posted February 28, 2014 06:00 PM            

Anyway, he has Moon on 28 Sag and Sun on 26 Sag, so for me it is all about the GC-Moon/sun

Also you mentioned the New Moon, curiously, and I mentioned it in another thread,

my Jupiter: 11 Pisces
his Eros: 8 Pisces
my name in his chart: 9 Pisces
my Ceres 9 Pisces

his Jupiter: 10 Virgo
his Mars: 11 Virgo
his AMor: 9 Virgo
his name in his chart: 9 Virgo

comining both our stellium-dispositors Jupiter; Jupiter rules my ASC.
Jupiter rules his MC, Mars intercepted ruler of 1st house.

At the midpoint of this opposition, lays 9 Sagittarius - Antares.

With his Mercury (ruler of his DESC and IC) on 9 Sag, conj. Musa on same degree

my Neptune on 9 SAg and NN on 10 Sag
my ASC on 7 Sag (and Atlantis on 8 Sag)

our first meeting chart`s ASC was 10 Sagittarius, too.

posted February 28, 2014 06:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yes, that`s the crap.
I am already over it. (well the reason for my outburst was, and I literally screamed LEAVE ME ALONE, at the top of my lungs last night, hoping noone heard me. lol)

The reason was simply him posting a picture of him and his girlfriend, where hew as kissing her, not even her mouth, just a kiss on her temple, but I lost it for some hours there.
I mean I KNOW he is in a relationship, but odo I relaly have to see it???
I dont deserve this **** !

And not the very day before I am going to see him on stage (tomorrow and sunday). NO.

But yeah, as I said I am already over it. lol
It is what it is. And at least I know know where the pulling aching sensation in my heartchakra (and solar plexus one) came from 2 days ago. *sighs* it works everytime, doesn`t it?

I wonder if he sometimes feels something like that, too. Though of course i am not going around and screwing the next possible man near to me.

Okay, maybe I am not COMPLETELY over it yet. LOL

---

Ceri,

I can understand how it must have been for you.

But rest assured, he may not be doing what you think he is in fact.

I get those sensations too, and I know it happens because I am only "missing" him lol, not because he is fooling around with some girl.
If the latter were the case then I would have known for sure.

And that extreme pain only happens whenever I am trying to fight or resist the connection.
I know it has nothing to do with him, but my own fears getting in the way, causing me to psychologically "run" from him—which in turn makes my heart/solar plexus burn with pain.

That more pleasurable aching/pulling/heart flutter thing could just be your hearts/etheric bodies wanting to re–merge.
It certainly feels that way to way to me.

So who knows, he very well could even be missing you too...

Just my views based off how I experienced it.

posted February 28, 2014 06:13 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
And when we meet,
And I'm sure we will,
All that was then,
Will be there still.

I'll let it pass,
And hold my tongue.
And you will think,
That I've moved on.

Oh, but,
I will go down with this ship.
I won't put my hands up,
And surrender.
There will be no, white, flag above my door.
I'm in love,
And always will be ....

When my husband randomly began playing Dido's 'White Flag' today, I couldn't help but feel as if I've got to brace myself for the New Moon sitting right on my Descendant at 10° PIS 43'. It's to be a good one, though: creative, new beginnings, great benefit.

---

This has been one of his all time favourite songs...!

posted February 28, 2014 06:38 PM            

I've found that the MEAN BML (the one listed as 'Lilith' in the drop-down menu) is the true 'counterpart', mathematically speaking, for h22 (PRIAPUS).

However ...

The calculations are close enough to where (is it h13? I forget); the TRUE BML may be a better 'match'. I feel the two operate a bit differently; I'm of the 'school' where the TRUE is wilder and less restrained than the MEAN. That is, so far.

I don't see LILITH 1181 to be a counterpart to PRIAPUS, however, as there's no mathematical nor axis relationship. The two are not expressing polarity as is typically seen of h22 / h13-BML-TBML.

That being said ...

In my experience:

• BML-PRIAPUS is a very sexual linkage. There are natural BDSM overtones with PRIAPUS feeling naturally submissive to / craving / desiring of / needing to merge with BML, who holds the 'power' here, and is the 'dominant' one.

• TBML-PRIAPUS is also very sexual in nature with powerful need / desire / obsessive overtones. Again, the BML is 'in control' with PRIAPUS desperate to 'merge'. As this BML is less 'civilised', it's liable she'll be more emotional and dramatic than BML (MEAN).

The conjunction is by far the most powerful. It cannot be ignored. The effects are too great. If a sexual relationship cannot be consummated, BML is likely to react with anger / rejecting, and PRIAPUS is dependent upon its placement. BML will almost always cut ties (and quite dramatically, in this case) but how PRIAPUS is natally will determine if he will cling desperately, becoming (or continuing to be) obsessive, or react with a similar rejection and distance as BML (Mean or True).

I'm unfamiliar with the square. My guess is that it would be potent, but manageable. Soft aspects I'd imagine wouldn't be felt.

• Note on the opposition:

If BML is opposite PRIAPUS, it's likely conjunct (but not guaranteed to be) the other's BML. If that's the case, there's a similarity of polarity.

The two are not complements, but they are sharing a likeness. While PRIAPUS is not being 'activated' by BML, it is sharing sympathies with another PRIAPUS. I've not seen this operate, so I don't know. I'm suspecting should other points affect your 'joint PRIAPUS' you'd react in tandem. Depends on the point, too, and whose it is.

• Note on orbs:

I keep them very tight. Exact, if you can manage it, and never beyond 2° in any case. If part of a configuration, even at 2°, it will take great prominence in the dynamics.

If it's a conjunction, it WILL be felt. Period.

Examples:

• Fate and I have a PRIAPUS-TBML conjunction in SCO, 1.75°; his PRIAPUS, my TBML.

• My Hatter and I have PRIAPUS-BML conjunction as well, in 20° ARI, exact. It's my PRIAPUS, his BML.

I've researched only the latter, as it was new to me, and the explanation for A LOT. Heh.

I was surprised to find a PRIAPUS-TBML conjunction with Fate. (My PRIAPUS is 11° off his BML.) So, I can only surmise that it's operating more akin to a Lilith point: rejecting. Though, my TBML is certainly both emotionally reacting - and distancing.

Very different story with my PRIAPUS exactly conjunct a man's BML. There's an uncontainable amount of sexual chemistry between us - as it is with Fate. But this one I've had the chance to explore via a sexual relationship, though, it's very new.

He and Fate are the only men to whom I've felt submissive, genuinely vulnerable. Since it's Fate's PRIAPUS, that surprised me. But I suspect TRUE BML is, as they say, wilder, more emotional, erratic and unpredictable.

Because, ohhhh, has he made me that.

'Anyone ever tell you you're crazy? Actually, I just did, so, the answer would be 'yes', but, besides that - '

'Yes! You make me crazy! If I'm crazy, it's ALL because of you! I was perfectly sane before YOU!'

'I wouldn't go THAT far.'

'Says the man who talks to imaginary figures.'

'THAT is creative visualisation, I'll have you know. It's because I'm a genius.'

'Who's crazy. A crazy genius.'

'Didn't we just establish you're the crazy one?'

'Because of you! And, I'm not judging.'

'Oh, that's good. Because - '

'Don't say it.'

'Because ... '

'I swear to you, I'll hang up right now.'

'No you won't.'

' ... '

'Because you're crazy.'

'Damn you!'

... You get the point. He made me crazy. 'Buh I go' beh'ah.' 😉

posted February 28, 2014 06:38 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yes, that`s the crap.
I am already over it. (well the reason for my outburst was, and I literally screamed LEAVE ME ALONE, at the top of my lungs last night, hoping noone heard me. lol)

The reason was simply him posting a picture of him and his girlfriend, where hew as kissing her, not even her mouth, just a kiss on her temple, but I lost it for some hours there.
I mean I KNOW he is in a relationship, but odo I relaly have to see it???
I dont deserve this **** !

And not the very day before I am going to see him on stage (tomorrow and sunday). NO.

But yeah, as I said I am already over it. lol
It is what it is. And at least I know know where the pulling aching sensation in my heartchakra (and solar plexus one) came from 2 days ago. *sighs* it works everytime, doesn`t it?

I wonder if he sometimes feels something like that, too. Though of course i am not going around and screwing the next possible man near to me.

Okay, maybe I am not COMPLETELY over it yet. LOL

---

Same thing happened. He never revealed his relationship status but it had to be unearthed that day. Threw me off a little. I'm still blurred whether she is or isn't a gf.

Anyway i couldn't figure out his ASC. Plotted a 12th house composite chart for them by working backwards and...it's likely his ASC is on my Kaali. I have read your earlier posts from older threads on your Kaali cjt his ASC which makes sense because how else can you feel the pulling sensation.

posted February 28, 2014 06:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:

This has been one of his all time favourite songs...!

---

posted February 28, 2014 06:46 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:
Yes I do have his actual birth time.
He tattooed it on himself rather LOL

---

You do have very strong links with him.
Vertex on DSC/ASC
Kaali on BML
I also think Pholus, Moira are important.

lol maybe he tattooed it so you can read it.

posted February 28, 2014 07:00 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
You do have very strong links with him.
Vertex on DSC/ASC
Kaali on BML
I also think Pholus, Moira are important.

lol maybe he tattooed it so you can read it.

---

Lol who knows?

It would drive me nuts trying to figure his actual birth time. I always wished he would reveal it somehow.

posted February 28, 2014 07:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
just wondering.

does any of you and your TF have kaali on fixed stars?

---

I'm way, way behind in keeping up with this thread...

I don't know where most of the Fixed Stars are, but Kaali is:

Him: Aqu 25.30
Me: Sag 16.18
Composite: Cap 20.53
Helio Composite: Cap 21.2
Davison: Gem 2.20
Helio Davison Gem 23.16 conjunct Alnitak at 23.59

posted February 28, 2014 07:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
You do have very strong links with him.
Vertex on DSC/ASC
Kaali on BML
I also think Pholus, Moira are important.

lol maybe he tattooed it so you can read it.

---

VX on ASC has got to be one of the craziest, and most intense linkages. While there's a tonne between us in terms of aspects, configurations, and so on, that one - his ASC on my VX - is so strong.

Why do you say KAALI on BML?

posted February 28, 2014 08:17 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Delilah423:
I'm way, way behind in keeping up with this thread...

I don't know where most of the Fixed Stars are, but Kaali is:

Him: Aqu 25.30
Me: Sag 16.18
Composite: Cap 20.53
Helio Composite: Cap 21.2
Davison: Gem 2.20
Helio Davison Gem 23.16 conjunct Alnitak at 23.59

---

Hah! His KAALI is 26° AQU. (It's conjunct our H-KAALI-RUDRA exactly.)

And isn't your KAALI on the SGC?

posted February 28, 2014 08:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Okay, let's clarify.

Your PRIAPUS is opposite the composite BML?

---

Nope, sorry for the confusion, in our tropical composite we have Priapus opposite BML by 1 degree on the Sag/gem axis.

posted February 28, 2014 08:32 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lavender CrystalSwan:

This has been one of his all time favourite songs...!

---

posted February 28, 2014 08:37 PM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
VX on ASC has got to be one of the craziest, and most intense linkages. While there's a tonne between us in terms of aspects, configurations, and so on, that one - his ASC on my VX - is so strong.

Why do you say KAALI on BML?

I agree on PHOLUS. I haven't looked into MOIRA. Heh! With the 'fate' theme, I should. 😉

---

Vertex on ASC/DSC feels karmic but that alone can't be indicator for TF.

Her Kaali forces him to confront his BML. Owning BML would make a person a "whole". It's like a jolt out of your comfort zone after sensing her kaali energy. But I'm thinking there should be both of them have BML well-aspected to be balanced.

posted February 28, 2014 08:52 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Yes, that`s the crap.
I am already over it. (well the reason for my outburst was, and I literally screamed LEAVE ME ALONE, at the top of my lungs last night, hoping noone heard me. lol)

The reason was simply him posting a picture of him and his girlfriend, where hew as kissing her, not even her mouth, just a kiss on her temple, but I lost it for some hours there.
I mean I KNOW he is in a relationship, but odo I relaly have to see it???
I dont deserve this **** !

And not the very day before I am going to see him on stage (tomorrow and sunday). NO.

But yeah, as I said I am already over it. lol
It is what it is. And at least I know know where the pulling aching sensation in my heartchakra (and solar plexus one) came from 2 days ago. *sighs* it works everytime, doesn`t it?

I wonder if he sometimes feels something like that, too. Though of course i am not going around and screwing the next possible man near to me.

Okay, maybe I am not COMPLETELY over it yet. LOL

---

posted February 28, 2014 09:41 PM            

quote:

---

I know the feeling Ceri. After Cusp and I had our falling out and I ran...he defriended and blocked me on FB and then would post of pics of him hugging his wife and spending time with her (he NEVER used to post pics of them together- especially being affectionate with each other!). Ugh, it hurt so much!!! I could just feel that it was "all for show". I finally de-activated my FB account because I couldn't stand to see it anymore

I know it hurts-so sorry!

---

Tgem and Ceri, I so get it. I was just pulling photos from his Facebook and the net to try to see a planetary influence for that ASC. GOD. I've avoided everything I can, purposefully. It just hits me in the gut. And since I opened my heart back up, it's coming not only coming up, it's coming THROUGH again.

In the Facebook photos with his wife, they just look so HAPPY. And yet the intuitive glimpses I've gotten suggest that there is some significant turmoil over there.

And yeah, even picking up THOSE things makes me question deeply. As in, "Aren't you just making this up? Isn't that what you'd WANT to have happen?".

The truth is, I've prayed for him to be happy even as I struggle with "this". I wish him the very best. Even as my heart yearns for what this connection suggests is there.

It sure would be nice to be able to find some peace with this thing.

posted February 28, 2014 09:44 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
Vertex on ASC/DSC feels karmic but that alone can't be indicator for TF.

Her Kaali forces him to confront his BML. Owning BML would make a person a "whole". It's like a jolt out of your comfort zone after sensing her kaali energy. But I'm thinking there should be both of them have BML well-aspected to be balanced.

---

It's a pretty strong indicator, though, of a very strong soul connexion, regardless of what it is.

As to BML, I think it depends upon the individual.

If you're a PRIAPUS type, then owning BML is important for balance. If you're a BML, then integrating PRIAPUS brings balance.

I do realise you and I don't see eye-to-eye here, but my experience and research is really proving otherwise.

posted February 28, 2014 09:53 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ceridwen:
[b] Yes, that`s the crap.
I am already over it. (well the reason for my outburst was, and I literally screamed LEAVE ME ALONE, at the top of my lungs last night, hoping noone heard me. lol)

The reason was simply him posting a picture of him and his girlfriend, where hew as kissing her, not even her mouth, just a kiss on her temple, but I lost it for some hours there.
I mean I KNOW he is in a relationship, but odo I relaly have to see it???
I dont deserve this **** !

And not the very day before I am going to see him on stage (tomorrow and sunday). NO.

But yeah, as I said I am already over it. lol
It is what it is. And at least I know know where the pulling aching sensation in my heartchakra (and solar plexus one) came from 2 days ago. *sighs* it works everytime, doesn`t it?

I wonder if he sometimes feels something like that, too. Though of course i am not going around and screwing the next possible man near to me.

Okay, maybe I am not COMPLETELY over it yet. LOL

---

I know it hurts-so sorry! [/B][/QUOTE]

Oh, guys. I'm so sorry. I know this feeling. Oddly, I wrote something about it yesterday. I just ... it wandered off into miseryland thanks to the cold.

As I'd said, he'd make up dates and purposefully be mysterious so as to lead me to assume he was 'otherwise engaged that evening'. THEN snap at me: 'well, if you'd answered or were talking to me, you'd KNOW it wasn't.' Right. Because THEN he could barb me directly. No thanks.

Ugh. I'm so glad those days are done. It took awhile to move through, though. (It accidentally autocorrected to 'love'. I think that's apt.)

To love through.

Hard, though. Damned hard. Still hard - just differently now.

posted February 28, 2014 10:04 PM              

I don't use Priapus. I watch Priapus just to see where the weak point is. I would treat it with care, not with BML overlapping it.

Owning BML makes a person a whole in a relationship. Owning Priapus is more like the guy who wants to be a Zeus. Makes no sense for a person to own both.

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

If you're a PRIAPUS type, then owning BML is important for balance. If you're a BML, then integrating PRIAPUS brings balance.

---

This i would agree. But only natally. And by integrating Priapus, it would mean coming off less strong at the Priapus point.

But not in synastry where you get someone's BML to overlap your Priapus.

posted February 28, 2014 11:30 PM            

quote:

---

Okay, now THAT's odd. (My MOON duad is also LEO, Ceri.) 😉 We've got a preponderance of 'Hims' being Lunar Sag - and a swath of Lunar Virgoans, too. (Two of my soul sisters are Lunar Virgo.)

I'm a Lunar Scorp, however, with a very late degree; almost 25°; it's conjunct his early SAG MOON for that reason.

What degrees are we looking at for these Lunar Sag men?

---

Mine has a Pisces Moon (<2 degrees) opp My Moon. I do have another SC (an Aries Sun who I mentioned briefly in another thread and who's still incarnate) that has a Sag Moon that's on my Sag Dsc...Aries SC has his Venus on my Pallas-Lilith, where Mo Chuisle has his Moon. My n-Ceres is also on his Sun, while my d-Ceres is on Mo Chuisle's d-Sun and Mo Chuisle's t-Ceres is on my t-Moon. There's another with a Sag Sun, but I don't remember what degree it's in or what her other placements are.

quote:

---

Michelle,

at times I am puzzled by my own synastry as well.

I always want to find the conjunctions/ oppositions of soulmate pairings, and they are simply not there. Still the experiences are.

Experience is more important.

---

I agree with this.

Man, I am trying to keep up with this thread...If I missed anyone's message to me, forgive me!

Wow @ all those aspects you have with your Virgo, Lavender!

And, I've always liked that song "White Flag" too.

posted February 28, 2014 11:33 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
Firstly, Priapus-BML is not a couple pairing, nor should they be used together. I don't see why they should be used in TF analysis.

I don't use Priapus. I watch Priapus just to see where the weak point is. I would treat it with care, not with BML overlapping it.

Owning BML makes a person a whole in a relationship. Owning Priapus is more like the guy who wants to be a Zeus. Makes no sense for a person to own both.

This i would agree. But only natally. And by integrating Priapus, it would mean coming off less strong at the Priapus point.

But not in synastry where you get someone's BML to overlap your Priapus.

---

I respect our difference of opinion and conflicting experiences regarding the interpretation of PRIAPUS and BML.

In regards to exploring Twinflame linkages, iQ has stated it's a very sexual connexion. I wouldn't think that - it'd be more the Soulmate relationships that have an overpowering sexuality. But if we're looking at it from the standpoint of a bond that must transcend other bonds, it's got to hold our attention. No doubt, sexuality has a great track record for it.

So, I think it might play a role. At the very least, when one's PRIAPUS is hit, it's a very, very vulnerable point. Something of the soft underbelly in us all. It also incites us to desire to merge - even if it's uncharacteristic.

As to why I like BML with it, that's due to relationship. Why do we call the perigee 'Priapus'? Who knows? But we do. And we call the apogee 'The Black Moon Lilith', and the two calculated points are mathematically bound.

A faux axis is formed as a result with undeniable polarity.

My better question is: why wouldn't we consider these two in relationship? Whether Mean or True, the symmetry is unmistakeable. There is a connexion via calculation.

I'm not sure there's any better 'counterpart' for PRIAPUS. We're not really pulling from the myth here. At least, I'm not. I'm going off of the lunar relativity. The way the Priapus Moon is overwhelming, engaged, and intimate. It appears to engulf the sky. It's a bright, big, Moon. Whereas the opposite is true of the Black Moon.

The mere fact one is the farthest away (the apogee) and the other the nearest (perigee) is what I feel binds them. As it so also happens to be a mathematical relationship, that's to terribly elegant to ignore, in my book.

In my own experience, this is has proven true - relationally-speaking. I've seen PRIAPUS find a balance-point in BML.

Now, you may argue: these relationships - this axis - exists already in each and every individual. It's a balance with which we come prepackaged, in a way.

For some, this axis will be prominent: conjunct luminaries, personal points, rising, and so on. It's WHICH that's involved that creates WHERE we must find balance.

For example, when the BML is tightly conjunct the SUN or MOON, it will dominate one's expression; likewise for PRIAPUS.

I've seen that these individuals will go careening off into one direction or another, depending: PRIAPUS tending towards addiction and hedonism, BML, isolation and antisocial behaviour. PRIAPUS engages and eagerly seeks connexion while BML rejects and shuns.

A BML individual then doesn't need anything more to be activating or hitting that point. It's TOO active as it is. Same goes for PRIAPUS.

Here's the beauty, however. The profundity, if you will, of this natural union.

Being an axis, there's a high statistical likelihood that PRIAPUS will oppose BML directly. It's other most common relationship is quindecile. Think about that for a moment.

Unless the individual is full moon born, with SUN on one, and MOON on the other, there's an imbalance at a basic level.

I'd say, the most ideal relationship here would be SUN-BML with PRIAPUS-MOON. 'Ideal' in the sense that the two would be forced through the union of the quintessential masculine (Sun) and feminine (Moon) to use its power to also balance the BML / PRIAPUS energies.

(SUN-BML and SUN-PRIAPUS is also a powerful force of change, except the SUN tends to be too domineering with either of these locked into the root of the identity. It's too definite. Impasse is the likely result without hard work, compromise, and a lot of love. And neither are great with compromise!)

I feel then that a luminary coming along to 'light up' the unaspected point of the axis is a powerful instance of change and growth. Balance.

I'm not as experienced, I must admit, with an unaspected BML, or its effects when activated. I believe the results will be different whether man or woman, and their natural orientation (dominant versus submissive, or, of course, balanced).

My only real personal experience is with unaspected PRIAPUS. I can tell you, when that's hit, and BML is heavily pronounced, dominating the solar energy, it's a very intense desire to explore the experience of vulnerability. Which is not at all Lilith's game!

And, to me, it's brought balance. I admit, unless your PRIAPUS is unaspected, (singleton), it may not be such an awakening. For me, it has been. A most welcome one! Heh.

posted February 28, 2014 11:38 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Anyway, he has Moon on 28 Sag ...

my Jupiter: 11 Pisces
my Ceres 9 Pisces

At the midpoint of this opposition, lays 9 Sagittarius - Antares.

my Neptune on 9 SAg and NN on 10 Sag
my ASC on 7 Sag (and Atlantis on 8 Sag)

---

So, your CERES/JUPITER is on my DSC, and your ASC, ATLANTIS, NEP, and NNODE on my IC.

Well, damn, Ceri! That makes just a little sense.

posted February 28, 2014 11:50 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:
Here are some more aspects I've logged:

My Pluto @ 0 Sco
My Karma @ 11 38' Vir
My Moira-Dsc. @ 17 Sag)
My Destinn @ 25 Leo
My vertex 9 Sco
Venus @ 10 Tau
My Saga @ 24 Leo
My Memoria @ 20 Gem

---

Just off the top:

Your PLUTO is square my VX
Your KARMA is conjunct my ASC
My NEP is on your DSC-MOIRA
I think my ISIS is on your DESTINN-SAGA.
Your VX is on my SUN/MOON MP.
Your VENUS trine my ASC (and your KARMA).
Your MEMORIA is on my PSYCHE.

Your DSC-MOIRA is very close to the SGC, too.

posted March 01, 2014 01:04 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabby:
So how do you know if your supposed to be "with" your twin flame or not? Is it Juno? Is it Eros? There has to be something that says, he's not just your twin flame he's your husband also?? Right??

It seems like I had an unusual experience being in such a close relationship with him, immediately.

I would like to know how come others don't seem to have immediately went into a relationship of some sort??

How do we tell if it will manifest into that or stay as a friendship/platonic relationship?

---

Excellent questions, Gabby.

I'm going to take a stab from my experience and training in therapy to say it's a very prosaic reason. Why men marry at all.

How many times do they date a woman for years, leave her, get with someone awhile later - and marry her? This used to baffle my clients. And me.

But I knew it when I finally married.

Readiness. It's readiness.

Yours was ready. For the whole shebang. He was ready on a level that's likely unconscious.

The question then is not what makes it sexual, it's what shows readiness. Is it in the synastry and composite or is it the progressions and transits?

I feel there must be groundwork in the natals. Or this readiness won't come to pass.

I remember how, in his fear, July 2012, when he panicked, he'd admitted that we needed a solid foundation that we never built; that anything we hoped to have would crumble without it. Of course, then he saw how I was committing to it, and he realised he couldn't. He lacks a fundamental trait I used to - that I never realised I was missing. He can't combine sex and love. Sex is for meaningless pleasure and no-strings associations. There's no friendship. No respect. No love. It's carnality.

We have friendship. Respect. Love. That's a combination which sex is disallows into. Add into that he's not ready for a relationship at all, and it's a recipe for stalemate. He wanted to take a real chance on a relationship with me WHEN he was ready. He wanted to take his time and become WHO he felt I deserved.

So why the hell did I move states and get married? Longer discussion. (Contrary to his assumption, it wasn't 'so I could see what it's like being west of him'. Heh. I responded, 'you know, not everything in my life revolves around you.' Except a great bit of it, sadly.)

Stating the hypothetical is true, we can say that such a connexion as Twinflame would be felt so intrinsically at one's core, it would become the driving force behind so many inexplicable actions: both towards (ready) and away from (not ready) the connexion's consummation.

I did something today I never do.

A song took me somewhere, to a bizarre alternate future of us producing the series, and being out with the rest of the cast and crew at a bar, and drinking in celebration of a great day of shooting.

Mind, these are the two people who thought that getting it on in an airport bathroom during a 2-hour layover was a fabulous idea. Because we're both so sexually adventurous and brazen. ... Hardly! And yet, that was the plan; indeed, it was. (The thought makes my Virgo wince. And yet ... AND YET!)

So, in this strange reverie, we were somewhere - likely back at the soundstage, and it was happening SO fast. And it was JUST what I'd always wanted - which is otherwise difficult to articulate; but it was so beyond sex; it wasn't even physical as much as it was a connecting on so many levels.

And I let my brain go there. I let it finally take me through it. The bliss, the shock at such ease and fluidity, the intense passion and the powerful union.

It's what happened following which showed me why this mental block was at last removed.

It both bound and ruined us. God, it was torture parting after we'd simply had dinner side-by-side across from my husband and the kiddo? This was ... there was no word I know to describe this.

So much love became so much hate, borne of fear and impending misery. I was someone's wife; and he now told me just how conflicted he was about it. How he hated me for marrying someone. Hated me for not waiting. Hated me for existing.

Because he can't move here. I can't move there. And this is a world 'built for two'. Not three or more. Even if we could make it work, we have to return to our regularly scheduled programming. Away from each other.

The longing had already been unbearable; now, we had no questions, no doubts, no freedom to run or speculate. Not anymore. We were faced with a hard truth that THIS is what we were MADE for.

And our lives had no way to incorporate it.

And I realised: we're not ready. THAT's why the longing, the sadness, the desperation is bearable - for now. Because I KNOW that we're not ready for THIS. We're not ready to be changed on such a basic level; to the core of our being.

We're not ready to go there and then separate because it's what we have to do. It'll kill us. The foundation we've built will crumble beneath the fear and fury.

I'm not putting us through that.

We're doing what we have to do during this time. The rest will come. I'm pretty sure of it. And I know it's not now.

Does he have other relationships to go through first? Maybe. Do I? Yes. And I'm doing so, right now. And I'm sparing us the pain of being impatient and insecure and refusing to allow it to unfold in its time.

I feel it will. So, now, it's as if I'm just preparing - among other things. I'm becoming. I'm readying.

And I'm living. And loving. Because that's part of it. That's a big part of it.

So, now, I'm patient. I'm striving to be secure in what has been shown to me a thousand times over, and even Occam's Razor hasn't successfully taken apart in nearly a decade.

I'm paying heed to the lessons this is teaching me. I'm living with the confidence that it will all come together to become complete one day, as it's already been falling into place since the day we met.

I'm valuing the journey, and letting myself believe in the destination getting here when it does.

When the time is right. When we're both really and truly ready. In the meanwhile, I'm going to enjoy the process: its ups, downs, and everything in between.