posted April 19, 2014 11:29 AM            

But it also was associated with Tammuz-Adonis (the one of Babylonian Ishtar, ou know?) and also with Osiris.

Also, whenever I am in England his symbol follows me everywhere. lol

And I do remember 2 years ago when I was in that small medieval town, I went out to something they call a pagan temple, which is not really one, but hat is beside the point. I ended up in a part of the forest, of course far off the official path, and I felt, I donīt know, like I connected to something in there, and also like I had come back (maybe I was a pagan priestess or something like that in a past life), and suddenly the name Cerumnos was very strongly in my mind, it was only after my silent talk there, and when the bell of the tower was striking 12 - I kid you not, it struck 12, and I had not been aware of that before, it was only then that I noticed how all the birds and animals had grown silent, like the world was holding its breath waiting for something, and it was only when the birds started singing and the other animals rustling through the undergrowth again, that I even noticed how silent it had been for a few minutes before.

posted April 19, 2014 11:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:

I can't stop smiling at this.
You two look like a couple lol.
How adorable

---

posted April 19, 2014 11:38 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Indigo- I'm having the worst time getting on your site..it says I'm registered but I just can't seem to get in will continue to try..

---

Yeah. I've been a pretty bad network admin, what with my monster in law poisoning my husband against me so that he physically attacked me Wednesday night.

Yeah. Uh huh. YEAH.

A day after my cat recovered from literal toxic poisoning from the peace lily leaf he ate.

Mmm hmm. YEAH.

Cardinal Cross is hitting me in full swing now.

Needless to say, I'm very behind. I'll go on and see what's going on tgem. Did you register as tgem or something else?

I've set it to send confirmation emails, but, y'know. Nothing has been working anywhere for a week! So. There's that.

posted April 19, 2014 01:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Yeah. I've been a pretty bad network admin, what with my monster in law poisoning my husband against me so that he physically attacked me Wednesday night.

Yeah. Uh huh. YEAH.

A day after my cat recovered from literal toxic poisoning from the peace lily leaf he ate.

Mmm hmm. YEAH.

Cardinal Cross is hitting me in full swing now.

Needless to say, I'm very behind. I'll go on and see what's going on tgem. Did you register as tgem or something else?

I've set it to send confirmation emails, but, y'know. Nothing has been working anywhere for a week! So. There's that.

---

posted April 19, 2014 01:08 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

gosh, that sounds awful.
I hope you are okay

---

I am. I'm stunned, but I'm okay. In front of his daughter, too. Had an instantaneous recall.

1930s. Deep American Depression-era. My stepdaughter was my young son, and I was a meek brunette with tightly curled hair. My husband was raging and leaving us for the woman who's now his mother. My son was crying, and I was thinking, 'that's it. We can't do this anymore. I won't subject us to this anymore.' (In so many words. I might've been brighter than my opportunities allowed.) And I realised I was letting him go. This is as my husband is dressing and preparing to leave - in the present. And I suddenly felt the pull of - NO. This is happening again BECAUSE I let it go. And my whole life thus far has been a battle for self-respect (2H SUN-PLUTO-BML in Libra, of course.)

And my husband's and my skipped step is JUNO. Commitment.

We were all in shock, but I held it together. I stood very firm, remained completely calm, saying 'WE are a FAMILY. And we're going to ACT LIKE ONE. NOW.'

Ironic, considering it ALL erupted because of the MIL's game-playing and mind games, and the fact my mother will NOT stand for it - with good reason!

Nothing 'broke through' immediately. He had no epiphany - outside of realising what he'd done. I get the sense he's a bit in shock still - even if he was still bullying me afterward for a few days.

It was nearly identical to how it happened with my ex before him, too. Eerily so. Same situation. I just saw it coming and moved out of the way before he could make contact. But he still grabbed me. In front of his daughter.

YEAH.

NESSUS-SUN-SATURN-PRIAPUS, loves. 10H. Exercise caution with these men. MUCH.

I couldn't believe my calm, my laser focus. But also, my insight.

I said, with total certainty, I was so beaten down in that marriage (and that life) that even though he was an alcoholic monster and a classic abuser, the fact that he left and died in an accident less than a week later - with his paramour - left me horribly scarred. I ended up feeling like I failed completely - everywhere. As a wife, a mother, and a person.

I'm pretty sure I died from some illness that terrifies me today. Only when I 'signed on' with my husband did I fear that I was secretly dying of a terminal illness of which I had no clue.

We also have a SATURN-NEPTUNE opposition, incidentally. Yeah. The same SATURN which conjoins his SUN, and that NEPTUNE which is my 7R and sextiles mine.

COINCIDENCE? ... I think not.

I DO feel that something 'broke', though. And to have my absolutely beloved Cheshire fall ill - with no clue as to WHICH it was - one being bad, the other being very bad ....

It divided us completely.

I prayed. I drew strength from my family. I stayed calm, but trusted one of my dearest soulmates (lemme tell you THAT story sometime - he's the only boyfriend I've ever had that taught me the meaning of true love - and it was at 17!) who's one of the best vets I know. He told me to be prudent on this - leave nothing to chance. Yes, it's probably just the common cause, BUT. JUST IN CASE. DON'T assume.

My husband thought I was overreacting. Ask me how much I gave a @&$! about what he thought.

We got him to the vet in time to get what we needed, learnt of the cause being toxicity, but manageably so, and I nursed my angel back to health.

And wondered WHAT am I DOING with my life. Personally.

Now my father's written the most beautiful 'find your Twin Flame - I found mine,' song EVER written, and I'm ... I'm SO ...

I'm so lost.

Oh, my husband's over his rage episode. Now.

But I'm wondering ... is this WORTH it?

Oddly enough, Fate and I've been in much better contact lately. I can feel him. Everywhere. And I realise now that he's not involved with his coworker. It's obvious to me. NOW it's obvious. . Cripes.

But he was flabbergasted (as usual) at one comment I made on a photo he uploaded. How I knew EXACTLY what he was trying to convey. That it's, as usual, like I read his mind.

Yep. Yep. That's not changing.

My mother looked through the photos his mom and he've shared of their family with me last night. She said, 'I can feel how well we'd get along.'

AUGH. I KNOW! ME, TOO!

And I showed my frustration. She said 'don't get angry. Just stay focussed. But don't wait until I'm too decrepit, either.'

Duly noted.

Question is ... WHAT?

So. That's where I'M at, presently.

I'm happy to help you guys get situated on my site, though. Lemme know what issues you're having.

And, yes, Ceri - that photo conveys EVERYTHING about you. And I can see SO much connexion and energy between you and Patrick in those shots. It's undeniably there.

posted April 19, 2014 01:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

But I'm wondering ... is this WORTH it?

---

sorry I have so little time now -w ill come back later.

But to answer your question

NO

*Stomps foot*

NOT worth it. You deserve so much more.

Seriously, I know every situation is different and everyone has to think about consequences and everyone has their own path, but everything inside of me wants to grab you by the shoulders, shake you and shout:

"Get out there. NOW!"

Indigo,
I hope you will forgive me for what I am saying now, but I NEED to say it.

You are stuck in an abusive marriage, no excuses, no rationalizations. You are locked up, like in a jail, just worse.

Maybe I donīt understaned anything of it, maybe there are shades of grey there, but right now to me it feels very EITHER.... OR.

As long as you are stuck in that hole, you are never going to be free and able to do what you are meant to do, whatever that is. This, this is holding you back.

Yes, I know about your stepdaughter, I know how much you care about her. But it can`t be the solution for you to get abused like this. This is just not right.

And yes, maybe I see it all wrong, but right now I feel just so very concerned for your wellbeeing, not only the physical, but most of all the emotional and spiritual, and I am far beyond angry with your husband. How does he DARE laying so much as a finger on you? I mean seriously, HOW DOES HE DARE???

posted April 19, 2014 02:40 PM            

did you check your 12th harmonic (Dwad) with Fata?

I just notice:

You have a Venus-Uranus-opposition running from 13 Cancer to 14 Capricorn,
And his Saturn-MC is on 13-14 Capricorn

his Moon-Pluto on your JUNO opposes your Sun

posted April 19, 2014 02:42 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

And, yes, Ceri - that photo conveys EVERYTHING about you. And I can see SO much connexion and energy between you and Patrick in those shots. It's undeniably there.

---

posted April 19, 2014 06:20 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

sorry I have so little time now -w ill come back later.

But to answer your question

[b]NO

*Stomps foot*

NOT worth it. You deserve so much more.

Seriously, I know every situation is different and everyone has to think about consequences and everyone has their own path, but everything inside of me wants to grab you by the shoulders, shake you and shout:

"Get out there. NOW!"

Indigo,
I hope you will forgive me for what I am saying now, but I NEED to say it.

You are stuck in an abusive marriage, no excuses, no rationalizations. You are locked up, like in a jail, just worse.

Maybe I donīt understaned anything of it, maybe there are shades of grey there, but right now to me it feels very EITHER.... OR.

As long as you are stuck in that hole, you are never going to be free and able to do what you are meant to do, whatever that is. This, this is holding you back.

Yes, I know about your stepdaughter, I know how much you care about her. But it can`t be the solution for you to get abused like this. This is just not right.

And yes, maybe I see it all wrong, but right now I feel just so very concerned for your wellbeeing, not only the physical, but most of all the emotional and spiritual, and I am far beyond angry with your husband. How does he DARE laying so much as a finger on you? I mean seriously, HOW DOES HE DARE???

[/B]

---

Indigo...I have had a feeling about you and your situation for quite some time now. No, I'm not nearly as psychic as you and Ceri with how you can feel things but maybe I'm dismissing something that is stronger than I originally believed.

I AM IN TOTAL AGREEMENT with Ceri on this. I've kept my mouth shut for a while now, but I believe this is the time to say I feel you are/will be going through THE EXACT same thing I did. There is a reason Fate is back in your life and you are connecting again...please don't be offended but I feel he is the key to the ending of your marriage. I hope you remember everything I told you in the past about TF's breaking apart the social Paradigms and status quo. This day and age is about doing away with marriage out of obligation and security. Yes, you are a devoted wife (as was I) but things are changing now...at a very rapid pace. You can still have a wonderful/supporting life with your step-daughter...you really can...as I have a wonderful life with my son and his father has one with him too. You DONOT deserve to be in any kind of abusive marriage whether it's verbal, physical, emotional or neglectful. I've had a feeling for a long time that your marriage will end...how can you and Fate fulfill your destiny otherwise? You are not a bad person if it ends..remember that. Ironically it's been 1 year ago today that I left my husband...wow can't believe that. You have a profound destiny in store for you- you know that. DO NOT let your fear of what's not accepted in social/society to deter you away from that...it's taken me two years to learn that one. Also remember, if Fate is truly your TF, it's a relationship protected under God...it will fulfill it's purpose. I was never really able to see how Fate and your husband could both be in the picture at the same time.

Please don't take offense...I'm just being perfectly honest with you having heard your story and having gone through practically the EXACT same thing. Regardless of whether your husband and you can work through the issues that just happened, you DO NOT deserve to be in an abusive relationship!

Maybe you have already done this? What does your composite say with your husband? Do you have any hard Uranus aspects to the personal planets? Where are the generational planets transiting right now? Is your composite being hit hard by that cardinal cross?

posted April 19, 2014 10:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Indigo...I have had a feeling about you and your situation for quite some time now. No, I'm not nearly as psychic as you and Ceri with how you can feel things but maybe I'm dismissing something that is stronger than I originally believed.

I AM IN TOTAL AGREEMENT with Ceri on this. I've kept my mouth shut for a while now, but I believe this is the time to say I feel you are/will be going through THE EXACT same thing I did. There is a reason Fate is back in your life and you are connecting again...please don't be offended but I feel he is the key to the ending of your marriage. I hope you remember everything I told you in the past about TF's breaking apart the social Paradigms and status quo. This day and age is about doing away with marriage out of obligation and security. Yes, you are a devoted wife (as was I) but things are changing now...at a very rapid pace. You can still have a wonderful/supporting life with your step-daughter...you really can...as I have a wonderful life with my son and his father has one with him too. You DONOT deserve to be in any kind of abusive marriage whether it's verbal, physical, emotional or neglectful. I've had a feeling for a long time that your marriage will end...how can you and Fate fulfill your destiny otherwise? You are not a bad person if it ends..remember that. Ironically it's been 1 year ago today that I left my husband...wow can't believe that. You have a profound destiny in store for you- you know that. DO NOT let your fear of what's not accepted in social/society to deter you away from that...it's taken me two years to learn that one. Also remember, if Fate is truly your TF, it's a relationship protected under God...it will fulfill it's purpose. I was never really able to see how Fate and your husband could both be in the picture at the same time.

Please don't take offense...I'm just being perfectly honest with you having heard your story and having gone through practically the EXACT same thing. Regardless of whether your husband and you can work through the issues that just happened, you DO NOT deserve to be in an abusive relationship!

Maybe you have already done this? What does your composite say with your husband? Do you have any hard Uranus aspects to the personal planets? Where are the generational planets transiting right now? Is your composite being hit hard by that cardinal cross?

Much love to you-just trying to help 💙💙

---

Yes, I COMPLETELY agree, 100%.

Indigo,

Your situation reminds me a lot about my parents'.
They can't part because of society, what others will think, security, etc. Their religious/cultural background is another block. But more importantly, its because of me. They think if they remained together, I'll have a better upbringing and future. However, they don't realize how abusive and scaring it is for me to have to deal with their daily crap... Rather its made my relationship with them very dysfunctional. They are now using me as a scapegoat.

And I hope and pray that doesn't happen with your step-daughter, although I know it won't, because clearly you are a very conscious and aware individual, and you both love her dearly.
But I'm just saying, the age shes at right now is very tender and sensitive to this kind of thing. She gets to witness it all, the dynamics between you and your husband and she absorbs those energies.

Like tgem said, you still can have a wonderful relationship with her even if you and your husband did part. You needn't feel guilty at all about ending things, you have a right to be happy and to live your life in freedom. And that too with someone who loves, respects and appreciates you as much as you do them, someone who is on your wavelength; spiritually, mentally, emotionally, etc.
But that is not the main focus here, the point is, you have to take power into your own hands and start living for yourself rather than for someone else who doesn't deserve you.
I always thought there was a reason Fate was still in your life too, and honestly I also never saw you and your husband in it for the long haul, I am sorry to say. It is an experience you needed to go through for your soul growth and now you are at different levels, there is no more growth happening, rather its taking a toll for the worst.

Please think of what your life could be like rather than how it is now, you know you deserve the best. Don't limit yourself, go after your joy path!

posted April 20, 2014 08:36 AM            

[/URL]

See that REALLY close orbed Moon-Saturn-JUNO-conjunction in Libra?
trine the ASC?

The black circle is at approxmiately the degree, that would be needed to complete a Grand Trine with my Moon-Saturn-Juno and ASC. Approximately in 23-26 Aquarius.

I also took a mental note that the 12th harmonic DESC falls onto my basal (1st harmonic, radix, natal) Sun-Mercury-conjunction with Mercury being DESC-ruler.

But this pattern is even more astounding:

[/URL]

Uranus-VESTA is a bit out of orb (5 degrees for a trine to EROS is REALLY pushing it), but still almost part of it, it would have been better, had it been on about 12 or 13 Aries.

Interesting this STar of David falls very closely to the heliocentric composite Star of David

posted April 20, 2014 08:52 AM            

[/URL]

posted April 20, 2014 09:03 AM            

his 12th PRIAPUS is on 9 Aries. lol
(right on my natal Alice.)

posted April 20, 2014 09:26 AM            

Thank you, Matt Hussey and Disney ;

"Some people are worth melting for."

posted April 20, 2014 08:57 PM            

Indigo, I know we didn't talk directly but I've read your threads and recently lurked here often. I have to say although I have different lifestyle from you, I have come to know what a strong and remarkable person you are. And I know eventually you'll find the way to your happiness as well as your stepdaughter's. Of that I have no doubt. Just want to let you know that I believe in you and it's an honor to be here and getting to know you.

posted April 21, 2014 03:43 AM            

Anyway reading through all this has been pretty interesting, I apologize in advance for the long post but I've been thinking about "unconditional love" a lot lately (neptune transits) and how that works with the TF theory. I know I've written too much about this Cancer guy and I realize how delusional or obsessed refusing to let go of something he apparently didn't care about makes me seem, and I was starting to think maybe it is just craziness.. Which it might be but with this grand cross and the eclipse in Libra hitting the composite things have taken a weird/unexpected turn.. After over a year of no communication I had learned I'd been wrong about certain assumptions and realized imo the lack of closure was partially because we'd both been unwilling to cut the tie entirely (although in opposite ways). And after catching up/making small talk it seems as usual there are weird synchronicities, our lives seem to be aligned on the same track and the same timing despite having other plans. Anyway I won't go into the boring details but we're both trying to branch out professionally right now and he out of nowhere suggested we "team up" on a business idea.. (well it wasn't entirely out of nowhere, I had brought it up casually knowing he'd probably be interested-but without any expectations or actually suggesting we do it together) And he now wants to Skype about it this week... internally I was just thinking really?? I mean 6 months ago he wouldn't have given me the time of day but my understanding of things has come full circle and I've really started to step back so maybe he can sense that.

Anyway I've been curious about the geometric patterns in TF charts. Also the issue of "good vs. bad" aspects and whether the intensity can be channeled in a positive way with maturity or awareness... Our composite is slightly intimidating and definitely not condensed. So idk if that just indicates being "soulmates" or how it can be defined really but I'd appreciate thoughts or first impressions. Even though it's wide I think the grand cross formed by Chiron makes sense in the "larger picture" connecting all those squares. For some reason I was having issues getting all the asteroids to show up, but have included some of the basics. There's no Juno-Alma, but Alma is 12 Cap conjunct Neptune, Valentine and Juno are both 4 Sag, Psyche is 2 Gemini...

On a side note I also notice dreams have been a theme throughout this thread, and weirdly enough one of the last times we saw each other he gave me a dream catcher as a gift (he'd bought it while visiting family in another state and said it's just something he thought I'd like, which I did it's actually very pretty and I liked that it's authentic). Since things went downhill though I haven't wanted to see it as it was a painful reminder of everything, but I've been thinking about digging it out of hiding lol. I've never "communicated" with him in dreams but have woken up exactly when he's called/texted even though my phone was on silent. So anyway sorry for rambling, here's the chart...

eta, wait sorry to sound uninformed but I went to read further back and can someone please explain this astral-projection business? It's common to do this without remembering it? That would explain a lot lol

posted April 21, 2014 04:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tulipe:

Indigo, I know we didn't talk directly but I've read your threads and recently lurked here often. I have to say although I have different lifestyle from you, I have come to know what a strong and remarkable person you are. And I know eventually you'll find the way to your happiness as well as your stepdaughter's. Of that I have no doubt. Just want to let you know that I believe in you and it's an honor to be here and getting to know you.

---

posted April 21, 2014 08:07 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
In Jungian psychology, rather, yes. But that's fine; Jungian is the school of which I'm most fond, even though Freud had some excellent insight. It wasn't until Jung that it really culminated.

As to 'reality is a hologramme' - preachin' to the choir. That became a message I was sending far and wide when I was 16, so, I'm well aware.

HOW it's holographic is far more interesting. I believe the answers to that lie in modern (quantum) physics. Trouble is, few can really wrap their head around nonlocality and multidimensionality.

Reality, from what I can glean, is more of a crystal lattice, comprised of tiny, vibrating particles which form glorious spectra. While we're still aways away from isolating the coveted 'time particle', I feel our progress in understanding the lattice structure will one day unlock the secrets of true hyperdimensionality.

Have you read Michael Talbot? He has some wonderful insights into the subject. 'The Holographic Universe' is naturally the place to start, if you haven't just yet.

I'm inclined to agree that there's a holographic nature to Soulmates. But not all Soulmates. I start feeling uncomfortable if too much 'fragmentation' starts going down in my quantum philosophy

This might be a good time to link an article from a couple of years ago:
http://aubianne.com/blog/2012/10/31/twinsouls-as-superpartners-part1/

There's a definite 'QP 101' feeling to it, I'll admit, which will be yawn-inducing for those already familiar with M-theory.

---

Ok I know this is random but in all honesty quantum physics has become somewhat of an obsession for me lately and I'm definitely convinced it relates to astrology... It really is weird how I keep coming across more and more info on this/people who have a deeper understanding lately when I would've been previously oblivious (although I've understood the basic concept of the metaphysical even before consciously knowing why I was drawn to it)