posted November 01, 2011 02:48 AM            

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
It's tough, often diplomacy and feeling sharing works. Sometimes it ****** me off enough where I have to walk away for an extended period of time. Cancers can not often be swayed from their focus. If they convince their self that you not buying them food means you don't care about them, then to them it totally makes sense (even though you then endure 5 hours of them acting like a total tool, when any sane person would have told them to learn some social skills and kicked them out of the house). "I got her sunflowers for her birthday, because she said it was her favorite flower. All I ask her to do is pick me up some food... I'm starving and she is making me starve to prove some sort of point... If she really cared she would ask if I was hungry on her way over, or GOD, even surprise me with food, is that so hard? Why should I even have to tell her I'm hungry?"

The problem really is Gemini and Cancer together. This combo is easily capable of turning relationships into a "mommy loves me because she takes care of her little boy" game. Cancer can feel their demands are justified, because they are capable of knowing your needs (regardless of how often they actually respond to them). Some can feel as though just being capable of understanding your emotional state, is all the work they need to bring to a relationship. Gemini can enjoy placing people in uncomfortable situations just to see how they will react. Cancer in a difficult place within a Gemini's chart can communicate through passive aggression. The mind may also know how to use emotions as a communication tool, without requiring the native to actually feel them. I don't get that vibe from the guy you are describing, but I do get the "why isn't mommy taking care of me?" thing.

Sounds like he is used to being able to manipulate his mother using the same tactics, or suffered an uncaring mother and projects his issues on his girlfriends. My suggestion is to appeal to his rationality while addressing his feelings. "Okay, I can see now where I should have paid better attention, next time I will try my hardest to _______. In addition, I feel it unfair to try to make me feel guilty by telling me I don't care about you. If I didn't care about you, I wouldn't be here trying to better understand you. In the future, if I do something to intentionally hurt your feelings, I can understand retaliation, but I would appreciate if you will try to communicate with me instead of hurting my feelings because your feelings have been hurt too."

Most of that will go in one ear and out the other, but your actual attempts at being more careful and repetition of your request for him to stop trying to hurt your feelings when you are not intentionally trying to hurt his, should show eventual results.

Addition: It does sound like you guys may not be very compatible. Cancer doesn't take well to being laughed at, and they want to be accepted completely (this includes when they are feeling bi*chy). I get why you laughed though, this guy is not a Cancer, he's a Gemini, and I am pretty positive you started dating a guy who did not start out acting like a cancer. You probably started dating a guy who seemed like he could take a joke and let things roll off his back. He is acting like a Cancer and you are responding to him as a Gemini. I agree you dealt with the situation poorly, but I have a feeling this is catching you a bit off guard and you were not aware he would act like this down the road.

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Very insightful. That scenario you stated, is very accurate. the "i know what you need so you automatically should know my needs to!" kind of thing. The problem with that is, I actually dont know all his need cause he doesn't come out right with it. It depends on what it is especially, but with what I'm talking about now, he dances around it and jokes about it and won't really cought it up. I think he's afraid to push me away he doesn't want to appear as controlling as possessive because he knows that bothers me a lot.
He does the same thing when he's not comfortable with certain guys that talk to me. You can see that he IS bothered because he won't shut up about it but instead he will joke about it or make witty comments and when I ask, "do you have a problem with so and so? why do you have a problem with so and so? do you want me to stop talking to so and so" he will suddenly get quiet and say "no it's cool. no worries. I just want you to be comfortable with me in this relationship." and than I think "ok. it's settled." but 5 minutes later he will ask me these annoying questions "do you like/love me? do i make you happy?" all because one situation out of my control happened. Any time a guy pays me attention and he sees or hears about it he gets like this.

And I agree with the mommy thing. He is slowly making this side of him apparent. But it's weird its like a back and forth thing. He wants to be babied, and than he will pull back and try to "mommy" me or "father me" kind of.
I always did wonder about the mix of Gemini and Cancer.. it must be difficult to handle..

posted November 01, 2011 03:00 AM            

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
Lol he told me to buy him underwear
he didn't ask, that's one thing. that's what I notice they pose or HE poses commands in question format,, and than comes sulk time when I don't do it because a) I'm still thinking about it or b) I say no and the sulking still ensues...

at that time I already bought expensive things.. he knows I have a trust fund coming in. I never told him how much but it'll be available in a couple of years... I told him I would buy him underwear regardless, he can't demand me to go out to get it for him , I have other things to do/get. also I never ask him to buy me things.. with that logic should I dump him too???!!!

Well I laughed because I was genuinely appalled to see a 25 year old reverting back to the emotional age of a 5 year old. His sulking was highly amusing. I have honestly never had anyone do this and to see it just made me laugh (also my defense mechanism) I wasn't trying to be rude either but who the f sulks over that?!?!? he just went on his computer and ignored me. but oh oh, he was attentive right when I started to treat him like a mother had him in my lap rubbing his back. do you think I should dump him because of that too? I just never expected a 25 y/o to act like a big baby.

I had no money, at the time what could I do? are you going to dump someone cause you demand them to get something for you even though you don't have the means currently for it?

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because i didn't want to hug him/cuddle

that's all my Venus in Cancer picked up... the underwear is pretty much meaningless.

the laughing made it worse.

posted November 01, 2011 03:28 AM            

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
Very insightful. That scenario you stated, is very accurate. the "i know what you need so you automatically should know my needs to!" kind of thing. The problem with that is, I actually dont know all his need cause he doesn't come out right with it. It depends on what it is especially, but with what I'm talking about now, he dances around it and jokes about it and won't really cought it up. I think he's afraid to push me away he doesn't want to appear as controlling as possessive because he knows that bothers me a lot.
He does the same thing when he's not comfortable with certain guys that talk to me. You can see that he IS bothered because he won't shut up about it but instead he will joke about it or make witty comments and when I ask, "do you have a problem with so and so? why do you have a problem with so and so? do you want me to stop talking to so and so" he will suddenly get quiet and say "no it's cool. no worries. I just want you to be comfortable with me in this relationship." and than I think "ok. it's settled." but 5 minutes later he will ask me these annoying questions "do you like/love me? do i make you happy?" all because one situation out of my control happened. Any time a guy pays me attention and he sees or hears about it he gets like this.

And I agree with the mommy thing. He is slowly making this side of him apparent. But it's weird its like a back and forth thing. He wants to be babied, and than he will pull back and try to "mommy" me or "father me" kind of.
I always did wonder about the mix of Gemini and Cancer.. it must be difficult to handle..

I'll take your advice on how to broach the discussion. I never intentionally meant to hurt him.. I never do. If he had just told me from the getgo "I'm hungry I haven't aten a proper meal in a few days it would be nice if you could buy me a meal for both of us." instead of "Can you get me so and so? Thanks!" Instead he tells me afterwards when he is in he moods. How was I supposed to know? I've gotta talk to him about being more communicative with me about his feelings. He is to an extent. He doesn't want to push me away, he has this fear of me leaving him. The first time he said this I actually did leave.. it wasn't because of him it was my own personal issues.. now he doesn't really say stuff like that but he makes it blatantly obvious he still feels that way.. always needing reassurance..

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Forgive me for saying, but I sense a deep enjoyment in you to have a guy so paranoid and obsessed about needing you. If you don't see that in your self, I apologize. If it's possible an insecurity like that exists within, you may want to consider overhauling your view of this guy. A Gemini with so much Cancer is someone who is constantly in a state of emotional flux and unceasing desire to know everything about whatever they are feeling. Cancers often have an ability to say to their self, "Oh, those are just my emotions being emotional". Gemini rarely has that luxury when emotions are involved. In some cases it is a big battle just getting the mind and emotions to work together. If this guy has insecurity, it's not totally because he is paranoid. His Cancer is picking something up in you, a resistance, lack of trust, or reluctance which makes him feel like you could leave him anytime.

I understand your reluctance, he has been dishonest about his self and frankly, how can you know if you love him when he won't show you the big picture? If you went to a car dealership and the salesperson kept avoiding your requests to look under the hood, you would probably not buy the car. If you take anything away from this, this is the sentence: Cancer MUST have stability in order to nurture. If he feels unstable in your relationship, you will rarely experience the awesome side of both Cancer and Gemini. It takes a true commitment from you though. It takes you sitting and writing down all the things you have done which could have challenged his candidacy as your boyfriend. Being able to see how you inspire instability, is your key to fixing these problems and actually enjoying your relationship. Of course he has work he needs to do too, but you are only responsible for the things you can change, and you can't change him.

My mom is a Cancer with Gemini influence, and my stepfather is Gemini with Cancer influence. I can rarely stand the man, but I know if the relationship is going to function, I have to start with insuring he is comfortable and not feeling challenged. He just freaks out and acts like an idiot when he doesn't feel comfortable.

Good luck, I hope the experience is worth the work. I have a feeling this experience can teach you a lot about your self. =)

posted November 01, 2011 03:44 AM            

It sucks sometimes though and I feel you believe me. I say a lot on these boards but keep a lot to myself as well actually.

posted November 01, 2011 05:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Xiiro:
Forgive me for saying, but I sense a deep enjoyment in you to have a guy so paranoid and obsessed about needing you. If you don't see that in your self, I apologize. If it's possible an insecurity like that exists within, you may want to consider overhauling your view of this guy. A Gemini with so much Cancer is someone who is constantly in a state of emotional flux and unceasing desire to know everything about whatever they are feeling. Cancers often have an ability to say to their self, "Oh, those are just my emotions being emotional". Gemini rarely has that luxury when emotions are involved. In some cases it is a big battle just getting the mind and emotions to work together. If this guy has insecurity, it's not totally because he is paranoid. His Cancer is picking something up in you, a resistance, lack of trust, or reluctance which makes him feel like you could leave him anytime.

I understand your reluctance, he has been dishonest about his self and frankly, how can you know if you love him when he won't show you the big picture? If you went to a car dealership and the salesperson kept avoiding your requests to look under the hood, you would probably not buy the car. If you take anything away from this, this is the sentence: Cancer MUST have stability in order to nurture. If he feels unstable in your relationship, you will rarely experience the awesome side of both Cancer and Gemini. It takes a true commitment from you though. It takes you sitting and writing down all the things you have done which could have challenged his candidacy as your boyfriend. Being able to see how you inspire instability, is your key to fixing these problems and actually enjoying your relationship. Of course he has work he needs to do too, but you are only responsible for the things you can change, and you can't change him.

My mom is a Cancer with Gemini influence, and my stepfather is Gemini with Cancer influence. I can rarely stand the man, but I know if the relationship is going to function, I have to start with insuring he is comfortable and not feeling challenged. He just freaks out and acts like an idiot when he doesn't feel comfortable.

Good luck, I hope the experience is worth the work. I have a feeling this experience can teach you a lot about your self. =)

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Inaccurate assessment. Im not thrilled to have anyone paranoid over me, it's actually indicative of smothering behavior which i sense coming on. I don't mind people I really like clinging onto but smothering is something I don't know if I can take. Him being concerned or obsessed, I feel really isn't my problem. It's not really my Job to reassure someone of my love for them. If they don't believe that, that's their problem and something they should work on..

posted November 01, 2011 06:13 AM            

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Originally posted by amelia28:
LMAO.......he has cancer in him....is super important to feed a cancer man, they will get moody if they are hungry and will think you don't love them bc they associate been fed with been loved. Cancer influenced people show their love too by cooking for others. My grandma, sister and husband they cook to show they care and he was probably testing you by asking you get him food too. Yes cancers emotionally blackmail......husband and I were playing monopoly the other day and he was emotionally blackmailing me LOL........

It sucks sometimes though and I feel you believe me. I say a lot on these boards but keep a lot to myself as well actually.

Cancers are emotionally a bit like children...its charming though, I find myself thinking he is adorable and I think is why I stick around, that sweet side of him that is like a child but this same side is very very frustrating to deal with.

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Ahhh.. so that's what it is... food = love.
When we first met, he brought me a loaf of bread... I thought it was the weirdest thing ever. You know I expected well not really expected because I didn't expect him to give me gifts but you know I thought he brought me flowers or chocolates or a necklace who knows! he bought me a loaf of bread! I Said "erm.. thanks..." it was weird. This was when we first met, literally the second day...... hahaha so maybe you're spot on the with food.

The same day, the day he wanted me to buy him food and I didn't, same night he woke up, and he made me food. I didn't ask him for it, he just decided "Okay babe I'm going to make you some food!" I ate it anyways... deep down I thought it was very sweet of him. So I think you are right about food =love or their way of showing they love you... if only I knew that before I wouldn't have been weirded out by him buying me food unexpectedly as gifts I truly though "is this guy making fun of me? telling me I'm too small and need to eat more??!" I also didn't eat his loaf of bread because I thought he was trying to drug me, you know he maybe put something in their to make me like him. because at first I couldn't Stand him, not one bit. The first time we met yeah i thought he was hot and I wanted to "get with him" but after ONE tiny little show of interest he flooded me with this sudden surge of love and romance it freaked me out to tears I wasn't used to this kind of behavior. He told me he was a Gemini and I didn't believe him at all, I made a face and he thought I thought he was a cheater because of the stereotype, I didn't want to tell him upfront "no.. I don't believe you're a Gemini because you seem VERY cancerian to me." the clinginess, jealousy, in your face with romantic gestures add the fact that we weren't even dating yet lol! like this guy was really into me and it put me off because it was startling and something I wasn't used to.. but as time went on I slowly liked him and voila a year later we are together.

I thought it was just me that noticed it but you are right.. the child like behavior, they act silly really innocent and I agree it can be really sweet and adorable.. but frustrating at the same time because it's like dealing with a real live child.. I do think after this i will know how raise children honestly LOL! I do find it very endearing though because deep down inside I can be a kid too and I longed to find someone that can allow meto be childlike it's just my personality although I hide it..

posted November 01, 2011 07:22 AM            

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Originally posted by tuxedoMask:
^ i would've dumped u.... The laughing is just disrespectful and a trust breaker if u ask me... If ur not willing to spend money on him, think that it says lots about where u stand in that relationship

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I agree with the above.
Although I can see why you find it amusing, he's still a man you are supposed to care about. Is it so big a deal to bring him something to eat since he asked you to? Why don't u feel like doing nice things for him? It's weird from where I sit. Are you sure you are in love with him?
Sulking is not nice, and I'm known not to tolerate it especially if I ask what's wrong and I get no answer. BUT sweetie he already told you why he was upset!! He told you that he thinks you don't care much about him because when he asked you something as simple as bringing food, you completely ignored him!! And as a complete stranger (and therefore objective bystander), I wonder just about the same!
Where is your love for him? HOW do you show it to him? What actions do you do to show you care? Love is a warm feeling. Your neglecting him isn't very loving.
It's normal in a loving relationship for people to care for each other's needs.
I would suggest that you DO him the small favors he asks you. If he keeps sulking and keeps being needy and returning nadda in care for you, then I would say you night have a needy person in your hands. But from that one example you mention in the original post, all I can see is that he's right; you don't care about him.

posted November 01, 2011 10:55 AM            

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Originally posted by anongrl10:
I agree with the above.
Although I can see why you find it amusing, he's still a man you are supposed to care about. Is it so big a deal to bring him something to eat since he asked you to? Why don't u feel like doing nice things for him? It's weird from where I sit. Are you sure you are in love with him?
Sulking is not nice, and I'm known not to tolerate it especially if I ask what's wrong and I get no answer. BUT sweetie he already told you why he was upset!! He told you that he thinks you don't care much about him because when he asked you something as simple as bringing food, you completely ignored him!! And as a complete stranger (and therefore objective bystander), I wonder just about the same!
Where is your love for him? HOW do you show it to him? What actions do you do to show you care? Love is a warm feeling. Your neglecting him isn't very loving.
It's normal in a loving relationship for people to care for each other's needs.
I would suggest that you DO him the small favors he asks you. If he keeps sulking and keeps being needy and returning nadda in care for you, then I would say you night have a needy person in your hands. But from that one example you mention in the original post, all I can see is that he's right; you don't care about him.

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1. He didn't ask me to bring him food. He told me to.
He poses commands into question format. I never told him anything because I didn't know what to say. You can't tell me to go do something when I haven't given you a response.'Novody comands me to do anything, I don't care who you are, don't tell me what to do. You're not the center of my universe. He was rude to do that. I was waiting to see him personally and you know what? He made me feel bad, I offered to go out and buy him food. Even though I barely had money and the money i had I really needed to spend on reasons I don't need to discuss here.

2. Don't question my relationship. You don't know me or him. Obviously we see things differently. Do you actualy think I would expend my energy onto someone I didn't love or like?! Nope. I do NOT waste my time. I'm with him because I care about him. You might see differently.

3. Don't tell me how I feel and don't assume you know the motive behind my reaction. Laughing IS my defense mechanism. You are not living my life you don't know how i react to uncomfortable situation. Ever since I was a little kid I would laugh to ease the pain. And it's continued into my adult life. Sure will narrow minded people fix onto the idea that i am being rude, disrespectful etc? Yup. And I don't really care. I'm aware of my defense mechanism - laughing. You might not like it but who cares really, it's not affecting you. I understand that laughing can make me come off as insensitive and as if I don't care but I do care. When he sullks over really petty things I can't help but laugh. I use humor to ease the situation and get me out of feeling uncomfortable. Hell I even laughed when i nearly cut my finger off, are you going to tell me that wasn't a defense mechanism and I was laughing because I don't care about myself and don't respect myself? Everyone has ways of dealing with pain and discomfort. That's not wrong. What's wrong is assuming things when you have absolutely no idea what's going on.

posted November 01, 2011 11:05 AM            

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Originally posted by RunAroundScreaming:
Anongirl...exactly. And the laughing wasn't a defense mechanism...you genuinely thought his behavior was funny so it made you laugh.

If someone I loved was sulking, it would break my heart. When I see anyone I love in pain it absolutely breaks my heart and I would do anything to make them happy again.....I agree that he's sulks and feels this way beause he senses something that is true. You really just don't care about him that much.

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That is a bunch of nonsense.
he wasn't in pain. Sulking doesn't make someone in pain. Sulking means passive aggressive behavior inability to talk to someone about what's bothering you so you resort to little baby games for attention.

He wasn't in pain and he actually didn't need me to buy him food. Wanna know why I know that? That same night he went and prepared a home-made meal.

but oh of course I'm wrong and he's right. I should give into unnecessary means of manipulation without being rational right? I should have used the money that I seriously lacked and needed for personal reasons I won't discuss on someone that preferred to sulk, give me commands, when he had food in his fridge the entire time! The food didn't come from magicland.

Its my understanding so far that you and cancerian placements like to fault people unnecessArily. Emotionally manipulate them when they truly see what you are trying to do and when they refuse to accept you you want to shift responsibility to start throwing insults on some level towards them. And you wonder why I cannot help but laugh? It's a really poor pathetic way at attention, the attempt at manipulating me is pathetic, and also makes me very uncomfortable hence why I laughed. He did the same thing when I was consumed with something and didn't feel like cuddling with him, right back to the "You don't care about me" bullcrap, when I do EVERYTHING for him! He wants sex? I give it to him! He needs something from me, I do it for him! But this one time, makes me the bad guy! When I clearly knew he was being manipulative. And of course you agree with it because you are similar to him especially with your emotional demands and your whole "I assume people don't like me/care for me" bit. That's YOUR problem. Not everyone else's and it's not fair that YOU put that onto everyone else all because people were not put on this earth to serve you emotionally. I may be sounding insensitive but you need a major reality check.

posted November 01, 2011 11:25 AM            

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Originally posted by RegardesPlatero:
As someone who does struggle (not in romantic ways, but in other ways) to feel like certain people really do think that I'm OK, could you please tell me how people like me are automatically supposed to believe this? I mainly struggle when I've had conflict with someone. It's even more difficult when I can't get an intuitive "read" on someone to know one way or the other what they're really like or if they like me for me or if they're just being nice because they're a nice person and feel like they HAVE to be nice. I feel like after conflicts it's kind of like having a vase with cracks. I get really afraid to upset the other person because one more crack could completely destroy the already-damaged vase. I also struggle to feel that other people REALLY forgive me because I honestly just don't see how they could. You say to just "get over it", but for some of us, it really isn't that simple. So, what is your advice for that? I'm genuinely asking you and am not being a smartass or sarcastic or anything. I ask you because you seem like the type who would be honest and all. If you don't feel like answering, that's OK, but if you do, many thanks. I'm open to input from others as well.

Also, I'd like to say that those of us who are insecure do have our good points, and those who aren't insecure have their bad points, so we're not all just these horrible monsters. We're a mix of good and bad and all of us have our strengths and weaknesses.

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It's a self esteem/worth issue, that you can't believe someone will like you or forgive you. And that's also a major problem. You dont feel as if you're worth it, you assume someone doesn't like you etc. Assumptions like that can be very toxic for you and for the person on the receiving end. There are literally a limited number of people that are willing to put up with constanty reassuring someone these things. You need to work on why exactly you find it hard to believe why someone would like you/forgive you. In an argument, dot be afraid to upset someone. You need to learn to be assertive and say what's on your mind an how you feel. It's better out than bottled up.

When I say "Get over it" I understand it's hard for some reason. You live it, and so does my boyfriend. Its not anyone else's problem first and for most. It's yours, and it is unfair to put it on anyone else. Accept that second of all. You NEED to work on it. Not for anyone else but for yourself. relationships tend to suffer when the other person well.. behaves like how my boyfriend does always needing reassurance about how I feel and if I love/care. You need to trust that your partner does.

I was like this when I was really young, I grew out of it once I realized my problems were MINe and no on else's. I accepted responsibility and refuse to get into relationships unless I worked on it because than I would have to rely on another persons comments to make me feel worth it and that's not cool. Thats what co-dependency is and that's not healthy. You can't expect people to fix your issues, they can support your attempt and getting better but the real healing starts with yourself. Again people are not put onto this world to cater to your emotional needs. There are a limited number of people that will put up with it. Your self worth doesn't come from others it comes from you. So work on it for your own betterment. you can't expect everyone to cater to sulking. I'm someone that honestly finds it very pathetic. That's just me. I'm the person/partner what would rather communicate. But to see sulking and any infantile behavior makes me very uncomfortable, and I will either respond by laughing due to discomfort, or ignore you. I dont give into means of manipulation and in my experience adult sulkers use that to manipulate. I cannot be manipulated. I don't respond well to these things. Ignoring is what I do best and I will wait until you realize your tactic does not work on me. If you have a problem talk to me about it, don't sulk and don't throw people demands and commands. People have other priorities too, they are not here to serve you. You know? A lot of people will not put up with such behavior. But I do, cause I care and like this person. I won't say I love him, not yet. But I feel it.

posted November 01, 2011 11:42 AM            

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:

3. Don't tell me how I feel and don't assume you know the motive behind my reaction. Laughing IS my defense mechanism.

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Perhaps you confuse me with one of the previous posters; I wrote nothing about your laughing being a defense mechanism or not.
In fact, I wrote that I can see why his reaction could come across as amusing to you.

For the rest, we have to agree to disagree.

As I wrote (I really don't think you read my post beyond the first line), and I will repeat again here: if this is how he is constantly, and even after you do him all the little favors he's asking you to do for him and still sulks, then yes he could well be the case of a very needy person, which is not a very attractive trait by any means.

My intention was not to judge you (that would be silly and very narrow-minded since I don't even know you). I was simply responding to your original post where you invited people to tell you what they think about this incident/behavior of your bf. Other posters may have judged you. Not me. It's best if you don't put us all in the same basket and read the feedback you asked for in case something is truly helpful to your q.

posted November 01, 2011 01:42 PM            

I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation with your love. I'm sure you've heard the saying "it's the little things that count." This is the simplest way for me to try and explain your bf's love nature. Now, I do not know him or you so I am in no position to pass any judgement on your relationship, I am merely trying to give you *my* view on it from what i've read to help . So very sincerly, I am going to give you another prespective:

He should not have demanded for you to buy him food but quite possibly maybe the words came out wrong. In either case you should have talked it through and let him know you werent in a position to do so. He SHOULD understand that because he shouldnt want to trouble you in any way. Now on the other hand if your view on life is "everybody for themselves" then you two have VERY different love natures and outlooks on sharing love and communicating. In which case, both of you are right in your views as everybody has a right to live as they choose but will find a hard time understanding each other naturally.

As for myself, I repect and admire people who have the ability to UNDERSTAND. If you keep an open heart with love to give and the desire to understand then you may find that any other person isnt so different from you.

In my opinion, the desire to care for another shows your love for them. It is as simple as that. Your will to try and understand their desires shows how deep that love is.

Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon,Cancer Mars,Cancer Merc,Cancer MC.

Hope that helped you out a bit if any.

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Out of myself, but wanting to go beyond that wanting what I see in your eyes, not power, but to kiss the ground with the dawn breeze for company, wearing white pilgrim cloth.

posted November 01, 2011 01:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by violet7887:
Hi lindisfarne,

I'm sorry to hear about your unfortunate situation with your love. I'm sure you've heard the saying "it's the little things that count." This is the simplest way for me to try and explain your bf's love nature. Now, I do not know him or you so I am in no position to pass any judgement on your relationship, I am merely trying to give you *my* view on it from what i've read to help . So very sincerly, I am going to give you another prespective:

He should not have demanded for you to buy him food but quite possibly maybe the words came out wrong. In either case you should have talked it through and let him know you werent in a position to do so. He SHOULD understand that because he shouldnt want to trouble you in any way. Now on the other hand if your view on life is "everybody for themselves" then you two have VERY different love natures and outlooks on sharing love and communicating. In which case, both of you are right in your views as everybody has a right to live as they choose but will find a hard time understanding each other naturally.

As for myself, I repect and admire people who have the ability to UNDERSTAND. If you keep an open heart with love to give and the desire to understand then you may find that any other person isnt so different from you.

In my opinion, the desire to care for another shows your love for them. It is as simple as that. Your will to try and understand their desires shows how deep that love is.

Gemini Sun, Cancer Moon,Cancer Mars,Cancer Merc,Cancer MC.

Hope that helped you out a bit if any.

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I apprciate your insight. And I really do agree with you on the understanding part. I am trying to understand his desires but sometimes he comes at me blindsided and I don't know how to respond, for example I am stingy person, I am "into" myself in a sense where I dont ask people to help me out, I do it on my own. You know? And him asking me to go out and get him things confused me because I am not used to sharing anything of mine, material wise. I keep my money tight to me and I have a hard time sharing. But I ...love......... him I guess. I have an hard time saying or admitting that. So I am I guess willing to sacrifice my ego. He gives and gives and is so generous, and I am the opposite, I am very stingy with my time and energy and my assets. I only invest when I truly feel it is beneficial, (see my thread about not understanding the astrologers point of view on Aquarians and humanitarianism)

This relationship will teach me to be a lot more giving, less stingy, and understanding. All that I try to do is to understand him, understand where he is coming from, understand his neediness, understand how he works, understand how he equates love to motherly nurturing. Because I never got that, I HAD to grow up self-sufficient and independent so being with him is a little eye opening because you know im not used to that. Hes close with his family, whereas I am not. I am intrigued that he spends so much time with his father especially, i find it endearing but at the same time I feel really left out because I can't share his experiences having that familial bond... and in a way it does scare me to continue this relationship because he clearly is family orientated wheras I am not.. he wants a family etc whereas that idea scares me because I never got the chance to have that. (if i had admit, i do actually want a family of my own.. its just a little weird only because of how i grew up) Do you understand what I am saying a bit? I hope that clear. Its a learning experience for me..

posted November 01, 2011 01:58 PM            

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Originally posted by lindisfarne:
[B] That is a bunch of nonsense.
he wasn't in pain. Sulking doesn't make someone in pain. Sulking means passive aggressive behavior inability to talk to someone about what's bothering you so you resort to little baby games for attention.

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posted November 01, 2011 02:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by hannarama:
THANK YOU! I too read the above poster and couldn't help roll my eyes. It's great they're so caring but 'breaks your heart', really? C'mon...

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