posted November 03, 2011 07:30 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mermaid:
venus in the 12th house also causes similar feelings.

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I have Venus AND Pluto in the 12th. I've felt like that a lot. I also have a fire sign ascendant (Sagittarius) plus two planets in Sag. I have two planets in earth (Neptune and Mars) and air (my sun and Mercury are in air); four planets in water (Venus, Pluto, moon, Jupiter). So, I have strong air (sun and Mercury), fire (first house/ASC), and water (twice as many planets there as the other elements).

I have up-and-down moments with feeling like I deserve love and like I don't, and like I'm loved and then like I'm not loved. It's a big roller coaster thing.
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*I use the whole sign system*

Personal Planets:
Sun, Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Moon: Cancer
Mars: Capricorn

posted November 03, 2011 05:00 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Lonake:
Do you find you are quick to reject others, or is it that you feel others often reject you? It's a fine line with that one, ime.

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I think it can go either way, but it is always in preparation for the second shoe to drop. Ironically enough, I started life very wanted and very loved by both my parents and my siblings. I was born with Mars in Leo 5H as both my ASC Ruler and in partile trine to my Sun, so much of my childhood had to do with being shiny and creative. Rejection was a big deal for me, and I rarely experienced it because I was sure to be the best at whatever I did. When I was 9, my parents were divorced and because my siblings were all several years older than me, they left for college and military pursuits but didn't become part of my life again until about 3 years ago (about 23 years later). My father's feeling of failure to maintain his marriage resulted in a shame spiral, ending in abandonment of his kids and marriage to a woman who's child rearing days and interest in kids were long over. My mother married a man the same age as my eldest sister (10 years older than me), with some severe mommy issues. Any time she showed any affection toward me whatsoever it made him angry, so to bring peace to her relationship, she decided to pretend I didn't exist. She later used affection as a carrot to make me do whatever she wanted, but would always find a way to sneak off when the time came for us to hang out.

I met my first love when I was 11, we were best friends and stayed together until age 25. One day while joking around, he told me he was attracted to this guy I couldn't stand. I taunted him to go say hi but he refused, so I went over and introduced them. About a month later they were together and have been ever since. The guy was jealous of our bond (of course, who would be excited about being in a relationship with someone who's best friend is his former partner?) and my friend started using insults as a way to prove to his partner that he was number 1. Most of my friends in high school were female and the same usually happened when they got boyfriends. Because the boyfriend was insecure about their best friend being male, they would have to break ties with me to make peace.

I went several years doing the dating thing, but refused to settle for anything superficial. One day I met this guy at my work and our chemistry was just insane. I ended up at his house and we spent three days locked away (I didn't even call in to work haha), doing what Aries and Sagittarians do when they are locked in a house for three days. The experience wasn't just sexual, it was exploratory and spiritual. It's hard to explain, but he must have had similar synastry as my first love, because it was like getting to know someone at a similar depth. By the third day, he started acting weird and showing signs of schizophrenia (He was afraid people were following him and that they were outside the house). My first love was also schizophrenic, but had a much stronger grasp on his struggles. He then told me that he had lived with an HIV+ guy for several years and had unprotected sex with him the entire time. He stated that the condom had broke earlier and he just kept going, so he probably gave me AIDS. Then he crawled on top of me and started saying psycho **** like, "You look like an angel, I want to see you go to heaven". Fortunately from my previous experience, I knew how to mess with schizophrenics and twisted his head around until I was able to leave safely.

I got an HIV test immediately, which was negative, but knew that HIV can take time to show up. To be safe I shut down the whole dating, flirting, and eventually making myself attractive thing. The aversion to dating got so bad that I created a phobia of going out to bars and public places where people flirt. Since then I never tested positive for HIV, but I have been celibate for almost 12 years due to several mixed emotions, one of them is a feeling of unworthiness. I didn't realize how strong it was until I lived at a monastery for several months. The level of self-rejection I experience is mind boggling, considering how anesthetized I was to it (yay Neptune). I believe the value we give our self is the true value we give others, regardless of how we dress up our interactions with them. It would be nice to learn to synthesize this energy, but Saturn is really such a big A**hole for using fear as one of it's motivators.

anongirl10 - I did see your post, sorry. I was intending to quote you as well, but wasn't able to find your post when I did a quick scan.

posted November 03, 2011 05:54 PM            

I am similar, having Venus opp Pluto. I've also been upset with people who ended our friendship due their partner's insecurities.
I, myself - had an ex who wanted me to ditch my male-friendships for him, but I never did - and he got used to it. He didn't press the issue. If he was the sort of person to press the issue we would've definitely broken up.

posted November 03, 2011 06:04 PM            

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Originally posted by Betty Boop:
Xiiro - I just wanted to say I really understand
I'm sensing your Scorpio Venus here... You take relationships seriously and once someone is close to you, you wouldn't simply 'cut them out'.

I am similar, having Venus opp Pluto. I've also been upset with people who ended our friendship due their partner's insecurities.
I, myself - had an ex who wanted me to ditch my male-friendships for him, but I never did - and he got used to it. He didn't press the issue. If he was the sort of person to press the issue we would've definitely broken up.

About your experiences and your decision to be celibate - I think everything happens for a reason...People have their individual journeys in life. If you did have sex, despite yourself - it would've been a violation of your psyche& your body.. and I think it would have made things worse.
This still feels like an open wound, when I read your words. You need to take your time to heal, to forgive yourself and also to forgive *him*. What happened was NOT your fault.. nor was it "punishment" from above. I think it was more like a karmic eye opener to life, to death - and the way in which sex is so strongly and directly related to both.
Many Scorpio Venus and Venus/Pluto people come to understand this love/death connection and it's not an easy journey.

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Thanks Betty. I see things similarly, we all have our individual lives and we learn from every experience. Being the type of person I am, wounds which take time to heal are always frustrating. That is one great thing about Saturn, though the fear part sucks, Saturn is always resolved with time and experience. I'm more excited about being able to see the issue. The first step to resolving an issue is being aware of it. Thanks again for your encouragement, I take refuge in the understanding that from great hardship comes great accomplishment.

posted November 06, 2011 02:49 AM            

I think what anongrl0 said about saturn aspects to venus and moon is right on. My aqua friend has venus conjunct saturn and he says he thinks he is incapable of loving(even though I can feel he knows how to and think he is just protecting self) and he feels he doesn't deserve to be loved deep down I get the sense.

posted November 06, 2011 03:06 AM            

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Originally posted by BelligerentPygmy:
That's not even LIKE fire - fire is pretty assertive and sometimes even arrogant (think of Aries and Leo), definitely believe they deserve love and respect and in fact usually demand it.

That's not really a characteristic I'd attribute to water either...water is super-emotional and heart on the sleeve and WILL say something if they feel unloved, too. Neither element is really inclined towards waiting on someone hand and foot and thinking they don't deserve love. VIRGO is about service, sure, but obviously that's not a water or fire sign.

Honestly if the person you're asking about has those elements dominant in their chart, I'd actually go so far as to say they're BSing you and putting on an act.

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