at not being able to access my research. But I'm not going to let myself quit. No Way. Even if I have to slow down more and it takes me more time?, AT LEAST I get to poke at and work on my projects.

I looked at all my stuff--- I've invested soooo much of my Time, and Attention, and Dollars INTO learning all this. I've Healed more and more of myself doing it. It's a hobby that GIVES much much more than it costs my pocket-- Cheap therapy! LOL. Even out in the Community, even talking to that Girl the other day in the doctor's office.... There's Nothing that I've ever read or learned that got Wasted.

Sometimes going slower means you go faster? haha, as long as it works.

(music) He Brought Me This Far (Andrae Crouch, gospel) [7:18] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eYr9-yUj_8I

... *climbing dude*

posted August 07, 2016 11:36 AM            

I am not in a talking mood, more the listening mood....but what you said about being confident and wobbly at the same time is exactly how I feel. Well this is a difficult platform here at LL, because I trust some people more than others. I want to say things to you but not to her or her or him. But that fixes me in a kind of central position, makes me stand on the hub of an invisible wheel and ask myself questions:

What do I have to say, that might be relatable to all? That I can show to anyone? What is my relationship with humanity in general and how can I improve that?

Perhaps the unique specifics of my life are not relatable but my effort to try and communicate the truth of where I have been and where I stand now is relatable. Right?

Maybe we fail to openly give each other enough support and credit when we stand up and say "Hey I'm different because....." It's almost like we feel that standing alone is isolating and leaves us vulnerable. But the irony of course is, we all stand alone. So that is togetherness.

I just feel too alone in real life, still healing from losing my family, honestly...and being alone here is like a trigger to that other, deeper aloneness. And I think you are in the same boat and that's probably one reason we hold together and understand where the other is coming from. It's hard to be yourself when there is no safety net. Just having one person who completely understands would be enough to embolden me in new directions. But I'm seeing it's on me to be that person who emboldens herself.

I was literally crying to read about how much you wish for someone who actually cares to come in and help you. I wish I could adopt you. If I'm ever single again I want to buy a duplex with apartments and just house some people. Maybe I would need to win the lottery first.

I keep wondering if you could go to the Woofer people and work out some kind of barter. "If you shut off this music, kind sir, I will.........." bake you a pie? Give you singing lessons? Be your psychic astrologer?

But maybe they are scary people and that is too much for you to do. I'm thinking of David and Goliath but frankly I would probably never be David.

Though when our property was being polluted I was alternating between sending evil vibes to the perpetrator, repenting, leaving it in God's hands...perhaps whatever I was doing had an effect on the outcome, which was that the man who was polluting got too sick to pollute anymore. Well now I am wishing him health and MENTAL HEALTH so he doesn't just spring back into action.

More to say....

And thanks so much again, I love love love reading your posts...

posted August 09, 2016 01:53 AM            

Yesterday was harsh here, so I didn't get to post. Today I have to go downtown, so I'll be away from computer/internet for bulk of the day.

I relish your posts like treats.

posted August 09, 2016 11:18 AM            

There is just soooo much I want to say, but I'll be away from computer till the evening?!

Sometimes when I go out into the community, waiting on busses, I wrap the atmosphere of this song around me.

Today, I've included YOU in my airy mist of this song, and in my etheric midst.

posted August 10, 2016 03:07 PM            

Oooo this song is beautiful

We'll catch up when we can!

Thinking of you! Praying you are feeling better.

posted August 10, 2016 07:07 PM            

The lung-doctor said he's had reports from other patients regarding trouble internally from *woofers*. My diaphragm (breathing muscles) are shivering, along with my lampshades and water-surfaces in my bottles and glass. My mind was searching for an explanation, and mistook the rumblings I felt in the bottom of my lungs for wheezing. ~Nope!!! That's not what it is. It's the vibeys and woofers--- and I'm not the only one reporting it.

The heaviness in the chest may partly be to some environmental causes.... Then, there's all the sorrows we've collectively had too (shootings, then at LL with two of our members-- one losing a parent, and another {in YW} worried with a seriously ill parent.

But I DO want to address some of the things you've said... so right on.

So, haha. We are TRUE "Air" Heads???
Gotta be that Sun-Psyche, right? AND having 6th house suns, 5th house venuses. We 'understand'.

{edit, oops, looking at wrong natal chart for a moment}

Anyway, this place has been buzzing and shaking VERY strong today. I thought I'd climb over it?, but, maybe someone is on stay-cation who 'usually' is gone on Tues, Wed, Thursdays. It's just so hard to concentrate right this moment. I tried to post in my main thread, and my writing was terrible.

I've been wanting to post about USA & Hillary charts since the DNC nominated her. Exciting asteroid correlations. I knew Trump was ready for a new progressed Sun (to Virgo, out of LEO)-- and some of the vidders are coming out with that now. I wanted to be a first-y, dern-it!
... (You know, I didn't think I had an overly competitive nature?... but I guess it showed up with discovering that, then NOT being able to post!! O, whaaaaa!!!! I love it! I love it all!! -- I'm an astrologer, and I admit it!!..)

And, I'm so glad we share things, Faith. I 'know' some of your empty spaces. It will be good when we both can settle in for some composing....

Since I'm not able to 'think'/~function right now above the sound-shakeys, I'll quip some quickie-humor towards you.

~See you 'whenever' it's right. No pressures. Long as it takes, is okay. For both!! LOL

(humor.... after 'composing' ...) That, or, invite me to a pajama-gurl party with your other VirgoMoon friend! (laughing)

Have you converted her yet?? (I'll show her how 'God' appears in every part of her chart, WITH asteroids *grin*!)

*ahem* Of COURSE ~~ *brightly, pops gum-bubble. loud ~snap!*

We'll need some long fluffy boas, perhaps satin kimonos??? ~nah, wrong lifetime, stilettoed soft-slippers, rent a copy of Rick Levine's lecture-weekend on Relationships & The Outer Planets...

That doctor I went to see? I marveled at HOW sooo appropriate that his first name is Ganesh (the mythological elephant with tall nose-proboscis known for 'obstruction' and obstacle-removing? -- I was thinking about COPD patients. Obstructed airways)?

Definitely a beautiful India-born man, immigrated here. I felt SUCH high respect and honor for him... I kept wanting to Namaste him, but held back and didn't. LOL.

Not a whole lot of time in the office, we have to keep things brief, and this Gemini can tawk tawk tawk and not run out of things to ask or say. .. unless! I'm in one of my more internal-modes. O yes, we do be deeply silent, at times.

Found out the doc is around ~10 Cancerian! (Just had a NewMoon!!) His two office gurls are Pisces (one is early, and the other I didn't get the chance to ask). His testing technician is a very sturdy blonde ~8 Taurus.

If you do the air-charts?, they flow!! ... You'd think he'd have some Gemmy's there? hmmmm. Air, lungs. But everything he's about is inside the rib cage and under the breasts... Cancer's region.

The Taurus was quite a coach. He appreciated my sense of humor! omg, I can come out with strong stand-up comedy-material when I'm very very nervous. Need someone with a mobile phone nearby recording all that!! (laughing) Love it! I'll see him again in November for a re-check.

Take Good Care of you.

posted August 11, 2016 10:58 PM            

Maybe God just fixed you? Instead of the diagnosis being wrong? Well who knows but I'm glad you have good news!!!

Thanks for much for this letter.

Letter sounds more friendly than "post" to me.

I'm so sorry for the woofer problems, I knew they were bad but I had no idea they were THAT THAT awful.

Yesterday I bought a candle that was all wrapped up and when I unwrapped it the whole room smelled obnoxiously chemical-flowery, and I tried to endure it just because the candle was pretty looking but it's amazing what a horrible effect it had on my mood! Aromatorture!

And I thought of you and your everlasting earthquakes over there and got so sad. It's gotta be temporary. I just wish I could snap my fingers and solve things don't you? I read books that try and convince me of that but my workload looks tremendous once I get it into my mind that I can solve Everything with these mental powers. I'm sure you are giggling about this.

But with God all things are possible right?

So...just gonna keep expecting miracles since that seems to invite them. Like rabbits to carrots.

Yes I was thinking of our sun-Psyche conjunction just before you mentioned it. While mentioning it you demonstrated it. What a shame we can't live closer and really go places causing mischief together. Hey maybe someday.

posted August 13, 2016 12:03 AM            

There are other scent-candles that beg to be burned in the more wide-open spaces.

I had tried a throat-chakra clearing candle (blue) and that was toooo strong a scent, also.

After a while, I went back to those little 3 1/2" white votive ones... They have them in different colors too, depending on your heart's intention-- or if you just happen to like that color a lot!! LOL

... But nahhh about that 'chemical' flowery smell. Ditch it.. If you want flowers, get the real flowers-- you're worth it. Show your daughter how to clip and tend them. Re-arrange.

I've used essential oils--- just a little drop or two on the vacuum's air filter can provide a treat! I love Lily of the Valley... and there are some other good smells too.

You know what I really miss?? The wonderful aroma of an extra-large floor vase filled with real tall eucalyptus branches....
(I had one, and would you believe, someone stole it, along with other unique special valuables I had?? mid2000s.) ... The eucalyptus Reminded me of the Bamberger's Dept Stores (turned into Macy's). Essential oils can't mimic it!

This was a much much longer post... thanking you for the idea that maybe God Healed me!

I celebrated that thought from midnight to noon today. I recounted the stories of two semi-documented miraculous healings I've had in my life.

I know I've been talking a whole lot about religious things recently-- more than usual, perhaps?

Might be all that action in my earth houses. They're touching my God-places. There are some degrees in my chart where my zeals seem to flare with these kinds of feelings.

But we're in a sanctuary in the House of Stone and Light.

I have sooo many asteroids making unique contacts today. I want to burst into song with each separate one. I could have done a songlist!! ~omg!!!

Rabbits to carrots.... I anointed some raw carrot slices, and put them around the apartment today! Wanting to pull some Rabbits out of a hat?

posted August 17, 2016 11:24 PM            

I owe you two posts, here & on my rainmaking thread. --> Thanks for all your help there!

Be back soon

posted August 21, 2016 04:15 PM            

^ Speaking of candles

Hi mirage!

How are you, how is everything? I hope the weather isn't too hot and you can somehow spend lots of time outside, far and away from your noise-damaged home.

quote:

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thanking you for the idea that maybe God Healed me!

I celebrated that thought from midnight to noon today. I recounted the stories of two semi-documented miraculous healings I've had in my life.

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I definitely believe it's possible! Probable!

Wrote more but feel antsy leaving it up.

Be well...

posted August 23, 2016 12:55 AM            

Everyone is dealing with tMars-tSaturn conjunction yesterday today tomorrow -- Oh! it's tomorrow already. Just crossed the midnight hour into Tuesday.

Rick calls it Mars (gas) Saturn (brakes). They meet like 'brickwall' and we're (with Neptune square) going to get real looks at reality of life.

I know the realities that I have. And I know that people read my thread (Good Performed), and might recognize some Talent I have and take the trouble to contact me and offer me a cool position. Develop me, help me feel included, let me be part of something that really Makes A Difference.

I had had an astrology idea I had to put on a way-back burner. Thought it would help promote astrology too?, but, I was getting no response for that. I'll either have to wait, or let it just expire and get into something different.

Was food shopping the other day. So cool that I can talk about God and astrology in the same 10-minute meeting with a stranger and make a great exchange-- benefits me, because I love to give. Benefits them, because they go away with added understanding about themselves PLUS know that they don't have to separate from one, to have the other. So many people are interested in astrology (mildly) these days. It's an intro. God's an intro. Lucky me?, I get to blend with everybody! *grin*

Anyways... Been air-posting to you, especially early this (Mond) morning. I missed posting to you on one of Elvis' days. But I thought about you.

Trying to cope with the energies of this transit, like everybody else. Sometimes, we just got to simply life, slow down, only do what we can, as we can.

I'm truly sorry I missed your fuller posting. I enjoy it when we can feel safe, and we both have time.

Blessings to you... I hope you see Possibility for YOU. I really hope you get a feeling of Family within you. I understand how early-experiences can leave a hole in you that seems impossible to fill, even when you are surrounded by your own children, a husband you've been with longterm.

Sometimes I hear people saying, you gotta get it for yourself!! ... but I think some of these people REALLY have not experienced that kind of profound loss and tragedy in life. Unless you've lost someone really really really important and dear to you, you can't possibly understand what happened to your friend, or person you speak to. I want to apologize to you for THEIR harshness and hardness of heart...

You're a Human. Humans are soft with living bones. When you had Hardwired-Monkeys (psych experiments the 60s'70s?) and cloth-Monkeys (not alive, neither of them), or, you never had the comfort of someone when you were young and frightened, how can you expect to give yourself something you didn't receive? Yes you're an adult now, you're in an adult body. But has anyone ever reached down INTO that inner child of yours, and stayed with her, let attachment form so that she could receive the connection that might have been broken too early in critical points.

Some people did have parents there physically, who biologically cared-- but emotionally, were unavailable. You had to grow up without an investment of Value. Doesn't matter what side of the economic divides they grew up in--- If you didn't matter to anyone else, then how could you matter to you?

When a child has someone with them, explaining things to them, comforting them through traumatic experiences (like the bombings, etc), they are going to go through those experiences with gain. But as in your case, Faith, the things that happened to you soooo incredibly young-- the isolation... You didn't have anyone close to you to go through it WITH another Human Being by your side. Thank God for the spirit of Elvis??? Thank God you had that. He's a kind of guardian symbol now...

Your kids are sooo lucky to have you as their mom. You're doing it right, caring about them, taking them to lunches and movies (I think you said that?, or am I mixing you up with someone else... No, I think it was you.). You and your daughter must have a fantastic relationship.. She's still not quite a teen yet. So impressionable then.

omg, I have to go now... Just realized Rm is still here, asleep in the chair. Needs to go to bed! Okay, there he goes... He sleeps sitting up in the chair, same amount of time he spends in bed. He has a CPAP and is supposed to use it to increase oxygen in his blood and to the brain. ...
no. . we've got a grump? ~whatever!

posted August 23, 2016 02:08 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Randall:
I thought it was funny.

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omg, hahaha, I found it!!!!

(clip) Bullwinkle's Hat Gag [0:17] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7mmrF-4rUE

posted August 25, 2016 10:46 AM            

You make so much sense....but I think your emotional intelligence speaks over my head and I get a little confused sometimes. Well maybe the main problem is, I was trained as a child to never feel sorry for myself. Sometimes when I consider certain family poverties of mine, my heart seems to soften up and feel like it's coming home again (though it's an empty home...that's better than nothing), but at the same time it feels self-pitying, and the old conditioning stands.

But many heartfelt thanks for your vision, for your generosity in communicating your vision. It's healing and deeply soothing to feel understood without having to say one word.

Some wildflowers for you

I had written (and deleted, above) that I experienced a few out-of-place spooky experiences the week before, and tried to explain how that had me talking to God, but I wasn't sure how I was coming across....

Funny and prophetic that you mentioned Mars-Saturn hitting the brakes and brick wall because my car died in the middle of traffic on Tuesday and it was this epic ordeal/adventure for me.

I'm planning on taking a break from LL, I intend for this to be one of my last posts in a while.

Just wanted to wish you the absolute best of luck and a downpouring of blessings to sustain you through the upcoming hard times that you mentioned on the Venting Thread (I lurk there.)

Will keep praying and thinking of you while I'm gone. You have God on your side and I just have to trust you will make it through and maybe somehow get situated better than ever before. Waiting for these miracles...they do happen.

Love you, and thank you, and hugging you.

You are quite simply one of the best people I have ever met.

Much love ~

posted August 25, 2016 12:33 PM            

Have a good time off.... Your house must be hectic with school starting again, all those schedules and homework. And the sniffles and colds that come too.

quote:

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Will keep praying and thinking of you while I'm gone. You have God on your side and I just have to trust you will make it through and maybe somehow get situated better than ever before. Waiting for these miracles...they do happen.

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Thank you--- I covet your prayers. And will include you in mine, especially as the Spirit nudges.

I have a sense somehow that there is a background of people in my life, who won't let me dropout of the scene utterly?... They are higher type people who have been with me a while (reading my posts) and made a pledge of a kind of commitment to see me make it, that efforts I have made will be rewarded. They are aware that I'm by myself... and I think they will step up to the plate, faithfully. (Wow, my Saturn in 11th Promise ..).

God can make Anything happen.

God is Good. And He has ~Wild plans for me, to do me Good, with a Good Ending. I can sense it.

(This scripture is for YOU Good, too).

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
--Jeremiah 29:11

I hope you keep some Strong Women around you.

"Give you a Garment of Praise for the spirit of Heaviness"