posted February 25, 2014 02:03 AM            

"have you had any dreams/visions/astral experiences with Mr. Sag (sorry, I don't remember if you've mentioned this)?"
Yes, all the time. Though they have become so super frequent, intense and with a sense of urgency lately.

Just last saturday, there was this odd (but very blissfully serene) feeling of his energy around me and some sort of soul-merging taking place. Just my impression of course, and I was on the brink of falling asleep. But it felt really good and I had that dream I told about here in that night (with the 2 shooting stars), and well practiclaly hours afterwards he is starting to act all kind of weird. LOL

Maybe I need to take a step back, but I have tried that for a long time, and I don`t know how. It seems like my spirit is reaching out no matter what I consciously decide or plan or attempt or do.

"I'd wonder if you're picking up on things from his end..."
There was a very eery strong feeling, when i saw him posting this picture from so long ago, and a calm voice from somewhere deep inside my mind/ consciousness came up and said calmly,b ut with clarity: "He remembers."
Of course that is completely unthinkeable, but that feeling got so strong at that time. The feel of his energy around me, that I practically fled into my bathroom and was literally begging for a little mental space. lol (it just, too close, you know? It FEELS too close,w ithout there even being a rationale for feeling that way, and I do not want to be all messed up,w hen I am seeing him on stage next weekend)

And hours later he goes and pretty much deconstructs h is fb.

No I do not think this is connected to me, but it is a weird occurrence anyway.

posted February 25, 2014 02:06 AM            

Breathe. I know how you feel; I've been there myself. Just breathe and send him love. I strongly suspect that those of us that have these "connections" are sensitive to energy. So send him soothing vibes. This may sound "New Age-y" but it is something I came across that brings me comfort. Send a prayer to him through his guardian angels. You can pour out your heart. You can even do it on paper and then read it and release it. Just include the soft and gentle vibes you have for him and send those with the intent to soothe and calm.

I think we've all stirred up some of the deepest confusions and desires of our hearts, psyches and souls with what we've revealed to each other, what we've shared. Working the charts brings that up as well. I also think all of this is healing for us. The working through, through the sharing, the vulnerability we're allowing with each other, the "sisterhood" of this fairly consistent experience we've had that is so off-the-charts odd that we've had to carry these things largely alone, for too long. That's the way that I feel.

I'm going to share my story here (and it will probably take days to type it out) because this is the place for it. I have to back off of the charts for a while because my head is spinning. I'm too new to this. I don't have any astrology programs, I'm not gifted at math, I don't know how to do quintiles and parallels or contra-parallels. I can see months of study ahead of me just to get comfortable with these new areas.

AND - with no printer, I have to take masses of notes. It's tough to keep trying to do this off of a computer screen, where I lose the prior chart every time I input new info into astro. So I'm way, WAY behind you all.

I've found some significant soulmate pairings in one chart or another (the new starchild ones - thank you Ceri and Indigo - and I think Jessie and Mary) but until I can find a way to print charts and tackle this systematically, I'm lost.

I'm also at a disadvantage with no birth time. I realize there are only a handful of things that are affected by this, but I want to try to get closer. Since starting with a birth time of 12pm (or 12am) is a stab in the dark anyway, I'm going to go with my instincts and find a Libra ascendant. I had bits and pieces of personal info come home to me about "my" guy and one of those was that he finds it really hard to not be in a relationship. As a Libra, this speaks to me. Maybe there are other aspects that indicate this need for partnership, but I'm looking for an ASC so I'm following my gut.

I'll try to catch up with you on the chart work, but frankly, I'm daunted. With the resources I have (and don't have) and my lack of experience compared to all of you, again, my head is spinning. But I WANT to know. Not simply to perhaps bring a layer of understanding and acceptance to this whole experience, but because astrology utterly fascinates me.

I'm so far behind on touching each of you by quoting from your posts. Know this. My heart is with each of you. More than you know.

You've touched me. So much. I thank you, from this opening-up-again heart.

posted February 25, 2014 02:09 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
@Ceri,
I thought I saw a post where you were describing the similarities in mannerisms between you n your TF...but I was grocery shopping while trying to read it! Lol
I wanted to come back and reread again more thoroughly it but I can't find it? Am I blind and just missing it?

---

To be honest, I think there is more similiarity to Jude`s family; his father looks like my maternal grandfather, him himself looks like my Dad (when I was about 2 or so); and I myself look quite a bit like his sister.
Well I thought she was looking like a mix of my mom and my aunt, but someone pointed out to me that there was this resemblance to me, too.

As for Mr Sag, certain mannerisms are there. When he was trying to silence an audience (he wanted to say something), he was falling into "teacher mode" (but then he has a bit of a teacher attitude; when we first met he was manoevering me away from the crowd to show me his smartphone or whatever and explain something to me about it. LOL), and the way he did it, what he said, how he said, how he moved his hands, how he was looking around, playfully stern.

it was creepy, because I felt like I was looking into a mirror.

apart from that, apparently we both have a hair colour that cannot be defined. He remarked on that, and I noticed it about my own hair, too, that not even hairdresser can agree on if the colour is darkblonde or brown. lol

posted February 25, 2014 02:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:

I think we've all stirred up some of the deepest confusions and desires of our hearts, psyches and souls with what we've revealed to each other, what we've shared.

---

THIS.

I very strongly felt this for the last 2 days, and I probably felt a little raw inside.

Yesterday though was a weird day in that it felt like the universe (or just me internally) was holding a breath, a brief breathing pause before some kind of release.

posted February 25, 2014 02:23 AM            

•[/B][/QUOTE]

Indigo,

posted February 25, 2014 02:30 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

are you aware that in the helios the latitudes are considered, not the declinations?
and the orb has to be EXTREMELY close. [/B]

---

Not a bit. I'm a total and utter neophyte when it comes to Helio charts. I've simply been applying what I tend to with any other charts.

posted February 25, 2014 02:42 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Not a bit. I'm a total and utter neophyte when it comes to Helio charts. I've simply been applying what I tend to with any other charts.

I keep the orb to 2°, though. So declination doesn't factor? How strange. Why is that?

---

Declinations do not factor - as far as I understand it- because they are calculated fromt he perspective of Earth (declinations pretty much are related to the ecliptic, the apparent movement ove the Sun around the earth) - of course if we use the Sun as reference point for helio charts, there is no ecliptic.

I am not exactly sure why latitudes are preferred in this case (astrononomical reality is not yet clear to me), but it seems to be the agreement.

posted February 25, 2014 02:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

Oh his transits. Out of the top of my head:

Tr Venus conjunct his natal Venus (LOL he is going to have a Venus-return when I see him that weekend, or I see him just shortly afterwards9

(which means Tr Venus is ALSO conjunct our composite Moon, my natal Vertex and Sun/Moon-mp as well - all bundled together with relatively generous orbs)

Tr Mars conjunct his Union (and mine) and square his Venus

Tr Saturn conjunct his Uranus in 8th house exact, sextile his Venus, trine his ASC, sextile his Saturn

Tr Uranus trine his Mercury

Tr Pluto trine his Mars-Jupiter-conjunction

Tr NN has JUST entered Libra (and exact on hsi Union - and mine)

---

Wow! That's quite a Venus return and to be touching such soft places for you both!!
Do you speak to him? How often do you see him?

posted February 25, 2014 02:49 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:

To be honest, I think there is more similiarity to Jude`s family; his father looks like my maternal grandfather, him himself looks like my Dad (when I was about 2 or so); and I myself look quite a bit like his sister.
Well I thought she was looking like a mix of my mom and my aunt, but someone pointed out to me that there was this resemblance to me, too.

As for Mr Sag, certain mannerisms are there. When he was trying to silence an audience (he wanted to say something), he was falling into "teacher mode" (but then he has a bit of a teacher attitude; when we first met he was manoevering me away from the crowd to show me his smartphone or whatever and explain something to me about it. LOL), and the way he did it, what he said, how he said, how he moved his hands, how he was looking around, playfully stern.

it was creepy, because I felt like I was looking into a mirror.

apart from that, apparently we both have a hair colour that cannot be defined. He remarked on that, and I noticed it about my own hair, too, that not even hairdresser can agree on if the colour is darkblonde or brown. lol

And we do have pretty similiar mouths, tend to be chubby, and coincidentally started at the same month losing weight. lol

---

That's cute! It's kind if nice when you see those similarities but odd to, if you know what I mean? Your really not sure what to think of them!

posted February 25, 2014 04:57 AM            

normal aspects in helio - longitude. something like my small triangle of

Jupiter: 22 Pisces
Mars: 22 Scorpio
Venus: 20 Capricorn

I like to keep orbs tight, but for longitudes, I think 3-4 degrees (for planets) are okay. For asteroids I do not go beyond 2 degrees usually.

the latitudes are the equivalent to geocentric declinations, the middle column on astro.com´s data pages.

For example in helio

there are three columnis:
1st longitudes.
2nd latitude
3rd declination

For helio only the first two are applicable.

Example:

my Isis:
14.52 capricorn - 2°58 S - 25°34 S

his Osiris:
29.49 Aries - 2°58 N - 14°11 N

so my Isis has the longitude of 14 Cap and latitude of approximately 3° S.

I think the declinations are calculated as an equivalent to tropical. Where the planets in declination would be, IF they happened to be on that degree from tropical / earth perspective.

but actually that is mixing up the two different reference-places (Earth and Sun).

posted February 25, 2014 05:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
Ceri...here is those aspects, I'm missing 2 big clumps of them revolving around Mary/Yeshuhua and Eurydike/Orpheus we had a 4 way aspects between both those pairs touching each other then touching other planets... I'm sure there's enough already to see why we might possibly be twin flames....

Draco Interkosmos
Him aqua@0.39
Me leo@1.26

---
His Trop Qumran pisces@11.25
My Trop Osiris pisces@10.42
His Trop Interkosmos cap@11.04
His Trop Samadhi taurus@11.51
His Trop Saturn taurus@11.00(on his IC)
My Trop Juno virgo@12
My Trop Eros cap@9.00
His Trop Valentine cap@9.29
My Trop Valentine cap@9.58(on my IC)
His Trop Unitas cancer@11.30
His Trop Spirit cancer@10.34
My Draco Kaali pisces@10.34
My Trop Samadhi scorpio@8.27
My Draco Qumran pisces@8.58
His Trop NN pisces @10.25

Composite Trop Zues aries@5.01
Composite Draco Hera aries@4.38
--
His Draco Dionysus leo@4.05
Composite Trop Ariadne aries@5.25
--
My Trop Sita libra@16.41
His Trop Raman gemini @15.15
My Draco Raman cap@27.53
His Draco Sita cap@24.49
--
My Trop Eros cap@9.00
His Draco Psyche taurus@9.44
--
His Trop Boda pisces@14.26
Composite Draco Boda taurus@14.44
My Trop Bried virgo@14.20
--
My Trop Isis taurus@15.31
His Draco Osiris scorp@15.29
--
My Trop Adonis scorp@15.09
His Trop Ishtar scorp@14.53
--
My Draco Bless taurus@14.40
My Trop Rudra cap@16.28
My Trop Angel cap@16.21
My Draco Sphinx cap@15.01

My Draco Quaoar pisces@16.05
His Draco Angel pisces@16.39
His Draco Sphinx pisces@16.02
My Draco Atlantis virgo@15.37
My Trop Ganesa virgo@14.41
My Draco Samadhi pisces@16.44
His Trop Boda pisces@14.26
His Trop Discovery pisces@15.51
His Draco Angel pisces@16.09
Comp Trop Bless pisces@16.27

My Trop Angel cap@16.21
Composite Trop Aphrodite scorp@16.32

Composite Trop Psyche taurus@17.49
My Draco Eros taurus@17.17
--

My Draco Valentine taurus@18.16
My Draco IC/MC taurus/Scorp@18.03
His Draco Quaoar scorp@19.29

My Draco Juno cap@20.46
His Trop Eros cap@20.32
---
His Draco Union scorp@21.38
My Trop NN scorp@21.44
---
My Trop Penelope cap@19.16
His Trop Odysseus cap@22.16
---
His Trop Thisbe virgo@21.42
Composite Draco Pyramis taurus@23.01
---
Composite Draco Persephone virgo@23.20
His Trop Pluto virgo@25.07

His Trop Juno pisces@26.18
My Trop Unitas cap@24.58

His Draco House virgo@27.52
My Trop House virgo@26.01
My Draco Moon cap@26.56
Composite Trop DC taurus@26.18
His Draco Orpheus cap@26.40
My Draco Eurydike taurus@26.03
--
My Trop Devine scorp@27.14
My Trop Aura cancer@27.02
My Trop Gaea cancer@27.15
His Draco Valentine cap@28.56
My Trop Aphrodite scorp@29.42
My Trop Union scorp@29.30
Composite Draco Union cap@29.42
My Trop Union scorp@29.30
His Draco Yeshuhua scorp@29.02
My Trop Qumran scorp@0.42
His Trop Jup scorp@0.46
My Trop Parvarti saggy@0.42
His Trop Neptune saggy @0.12
Venus and Angel DW-(*also-This conjuncts much of the Yeshuhua/Mary conjunctions in our charts)

My Trop Endymion leo@27.0
My Trop Selene leo@28.55
His Draco Selene leo@26.58
His Draco Artemis aqua@27.45
His Draco Destin aqua@29.51
His Draco Essene aries@28.32
My Draco Essene saggy@29.20

--
His Trop Venus taurus@25.33
My Draco Angel taurus@24.38
My Draco Venus aqua@27.20
His Trop Angel aqua@27.05

His Draco Karma taurus@14.46 in his 3rd
My Draco Karma aqua@14.05 in my12th

My Trop Jupiter aries@15.02
His Draco Juno aries@15.33
--
Comp Trop Odysseus aries@15.22
Composite Draco Penelope leo@16.09
--
His Draco Parvati aries@20.20
My Trop Siva saggy@22.48
His Draco Kaali aries@25.19
His Trop Karma aries@25
My Trop Chiron aries@24.24

Composite Trop Mercury aqua@27.36
Composite Trop Moon libra@26.53

My Trop Sun/Moon midpoint libra@26.34
His Draco Kaali aries@25.19
His Trop Eureka aries@25.08
My Trop Champion aries@25.02
My Trop Celestia aries@26.34

My Draco Boda gem@25.27
His Draco Aura gemini@24.19
My Trop Giza gemini@23.44
My Trop Ur gemini@25.34
My Trop Raphela gemini@23.43

--

Trop Comp Lancelot saggy@25.14
Draco Comp Guinevere gemini@ 26°32
Draco Comp Ginevra aries@24°33

---

What in this made IQ say you are twinflames?

posted February 25, 2014 05:09 AM            

• His EARTH-MOON @ 28°53 conjunct BETELGEUSE

• His ISIS (05°17) conjunct my SOOTIYO (05°26).

• My JUNO (29° VIR 05) semisextiles his VALENTINE (28° LIB 43) sextiles his MERCURY (29° CAN 35) and squares his EARTH-MOON (28° GEM 53).

• His JUPITER (22° CAP 34) trines my ATLANTIS (22° VIR 04).

• His SOOMANA (16° LIB 46) semisextiles my DESTINN (17° SCO 15).

• His NEPTUNE (01° CAP 07) is quincunx my PSYCHE (01° GEM 08).

• His NEPTUNE is also conjunct my VALENTINE (01° CAP 22).

• My SATURN (00° LIB 51) is trine my PSYCHE and square his NEPTUNE.

• My SOOTIYO (05° VIR 26) is sextile his DESTINN (06° SCO 26).

• His PSYCHE (14° PIS 49) is trine his KARMA (14° SCO 07).

• My DESTINN (17° SCO 15) is conjunct his ATLANTIS (18° SCO 00).

• His CHIRON (06° GEM 15) squares his ISIS (05° VIR 17) and OSIRIS (07° VIR 17).

• My ATLANTIS is also square my NEPTUNE (22° SAG 01) and semisextile my PLUTO (21° LIB 41).

• His VENUS (25° ARI 31) is quincunx my URANUS (25° SCO 24) and square my OSIRIS (26° CAN 15).

• My CHIRON (15° TAU 30) is sextile his PSYCHE.

• His URANUS (13° SAG 59) is trine my SOOMANA (14° LEO 51).

• His SOOMANA (16° LIB 46) is semisextile his JUNO (17° VIR 15).

• His JUNO also sextiles my DESTINN (17° SCO 15).

posted February 25, 2014 05:22 AM            

When I was 18, my college buddy's mom did a chart for each of us while we were visiting. She looked up an aspect that supposedly indicated when we would find love. (I'm guessing this was Vedic astrology?) My friends all had aspects in their early twenties. Mine showed up at 45. As my friends all groaned with me (!), the mom said, "No, girls, this is very, very good. It is a wonderful time in life to have true love show up."

At roughly age 30 (24ish years ago), right around the time I got married, we were at a family gathering. Lots of family members present. Someone called out for my brother-in-law "Jace" and something about the intonation of voice echoed in the strangest way in my mind. The visual world and the other sounds around me faded away at the edges as I heard this name reverberate somewhere deep inside of me, as though it was bouncing off the walls of a cave. I KNEW the name I was hearing and feeling reverberating throughout my being was not the "Jace" that was my brother-in-law. And I knew something about this "Jace" was significant. As the world around me faded back into view and hearing, I realized that I had just had a deja vu experience. And I had absolutely no idea what it meant or why I had had it. This eventually faded into my memory banks.

About six years later, while I was pregnant with my only child, I became friends with a woman who lived across the street, also pregnant and due a month before me. Her husband's family owned a significant business in town. They would often refer to the other family-run competitor, a far-longer established and more trusted name locally, with a combination of frustration and envy. The name of the son who was running more and more of that business was Jace. Every time this name was mentioned, I felt an odd pang.

Over the course of about three and a half years while our daughters were babies and then toddlers, she and I were friends. My husband began working for their business shortly before our daughter was born, so we were involved with each other as friends and through the business. I heard the name Jace many times. Mention of the house Jace and his fiancee were building. Mention of their upcoming wedding. Each time, that pang came up.

Our friendship eventually blew up and the contacts with this family became business-related only. When my daughter started attending school, I became friends with another woman. One day she mentioned that Jace's three year old son had just been diagnosed with a rare and virulent form of cancer. The news hit me in the gut. I felt sick. I'm normally pretty sensitive to other people and especially to tiny children but this was off the charts. Again, this got pushed into memory.

My marriage was going through some changes. Physical, verbal, emotional and financial abuse were starting to take root. I could feel distance building between my husband and I and did my best to try to bridge the gap. We had been in counseling for years. Well, I had been in counseling consistently; my husband was hit and miss with both individual and marriage counseling. I actually dreaded his going because it seemed as though every new "tool" he learned somehow got twisted in its application to me. He was very, very skilled at emotional abuse.

As the distance between us grew and nothing that I attempted seemed to help, I put on weight. A great deal of weight over the years of our marriage. Someone recently told me that it was "bubble wrap for the soul". Those words are so right on.

A couple of years later, my husband's employer did something unethical and my husband had had enough. He applied for a job at the competition and was hired. He joined the new business (the family business run by Jace) just as personal turmoil enveloped Jace. His wife threw him out of the house; he was literally locked out with the clothes on his back. By the time he found a way to legally enter his own home, she had disposed of all of his belongings, including the irreplaceable things such as yearbooks, childhood memorabilia, etc. He had the means to start over but apparently he was walking around in shock. He was kept from his kids. (His son survived chemo and he now had a tiny daughter as well.) And so now he was neck deep in attorneys, therapists, mediators etc., in an effort to have access to his kids. In addition, his wife was emotionally abusing the kids to the point where they were zombies, far too quiet, when he did finally have his time with them.

My husband would come home with these stories because while he was at work, he was in the midst of the details of this drama playing out. He would drop a sentence here or a story there and every time, it hit me in the gut. Again, I'm sensitive to others and all of this would normally bother me. But not this much. When I was on my own, I cried. I felt the pain and confusion of this man who had had his whole life blow up. I felt his pain and fear FOR his kids. I didn't know WHY I felt this all so intensely, but there it was. It was so weird.

Meanwhile, I could feel the silent chaos building in my marriage. While I was sitting at the computer one night, I saw my husband's check register on the desk. I idly glanced through it and couldn't believe the number of cash withdrawals he had taken out. I glanced through a few months worth of entries and it was several hundred dollars every month. It didn't make sense. Each of us had allowances of 60.00/month that was ours. The rest went to bills and savings for a house. Or so I thought.

I went in to wake him up and asked him, with confusion and not accusation, where this money was going. He was trying to shake the sleep away as he answered slowly, "Gas for the cars. Cash for my wallet...". I said, "It doesn't add up. I'm not driving to Utah. You're not driving to Washington. We seldom go anywhere. We have personal allowances. Where is this money being spent?". He was silent for a long time and finally confessed. He had been paying for sex. Prostitutes. For years.

I can't describe the shock waves that hit me. The man had always had a loving, highly sexual wife at home. There is NO WAY a woman isn't going to feel this to her core, as a lack in HER. This was a high-magnitude earthquake. Everything I had invested myself in, everything we had (a marriage, a daughter, a family) had just been touched not only by lies and betrayal, but by filth. I heard this very clear internal voice that said, "That's it. It's over."

Something died in me that night. I kept thinking, "But we have a family. How could you DO this?". He was apologetic. He had been caught. He didn't want to lose me, he said. He began counseling again and started attending 12-step meetings for sex addiction. Well, he said he did. I'll really never know.

I don't remember much about the immediate months following this. I went into a deep depression. I was consumed by fear. I had become dependent on him over the years. (I have an invisible disability and so I had been home for years.) I was 44 years old. I had an eight year old daughter. HOW was I going to start over, by myself, with this child, when I couldn't even get out of bed in the morning? I was barely functioning, just putting enough of myself together every day to pick her up at school and interact with her over homework and dinner. I seriously remember very little except how utterly devastated I was and how I tried to keep it from my daughter.

I remember looking at myself in the mirror, at this woman with the empty, haunted eyes. I could barely stand to look at myself, the pain was so thick in my face. I remember thinking that I needed to stop turning to food, that I was gaining too much weight. But I was too gone. I remember thinking, "I don't care. It doesn't matter anyway." And this internal voice came back. It said, "What about the love of your life coming along when you're 45?". THAT scared the hell out of me. I couldn't even handle the life I had. A new love? HA! I went deeper into my despair, into denial. And I stayed. To my shame, I stayed.

We decided to homeschool our daughter for various reasons. Roughly a year later, as I was driving her to a homeschool function, I was driving by my husband's place of work and I glanced over. I had barely spotted a man getting out of a truck parked in front when I was SLAMMED HARD in the solar plexus with what felt like a telephone pole driving right through me. I literally stepped on the brakes as I gasped because the impact so took me by surprise. I only saw the man from the back; he opened his truck door and went into the building. As I continued on my way, I was shaking my head, thinking, "What the HELL was THAT?" and then I realized who I had just seen. My husband had idly mentioned to me where Jace liked to park his truck and how. (It's a distinctive angle in a distinctive spot.)

I want to make it clear that that hit to the solar plexus happened instantaneously, AS my eyes landed on this unknown man. There was no thought, no conscious putting together of details, until later. Did I think the whole thing was odd? Yes. But this too got pushed into memory. I was still trying to put one foot in front of the other and to be there for my daughter. And there were always so many fires to put out at home.

A few months later we attended a company dinner. My eyes went directly to a tall man that I had never seen before. Another hit to the solar plexus. Butterflies, in my belly and in my heart. Major heart churning. Why? And then I realized, this must be Jace. I had only ever seen him from the back. During the whole of that night, if my eyes went to him, everything inside of me churned. I questioned it, wondering at this strange attraction. I knew it was attraction, but it was different from anything I'd ever felt.

About a year later, I was working on costumes at my daughter's ballet studio one evening. Jace's tiny daughter took classes there as well. The doors to the studio were wide open and I glimpsed him sitting in his truck while his daughter was upstairs in class. I knew through the reliable font of information that was my husband that his relationship with his fiancee was stormy and difficult. I picked up on so much from him - exhaustion, confusion, despair. Although I'm generally sensitive, I wasn't always as intuitive then as I am now, so again, I questioned why I felt this stuff from HIM so clearly, so intensely. But as I sat and sewed, I sent him prayers and loving light.

He came into the studio when his daughter was finished to purchase some new dancewear for her. The entire time that we interacted over this brief business, I was a tongue-tied mess (although he might not have noticed anything besides a slight bit of nervousness) and he didn't meet my eyes. I've always thought that was odd. How do you go through an entire interaction with someone and never meet their eyes? I have since wondered if he was having some strange feelings or sensations around me as well and didn't know what to do with the discomfort.

A few years later, another company function. This one revolved around a dinner and auction. The employees had been accumulating "points" through work and they got to spend these points at the auction. I need to mention that I was really heavy at this point. It was difficult for me to want to be social because I was so self-conscious about my weight gain and I was still deep in depression over my marriage, which was still slowly spiraling downwards. So I really didn't want to be in public nor did I want any attention on me. (Well, there's the shy Virgo in me as well.) As we sat at our tables, Jace directed the auction. My husband left to go to the restroom. Jace started calling his name, looking to our table. I wanted to die. The entire room was now looking for my husband at our table, and now at me, and I couldn't utter a peep. I stared at the table and finally, a coworker sitting near me said, "He's in the restroom". I felt so foolish. To not even be able to speak up? And I felt it. In my gut. Jace felt slighted, and even a bit foolish, over my ignoring him. He was the one standing in front of a room, calling a name, looking for a response. (It has become clear to me - that "knowing" again - that even though his family is so socially prominent, even though they're worth 40 million from the business alone, he is somewhat unsure of himself. There is a lot of bravado involved in doing the social thing as he fulfills what is expected of him.) I felt SO terrible as the evening progressed, wishing I could find a way to apologize for my unintentional rudeness.

As we left that night, we said our goodbyes to Jace. (He was alone; he and his fiancee had broken up, yet again.) I had had a really good time and I wanted to make sure he knew how much I appreciated the effort that had gone into organizing this event. I told him sincerely, while standing next to my husband, "Thank you so much for this evening. It was really a LOT of fun." I immediately felt, FELT, as though it was my own, his pleasure, his gratification. And along with that feeling, I instantly recognized something. He was the guy at the helm that kept everybody going, by encouraging, praising, acknowledging. Seldom did those kinds of words come his way. So they meant something to him when they did. All of this hit me within a matter of seconds. Oddly, again, he didn't meet my eyes. He spoke with my husband. As we left and headed home, I felt so shaken somehow, stirred up, energized and yet somehow let down as well. It was so weird.

A few more years passed. The marriage was continuing to deteriorate. The physical abuse was escalating, the verbal and emotional abuse were virulent and heart-wrenching. I honestly thought I had no choice. I didn't think I could leave. Typical abuse mind-warp in action there. I did keep attempting to draw my husband's attention to what he was doing and how I felt but it is clear NOW that he simply didn't care. The economy was taking a dive and our income dove as well. As he put more and more pressure on me to manage the household costs with a tiny budget (300.00 to 400.00 a month for food, paper products, pet food, cleaners, health and beauty items, clothing and prescription co-pays), he continued to play golf, which we REALLY couldn't afford. As good as I was with stretching a buck (coupons, clearance, budget cooking) and because my husband knew my skills here and expected them of me, I simply could not manage to cover all of our expenses on that amount of money. Clothing and prescriptions had to go on credit cards. I asked for him to stop playing golf so that we didn't have to charge these things. He simply looked right through me. He wasn't going to stop doing anything that he wanted to do. That was how he handled the abuse as well. He'd entrap me or hurt me and when I would address it, he'd look right through me. No acknowledgement that it had happened, that I was hurt or that he was responsible.

At the same time, I had friendships and associations through our homeschool group that just blew up. We had to leave our homeschool group because the director was verbally and emotionally abusive with me and then vengeful with my daughter. We had to take our daughter out of her dance studio because of an instance of verbal abuse by the director with another girl.

It was ALL a hard, horrible time. I was realizing how powerless I was, how little I mattered to my husband, how disposable I was to him. My despair not only continued but deepened. I truly considered leaving the planet but I COULD NOT leave my daughter that way, couldn't bear the thought that she would blame herself for my death, because that's what kids do. I kept telling myself that no matter how big a mess I was, she knew I loved her. I knew that I had to stay, for HER. So I stayed. And endured. And despaired. And pretty much merely existed.

September 27 or 29, 2009. I awakened from sleep, strongly sexually aroused and knowing that I had dreamed of Jace. I felt his presence, his "importance". I didn't understand it; it was all feeling. I wandered through my day in a daze. This had been more than a dream but I didn't know how to categorize it.

Nearly every night, I dreamed of him. My days were spent in a daze of sexual arousal and utter confusion. What was happening here? WHY HIM?

And then the memories started flooding back in. All at once. Like magnetized puzzle pieces that had been waiting to fly back together. I remembered the deja vu experience of hearing his name nearly twenty years earlier. I remembered all of the bodily sensations that would hit me when I heard his name mentioned by my former friends, when I heard of his trials with his very sick young son and his imploded marriage and terrible divorce. I remembered the "telephone pole" through my solar plexus when I glimpsed him for the first time. I remembered how I had picked up on his strong emotions so easily, several times, as though they were my own. It all flooded in.

And then I remembered my off-and-on interest in astrology over the years. I wondered if I might find some answers through astrology. So I started studying again. Because of my husband's proximity to him, I had heard about his birthday. It stuck in memory because it is two days away from my brother's birthday. I knew his age so I had a birth year. I searched online through ancestry.com for his parent's records to ascertain a birth place. I was determined to find some answers!

I had been awakened by dreams of him, with him. As I took interest in SOMETHING again, something besides being a mother, I also started exploring spiritually. I was led to Brian Weiss' books; he is also a hypnotherapist who accidentally regressed patients to past lives. One of his books that especially spoke to me is "Only Love is Real", a true story of soulmates finding each other. (They were his patients.) I regressed myself to several past lives with Jace; some were blissful and some were troubled. I was led to "Journey of Souls" and "Destiny of Souls" and to Doreen Virtue's books. I started releasing weight and walking. I was starting to show up for life again

Through Doreen Virtue's books I began to really expand my "clairs" and listen to my own internal Divine guidance. And I began hearing the word "Trust" as I also received visions of me leaving my marriage.

Which scared the hell out of me.

(Enough for tonight. I'm weary. I hope you all will bear with me. I have so many similar experiences to yours. Even though our charts don't appear to be bearing the fruit that yours are - oh, the tears are flowing now because I so need to find some acceptance and closure with this thing - I so need to be able to share this damn story with sisters who UNDERSTAND. Please forgive me if I trespass or trigger unwanted emotions in you.)

Namaste,

Michelle

posted February 25, 2014 05:28 AM            

In THAT case, THIS is pretty cool:

As I mentioned, his ISIS (05°17) is conjunct my SOOTIYO (05°26).

But my ISIS (11° LEO 58) is @ 6'18 N.
His SOOTIYO is @ 6'04 S.

I'm not sure if that's the equivalent of a contraparallel or not?

But my SOOTIYO is @ 5'45 S.
And my SOOMANA is @ 5'25 N.

So, it's close. There's definitely a SOOTIYO connexion, regardless of whether or not it links to SOOMANA or ISIS. But it seems like that would count.

I'll list some other interesting ones tomorrow.

Also, his DESTINN is @ 6'49 S. Mine is at 6'55 S. So, it looks like it's close enough to his SOOTIYO?

posted February 25, 2014 05:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Okay, here are the Helio aspects I THINK might be valid:

• His EARTH-MOON @ 28°53 conjunct BETELGEUSE

• His ISIS (05°17) conjunct my SOOTIYO (05°26).

• My JUNO (29° VIR 05) semisextiles his VALENTINE (28° LIB 43) sextiles his MERCURY (29° CAN 35) and squares his EARTH-MOON (28° GEM 53).

• His JUPITER (22° CAP 34) trines my ATLANTIS (22° VIR 04).

• His SOOMANA (16° LIB 46) semisextiles my DESTINN (17° SCO 15).

• His NEPTUNE (01° CAP 07) is quincunx my PSYCHE (01° GEM 08).

• His NEPTUNE is also conjunct my VALENTINE (01° CAP 22).

• My SATURN (00° LIB 51) is trine my PSYCHE and square his NEPTUNE.

• My SOOTIYO (05° VIR 26) is sextile his DESTINN (06° SCO 26).

• His PSYCHE (14° PIS 49) is trine his KARMA (14° SCO 07).

• My DESTINN (17° SCO 15) is conjunct his ATLANTIS (18° SCO 00).

• His CHIRON (06° GEM 15) squares his ISIS (05° VIR 17) and OSIRIS (07° VIR 17).

• My ATLANTIS is also square my NEPTUNE (22° SAG 01) and semisextile my PLUTO (21° LIB 41).

• His VENUS (25° ARI 31) is quincunx my URANUS (25° SCO 24) and square my OSIRIS (26° CAN 15).

• My CHIRON (15° TAU 30) is sextile his PSYCHE.

• His URANUS (13° SAG 59) is trine my SOOMANA (14° LEO 51).

• His SOOMANA (16° LIB 46) is semisextile his JUNO (17° VIR 15).

• His JUNO also sextiles my DESTINN (17° SCO 15).

... and that's all I see. Still very new with Helio. Not sure what I should be doing with it yet.

---

posted February 25, 2014 05:53 AM            

I'll simply say this for now:

And more later.

posted February 25, 2014 07:43 AM            

I think I need help.

posted February 25, 2014 08:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I just read EVERYTHING you wrote, Michelle. You've got a gift, for one, and I was drawn to it, despite the late hour.

I'll simply say this for now:

And more later.

I'm so glad you're sharing this here with us.

---

posted February 25, 2014 08:45 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
I'll call my guy Jace.

---

Michelle,

your story touched me deeply.

posted February 25, 2014 09:29 AM            

there is the possibility we are looking at a little "too much" though, which might lead to lack of clarity again.

However when it comes to asteroids, I think there are some vital core ones, though maybe it is just my preference.

IQ often stresses, and I agree with that, though usually forget that, to check the exact or close (2 degrees as most) aspects of love asteroids (Amor and Valentine) to soulmate asteroids (Isis-Osiris, Eros-psyche, Pluto-Persephone/Proserpina, Siva-Kaali/Parvati, Jupiter-Juno, which seem to take precedence in a general sense - for me personally Ariadne-Bacchus is a big one, but that might be different for others).

along with

Karma, Union, Angel (Destinn)

also tight aspects to the angles, Sun, Moon (ESPECIALLY), nodal axis, Saturn, Pluto and to a degree Venus and Mars, and to a degree Jupiter, Uranus, Neptune - so basically everything. lol

And for romantic spice:
Aphrodite, Lust, maybe also Cupido

For nurturing Ceres. I personally love Ceres. The warmth and care is unbelievable, but at the same time it is nto really soft, just remember how Extreme Ceres became when Pluto lured her duaghter away from her. Ceres can represent extreme attachment, which is underestimated often.

Vesta for focus and dedication, and let`s face it tantra, and to me it is especially important in terms of the Sacred Marriage Ritual, with an emphasis of RITUAL.

You could look up Babylon, sacred marriage and temple harlots (Ishtar) and you will udnerstand what I mean.