posted February 22, 2014 10:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Ugh...the WORST!!! I can feel your pain. Ya know I wonder if I have felt the same thing at times? He's still married, as I mentioned earlier in the thread. Yeah, I totally hear you..I really really do.

---

tgem, hugs to you.

Yeah, it hurts.

posted February 22, 2014 10:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Yes, I wonder too lol.
I hope I don't run like a chicken geez.

I used to always think that if I ever saw him I would run in the opposite direction for dear life and never look back lol, as much as I wanted the physical meeting to happen

But I'm not scared anymore.
If it happens, then it was meant to.
I will just go with the flow... ^_^

---

Heh. You may surprise yourself with just how much terror a person can feel despite themselves. It's natural to feel confident and then terrified; vice versa, rinse, repeat. I certainly didn't think I'd get to where I couldn't even answer the phone. Heh.

posted February 22, 2014 10:44 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Ok, I'm going to go there....

Raise your hand if you've been sexually intimate with the person you believe is your TF?

---

Oh, well, I'm not getting to the story, am I? And this question? Well. Now you all may REALLY think I'm nuts.

I know what you're asking. PHYSICALLY sexually intimate, on this plane, right? No. But physically sexually intimate on the etheric or astral plane? Yeah.

It shocked me right into wakefulness when my astral self saw his physical self staring at me in shock. He was lying on his back, in his bed. I was suspended in the air near him. I KNEW he was aroused. I sure as h*** knew I was. And then WHAM, I awakened back in my own bed. Completely frozen, unable to move my body for several seconds.

And laid there, eyes wide open in shock. WTH?

I could describe the general layout of his bedroom, the furniture placement. Obviously, I had never "been there" before.

Roughly a year later (I had left my marriage at this point and was living on my own), I awakened, hearing, "Oh, **** !!!!". The bird's eye view I brought with me told me where I had been. I saw a horizontal slice of bedroom, male legs running from the bed backed by a dresser. I was suspended over the bed. This time when I found myself in my own bed after awakening, I was flooded with the most beautiful sense of peace, of completion, of "All is right with the world".

These were apparently astral projections, for wont of a better description. Involuntary astral projections. I've been all OVER the net looking for something that would help me to assimilate it.

Do you THINK the guy might have reason to fear me?

Little does he know it shocked the h*** out of me as well....

This might not have been where you were going Gabby, but in my own way, my answer is yes.

The date of the first event was February 16, 2010.

I would post charts if I could get them to photobucket.

Me: 10-01-1959, 1;59am, Redwood City, CA

Him: 5-27-1964, unknown birth time, Santa Clara, CA

The two charts that "feel" like they could be right for him are 4:30 am and 11:11 pm. I still need to cast a chart with a Libra ascendant and see how that feels.

The progressed charts were unreal with all of the psychic stuff I saw, including Vertex activity. (Wait. The Vertex stuff might have been for my "awakening" dream. That was 9-27-2009.) God, I wish I could post charts.

posted February 22, 2014 10:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
I miss that. I've been missing that link lately.

I had so many times where a thought of him would fly through my mind and that was simply that. A thought. Other times that thought would fly through but there was - *something* - different. And I KNEW. KNEW he was thinking of me right at that moment. This didn't happen often. He doesn't know what to think about me. I scare him. He simply has no clue what's going on and I scare him.

He met someone on the very day I had the oddest synchronicities with him. I still find that so ironic. THE SAME DAY. And he romanced her and married her about a year and a half later. The entire time he was courting this woman, I was still being awakened by his strong emotions. I would awaken knowing he was making love to her. (PAIN in the heart chakra.) I would awaken when I felt his fear about me. He just doesn't know how to categorize me or these experiences. They're too weird.

I was so tired of feeling this connection to a man who was out doing his own life, involved with someone else. I started petitioning the Universe to kill the link. I didn't want to feel "him" anymore. I wanted out.

And somewhere along the line, the Universe listened. I can't even purposely "tune in' anymore. I do sometimes get hazy impressions of his emotional state, but it isn't clear anymore. No more direct link.

I never thought I'd say this, but I miss it. And I realized last night while reading this thread that when I was in such agony and asking for the link to be closed, my heart chakra was open. In order to close down the link, I shut down my heart.

And so now I'm praying for it to be opened again. It was opened for a reason - I'm the one who shut it down. Destiny has its own game going here. Who do I think I am to fight it?

Regarding the butterflies and the heart chakra and the solar plexus. (Shoot. I need to tell this story. I'm all over the place again.) More synchronicities. A couple of weeks ago, I was running errands. Two unexpected sightings of his name. HIS name. Because of his business. And then I, who seldom plays the radio in the car because I'm weird and like silence (so I can think) turned on the radio. And not one minute later, heard "him" on a commercial for his business. Butterflies. In the heart and that grab in the solar plexus.

I'm never, ever prepared for this. It hits me every time like it is the first. Well, not nearly as intensely as the first time, but it HITS.

Bottom-line, I'd like my link back, my direct channel. It was gifted to me for a reason.

I can't tell you how at home I feel with all of you, reading all of your posts. Finally, FINALLY, some kindred souls who get this. Whatever "this" is.

Michelle

---

Gosh, Michelle
I'm so sorry you had to deal with that

A while back when I was in fear mode, I tried to break our connection too, but it was for the stupidest reason.
All because he was who he is. He is well-known, and for that he has a over a million obsessed girls after him.
THAT is what got to me and made me go into denial and guilty for my feelings. I was angry at myself, telling myself to wake up and not become "one of them".
And obviously, now I know I'm not lol.
I tried blocking him out of my mind. But he would keep haunting me.
Out of the blue I'd just start feeling him, and no matter how hard I tried to shake it off and distracting myself, it would get only get stronger and stronger.
So I tried severing the connection. I hated that I was so attached to him.
I tried the cord cutting thing but failed miserably LOL.
Like you, my heart chakra felt the most torterous pain imaginable. It felt like it was being violently stabbed and ripped apart, while my tears were flowing like a river. But I ddn't stop there until I saw a vision of him.
It was clear as day. It still makes me shiver and send shockwaves of pain to my heart, literally.
In the vision, he had his hand over his heart/solar plexus and was bending over in pain, crying, and begging me to stop.
He told me I was crazy for what I was doing. LOL he was telling me
I couldn't bare to see him like this, and the pain I was in either, so I had to stop right away.
I realized I was playing with fire lol.
Cutting him off felt like cutting a limb.
He is like a part of me, not just that but he IS me.
I then became very sick at that time and went into depression.
All for a man who I wasn't even a fan of and didn't know, but felt the deepest bond and intimate familiarity towards.
And I was never the one to feel so deeply for just anyone, never before have I felt my soul so moved and come alive because of a man.

posted February 22, 2014 11:02 PM            

Yes. Just. Yes.

posted February 22, 2014 11:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
You can live your life with him on your mind.
Maybe that`s possible.

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
I'm trying..I really am. All things happen for a reason I keep telling myself. But anyone else (my family, friends, therapists) think I'm a total mental case.that's why I'm here (on this forum) you people are the only ones who I can tell my story to and understand what I've gone through...even if you have differing opinions on it. I don't talk to anyone else about it...they just frankly don't understand. As a matter of fact, just last week my father told me my interest in astrology has hindered my life! I don't even discuss it with them anymore. So I've found friends here...thanks for listening/reading everybody.

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:16 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Lol, I've been doing it for the last 6 years...
It can be painful at times, the longing and the pull... though I would rather have that than not know of him at all

---

I'm pretty much with you on this one as well.

Would I like it to be different? Yes. Do I wish I was more outgoing/younger/hipper or whatever it would take to catch his eye (if he was still single)? Yes.

But he seriously saved my life when his soul came to me in a dream. The abuse in my marriage was escalating and I was getting hurt. I was in so much despair that I simply didn't even know how to get myself out. OUT. I was dying from the inside out.

He saved my life. Another path opened up and it wasn't written in stone that I was stuck with my husband (ex).

For that I'll always be so grateful.

The rest is... well, it is what it is. Whatever that is!

posted February 22, 2014 11:19 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Ugh...the WORST!!! I can feel your pain. Ya know I wonder if I have felt the same thing at times? He's still married, as I mentioned earlier in the thread. Yeah, I totally hear you..I really really do.

---

Oh I'm sorry...
I didn't know he was married.

posted February 22, 2014 11:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Ok, I'm going to go there....

Raise your hand if you've been sexually intimate with the person you believe is your TF?

---

Does etheric body intimacy count?
LOLOL jk..

But yes I would imagine that the chemistry with a TF will naturally be very high and off the charts, because they share the same vibration and are originally a one entity.
So they would naturally be magnetized to one another and want to become intimate and be close, in order to feel that natural state of ONE-ness again.

posted February 22, 2014 11:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
Lavender, these words so speak to me. I edited out the others because I'm not in a position to contact him. He's married. He's doing his life. He hasn't "recognized" me. (Or if he has figured out that something really different is going on, he's just too freaked out by all of it to be able to see ME.)

But I love your words about the work of Higher Self. That rings true. And I've always, always both loved AND said the words "Everything happens for a reason".

In my case, his arrival literally awakened me. Dreams. Brought me right out of a state of despair so deep, I was nearly unrecoverable. (There's a reference to this happening in "Journey of Souls"; of the soulmate coming to the partner in dreams.) The awakening enabled me to get healthy enough to leave an abusive relationship, to shed some weight, to start embracing joy again. And set me firmly on a spiritual path.

The spiritual path appears to be integral to the reunion of twin flames. I didn't set out on this path FOR the reunion. It was simply the natural next step for me. But I'm WELL AWARE that doing what I'm doing opens the possibility for my twin flame's own awakening.

Who knows? Another mystery unfolds... But I'm holding onto everything happening for a reason!

---

Its crazy how just KNOWING of that individual can trigger so much change huh? Lol

posted February 22, 2014 11:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
I tried the cord cutting thing but failed miserably LOL.
Like you, my heart chakra felt the most torterous pain imaginable. It felt like it was being violently stabbed and ripped apart, while my tears were flowing like a river. But I ddn't stop there until I saw a vision of him.
It was clear as day. It still makes me shiver and send shockwaves of pain to my heart, literally.
In the vision, he had his hand over his heart/solar plexus and was bending over in pain, crying, and begging me to stop.

---

Yeah. I remember my own experience. There's an odd 'digital' theme of sorts, I think, because of the way out relationship began. I'd get random 'digital' screencaps from nothing and nowhere into my mind, bearing his name. So, like you, I had to do something.

For me, it was strange. I decided I was going to disconnect, to detach and let go. I'd read it could (theoretically) be done (but, hey, it's all theory, really) and I'd written that scene, so I felt it was time. February 2013.

(I think that's when I first heard 'Innocente', too. It's been haunting me lately as well, but not like 'Climbing', heh.)

I closed my eyes and started a meditation.

In my mind's eye, he was seated across from me. Doing the same. Then he looked up with the most confused look upon his face; like he wasn't sure what I was doing.

But then as I moved - he'd move.

Ever play that mirroring game in an acting class? It's like that. I'd move, he'd mirror me. Finally, in this empty blankness, I didn't know what else to do, so I gave up.

Bewildred, I said, 'what the hell are we supposed to do?' He sighed, equally perplexed, (calling me by my nickname, the one only family, and soul family, use. When he first started using it ... it was the first time someone not in that exclusive club had. Audacious? Maybe. But it felt so, so, right. I'll never forget when he called me by it after he'd told me the truth. That was amazing. Anyhow.) He said, 'I dunno, (nickname). But not this.'

That was pretty much it. Not this.

posted February 22, 2014 11:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
My curiousity lies in the experience itself. Here's why. TF's say making love is a whole different experience- a spiritual experience yet there is the romance/sexual attraction. My question would be "how is it different than with others in the past?" What was really so different about it?

I wonder because of the following aspects: as I mentioned before, I've been in love, had crushes etc. but the sexual chemistry between this guy and me was OFF THE HOOK! I mean, I'm a pretty conservative gal, don't really flirt too much..always been kinda shy around guys. But honestly with this guy, it was like we could seriously RIP eachother's clothes off! I never had that feeling with anyone-not even my husband!

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kerosene:
So I'm in at the airport waiting for my flight to texas.
The universe is constantly testing me because all this crazy drama is just arising and I have to make so many decisions
Something really tragic has happened and asked me to be with them..
I know what happened and I can't even say it because it's so horrible...
I don't even want to think about it.
The thing is he's never begged me to do a favor for him ever...
Extremely emotionally independent (Venus in aries)
of course I would come because I still care.

but idk.. my love life is a mess and far from simple...
i have a feeling how this is all going to end Im ready for it... I mean it's my destiny I guess.

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
God, I wish I could post charts.

---

Rest assured, Michelle, my mom's done much the same before. It freaked my father out, too, but, well, as he likes to say, 'you're a witch! A good witch - but a witch!'. The uncanny resemblance to Elizabeth Montgomery has never really helped her case, either. 😉

posted February 22, 2014 11:39 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Does etheric body intimacy count?
LOLOL jk..

But yes I would imagine that the chemistry with a TF will naturally be very high and off the charts, because they share the same vibration and are originally a one entity.
So they would naturally be magnetized to one another and want to become intimate and be close, in order to feel that natural state of ONE-ness again.

Just my two cents lol.

---

Hence the HG.

Did you get my comment / question? Up at the top of page 34?

I meant page 37. Thanks, Merc! Aaaand you replied before I could even edit this.

posted February 22, 2014 11:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Lavender,

As you'd recently mentioned receiving a reading from iQ, how'd that go? Did you contact him? Did he contact you? Did he ask for your data? How long was it until he got back to you?

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:41 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Heh. You may surprise yourself with just how much terror a person can feel despite themselves. It's natural to feel confident and then terrified; vice versa, rinse, repeat. I certainly didn't think I'd get to where I couldn't even answer the phone. Heh.

It's a BIG difference when you've actually met and are in contact.

---

posted February 22, 2014 11:51 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
Oh, well, I'm not getting to the story, am I? And this question? Well. Now you all may REALLY think I'm nuts.

I know what you're asking. PHYSICALLY sexually intimate, on this plane, right? No. But physically sexually intimate on the etheric or astral plane? Yeah.

It shocked me right into wakefulness when my astral self saw his physical self staring at me in shock. He was lying on his back, in his bed. I was suspended in the air near him. I KNEW he was aroused. I sure as h*** knew I was. And then WHAM, I awakened back in my own bed. Completely frozen, unable to move my body for several seconds.

And laid there, eyes wide open in shock. WTH?

I could describe the general layout of his bedroom, the furniture placement. Obviously, I had never "been there" before.

Roughly a year later (I had left my marriage at this point and was living on my own), I awakened, hearing, "Oh, **** !!!!". The bird's eye view I brought with me told me where I had been. I saw a horizontal slice of bedroom, male legs running from the bed backed by a dresser. I was suspended over the bed. This time when I found myself in my own bed after awakening, I was flooded with the most beautiful sense of peace, of completion, of "All is right with the world".

These were apparently astral projections, for wont of a better description. Involuntary astral projections. I've been all OVER the net looking for something that would help me to assimilate it.

Do you THINK the guy might have reason to fear me?

Little does he know it shocked the h*** out of me as well....

This might not have been where you were going Gabby, but in my own way, my answer is yes.

The date of the first event was February 16, 2010.

I would post charts if I could get them to photobucket.

Me: 10-01-1959, 1;59am, Redwood City, CA

Him: 5-27-1964, unknown birth time, Santa Clara, CA

The two charts that "feel" like they could be right for him are 4:30 am and 11:11 pm. I still need to cast a chart with a Libra ascendant and see how that feels.

The progressed charts were unreal with all of the psychic stuff I saw, including Vertex activity. (Wait. The Vertex stuff might have been for my "awakening" dream. That was 9-27-2009.) God, I wish I could post charts.

---

Woah O____O
I can definitely relate. but I feel it mostly happen when I am just going about my day.
And all of a sudden I'd start sensing him in "THAT" kind of way LOL.
He just won't leave me alone for even a few hours... 😓😂

posted February 22, 2014 11:58 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Yeah. I remember my own experience. There's an odd 'digital' theme of sorts, I think, because of the way out relationship began. I'd get random 'digital' screencaps from nothing and nowhere into my mind, bearing his name. So, like you, I had to do something.

For me, it was strange. I decided I was going to disconnect, to detach and let go. I'd read it could (theoretically) be done (but, hey, it's all theory, really) and I'd written that scene, so I felt it was time. February 2013.

(I think that's when I first heard 'Innocente', too. It's been haunting me lately as well, but not like 'Climbing', heh.)

I closed my eyes and started a meditation.

In my mind's eye, he was seated across from me. Doing the same. Then he looked up with the most confused look upon his face; like he wasn't sure what I was doing.

But then as I moved - he'd move.

Ever play that mirroring game in an acting class? It's like that. I'd move, he'd mirror me. Finally, in this empty blankness, I didn't know what else to do, so I gave up.

Bewildred, I said, 'what the hell are we supposed to do?' He sighed, equally perplexed, (calling me by my nickname, the one only family, and soul family, use. When he first started using it ... it was the first time someone not in that exclusive club had. Audacious? Maybe. But it felt so, so, right. I'll never forget when he called me by it after he'd told me the truth. That was amazing. Anyhow.) He said, 'I dunno, (nickname). But not this.'

That was pretty much it. Not this.

So, I mourned. I cried. I accepted my understanding of reality had changed - or just raged against it. I allowed myself to feel as if my entire being was destroyed. Over time, I rebuilt it. Now, I can't believe it, but I'm grateful.

---

Aww
Glad you accepted it Indigo

posted February 23, 2014 12:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Hence the HG.

Did you get my comment / question? Up at the top of page 34?

I meant page 37. Thanks, Merc! Aaaand you replied before I could even edit this.

Thaaaanks, Merc.

---

posted February 23, 2014 12:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
I'm pretty much with you on this one as well.

Would I like it to be different? Yes. Do I wish I was more outgoing/younger/hipper or whatever it would take to catch his eye (if he was still single)? Yes.

But he seriously saved my life when his soul came to me in a dream. The abuse in my marriage was escalating and I was getting hurt. I was in so much despair that I simply didn't even know how to get myself out. OUT. I was dying from the inside out.

He saved my life. Another path opened up and it wasn't written in stone that I was stuck with my husband (ex).

For that I'll always be so grateful.

The rest is... well, it is what it is. Whatever that is!

---

I can relate to this, too. He brought out in me what my ex wasn't, and inspired me to follow the lyrics of a song which spoke heavily to me then:

Look around just people;
Can you hear their voice?
Find the one who guides you to the limits of your choice.
If you're in the eye of the storm,
Think of the lovely dove.
It's the experience of survival,
Holds the key,
To the gravity of love.

He inspired me to fall in love again. A very dear soulmate came into my life as the sheer catalyst, and I left. 4 years, and I just picked up and left. Ended it 14 November 2007. 20 December, I moved out; grabbing all I could and stuffing it into Soulsister 1's car. He was in NY celebrating Christmas with money he didn't have with friends who evidently hated me. (I wonder why.) And I never looked back.

Man. Did things change. I'll never forget the way he was when I was newly unattached, single again. Sigh. The fact he could just deny all of that .... Anyway. Fear. It'll do that.

So, from one abuse survivor to another, I hear you, Michelle. I feel you. Gabby does, too, in this regard. We've all been there.

There's a permanent, but harmless scratch on the outer lens, over my cornea, on my left eye, where he hit me. Only once. Once was enough to start planning The Escape. (Year-long, but at least planning.) It's only visible in very bright environments. A little dark speck on the edge of my vision, left eye.

A reminder. An effective one.

When things began to deteriorate in my marriage, it was largely due to my husband's egoism and selfishness. He freely admits that now. He began dating and later married a shell of a woman, whose heart had been locked away; who believed someone needed to make her into someone lovable, worthy of someone else.

But then I remembered how I was loved in my last relationship - and not by the man I was with. It was the combined companionship of Fate and the man who's now my husband that got me through.