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Author Topic:   Twinflame Astrology: Techniques, Investigations, Validity
Ceridwen
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posted February 23, 2014 04:36 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
well, well well


next weekend SERENDIP will be on 16 Scorpio, our composite MC, opposite composite Eros.

Almost conjunct his natal Valentine (2-3 degrees orb) and on my natal Lancelot exact. lol

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 04:41 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Okay, let me catch up. I think I'm on page ... 38?

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summerlite
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posted February 23, 2014 04:43 PM           Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
hey ceridwen,

I don't think Juno/Jupiter, Hera/Zeus should be left out. I actually read before that Hera represents oneness after marriage. I doubt that it's a bed of roses after TF unite and continue into marriage.

I agree isis/osiris, eros/psyche's story etc sound more twinflamey but what happens again after union? Perhaps Juno/Jupiter, Hera/Zeus would point to that.

Maybe it's to signify phases.

------------------
http://astrolofting.blogspot.com

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tgem
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posted February 23, 2014 04:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Sometimes I swear he can hear my thoughts. LOL

He just, too often, his actions are so much like a response to my thoughts, my "dreams". But THIS, he never puts photos from the past on his site. There is no other man who is so much in the present.

Of course just minutes later he changed his profile image again, and put one online from his current engagement. The very role I am going to see him in coming weekend.


I must have been talking too much about him. ol probably his ears hav been ringing all weekend.


Well I suppose we do not have a DW Mercury-Neptune-conjunction and a Psyche/Pallas-Psyche conjunction for nothing. ROFL


My right ear started ringing again a little while ago. Hasn't done that in a while...I really think there's something to that...man he must be going nuts with all the ringing in his ears!!!

BTW we have mercury trine neptune and Pallas/mercury DW, Pallas/Saturn DW, Pallas/neptune DW. His Pallas also sextiles my sun and is quincux my Uranus.

We have Pallas/psyche DW as well tight!

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Gabby
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posted February 23, 2014 04:46 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Gabby     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
well, well well


next weekend SERENDIP will be on 16 Scorpio, our composite MC, opposite composite Eros.

Almost conjunct his natal Valentine (2-3 degrees orb) and on my natal Lancelot exact. lol


Wow!! Wonder what will come of that??

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Ceridwen
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posted February 23, 2014 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Ceridwen     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Indigo,

in his case probably the fact that his Sun is exactly on GC and Moon and MC just 2 degrees off it, combined with the earthines of Mars-Jupiter-conjunction in Virgo and a Pisces-ASC.

His ASC is also involved in a pattern with Venus, saturn and Uranus.


Saturn on his DESC, trines Venus and sextiles Uranus
Venus sextiles ASC exact, and sextiles Uranus
And Uranus apparently trnes ASC.


Also in relation to the fact that he reprised the role of Jesus 3 or 4 times (I lost counting. lol), I find it interesting that he has JESSE conjunct his ASC (3 degrees) and YESHUA exactly on his DESC (and SAturn. lol)

PHOLUS on his ASC, but from 12th house, and oposite YEshua.


EVA conjuncts MARY in 1st house, and MARY on the antiscion of JESSE and YESHUA.

MAGDALENA trines MARY exact.


SAbians? Draco in brackets


ASC:
Watching The Very Thin Moon Crescent Appearing At Sunset, Different People Realize That The Time Has Come To Go Ahead With Their Different Projects

(he is always involved in a gazillion projects)

(The Sight Of An Autumn Leaf Brings To A Pilgrim The Sudden Revelation Of The Mystery Of Life And Death)

JESSE:
Light Breaking Into Many Colors As It Passes Through A Prism

(A Man Becoming Aware Of Spiritual Forces Surrounding And Assisting Him)

YESHUA and DESC:
A Boy With A Censer Serves The Priest Near The Altar

(The Possibility For Man To Gain Experience At Two Levels Of Being)

MARY
Two Lovers Strolling On A Secluded Walk


In helio

his JESSE opposes his MARIA and sqzuares his MAGDALENA


Maria-Mercury-Angel all on the same degree 24-25 Libra. Spica/Arcturus.

A Pregnant Woman In Light Summer Dress

The Sight Of An Autumn Leaf Brings To A Pilgrim The Sudden Revelation Of The Mystery Of Life And Death

A Young Woman Awaiting A Sailboat

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tgem
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posted February 23, 2014 04:54 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Sorry, Ceri. I'm delayed today, so, 👍.

I get a major vibe off that guy, too. Major.

What is it with late Sag men?


Wow, yes very talented...cool to see a face fit the name (aspects..). Wow.

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:00 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by micole maree:
This was a notification waiting for me on Facebook.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=71UQMrmKHUk

It reminds me of you, Indigo, saying something like "maybe the point is to love unconditionally". I think you nailed it. I'm beginning to think the trap is to limit this *experience* to how we think of romance. This thing is bigger than that.

I also noted that this video said something about twin flames coming together "through all dimensions". ALL dimensions. Which explains some of these unfathomable experiences we've had, doesn't it?


Yes! Exactly. For me, I think he came to me when I was being abused and had truly settled and given up on any notion of true love because I had to change my understanding. Transform my whole concept.

That's been because of my husband. We're a rather influential couple in the alternative lifestyles community because of our exploring things that most spouses won't. It's given us a deeper bond, a better relationship, and the understanding it's about unconditional love.

My husband clearly gets this because of his unusual understanding that it's not about possession or monogamy but love on as many levels. He knows that there's something up with Fate and me, for whatever reason, and he can't help but accept that there's a lot we both don't know. It's changing his perception of reality, too, and he's learning how to love unconditionally because of me - and I chose to do so because of Fate.

It's a chain reaction stemming from unconditional love. I like that concept a lot.

Thank you for sharing that with me.

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:10 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Tgem,

I MUST second the creativity sublimation. I wouldn't have survived 2010-2013 without my creativity. I did SO much singing, writing, charting, plotting, counselling, studying, learning - and it ALL mattered.

I felt I had no choice. I'd otherwise just go insane or never get out of bed. I'd be a zombie, void of any heart or soul.

And now there's a sort of diary of those years, told in creative works. So many scenes, songs, and experiences.

It got me through.

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by tgem:
Yes!! Exact same hint happened to me! My heart chakra became so sensitive and in constant pain, it through me into a deep depression. My family thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I, as well, eventually left my marriage. I loved my husband too much to make him go through that. He deserved being with someone that has such an incredible effect on like this guy had on me....I truly hope he finds it one day...I really do.

I did have a nervous breakdown. Two, actually.

I went back into counselling. My husband and I were hanging by a thread, but the reality was, he had some severe issues with narcissism and would use bullying and emotional abuse to get his needs met. Otherwise, he's a swell guy.

We stayed together because we love each other too much, and knew we'd chosen this for something - who knows what? And I wasn't about to put my stepdaughter through another divorce. Period.

It's complicated, but my husband needed to experience a kind of Taoist suffring; he has a strange soul-based need to suffer for love. So he let go of so much ego, learnt (slowly) to forgive, and to accept that we're always evolving, and no one should expect someone to stay the same. Especially if that person was dependent and afraid; if they'd lost their spirit, and were deciding someone else should make them into someone loveable.

It took my husband awhile to accept that the person I'm becoming is better. That the woman who would accept him because she had no belief in herself was a broken, hopeless shell of a person. He's finally come to agree that this is better. It's scarier - loving an equal; someone in whom you can be in awe, and are afraid of losing. But, hey. That's part of it.

So, you let your husband go because of your depression and didn't want him to suffer with you? Did he want to leave?

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by micole maree:

Four and a half years at the end of March.


8. In July. 😉

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MorpHnStorM
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posted February 23, 2014 05:35 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MorpHnStorM     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
Hey guys, sorry I went MIA for awhile...Last page I was on was in the early 20s and I had these charts that I was going to share:

Helio Composite:

Davison:

A couple of things I remember at the moment; the asteroid psyche, and some asteroids relating to home fall within 0-2 degrees of 26 Sag in our helio. I also just noticed those 11s in there (lol). Alma is @ 17 Can in he charts. There are plenty of links in synastry and between natals and these other charts and I'm working on logging them. There are 4 themes that stand out. There were some other things I was going to share, but unfortunately I don't recall what those things were at the moment. Lots of catching up to do.

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:48 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by tgem:
I know we all have been posting songs that describe what we have gone/are going through.

I was late to the party on this one, but he shared two songs with me - okay, three; (heh, the first one makes me chuckle now). I sent him several, naturally, under the same sort of vague pretence - basically just posting to my Facebook because I liked how it came out.

In 2007: ''I Won't Say I'm In Love' (yes, from Disney's Hercules. Cripes.)
• Back before he'd told me the truth, he'd asked me if I could do this one. Heh.

In 2012, after he'd confessed, I'd asked for a couple of songs to test his range. I think he chose one to represent both his upper and lower registers.

They were:

'The Worst Day Since Yesterday' by Flogging Molly
'Disease' by Matchbox Twenty

The first one is probably one of the most depressing songs ever. I was definitely concerned, until I realised that, honestly, he's just in a low-level, constant depression. I do the best I can.

The second one didn't really hit me until a soulsister pointed it out. 'You think it's coincidence?' I thought nothing of it. 'It's Rob Thomas. He's showing his tenor range.' There are several other Matchbox songs he could've used. Huh. Good point.

So, that's the one, I think. Thaaaat was his not-so-subtle way of reminding me he'd not forgiven me. Even though he supplied the nails - and hammer - for that coffin. Anyhow.

Here's 'Disease':

Feels like you made a mistake.
You made somebody's heart break.
But now I have to let you go.
I have to let you go.

You left a stain,
On every one of my good days.
But I am stronger than you know.
I have to let you go.

I got a disease,
Deep inside me,
Makes me feel uneasy, baby.
I can't live without you;
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it.

Keep your distance from it.
Don't pay no attention to me.
I got a disease.

Feels like you're making a mess.
You're hell on wheels in a black dress.
You drove me to the fire,
And left me there to burn.

Every little thing you do is tragic.
All my life, oh, was magic.
Beautiful girl,
I can't breathe.

I think that I'm sick;
But leave me be,
While my world is coming down on me.
You taste like honey, honey;
Tell me, can I be your honey?
Be, be strong -
Keep telling myself -
That it won't take long,
'til I'm free of my disease.

Yeah, free of my disease.
Free of my disease.

Set me free of my disease.

So, I guess he feels it, too, huh?

Sigh.

Tough stuff. All of it. Tough, tough stuff ....

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 05:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by tgem:
Actually I have the opposition natally...Eros opposite psyche (wide 3.4)

He has Isis and Osiris in the same sign Leo, although too wide to be conjunct.


I do, too, tgem.

Sometimes, I wonder if when it's too wide for a conjunction, but just-almost it's indicative we ARE destined to know our Twinflame, or high level Soulmates, depending, but BE with them?

I'm not sure.

Maybe there's something to the fact it's not conjunct? That it's close-but-too-far?

I know, and admit, it's intriguing, as someone said, the fact that Fate and I have the exact same wide-almost-but-not-conjunct angle, 9°, I think, except in opposite directions, which then end up exactly conjunct in the composite.

You said yours are conjunct in the composite, right? Is it the same way? His are near conjunct, and so are yours? Then they are conjunct in the composite?

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 06:18 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
iQ said he was likely my twin flame, but there was things that didn't make sense for him to be my twin flame! My Eros/Valentine/IC was exact on his Valentine, cap@9-10
His Saturn taurus@11, my Juno virgo@12, his NN/SN pisces/virgo@10
Sun/Moon exact and ton of soulmate couples exact including Osiris/Isis exact opposed Taurus/Scorp@15....seriously I think we had like 15 pairings of couples aspecting exact! His psyche on my Vertex my Alma on his Vertex, his vertex exact square my NN.
His Sun/Moon mid point was exact conjunct our composite Sun my Sun/Moon midpoint is exact on our comp Moon! His Draco angel is on my tropical Venus and my Draco angel is on Trop Venus.
BUT....this is HUGE.......his Nessus exact on my Psyche and square my Dejanira!
If that wasn't there I think it would have been a slam dunk that he was my twin flame! I hope he isn't because I got hardcore screwed!!

The moment we met he woke up something In me and I've never went back...I started healing the moment we met! His energy alone heals me....but something else about him hurts me so deeply! It's like I can't breath when I allow myself to want him and know I cant have him!
It's easier to not allow myself to think about or want him!
As far as sex......I don't think I've had an orgasm with another man since him! I stopped trying eventually and even stopped dating! It hurt to much to try to open up to another!
What was sex like? Insane! Physically it was urgent and the world vanished around you, kind of felt like you were floating, you feel like your vibrating and a pinkish aura around you maybe that sounds weird? But it's like an out of body experience!
He was traveling all the time and if he was anywhere around me within a few states we would drive 3 hours to meet in the middle just to spend a couple hours together and then head back because he had to be at work!
We did this weekly for months! Once he was called and told he had 1 day before he was going to have to leave the country for a month, so he jumped on a plane and flew to see me for 5 hours and then flew back home and got ready to leave!
We got told over n over we glowed when we were together. He surprised me one time , he flew to see me and showed up at my work...he came up behind me and gave me a big hug! I turned around and it felt like the world disappears and instantly everything around me was electrified( I can't explain it any better than that?)
But what was really funny is the people that were staring at us....they said it was like a Christmas tree was just lit up! Our first date, the lights went out in the restaurant and they had to light candles for us! Lol
I hope he isn't my twin flame! I want someone who is with me not all over the world and chooses that over me!


Oh, Gabby. What on else could that be? :hug:

Let him grow. Let yourself heal. Give yourself time.

I used to be unable to think of him for even a moment. Even now, I can't allow myself to imagine him. I can't. It's too hard, and I'm under the present impression, despite so many saying otherwise, that it won't ever be. Why torture myself?

And ...

It's not the way it used to be.

Oh, sure, I'm still fifteen years old on the phone with my first high school crush who's hung the moon - THAT can't change ... :rollingeyes: but ... it's not the way it once was.

I can NOT think of him. I actually DON'T long for a passionate relationship with him. I CAN'T see us being sexual.

But ... there was that dream just a few days ago.

Where, after spending those days together in the dreamstate, when we were getting ready to leave, I had a fleeting thought:

'This is it?'

It was disappointing. My heart was racing. This was IT?

I clearly wasn't comfortable with that. But here, in the now, in the present, I'm dealing. I'm accepting.

I think I have to. Just in case. Not necessarily in case I'm wrong, or it isn't true. Just in case it still really will never go beyond this.

That THIS ... IS IT.

But I don't feel that for you, Gabby. I don't.

But I suggest you do as I am. Live as if it is. In your case, be so, so grateful for the relationship you had, and don't dissect it for want of 'WHY?'. Instead, accept that it very well might just have been the beginning. A taste.

So, do what you must do now, and keep being pragmatic.

I'm certainly not hoping. I never have, really. I think I'm here because I'd like to know. I know LACHESIS is important. And that may be IT. We may always simply have LACHESIS, and nothing more.

Will that be enough?

It may have to be.

Am I okay with that?

... Do I have a choice? I do what I have to do.

Ever hear Sarah McLachlan's 'Do What You Have To Do'? I covered that one several times in 2012.

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MorpHnStorM
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posted February 23, 2014 06:25 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for MorpHnStorM     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I do, too, tgem.

Sometimes, I wonder if when it's too wide for a conjunction, but just-almost it's indicative we ARE destined to know our Twinflame, or high level Soulmates, depending, but BE with them?

I'm not sure.

Maybe there's something to the fact it's not conjunct? That it's close-but-too-far?

I know, and admit, it's intriguing, as someone said, the fact that Fate and I have the exact same wide-almost-but-not-conjunct angle, 9°, I think, except in opposite directions, which then end up exactly conjunct in the composite.

You said yours are conjunct in the composite, right? Is it the same way? His are near conjunct, and so are yours? Then they are conjunct in the composite?


I have the same thoughts about this too...

@ Gabby, that's a tough one....Sounds like you had some amazing experiences though.

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micole maree
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posted February 23, 2014 06:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for micole maree     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I found a post the other day of IQ


"Those with a conjunction of SoulMate Pair Asteroids like PSYCHE+ EROS or ISIS + OSIRIS are destined to find their true love Soulmates or even Twin Flames in this very incarnation."

and

"If we have to settle tons of karmic debts, and we yet have the True Love placements in Natal [like Eros conjunct Psyche, or Isis conjunct Osiris in my own case], our partner will have
a) Saturn exactly aspecting our love asteroids [JUNO is also powerful in this case as Ceridwen's research is showing]
or
b) Saturn aspecting our own Saturn and karmic objects plus a mirror aspect of the love Asteroids.

I should put up the synastry of me and my wife here, it is an excellent example.

I have ISIS conj OSIRIS exact.
Her Saturn squares my Saturn and her Ascendant squares my Ascendant exact.
But she also has ISIS conjunct OSIRIS exact."
http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum28/HTML/000744.html


Okay.

I got pretty discouraged when I saw the helio of my and his chart. I really don't see anything there. But the lack of a birth time might be affecting this too.

Ceri, thanks for pointing out later (earlier today) that this soul pairing shows up in the NATAL.

I have Isis/Osiris conjunct by one degree.

His Saturn is 5 deg Pisces trine my Juno 5 deg Scorpio. (My Juno conj Neptune; don't know if that's significant. Perhaps I'm delusional about all of this, lol?)

You all are so fast at this. I don't have a working printer so I'll be doing it the hard way. And I need to go and refresh myself on orbs for quinkunx and semi-sextile. Are we doing quintile? Because that one's new to me.

Just a quick note because I can't keep up with all of you. You all touch my heart. What you share. How DEEPLY you share.

Love to you.

Off to work on this stuff again...

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Lavender CrystalSwan
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posted February 23, 2014 06:59 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for Lavender CrystalSwan     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
If you ever get to be around him look for things on him that look like you/yours...like me n this guys hands look identical except his are bigger, same finger shape, skin color and tone, texture, nails...we even had scars in the same places on our hands! It's was eery how much they looked alike!

That's really freaky...
Same thing with us lol.

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micole maree
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posted February 23, 2014 07:08 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for micole maree     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Gabby:
If you ever get to be around him look for things on him that look like you/yours...like me n this guys hands look identical except his are bigger, same finger shape, skin color and tone, texture, nails...we even had scars in the same places on our hands! It's was eery how much they looked alike!

Gabby, I noticed this as well. We both have small mouths, not quite proportionate to our faces. And they do something sorta weird when we're talking. (I hate watching my mouth in the mirror when I talk...)

He's a tall, large-framed guy so I don't see a similarity in our limbs at all.

But this is weird. He married a blonde the first time around. I've never seen her, so I don't know what she looks like.

The fiance he had for about two years after his divorce has facial features that resemble mine. Also blonde.

And the new wife? Facial features also resemble mine. Also blonde.

My facial features aren't all that ordinary. I'm blonde but not the stereotypical California blonde.

And me? I've always, always been attracted to tall, dark and handsome. DARK. Never blond.

Yeah.

It makes me wonder about soul memories and how they affect our conscious choices.

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IndigoDirae
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posted February 23, 2014 07:43 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
The Blue Moon in 26° AQU-LEO on ATLANTIS and REGULUS has affected me in a very profound way. In some ways, I'm constantly vacillating, in others, my dreams are incredibly intense, mostly involving him, and if I'm awake, I'm a total space case.

But I think I'm understanding something.

While he's the one man I've managed to be in love with for several years, affecting me in the exact same capacity, with just the same (if not greater) intensity, no matter how much distance or time between us, or when we last interacted, I'm coming to a strange truth. A realisation.

I've experienced some things which, evidently, 'gifted' me with an on-off switch in terms of my empathy; I guess that'd be my Heart Chakra. It doesn't FEEL closed.

But then I don't feel joy. I feel calm.
I don't feel intense pain. I calculate.

I'm actually operating more rationally and logically than I used to. But I see this as progress. As growth. As developing certain skills I need to be an effective leader.

I just can't fall apart if others are to look to and depend upon me.

Does my heart leap at his name - anywhere? On anything? Yes. Do I still panic when he calls, despite feeling an intense yearning to talk to him? Of course.

Would I be disappointed if we weren't 'to be' ?
Of course.

But I'm also reevaluating what that even means.

As a storyteller, if your throughline involves a love story, then you have to decide who will 'end up together'. Hollywood has been terribly influential in shaping human consciousness in the same vein that oral tradition had since before it. The 'Happily Ever After' thing feels like a part of what I'm here to deal with somehow.

But we're also seeing shifting foci. We're seeing more stories that end up with a solo heroine returning to resolve ties with her family, the protagonist choosing both men, and several who instead decide to devote themselves to a cause or ideal. We even have a female detective who prefers to have casual affairs over bothering with balancing career and family.

Things are changing. But how much?

Twinflames remind us of the innate need for balance of energies. Black and white. Light and dark. Yin and yang. Masculine and feminine.

Those who are here to raise the consciousness are doing so in an era that is seeing tremendous social change. Many aren't marrying, those who do look upon it with selfishness and an attitude of ditching it when they realise it was for the wrong reasons, sex has become unnatural, complicated with artificial means creating sensations that the human body can't process, leading to an addiction to THINGS rather than the ability to freely enjoy a natural, beautiful act.

It was Fate who made me realise I'd lost touch with my innate feminine sexuality, in my effort to satisfy my husband's need to explore his anima. I'm grateful I have, but once I had, I realised I was done.

I've now achieved balance of masculine and feminine. I understand male sexuality in a way most women don't, and I've reawakened my feminine sexuality, even if I've yet to satisfy it. Oh, well. Least of my worries.

But if a Twinflame is here to reunite with their opposite energy, do they not have to create a balance within themselves first? I ask, because he and I began finding discord when I followed my husband's map to satisfy his needs.

I was becoming too masculine. Sexually dominant, even if it was out of fear. I later realised that a woman's need - a NEED - to be sexually dominant, out of a fear of being submissive, stems from a desperate need for control out of fear. An inability to surrender.

If there's anything these soul connexions do, across the board, it's force us to surrender. Prior to them, we've held off, kept a distance, been overly intellectual or mental - maybe not even aware of our emotions, or sensuality, or - heaven forbid - sexuality.

I noticed, that while I don't feel joy, I feel pride - in my accomplishments, in seeing the fruits of my labour, in helping others. While I'm not euphoric, I'm even-keeled.

I'm neither aggressive nor passive. I show patience, temperance, and judgement. If I must take a stand, I do so.

I find no pleasure in discord. None. I hate fighting. I've no desire to cause pain. I have no trouble with bringing catharsis. I can be a loving, but firm disciplinarian.

I'm no longer afraid to surrender.

I no longer think crying makes one weak. I don't think emotions means one is inferior.

I don't hate my sexuality anymore, nor despise myself for being innately a sexual being.

I know nothing. Nothing.

I have many theories, and just as many feelings. I'll trust my gut, but I won't ignore my logic. What I feel, I'll still measure and weigh. I have to use all of the tools in my arsenal before I can allow my instinct or intuition to take the point.

But I've definitely changed.

The experiences I went through with my husband, the way Fate put me on a rollercoaster and through the wringer, the way my soulmate reawakened my desire to be feminine again - and I let him.

And here I am now.

Do I truly think I'll ever be with Fate?

No.

But I don't know what that means.

I won't leave my husband. If it becomes known to me that we should take different paths, then it will. But it hasn't yet, and my stepdaughter is a crucial part of this. She needs me in her life.

I probably block a lot of the feelings I have for Fate, as a means of self-preservation. It may be why joy is fleeting, and euphoria, elusive.

If I never have the chance to experience with him what we're meant to, to the depths and heights, to realise our full potential, no, I don't think I'll be happy. But I'll survive. I will survive.

That's enough, isn't it?

I could go the rest of my life with a kind of mild dysthymia; a low-level depression, with spikes going through certain places, hearing particular songs, seeing many things, depending.

Everything in the world reminds me of him, since just about everything is in some way something we share, or enjoy.

So, I won't run. But being in close proximity to him for any period of time - I'm not sure I could do that. I might be a cornered animal: don't get close to me, and I'll be okay. Let me go somewhere else, and I can deal with this on my own. Don't be near, and I can force my mind elsewhere.

That does concern me.

He and I are here to not only write this together, (much of it) but also perform the roles we created. That, I'm sure, is part of our destiny - be that as it may.

Can I do that if we stay just like this?

I don't know. A part of me becomes enraged; and further infuriated because I can't blame him for being scared. I am, too! As my mother said, yes, I realise it's true love. So? ... So?

I agree that we should never move beyond this point. But when it comes time to do this, I'm not sure how much my logic will hold.

If iQ does happen to say that yes, we are, and we're here for LACHESIS, that I'll understand.

Maybe some Twinflames are simply here for platonic unions, despite the intensity of their feelings or attraction.

Sigh.

He called me perfect. I heard it in his voice, even though he'd written it. I stared at the word. Perfect. Ideal. His ideal.

But because of the depth of our emotional intimacy, the intensity of our history, the sheer lack of anything remotely casual - no. He's simply not attracted on a sexual level. That I'd hurt him too much, or he's too afraid. Something.

What's weird is, I get that. Now. I feel attracted to him in every way, too, but I can't go ... THERE. I can't ... it's not ... it's not sexual. It just isn't. Not anymore.

So that might be the rage. That's why I can't help but think of Starbuck and Apollo's fight. Sex is off the table, so that leaves war.

:rollingeyes:

How Lochlan and Fiona. Heh.

I can't escape it. No matter how I try.

Heh. How Lane to Fiona, December 2007.

Sigh.

Either it gets easier the longer you do it, or you become better adept at burying it, or ... I'm weird.

Or wrong.

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IndigoDirae
Moderator

Posts: 2450
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted February 23, 2014 07:50 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by Ceridwen:
well, well well


next weekend SERENDIP will be on 16 Scorpio, our composite MC, opposite composite Eros.

Almost conjunct his natal Valentine (2-3 degrees orb) and on my natal Lancelot exact. lol



:blinking:

Fate's, too. (VALENTINE). Also on his ERATO; my LILITH, and his DESTINN.

But exactly on our T-Comp KARMA-DESTINN. 12H.

Huh.

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IndigoDirae
Moderator

Posts: 2450
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted February 23, 2014 07:53 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by micole maree:
Gabby, I noticed this as well. We both have small mouths, not quite proportionate to our faces. And they do something sorta weird when we're talking. (I hate watching my mouth in the mirror when I talk...)

He's a tall, large-framed guy so I don't see a similarity in our limbs at all.

But this is weird. He married a blonde the first time around. I've never seen her, so I don't know what she looks like.

The fiance he had for about two years after his divorce has facial features that resemble mine. Also blonde.

And the new wife? Facial features also resemble mine. Also blonde.

My facial features aren't all that ordinary. I'm blonde but not the stereotypical California blonde.

And me? I've always, always been attracted to tall, dark and handsome. DARK. Never blond.

Yeah.

It makes me wonder about soul memories and how they affect our conscious choices.


I could be one of his sisters. Really. It's THAT close.

Also, he'd once said that one of his (he's only had 3) no-strings FWBs was a woman who reminded him of me. 'Only fat.' ... Uhhh ... thanks? Heh.

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IndigoDirae
Moderator

Posts: 2450
From: Venice, California, US
Registered: Jul 2011

posted February 23, 2014 07:56 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for IndigoDirae     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:

Helio Composite:


KAALI-RUDRA opposition! 1° orb!
SIVA-PARVATI square! Exact!

... Why am I shouting!

I dunno about you guys, but that's something to me.

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tgem
Knowflake

Posts: 1660
From:
Registered: Jan 2013

posted February 23, 2014 08:20 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I do, too, tgem.

Sometimes, I wonder if when it's too wide for a conjunction, but just-almost it's indicative we ARE destined to know our Twinflame, or high level Soulmates, depending, but BE with them?

I'm not sure.

Maybe there's something to the fact it's not conjunct? That it's close-but-too-far?

I know, and admit, it's intriguing, as someone said, the fact that Fate and I have the exact same wide-almost-but-not-conjunct angle, 9°, I think, except in opposite directions, which then end up exactly conjunct in the composite.

You said yours are conjunct in the composite, right? Is it the same way? His are near conjunct, and so are yours? Then they are conjunct in the composite?


Yes, Isis and Osiris are conjunct in our tropical composite by 2.5. Eros is trine psyche in our composite as well but very wide (5.)

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tgem
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From:
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posted February 23, 2014 08:32 PM     Click Here to See the Profile for tgem     Edit/Delete Message   Reply w/Quote
quote:
Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I did have a nervous breakdown. Two, actually.

I went back into counselling. My husband and I were hanging by a thread, but the reality was, he had some severe issues with narcissism and would use bullying and emotional abuse to get his needs met. Otherwise, he's a swell guy.

We stayed together because we love each other too much, and knew we'd chosen this for something - who knows what? And I wasn't about to put my stepdaughter through another divorce. Period.

It's complicated, but my husband needed to experience a kind of Taoist suffring; he has a strange soul-based need to suffer for love. So he let go of so much ego, learnt (slowly) to forgive, and to accept that we're always evolving, and no one should expect someone to stay the same. Especially if that person was dependent and afraid; if they'd lost their spirit, and were deciding someone else should make them into someone loveable.

It took my husband awhile to accept that the person I'm becoming is better. That the woman who would accept him because she had no belief in herself was a broken, hopeless shell of a person. He's finally come to agree that this is better. It's scarier - loving an equal; someone in whom you can be in awe, and are afraid of losing. But, hey. That's part of it.

So, you let your husband go because of your depression and didn't want him to suffer with you? Did he want to leave?


No no, there's so much more to the story about why my husband and I split. I was in a co-dependent, controlling relationship where I was emotionally neglected. I have 12th house venus and spent 10 years of our marriage sacrificing my needs for his. He was very controlling and selfish. I believe he wanted out of the marriage long before we actually split. I was very alone and TF picked up on that after getting to know us. TF was the catalyst to ending my marriage. I actually fought to save it- that's why I initially "ran"...tried to put our marriage back together, but husband wasn't willing to put in the effort. He was the one that actually filed..not me. And it broke my heart, even though I knew it was for the best. He was one of those men that was completely emotionally unavailable and so neglected me as well. But I still love my husband, after all that he's done/didn't do to me. That's why I wish him the best. We actually have a love stellium in the 11th house in our progressed composite. I believe we were always meant to be friends, rather than lovers. He is absolutely a soulmate (I believe we may actually been brother and sister in another life.). But we produced an amazing beautiful son who I love more than life itself. So with that said...I will always love him for giving me such a wonderful gift.

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