posted April 06, 2014 03:03 AM            

I just now caught up; I saw the post you made last. I think everything you're being told or receiving has merit.

Perhaps he was a catalyst. That changes nothing in regards to your experience, or YOUR journey.

I'm going to dig through things to find what astrology you have posted.

Have faith. Ironic coming from me, I know. But you're very special. Him aside - YOU are very special.

posted April 06, 2014 03:10 AM            

I should add that as stated earlier in this thread, even if he doesn't turn out to be my TF, the experience has completely changed me. It catapulted me out of a marriage that was based on co-dependency and security and forced me to become much stronger than I already was, living completely independent. My materialistic views have almost been completely eradicated and the financial hardships I have had to endure have put me in a place where I have very little but so very thankful for what I do have. I have learned to love myself more and balance my own needs with those of others vs. constantly sacrificing and putting all other's before me. My spiritual awakening has completely changed my views of religion and spirituality and I now, more than ever, feel more like my authentic true self and closer to God.

So no matter how the story ends, whether we eventually end up together someway or not, the experience has forever transformed me. I can confidently say that my experience/relationship with him has divided my life into two parts: the "me" I was before him (2010) and the "me" now. Two completely different (and hopefully the second better) people.

One last point: after meeting him in 2010, my son miraculously turned around health wise and has defied all the odds. The doctors are stunned and have no explanations. The Genetic tests have even corrected themselves and his metabolic levels have normalized. If you saw him today and didn't know his story, you would say he looks and acts like every other 5 year old boy in the world. 💖✨👼

posted April 06, 2014 05:51 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Let's just say I connected with a very reputable empath..wasn't even going to give me the reading because it conflicted so much with what I already believed...but I persisted..stating I wanted the truth no matter how much it hurt. The statements were like a bucket of ice being thrown on top of me. I know it was hard for them to tell me. But I could tell by the exchanges how strong the empath actually was.

I just feel like everything I have studied, felt, read, heard, listened to has just all been negated....that he is selfish, I didn't fit into his worldly earthbound ambitions and that I deserve so much better because of the deep love I'm capable of giving...but that was too deep for him to address so he hurt me deliberately so he didn't have to deal with my emotions and deal with how significantly he affected me. I was told God is protecting me because I deserve much better and that is why we are not together. I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I let Cusp affect me the way he did, only to end in such utter pain and heartache...not to mention my reputation being completely drug through the MUDD as the town believes I engaged in an affair.

I just feel like everyone has this horrible image/impression of me...like this whole thing is all my fault and I'm being punished by everyone. I really don't know what to think anymore...I feel so lost...my future just looks so .....hazy....foggy..like I can't see it anymore. And all this hope that I have received over the last two years during this difficult time in my life has just been flushed down the toilet. I wish this damned heart chakra was never opened in the 1st place....way way too painful.

Here's an example folks of progressed Pluto conjunct IC...take note.

---

I am sorry you have to go through all of this.

And yes, maybe he was a catalyst, maybe he is to play a role in your further life, too. I don`t know that of course.

But I want to point out a caveat about empaths and psychics and so on. Please remember they are just human after all, and more often than not (usually always), THEIR beliefsystem colours their reading, too. It is not intentional, and they may be genuine and really believing in what they do, but most of the time they can`t keep their own subjective beliefsystem out of the readings.

It is VERY rare that a psychic can really detach from themselves on such a complete deep level to not let that interfere.

You will have to very closely listen to what YOUR heart sais.
Of course if on a very deep trutful level of yourself (which is sometimes difficult to differentiate from the wish of being realistic or turn on the defense systems again) you feel they are right, and you feel that he is a catalyst, he most probabl is (or at least it is important for you to believe that at that point in time).

But in the end noone else can tell you what the truth is, they can give their thoughts, but then you will have to look deep inside and feel if they are true.

posted April 06, 2014 06:45 AM            

"It's only when her options have been removed, and she MUST act, she realises her true feelings - and acts accordingly."
Options are a good keyword here.
I always keep at least one other option open. IT sometimes had driven me mad that I could nevere ever really decide something or for someone, never really get that settled feeling inside, after a time the "call of the wild" will always beckon to me.
And the more I feel like I MUST stay, the more I am pulled into the, well, away.

The ironic thing is I hardly go anywhere with my body, I can stay planted for years at the same place, it is my mind and my insides - soul or whatever-, that gets this feeling I have to go somewhere else, there is something deeper, better, more truthful, I dnoīt know what. This aching and yearning for *something more*. It does not even last that long all the time, but when it happens, it can be pretty insistent. Nothing can keep me planted for long, not internally, not my mind, always exploring other possibilities. It is like that now, but what if it was more like that?
Parallel lives maybe. I donīt know.

Interestingly I was named after the heroine of a novel: One summer of happiness

The original title translates to "She`s been dancing for just one summer".

As i tried to figure the english title out, I stumbled across the information that it first aired on 17th december 1951, which really is gobsmascking thinking, that I was born on 18th december, and the birthyear of my mom is 1951.

Well, interestingly Jude was apparently named after a novel, too (Jude the obscure).

Of course it is the story of a love-triangle, and of course it ends badly.

I wonder if Mr Sag was named after a novel, too. lol

and really, if you name your kids after novels, please pick happy ones, or at least some that have a happy end and do not result in death, bitterness, pain and sorrow, can you do that for me, please?

But anyway, options, for the first time in my life I am not even - really- looking for other options. I feel so settled and content as where I am, at some times, even, it feels almost perverse to say it, happy. Like I am where I always was called to.
Well now and then the "darkness" or however you may call it, does call me, and I have to get into the underworld -that comes with the Venus-Pluto-theme I suppose, but it is never for long, and I never really get lost in it anymore.
I am now so much part of this world, and anchored in the here and now, as I never had been before.
And HE is my anchor, in some strange way he is, and that and the feeling of rightness and if there are other options, they do not have the same appeal as before to me, it scares me to be honest.

So yes, maybe that is why I am dreaming of Jude again. Actually I even dreamed of Leonardo Di Caprio two nights ago, but I suppose that is beside the point.

Anyway there is a part of me that is HIGHLY suspicious of carefree happines, contentment, peace and satisfaction. Like it is too good to be anything else but delusion.
(of course it is not even REALLY good, as we are not having a real relationship I suppose. lol).

A part of me feels drawn to the pinge of melancholy, that feeling of probably loss that makes it all feel deeper or more intense somehow.
Or as I once said to someone: "I never love anyone more than in the moments I have to say goodbye."

Or how Spandau ballet put it:
"Only when you leave
I need to love you
And when the action has all gone
I'm just a little fool enough to need you"

But putting all that aside, it is also true, that seeing him in the beginning of the year (Jude that is), affected me more deeply than I was prepared to admit to even to myself.
But it probably is the moth-and-flame-thing right there; the Heathcliff-Cathy-scenario (n spiritual terms at least).
I always wondered, why I couldn`t feel our synastry like I should, why there was some strange feel of "skindeep" to it.
But not really indifference on my part, more like there was something I really try to keep a lid on. You know box of Pandora and this kind of thing, you really try to NOT open it.

The thing is in those very rare moments, this box gets openeed a slit, and I feel what I feel (for real), it is like a gaping wound that will never heal.
And though it seems irrational, and it is not true on a mental level (I do have some liking for him mentally, surely), but on this kind of level, if that happens, the feelings I have are so darkly intense, that they seem to almost border on "hate". I don`t hate. Anyone. I surely don`t hate him. But I hate the fact that he is like a thorn in my soul, that I apparently can`t dig out, tear out, as much as I try.
This is not love either.
This is just nasty.

There probably is also a reason, and probably it is not at all that usual, that I was drawing his face (as it was when I would take notice of him), though I did it when we both were children.
Where did that image come from? I mean there must have been an image inside, so I could draw it on a piece of paper.
I have never been drawing anyone else. Just this one man.

Karmic. Definitely. Bad Karma probably. Intense karma in the very least.
Didn`t really help to register (and my friend registered it, too) the way he was looking at me.

And in a way you are responsible for this thing inside raising its head again, for your description of Atavus, brought back this dream I have had some years ago so vividly.

2007 was the year I had the dream.

In that dream I was in a church (or a similiar place), but much brighter than our churches are. A temple. Actually everything was drowned in a very bright and warm white-golden light.

I was standing a bit right to some kind of altar and face the crowd. In the first row sits Jude, and on his right side are his exwife and his two eldest sons. She is holding his hand, an apparently supporting him. On the right side before
me there is his now ex-fiance, eying them up and down.
Beside me there is someone else, whom I do not know.

To my left side in front of the altar stands an "avatar", a hooded,faceless, white-grey figure. (I don`t even know what an Avatar is; up to this dream I thought it was just an icon you use on some forums. lol
But in that dream my subconsciousness insisted on calling him Avatar.)

He is holding something up. Something like a newspaper, no a tablet, but with ancient letters and symbols on it (Now I know that
those letters and symbols are VERY reminiscent of ancient Sumerian. I realize that this is a court and that Jude is on trial. But at the same time I feel
that I am being judged, too.

Suddenly I remember a scene, which happened previously.
I was dusting my room, preparing for my departure. My mother and my sister were there, too, and I try to explain the reasons
for my choice.
I feel the need to be punished for what i have done, I really want to repent. My mother sais: "Why do you want to be a martyr?"
I answer: "I don`t seek to be a martyr. I am responsible for this as much as he is. We were selfish. And deeds have consequences, so I will pay."

Then I feel transported back to the church-courtroom.
The avatar steps towards Jude. The silence gets strained and I realize he is about to
read the verdict. He manages to look at Jude and me simultaneously and sais: "you shall be banned, living in separated worlds. And shall the two of you meet, you shall not find recognition in heart and soul, unless..."

I feel the blood rushing in my ears, so loudly, that I can`t hear anything anymore.
But then I hear the crowd whisper: "He`s cursing him. He`s cursing him not only for one life, but for countless more."

I feel like the ground is opening beneath my feet, I scream and try to run to Jude, but that person beside me restrains me. And then I yell at the avatar: "It`s my fault. It`s only my fault. Why do you punish HIM?"

But the avatar calmly replies: "Everyone makes their own mistakes. And
this one is now to repent for his."
Then he turns to Jude and asks: "Are you willing to accept the verdict?"
Jude nods, hesitantly, and then he is gone. He just disappears, only leaving an empty seat with his written name behind.

I on the other hand are getting really hysterical and yell something and
try to run to the seat.
But this person who is standing beside me puts his arm around my shoulders, holds me very tightly and sais: "There`s nothing you can do. Not now anyway. Come." And then
he pulls me away from there.

Then the scene somehow changed. That "guide" was still with me, and we were looking at a long passage, and in the distance I could see
Jude, and he was actually on his knees, and I went down to my knees, too, to crawl closer. I`m not sure why we were crawling on
the floor like animals, but we did.
I was glad to see him, I looked at the right side of his face, and it was very beautiful, but the left side was in the dark, somehow hidden in shadows. Curiously, I crawled closer, and then when I had a closer look,
I startled back, terrified, because the left side of his face was somehow distorted, there was a deep, dark wound on his cheek, with dark red blood and flesh shining through. I was terrified; not only because this wound
looked painful, but more because it looked so raw, primal, almost like an animal had caused it.

I hastily got up and wanted to leave, but this guide behind me didn`t let me and he said:
"Didn`t you want to know the truth?"
And I said: "This is not the truth. He`s not like this. I am not like this." Then I moved my hand upwards and touched my own cheek, and felt the same deep wound I had seen on Jude, which horrified me even more.
And still I went on saying: "I`m not like this, I am not like this."

To be honest I was so deeply traumatized by that dream, that I pushed it far away. Just a nightmare, right? Strange, puzzling, nonsensical.

Somehow your story brought it back to the surface. No, I don`t know what it means, but it ******* hurts just remembering it.

I just want to leave it behind, leave it in the past where it belongs.

Just some kind of karmic residue. A burden, a soul-tie that needs to be severed, as it is keeping me back.

And at the same time a good excuse to not embark on living in the Now.
Cause that is scary, too.
I am used to have this feeling, this dread, this loss, this pain and melancholy, this ache just under the surface, THAT is familiar.

But looking at someone and just be thrilled and excited and happy and jolly and wanting to play around, THAT is so unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
And wanting to be with someone just because, not because I feel I MUST, but because I WANT. Scary stuff, at least for me.

And of course I am probably trying to detach, distance myself from the outcome of seeing Mr Sag in 3 weeks. lol

EDIT
Almost funny though, but after I returned to my hotelroom afte the last performance of Mr Sag I saw, I switched on tV and stumbled right into a showing of "Cold Mountain", right into this monologue:

"How can a name not even the real name break
your heart? It's her, she's the place I'm heading. And I hardly know her. So how can a person who's maybe not even a real person -- I don't know what I'm talking about -- I have to close my eyes..."

posted April 06, 2014 07:25 AM            

composite with Jude

[/URL]

composite with Mr SAg

[/URL]

As an astrologer I of course notice that the composite with Jude is really concentrated, in 1st house.

As an astrologer I also notice that the composite with Mr Sag has Moon and Venus in 12th house, squaring Mars and Pluto framing the NN.

posted April 06, 2014 07:42 AM            

In the first case Saturn opposes pretty much anything especially Sun and NN.

It also is on the Neptune/Juno-mp, and those are semisquare each other.

The only outlet for this tension really is the trine to Uranus in Libra in 11th house.

------------------------------------------

In the second case however, Jupiter is widely opposite the Mercury-Neptune-Sappho-conjunction (wild flights of fancy and not all realistic probably, but at least it FEELS good. lol)

Maybe more importantly Jupiter is part of an exact Quintile-Yod, involving Venus in Cap in 12th and Saturn in Leo in 7th.

Jupiter is on the NN/ASC-mp; Vertex/CERES (quinkunx) and Mars/ASC.

Jupiter also gets a trine from Pluto-Atlantis in Libra in 8th house, and a quinkunx from chartruler Uranus in Scorpio in 9th house.

posted April 06, 2014 08:11 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

I am sorry you have to go through all of this.

And yes, maybe he was a catalyst, maybe he is to play a role in your further life, too. I don`t know that of course.

But I want to point out a caveat about empaths and psychics and so on. Please remember they are just human after all, and more often than not (usually always), THEIR beliefsystem colours their reading, too. It is not intentional, and they may be genuine and really believing in what they do, but most of the time they can`t keep their own subjective beliefsystem out of the readings.

It is VERY rare that a psychic can really detach from themselves on such a complete deep level to not let that interfere.

You will have to very closely listen to what YOUR heart sais.
Of course if on a very deep trutful level of yourself (which is sometimes difficult to differentiate from the wish of being realistic or turn on the defense systems again) you feel they are right, and you feel that he is a catalyst, he most probabl is (or at least it is important for you to believe that at that point in time).

But in the end noone else can tell you what the truth is, they can give their thoughts, but then you will have to look deep inside and feel if they are true.

---

I totally agree. In all matters we should decide through direct action in the real life, not through some intermediary like a psychic or astrology. And all while listening to our hearts.

You said you declared your feelings, but what did he say? I understand he is a married man. Is there some understanding between the two of you when you say "he needs to get his matters straight"?

posted April 06, 2014 08:20 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Hah! Hardly ironic. More 'storybook' to me.

---

yeah, quite telling, isn`t it?

Curiously though, the Draco tropical line up:

My chart:

ARTHUR: 21 Cap
Dr Arthur: 11 Tauru

Guinevere: 10 Cap
Dr Guinevere: 00 Taurus

Ginevra: 26 sag
dr Ginevra: 16 Aries

Lancelot: 16 Scorpio
Dr Lancelot: 6 Pisces

Camelot 19 Virgo
Dr Camelot 9 cap

Excalibur 5 Cancer
Dr Excalibur: 25 Libra

Merlin 24 Sag
Dr Merlin: 14 Aries

Mr Sag`s natal

Arthur 11 Cap
Dr Arthur 10 Leo

Guinevere 27 Libra
Dr Guinevere 26 Taurus

Ginevra 27 Sag
Dr Ginevra 25 Cancer

Lancelot 23 Libra
Dr Lancelot 21 Taurus

Merlin 11 Cap
Dr Merlin 9 Leo

Camelot 20 Scorpio
Dr Camelot 18 Gemini

Excalibur 00 Cancer
Dr Excalibur 29 Cap

Jude`s natal
--------------

Arthur 25 Libra
Dr Arthur 8 Cap

Guinevere 26 Scorpio
Dr Guinevere 9 Aquarius

Ginevra 00 Virg
Dr Ginevra 13 Scorpio

Lancelot 10 Cancer
Dr Lancelot 23 Virgo

Merlin 22 Virgo
Dr Merlin 5 Sag

Camelot 00 Aquarius
Dr Camelot 14 Aries

posted April 06, 2014 11:25 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I don't quite think so.

I finally had the chance to read through your story, tgem. I definitely have some strong feelings about it, though the 'I' part is sketchy. There are strong feelings about it.

I don't feel the karma is cleared, and the big 'STOP' keeps flashing in my head.

There's something you're missing. I'm not sure what it is.

Why is your family so against your having a relationship with him? Especially if they were in agreement regarding the ending of your marriage?

What of his 'act' does he need to get together?

Also - where are your synastry and composites located? I'd like to study them.

---

Good morning! Well it's a new day...bright and sunny here...a little too cold for an April spring day but sunny and bright. Thanks to all for allowing me to vent yesterday to you. It was a VERY hard day for me filled with heart ache and tears. I apologize for being so raw, but I was in a very low place. I truly appreciate you all responding to me with heartfelt love and advice.

Indigo- you are right- and the fact that your intuition keeps saying STOP is important....it is true that apparently the karma between us IS NOT cleared. For my end I thought it was because up until now I have been able to forgive him for how he treated and betrayed me. The fact that I did this and have come to love him even more now since he did that, I believed was a sign.

But you're right- something IS missing here.....to fill in a couple of blanks of how he betrayed me.... I walked away from our relationship/friendship whatever cold turkey in may of 2012. Although 5 houses down from me I promised myself to get over him, I would just have to never have any further contact wit him. I'm sure that devastated him inside (whether he outwardly showed it of not.). During that next year I tried salvaging my marriage, started studying astrology relentlessly but my marriage only grew colder and I eventually discovered through astrological analysis that Cusp and I were indeed soulmates of some kind. No matter how hard I tried, all the synchronicities came flooding in and I could NOT get him out of my mind. I separated from my husband the following spring 2013. I was gone from my home for about a month before my husband filed in May.

I was completely convinced that Cusp and I were meant to be together. But there was so much "unsaid" that we had not communicated verbally to each other, I just had to contact him. I wrote him a letter...very Neptunian in nature....and expressed honestly my true feelings for him, apologized sincerely for hurting him and explained my reasoning for walking away (respecting the marriages/spouses etc.). I requested he keep the letter confidential and told him even if he chose not to ever respond, I felt I needed him to read this so he had some honesty about the reality of the situation from my point of view and then my soul could have some closure. It was the hardest email I ever had to write and send in my entire life.

Not 3 hours after I had sent the email my husband called me on my cell. He told me that he had just been forwarded the email and couldn't believe I would write such a thing as "we aren't even divorced!"

Side note- HE filed for divorce 1 month prior before I even wrote the email...we had been separated by that time for 2 months.

So to get to the point, I was in utter shock! My sister was with me at the time I got the call and she recalls me literally going into zombie-mode for the next 24 hours. No Cusp never responded to me in any other way after that...that was on June 21st, 2013.

Me and my family and friends wracked our brains for months asking ourselves why he had the audacity to email it to my husband...if he didn't have the guts to write back and say I'm sorry you misunderstood the nature of our relationship..but I never had any intent of pursuing you...or he could have flat out DELETED it and moved on with his life...

But he chose the other route, not only sent it to my husband but of course showed it to his wife (my ex-friend) who chose to share the letter with our entire neighborhood of 20 some-odd houses and label me a home-wrecker. (It might be a good time to interject here that HE PURSUED ME.).

So...you ask why my family is against Cusp and I getting together? It's not that they are against per se. However they know I have never fallen in love so deeply with a man in my entire life and the have seen/heard how he has treated me....to be honest, I think part of them deep down was expecting us at some point to come together...

My husband went into vindictive mode after that, cut off all money to me (I was a housewife with no job) too where I lost over 10 lbs. because I had no money to eat, took me to court to try and legally kick me out of our house and then took me to court over our son. It got seriously ugly....

I was so distraught over what was/had happened, I finally started doing research and eventually contacted two very reputable world-renown psychics. Of course they said this was all fated to happen, my marriage was supposed to end..blah blah. But both of them predicted a re-union of him and I coming together again..his marriage would eventually end...

And I believe a couple of months later I started making the connections to the idea of him and I possibly being TF's.

I WILL say, however, that even though Mel told me I was a TF, he told me Cusp was not my TF. That was in December. This thread started in February I believe in which I discovered so many of the astrological indications that we were TF's.

And it's true...I do not know Cusp's exact birth time...so part of me has always wondered if my guess of him being a Scorpio rising is not correct (although his vindictive move of sending that letter to my husband seems about as classic Scorpio rising as you can get.)

But I will say that since this thread started, Cusp's natal (asteroids particularly) show him being a TF as well...regardless of whether he's mind or not. That's what really confuses me about this whole thing...it just doesn't add up...

I'll repost our synastry/composite for you to see..
Thanks for all the love and support to help me on my journey. Where ever it may lead me 💙💙

posted April 06, 2014 11:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Funny I stumbled upon this:

I should add that as stated earlier in this thread, even if he doesn't turn out to be my TF, the experience has completely changed me. It catapulted me out of a marriage that was based on co-dependency and security and forced me to become much stronger than I already was, living completely independent. My materialistic views have almost been completely eradicated and the financial hardships I have had to endure have put me in a place where I have very little but so very thankful for what I do have. I have learned to love myself more and balance my own needs with those of others vs. constantly sacrificing and putting all other's before me. My spiritual awakening has completely changed my views of religion and spirituality and I now, more than ever, feel more like my authentic true self and closer to God.

So no matter how the story ends, whether we eventually end up together someway or not, the experience has forever transformed me. I can confidently say that my experience/relationship with him has divided my life into two parts: the "me" I was before him (2010) and the "me" now. Two completely different (and hopefully the second better) people.

One last point: after meeting him in 2010, my son miraculously turned around health wise and has defied all the odds. The doctors are stunned and have no explanations. The Genetic tests have even corrected themselves and his metabolic levels have normalized. If you saw him today and didn't know his story, you would say he looks and acts like every other 5 year old boy in the world. 💖✨👼

I thought I'd repost your own words from 2 February. Sometimes, it helps.

---

posted April 06, 2014 11:33 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

I am sorry you have to go through all of this.

And yes, maybe he was a catalyst, maybe he is to play a role in your further life, too. I don`t know that of course.

But I want to point out a caveat about empaths and psychics and so on. Please remember they are just human after all, and more often than not (usually always), THEIR beliefsystem colours their reading, too. It is not intentional, and they may be genuine and really believing in what they do, but most of the time they can`t keep their own subjective beliefsystem out of the readings.

It is VERY rare that a psychic can really detach from themselves on such a complete deep level to not let that interfere.

You will have to very closely listen to what YOUR heart sais.
Of course if on a very deep trutful level of yourself (which is sometimes difficult to differentiate from the wish of being realistic or turn on the defense systems again) you feel they are right, and you feel that he is a catalyst, he most probabl is (or at least it is important for you to believe that at that point in time).

But in the end noone else can tell you what the truth is, they can give their thoughts, but then you will have to look deep inside and feel if they are true.

---

posted April 06, 2014 11:41 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
I totally agree. In all matters we should decide through direct action in the real life, not through some intermediary like a psychic or astrology. And all while listening to our hearts.

You said you declared your feelings, but what did he say? I understand he is a married man. Is there some understanding between the two of you when you say "he needs to get his matters straight"?

Anyway, if you two are friends as you say, only between you two the matters can be decided, through real interaction.

---

I agree LeeLoo. As my last post stated, he never responded to me directly when I expressed my feelings to him. That was almost a year ago. Instead I've been de-friended and blocked on FB, and completely ignored.

When I say we are friends I say that with the belief he had forgiven me for hurting him and walking away. As I had forgiven him for sending the letter to my husband and this making the last year of my divorce a living hell.

posted April 06, 2014 12:06 PM            

Ceri: I hope you had a wonderful time at the performance and looking forward to seeing if anything developed❤❤

posted April 06, 2014 12:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
I agree LeeLoo. As my last post stated, he never responded to me directly when I expressed my feelings to him. That was almost a year ago. Instead I've been de-friended and blocked on FB, and completely ignored.

When I say we are friends I say that with the belief he had forgiven me for hurting him and walking away. As I had forgiven him for sending the letter to my husband and this making the last year of my divorce a living hell.

But here's the reality...I don't KNOW anything. We have not spoken..we have not communicated verbally to eachother at all in Two years. Doesn't matter how many tarot readings, psychic readings, astrological synastry/transits, heart chakra activations, soul/dream experiences I have...the REALITY I have no concrete answers...he has chosen not to give me any.

---

Thank you for sharing the whole story with us.

You may not want to hear this and I am probably not in any place to have the right saying this, and I might be wrong, but my instant thought when I read about himrwarding your email to your husband (if it was him, and not his wife), was: "What a complete ******* ! He doesn`t deserve her at all."

Seriously, no matter what kind of soulrelationship you have to each other, that is no way to treat someone you love!

posted April 06, 2014 12:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Ok...time to get off my soapbox!

Ceri: I hope you had a wonderful time at the performance and looking forward to seeing if anything developed❤❤

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At what performance?

WEll I was just mentioning the last one, but that has been a month ago, well the next one is just 3 weeks round the corner. I will let you know.

posted April 06, 2014 02:03 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LeeLoo2014:
Hi, tgem
I am sorry you had to go through all that.
I'm still confused about your story:
How did you hurt him? Did he declare his feelings for you and you rejected him?
And how did he pursue you? You said he was the one pursuing you.
I'm trying to figure out if him sending the letter was an act of revenge or something else. Your story is very confusing to me or maybe I missed some important bits.

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You're right LeeLoo, the story is confusing as I have left so many of the details out. This is really going to get into the nitty gritty so please bear with the details.

Bottom line...I was friends with his wife first..when he and I starting playing on a volleyball team together we became good friends as well. Eventually him and I learned we had much more in common with each other than we did with own spouses...classic scenario for an affair, looking back but even at the time, I considered myself a loyal, loving spouse that would NEVER cross that line. Eventually instead of calling my husband to set up get togethers and hang out Cusp started calling/texting/FB'ing me all the time. Eventually the body language between us was undeniable..as a grown woman you're just programmed to know when a man is interested/shows interest toward you. He made it so blatantly obvious over time...but our friendship was so natural..that it was like we could talk about anything...however I always tried to respect his wife and back down from scenarios that he would propose knowing it could progressively send us down that slippery slope. He's a venus in Pisces...would make me song playlists (which had some pretty romantic/sexual content in them.). I've posted some of those in past pages on this thread. He even told me he loved me once...playfully, of course in front of a bunch of people and even kissed me on the cheek one New Year's. The reality is he wasn't happy in his marriage..I was being emotionally neglected and suffering from a very controlling spouse so I wasn't happy either.....he picked up on it and chose to pursue the areas where the holes were...maybe thinking it was all innocent....at first. There is no doubt in my mind that he fell for me EVENTUALLY as i did him...even though I was in denial about it for months. However I did something foolish. By that time, the insecurities, game playing with him (typical ego intervention you hear about in the TF stages) had gotten full force and after receiving one too many threatening/passive aggressive comments from his wife, I had a talk with her and told her "if she considers me to be a threat to her marriage, she has nothing to worry about". Part of it was true..I would never actively engage in actions that I believed to be an affair on my own accord- and I knew on my end at least it was going that direction. I knew I had to stop it...but because of the Intense fear I had of being utterly rejected for coming clean with my emotions toward him, I took the easy/cowardly way out. I knew the only way to get him to stop calling/texting me was to tell her I had no intentions of anything with him....plus he had just gotten done saying something that totally hurt me and gave me the fear be was playing with my emotions several days prior so i was mad as hell. I did elude to the fact that he called/texted me frequently but she, of course, defended his actions. And, of course, my plan worked. He never called or texted me again. However instead of approaching me and laying the cards on the table whether it was to blatantly clear up any misunderstandings there were toward the nature of our relationship or just to tell me what a sh***y move I made..he never did. And of course so much of this was me being so terrified of being rejected by him so I lied, partially lied, to his wife about my intent. Of course I DID NOT want an affair... But how do you say to someone's wife ,"oh and by the way i'm completely head over heals in love with your husband but let's all go on and continue all being friends and hanging out!!! UH....no. However, regardless of whatever good intentions I (maybe him) had of nothing happening...it did. I remember one more instance of the four of us in a social situation that finally put me over the top and i knew from that point on i could not socially engage with either of them anymore. That was in May of 2012.. The last time I ever spoke to him or her. He proceeded to relentlessly hound my husband for months asking why I wouldn't speak to him or his wife anymore..yet with our friendship as close as it was, he never pursued ME privately to confront the issue. Nor did he ever contact me to address the fact that I was getting divorced. Mind you we had been best friends with this couple for two years!!

My communication with him sucked! It was all non-verbal.."the stare"...the chemistry. Just look at our synastry and composite! The chemistry was so extreme (again regardless of birth time...) it was virtually impossible to fight it...LeeLoo...think bulletproof relationship??!!! It was IQ who told me months later that him and I were married in another life and had several sexual relationships over several lifetimes....

Anyway..so that the details. Is there a chance Cusp's wife tapped into his email, found the letter and forwarded it herself? Absolutely...many people wonder if that's in fact what happened...especially since a neighbor told me they were "both" furious about the situation. Why would he be furious about something like that unless he got caught??!!!

And here's the kicker. Cusp and my husband were good friends at the time. Why would Cusp have sent that email knowing how it would affect my husband..(or maybe not.).

OR did he send it to him to show him how much I believed to have been emotionally neglected in the marriage...but walked away in order to save the marriage...yet my husband still filed for divorce!

I don't know....it's sooooo messed up. KARMA ...ya think??!!

So to re-iterate, the empath yesterday told me Cusp sent the email with the intent that it would cause so much havoc between my husband and I (which it did) that I would totally move on from him since he couldn't deal with the messy emotions.

Was that Cusp's thinking?......or was that HIS WIFE'S thinking??!!!

Well no need to catch up on your daily fix of "Days of our Lives" LOL 😒

posted April 06, 2014 02:06 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Thank you for sharing the whole story with us.

You may not want to hear this and I am probably not in any place to have the right saying this, and I might be wrong, but my instant thought when I read about himrwarding your email to your husband (if it was him, and not his wife), was: "What a complete ******* ! He doesn`t deserve her at all."

Seriously, no matter what kind of soulrelationship you have to each other, that is no way to treat someone you love!

And yes I know I am too idealistic probably, so do not take me serious.

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posted April 06, 2014 02:10 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
At what performance?

WEll I was just mentioning the last one, but that has been a month ago, well the next one is just 3 weeks round the corner. I will let you know.

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posted April 06, 2014 02:20 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Next stop will be Switzerland, 26th april.
17th may after that.
And then 9th june and then 26th july I think? Not sure.

You think I am overdoing it?
And I even only booked tickets for like very other opportunity. The man sure likes to keep himself busy

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"You think I am overdoing it?"

posted April 06, 2014 02:25 PM            

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAZ2c60YM0w

posted April 06, 2014 02:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I am just listening to that video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAZ2c60YM0w

And find myself thinking: WEll if that is so, then you can keep my TF, and instead let me find the one I can share the deepest most truthful, uplifting, most intense romantic love and most blissful emotional and physical experience with.

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