posted February 18, 2010 01:55 PM            

Harmony:
Binding (39)
Fate (18)
Sexual (17)
Romance (15)
Closeness (14)

Challenge:
Fate (34)
Sexual (28)
Closeness (23)
Romance (23)
Binding (20)

posted February 18, 2010 02:54 PM            

Well, Comica, I would like to, if I had checked enough synastries.

I was getting so immersed in other threads.
Well, that was just a theoretical system, as I like to have a theory first, that makes sense to me, then countercheck it against reality, and then maybe modify it, as long as the modifications still make sense.

I am still in phase 2, though.

posted February 18, 2010 02:56 PM            

RELATIONSHIP

INTENSITY (this shows how much the THEME is empasised, no matter if positively or negatively)

Closeness (65)
Happiness (64)
Bonding(63)
Romance (57)
Sexual (52)
Fate (34)

HARMONY

Bond (36)
Sexual (24)
Romance (22)
Happiness (22)
Fate (21)
Closeness (12)

CHALLENGE

Closeness (47)
Happiness (42)
Romance(31)
Sexual (28)
Bond (23)
Fate (23)

You can see on a first glance that CLOSENESS / INTIMACY will really be a problem in this relationship.
It is a very important theme here (1st place in intensity), but it has the least positive aspects and the most negatives ones.
Probably these people always struggled for intimacy and being close to each other, but it didn´t really come naturally to them; they had to put hard work into it.
This was for both of them a problem, as the listing for each of them shows (for A closeness had the least positive aspects and the second often negative ones; for P it was similiar).

The next most important category, actually almost equally with Closeness, was BONDING; it was also the one with the most positive aspects in general.
So commitment seems to have been strong throughout the relationship.

Interestingly it was the single most important category for A with the most positive aspects in relation to other categories (there still were more challenging aspects even in bonding).
What is very noteable is that for P also BONDING had the most positive aspects, and the smallest number of negative ones. So P must have experienced that bonding in a harmonious way, BUT BONDING had the fewest aspects from his perspective, so this category was not really high on his priority list.
This makes me think that it was A who worked hardest for the commitment and maintaining the relationship, but that P likely was easy to be convinced because of the harmony that existed in commitment for him.

I could go on forever here.

So, just looking at the relationship aspects and their frequency, the order is like this:

1. Closeness
3. Bonding
4. Romance
5. Sexual attraction

Personally I would just consider the highest 3 categories as dominant in a relationship.

So that would indicate an emphasis on Intimacy and comitment here.
Sternberg calls that:

Companionate love:
"Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. Sexual desire is not an element of companionate love. This type of love is often found in marriages in which the passion has gone out of the relationship but a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship."

This would probably be the relationship in total.

But each person may have a different view on the relationship.

A`s Perspective:
1. Bond
3. Sexual attraction

This would be a combination of commitment and passion, called: Fatuous love:
"Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion without the stabilizing influence of intimacy. A relationship, however, whereby an individual party agrees to sexual favors purely out of commitment issues, or is pressured/forced into sexual acts does not comprise Fatuous love, and instead tends more to Empty love."

P`s perspective:
1. Romance
3. Closeness

That would be a combination of Passion and Intimacy (even though with much more romantic overtones than in A´s case):

Romantic love:
Romantic love bonds individuals emotionally through intimacy and physically through passionate arousal.

I think it is very intersting to see how different both people obviously felt in the relationship, and how the relationship itself seemed to be different from each person`s view again.

In this case it seems that A had more sexual attraction as well as an interest in maintaining the relationship as long as possible and work for it, while P was more romantic, maybe more "in love" and also was working harder for gaining understanding, compassion and some form of emotional closeness.

posted February 18, 2010 04:21 PM              

Look at mine and Paul (the guy i told you about)!

FATED
Positive Points: 14
Negative Points: 13
Total: 27

His Perspective: 15
Positive: 12
Negative: 13

My Perspective: 
3
Positive: 3
Negative: 0

IT WAS DEFINITELY FATED!

BINDING
Positive Points: 12
Negative Points: 10
Total: 22

His Perspective: 3
Positive: 3
Negative: 0

My Perspective: 
19
Positive: 9
Negative: 10

Not sure how to read this one...

ROMANCE
Positive Points: 16
Negative Points: 8
Total: 24

His Perspective: 11
Positive: 8
Negative: 3

My Perspective: 
13
Positive: 8
Negative: 5

The romance side was pretty equal.

SEXUAL
Positive Points: 15
Negative Points: 8
Total: 23

His Perspective: 16
Positive: 11
Negative: 5

My Perspective: 
7
Positive: 4
Negative: 3

His experience sexually was much more "wow" than mine.

CLOSENESS
Positive Points: 13
Negative Points: 7
Total: 20

His Perspective: 17
Positive: 8
Negative: 9

My Perspective: 
6
Positive: 5
Negative: 1

Not sure how to look at this.

INTENSITY
Fate (27)
Romance (24)
Sexual (23)
Bonding(21)
Closeness (20)

HARMONY


Sexual (16)


Romance (16)


Fate (14)

Closeness (13)


Bond (12)


CHALLENGE


Fate (13)


Bond (10)
Romance(8)


Sexual (8)


Closeness (7)



I believe the reason i saw him as my DREAM MAN are these:
My BRIEDE cj his BML 1
My BODA sq his BML 1
My GROOM trine his BML 1

posted February 19, 2010 08:29 AM            

"His Perspective: 15
Positive: 12
Negative: 13

My Perspective: 
3
Positive: 3
Negative: 0"

It seems, this encounter was much more fated for him, than for you. Almost like you became a "tool of destiny" for him to work on some of his personal karma.

"His Perspective: 3
Positive: 3
Negative: 0

My Perspective: 
19
Positive: 9
Negative: 10"
Interestingly there seems to have been / or be more commitment from your side, even though it is not entirely positive, or not even mainly positive.
Maybe such a tie, even for a short time, is necessary to stay long enough around to become the karmic support he obviously needed? Just guessing here.

"His Perspective: 11
Positive: 8
Negative: 3

My Perspective: 
13
Positive: 8
Negative: 5"

That probably relates to the feelings of attraction both of your felt, even though personally I feel that the absolute number of aspects is not overwhelmingly high.

"His Perspective: 16
Positive: 11
Negative: 5

My Perspective: 
7
Positive: 4
Negative: 3"

Seems like he was very drawn to you sexually, while it was not as strong for you. Maybe you were flattered by his interest in you? ATtracted to his attraction to you?

Maybe the romantic category would relate to the attraction even without consummation, and the sexual category would tell us something about the sexual fulfillment?

Which means that a very high number in Romance and a low number in sexual attraction could lead to a disappointment, as the actual sexual encounter would not hold what the romantic attraction promised before.

Otherwise a low romantic attraction and a high sexual attraction number could either lead to a passionate one night stand, or you wouldn`t even end up in bed at all, because the initial interest would be lacking.

"His Perspective: 17
Positive: 8
Negative: 9

My Perspective: 
6
Positive: 5
Negative: 1

Not sure how to look at this."

Maybe it means that he felt much more emotionally drawn to you than you to him?
All in all I find there is a great disbalance; I guess he felt or is feeling more than you do.

"HARMONY


Sexual (16)


Romance (16)


Fate (14)

Closeness (13)


Bond (12)
"
This Harmony number would imply that a love affair or sexual affair would be fairly okay, not outstanding though (I guess the numbers are too low for this, but I have to check more charts to be sure, what a low and what a high number is(

so far I was thinking a number (if checking only one perspective) of:

25 plus: very high
20-25: high
15-20: average
10-15: low average
5-10: low
under 5: practically non existent

If we look at the numbers of INTENSITY (so all aspects there are, we have to double the numbers of course)

50 plus: very high
40 - 50: high
30-40: average
20-30: low average
10-20: low
under 10: practically not existent

posted February 19, 2010 08:41 AM            

INtensity (meaning how important is that area / issue, how pronounced will it be in a relationship, no matter if harmonious or challenging):

Binding (61)
Fate (52)
- very high

"Sexual (49)
Romance (44)"
- high

"Closeness (37)"
- average

Harmony:
Binding (39)
- very high

"Fate (18)
Sexual (17)
Romance (15)"
- average;
Romance is technically on the brink between average and low average, but for the passion-category (a la Sternberg) I would add Romance and SExual and divide them by 2, which would give Comica a passion-number of 16, which falls into the average

Closeness (11)
- low average, pretty low average
(something that has to be worked for, it doesn`t come easily)

Challenge:
Fate (34)
very high
looks like this is not easy

Sexual (28)
Closeness (26)
very high, too
- again an indicator that it is not easy getting close to each other, even though the wish may be there (which is probably when communication becomes the single most important factor in a relationship)
- Sexual shows some challenging aspects, too, but I think this might also relate to a strong, though not always smooth sexual attraction or consummation, but this is the category I am the least sure about

Romance (23)
Binding (20)
high or average

All in all the challenges seem to be pretty high in this relationship; but it does not need to be a bad thing; without tension, there are no sparks.
Especially in a sexual relationships we want some tension.
I wouldn`t want too much tension in the Closeness area though. Moon is a VERY sensitive planet.

BTW Comica,

Yes, I was thinking about Lust, too, I am not completely sure about BML t here.
On the other hand she is a lunar symbolism, the Black MOON, and Juno has Moon - maternal / feminine symbolism, too, and I liked the symmetry of having the different lunar symbols in each category, with different emphasis of course.

Moon for intimacy
BML for desire
Juno for the romantic or partner-oriented attraction

Also, Lust is not a God nor a human, but just a word, it is more abstract. I like to have Gods or at least humans (like in the case of Valentine) in the emotional categories (Closeness, romance, sexual attraction).
I feel fate and binding can be slightly more abstract, therefore I included "words" there, too.

But my reasoning may be wrong. Who knows?

BTW Comica,

according to Sternberg`s theory, there would be an emphasis on

Commitment and Passion which would make:

"Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage in which a commitment is motivated largely by passion without the stabilizing influence of intimacy. A relationship, however, whereby an individual party agrees to sexual favors purely out of commitment issues, or is pressured/forced into sexual acts does not comprise Fatuous love, and instead tends more to Empty love."

If we allow Closeness here, too, as it is still average you actually would have:

Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple”. According to Sternberg, such couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they can not imagine themselves happy over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other.[1] However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die" (1987, p. 341). Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

BUT with the notion that you have to constantly work on the Closeness-level; if you neglect to communicate, it could be "reduced" to fatuous love again, or even to some sort of "empty love", only consisting of commitment (and noone knows what for anymore).

Of course the progressions would probably show even more clearly where you are standing right now.

posted February 19, 2010 09:13 AM              

quote:

---

It seems, this encounter was much more fated for him, than for you. Almost like you became a "tool of destiny" for him to work on some of his personal karma.

---

Spot on.

This is how it was, as told by my psychic friend.
"The reason was more on his end. You were just a participant. Does that make sense? It's not fated. It was fated in the sense, you both needed wake up calls bout your life. You've been traveling in circles and he's been traveling in circles. Each of you were looking or needing some intervention to realize that your lives weren't right. It was like two magnets who were in the same place at the same time, going through the same thing internally"

The rest was spot on too. Thanks DD

Do you think about the first one i posted please? Is it one-sided?

posted February 19, 2010 09:43 AM            

good to know that I was right about that. Makes me think that theory may have some validity after all.
And yes, I think your friend was spot on.
We need these people coming into our lives, sending us wake up calls, and the intensity feels very strong at first, cause if it did not,w e would not wake up, and then after we have woken up, we sometimes wonder: What was that about?

1 FATED:

Positive Points: 32
Negative Points: 21
Total: 53

So FATED quality would be very high, with very high positive aspects, but also pretty high negative ones. It is probably in balance.
BTW I thought these conjunctions were just amazing!

His Perspective: 24
Positive: 6
Negative: 18
From his perspective fate was high, but maybe more challenging so. Maybe a challenging number in fate feels like a kick into your butt, so you move on? To whereever you are supposed to move?

My Perspective: 29
Positive: 26
Negative: 3
Very high fated quality for you, but more smoothly, much more smoothly. Maybe it felt more like a shock to him, than to you?

2. BINDING:

Positive Points: 17
Negative Points: 18
Total: 35
Seems to be average, quite balanced. But after having seen some of the synastries, I think it probably is a good idea to have more positive points in this category.
Maybe the positive points bind you together at first, but after a certain time the negative ones kick in and break you apart, probably quite painfully, leading to a "I want to be with you, but I can`t."

His Perspective:
Positive: 12
Negative: 13

My Perspective:
Positive: 5
Negative: 5

Did he feel more bonded than you? Or did he try to bind you?

posted February 19, 2010 09:43 AM            

His Perspective:
Positive: 6
Negative: 9
WEll, that is a pretty low result. 15 aspects only?
Especially if you consider the high numbers in other categories. The difference is just too big.
For him there was definitely fate in play, but was he really in love?

My Perspective:
Positive: 7
Negative: 21
You reacted much more intensely on a romantic level, but not in a positive way. Maybe you sensed a certain romantic incompatibility?

I am sorry, I do not even know which relationship that is. I am just looking at the numbers, which is probably not the best way (but I thought it would be more objective than only looking at the positive aspects).

3. SEXUAL:

Positive Points: 13
Negative Points: 19
Total: 32
Average. Was t hat your ex-husband?

(Just thought about that cause negative fate aspects, can be negative Saturn-aspects, too, and we all know how oppressive and restrictive these can be, maybe the one who is on the receiving end of one person`s fate aspects, especially if negative, is some kind of a "target" and will feel the pain?)

is Perspective:
Positive: 6
Negative: 16
pretty high, but negative. sTrong sexual attraction initially, that detoriates quickly into bickering and maybe even aggression? Or with these strong BML aspects (which btw I share with Jude Law, too. lol His BML is exact conjunct my Valentine, but both his BML and Mars are squaring my BML; good I did not stay around for a chat me thinks ).
Anyway in your case, these strong BML aspects could have related to either a fatal attraction or a constant struggle about equality.

My Perspective:
Positive: 7
Negative: 3
I guess the sexual attraction was not as strong for you, or maybe the fulfillment was lacking somehow. 10 aspects are pretty low, but then 7 positives may have been a reason to convince you having sex at all.

4 CLOSENESS:

Positive Points: 24
Negative Points: 22
Total: 46

That is pretty high, an emotional connection was there.

His Perspective:
Positive: 10
Negative: 12
from his perspective it was high, even though not always easy.

My Perspective:
Positive: 14
Negative: 10
For you it was similiarly high. So even with all the problems you have had, there was some kind of an emotional bond

posted February 19, 2010 10:11 AM            

I'm thinking that maybe I should try to describe my relationship's nature according to each category, so that it might help:

1. Fate:
Actually, we met and started within a month. Everything was so sudden before I could fully understand the situation lol (fated meeting).
We don't have any outside problems interfering with us, but I feel that the value of the conflict aspects is about us having some lessons to learn from each other (some sort of karmic soulmates). Part of it related to the Closeness categorization (13 negative points from the Fate/Closeness objects aspects).

2. Binding:
I guess that we have a strong sense of seeing each other as "the partner". This could be the effect of our opposed ACs too.

3. Romance:
We are a lazy couple. XP We hang out around malls and parks sometimes (more with malls), but we are often happy to be at home cuddling and watching series/movies or playing video games together. Basically, we are a warm/affectionate couple rather than a passionate one.
The only problem is that sometimes I feel insecure, wondering if the lack of romantic expression means the lack of feelings. It's not that they are really lacking, it's just my doubt is sometimes kinda like "if there's no movie-like passion/romance, then is there no strong feelings?".

4. Sexual:
I feel a bit uncomfortable commenting this here, so I'll comment in codes lol:
- composite: IC conjunct Venus/Pluto midpoint, Venus conjunct Mars, Mars conjunct Lust;
- synastry: Mars quincunx Venus, Lust conjunct NN, Lust conjunct Karma.

posted February 19, 2010 10:41 AM            

thanks for shedding some more light on how the categories relate to your reality.
I liked your codes.

One question, and you do not have to answer, if that is too private,

posted February 19, 2010 02:23 PM            

Can sexual attraction exist detached from emotional involvement, detached from being "in love"?
It`s a difficult one for me, as I don`t think I would be attracted to someone sexually, whom I didn´t like or felt emotional connected to.

posted February 19, 2010 08:23 PM            

As we advance into the Aquarian age there will probably be a whole lot more sexual involvement without emotional attachment.

Example: Tiger Woods. The man wanted to have sex. That's not a crime. The crime comes in when you present yourself to be one thing and you're another. In society the way it is today, not many women will create a family with a man who also wants many other partners. But Tiger wanted what marriage would provide for him so he lied - as millions of other people do - and he got caught and is paying the consequences.

My prediction is that he and Elin will work at it, but it won't work and they will eventually split up.

However...there's another ingredient to the Tiger debacle. Did he really convince all of these women that he WAS emotionally involved with them? Did he think that he had to convince them of his romantic aspirations? Or his Tiger also a "Love addict" in addition to being a "Sex addict". I suppose that more will be revealed.