posted March 06, 2014 02:36 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:
Indigo, I saw your note and I appreciate so much what you've shared with us. I was busy, and busy having an emotional fit of my own today (at least, on the inside)...Occasionally, it still happens.

So much of what you've said, well...all I can say as that I really do understand...I feel you...

We are all going through this together, I'm glad you guys (or ladies, rather) are here.

---

posted March 06, 2014 02:42 AM            

forgetting won`t work.

Tried that myself.

However, why don`t you take the positive out of it?
let it fuel your life with the love and joy that is in there, too. Granted not in terms of an existing relationship.
maybe we can`t have it all, or not at this point in time.

But if it is for you like it is for me, if you strip away the expectations and social concepts of having to get into a relationship with small house and picket fence, then you will find a lot that is precious in it still.
The boost to creativity, the feeling of beeing utterly and completely vibrant and alive, and of course for me what also energizes me is this "meeting on the hypagnogic level".
Granted it COULD be just fantasy,b ut if it is I gladly take that fantasy over the realistic approach.

Actually it still astounds me.

Two nights ago when I was finding myself on that level again - I suppose that is the reason I don`t dream of him that much anymore, somehow my dreams have transcended from a complete dream-state to *something else* - he was telling me that he would be leaving for the place of his new show shortly (quite far away, different country, though neighbouring country still), something about a week about rehearsing (I never event hought about that, that of course you need a bit of an intense run-through the show JUST before the premiere.).

Anyway it was one of these things where I went: Uoh, okay. Thanks for the information. What do I do with it now? lol

But well, yesterday morning I was waking up with that aching feeling again. Not really emotionally painful, but a feeling like some chord inside me was getting very taut, as if something pulling it into the other direction, more than usually.
(It is always that same feeling, when he is leaving his hometown and sort of moving further away - geographically - it is almost like I can feel the geographical distance).

And well a few hours (actually right about the time you would need to get there by car) he posted a picture from this destination and the announcement that the show is going to get started (well premiere will be mid march, but I suppose last rehearsals are in order).

It amuses me, really. These confirmations.

though of course maybe I just subconsciiously intuited that much, and that is all.

however I found it very considerate of him to post a picture upon arrival, so I know he has arrived safely (not the most careful driver in the world).

lol

posted March 06, 2014 02:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I know what you mean. It's been quite an emotional day for me, too. What's going on with you, Morphea? I'm sorry it's so trying.

---

posted March 06, 2014 03:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
It depends, Gabby.

For me there are different kind of dreams.

some are just that, dreams, me processing something.

But then there is the other variety, which feels like something else entirely.
these dreams have a weird feel to them, some times like in slow-motion, it`s difficult to explain.

---

I agree, dreams are a way of processing things, problem solving, etc. Some could be just the imagination playing on your desires (or fears/concerns). Things like that. Then there are the dreams, or visions where you receive messages/information/ideas of some kind, which could be from the past, present, or future. My DC/TF does use this as a means to communicate too.

Then you have astral travels, out-of-body experiences, visitations, which I think you (Gabby, and Indigo) are getting at? Now these can be very powerful experiences...Esp. if you can actually remember the travels. These are the things that happen regularly with my DC/TF and I.

I saw it mentioned recently about the visitations, or feeling the presence of your TF...You're not crazy, it's real.
Mo Chuisle's presence and the way it's felt, as mentioned by others, where I can actually feel him with me. Not just his energy, his presence, but his touch....Oh, it's real...

posted March 06, 2014 03:13 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:

You're not crazy, it's real.
Not just his energy, his presence, but his touch....Oh, it's real...

---

Yes, it is.
I just don`t want to shock anyone. LOL

Also, if it weren`t real, couldn`t I manipulate it into happening more easily? Just dream it up with the snap of my fingers?

Instead it doesn`t seem to be up to me alone, if I experience that "realness" or not.
Which sometimes can be a little frustrating. lol

posted March 06, 2014 03:27 AM            

Was it
conjunct an angle (or in exact aspect at least)?

I also found ANUBIS configured in exact aspect with the Sun, Moon or nodal axis in this regard alternatively.

And very often in conjunction to Neptune (haven`t observed other aspects between Anubis and Neptune so far though).

For the aspects to luminaries or Vertex, other close aspects seem to come up,t oo.

In my case ANUBIS is exactly conjunct ASC (curiously the same conjunction happens in Mr Law`s and my composite, too)

with Mr Law:
ANUBIS: 9.21 Sag
ASC: 8.09 Sag
Neptune: 8.03 Sag

Anubs p AVXn 0.20
Anubis p ASC 0.11
Anubis p Neptune 0.12

with Mr Sag:
ANUBIS: 0.06 Aquarius
ASC: 1.20 Aquarius

Anubis parallel ASC: 0.16

I have found this regularity only with composite though.

EDIT

BTW I once asked IQ about what to check astrologically for the possibility of such an astral connection and he suggested
to check

posted March 06, 2014 03:34 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
I know what you mean. It's been quite an emotional day for me, too. What's going on with you, Morphea? I'm sorry it's so trying.

---

Well, outside of life and circumstances, it's just certain things creep up from time to time. Emotions, insecurities...and it's like how you mentioned how you feel when you think he's been with another...

Only with me, it's just one ex. that keeps popping up, that appeared to be someone significant to him in this life. Although he's actually told me directly about that situation, there is something about it/her that still stirs my insecurities, and anger...or something. Interestingly, she has her karma asteroid conj. my Saturn-Vertex, and has an Aquarius Sun with a Leo Asc...She has a Pisces Moon too, but it's out of orb for an aspect to my Moon and Pallas (though it seems I still managed to tap into her, and her Pisces Mars is within orb). She is one person who has stirred me before because of what she did to him...and because of how much he cared for her...Someone who would actually fit that description of a "False Twin", or karmic SM, even though I (at first) had an aversion to such an idea (and yet another label/term)...There are just certain things that cause a raw, gut wrenching reaction within me at times. She isn't the only one I've had a reaction to. There is another that I had quite a visceral reaction to (and when I found out who she was and what she did, it made sense...), but she didn't linger like this ex does...She is still alive, too.

It doesn't help either, that she's implied that he has/had visited her in her dreams...

Not an easy thing to open up about, esp. as it makes absolutely no effing sense. No sense what-so-ever...I hate that. I don't know why it happened again today (again, it maybe life circumstances adding to that too, and I didn't make it to the gym), as I haven't gotten this way in quite some time, and I'm not PMSing. I'd actually started to mention this pages ago, but then deleted it. I began to wonder about this when someone on another forum mentioned how an ex of her TF was also a karmic SM to her. It had me thinking about this, that synastry aspect, what seems to be some sort of connection with her that I really don't want, and about how each TF really does affect the other by the choices they make/experiences they have with others...

And yes, yes, I know...We are all connected in some way...

posted March 06, 2014 03:56 AM            

I can totally understand that. Especially since he cared for that much, and to think he is spiritually connected to her through dreams, must suck. Though it could just be normal dreams, or she could just be saying it.

for me I have always found it weird that I actually liked his ex. He has been with her for 7 or 8 years, and actually had just gotten with her when I first saw him.
I SHOULD have been totally jealous and all, but I couldnīt help but liking her.

She has a huge stellium in Aquarius, which is partly conjunct my Moon and partly sextile my Sun.

Actually she reminds me of one of my oldest friends (though we do not have contact anymore), who had this big Aquarius-stellium as well.

I also feel that he cared for her very much, and was totally in love with her.
But for some reason that doesn`t irk me.
Maybe it would today. maybe I was just far from letting my feelings for him take roots back then.

Actually it was HER I was dreaming of in 2012 (or actually witnessing a big quarrel between them, through the open door, lol), and she came out to me, pointed back into the room where he still was and said: "I`m done. He`s all yours." LOL

Well she said some other things, which were not so emotionally fuelled.
We had a bit of a chat, and most of it revolved around me denying there was any kind of connection between him and me, and her exclaiming that ONE of us would have to snap out of the denial phase eventually.

It was a weird dream, I suppose, but somehow funny, too.

I didn`t really think more of it as some weird dream, besides it was during the phase I was "forgetting" him, and not seeing him again - EVER.

Months later I realized that the dream took place in exactly the timeframe they broke up. LOL

posted March 06, 2014 04:18 AM            

t-Synastry
Anubis T-square: His Anubis squ. My Anubis and My Lilith (which is conj. his Ceres). His Anubis also trine My Ceres.

t-Composite
Anubis @ 5 44' Sag conj. Jupiter @ 5 40'/8th, opp. Pallas @ 5 Gem

h-Composite
Anubis conj. Neptune, Saturn, and Jupiter

posted March 06, 2014 05:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Morph,

I can totally understand that. Especially since he cared for that much, and to think he is spiritually connected to her through dreams, must suck. Though it could just be normal dreams, or she could just be saying it.

for me I have always found it weird that I actually liked his ex. He has been with her for 7 or 8 years, and actually had just gotten with her when I first saw him.
I SHOULD have been totally jealous and all, but I couldnīt help but liking her.

She has a huge stellium in Aquarius, which is partly conjunct my Moon and partly sextile my Sun.

Actually she reminds me of one of my oldest friends (though we do not have contact anymore), who had this big Aquarius-stellium as well.

I also feel that he cared for her very much, and was totally in love with her.
But for some reason that doesn`t irk me.
Maybe it would today. maybe I was just far from letting my feelings for him take roots back then.

---

That's the thing, it isn't just that he loved her, it's also what she did to him (that lying, deceptive, manipulative crap)...I know there are others that he loved. The ones that truly loved him and were good to him are the ones I truly have a lot of love and appreciation for...
I suppose that a lot of it really isn't that much different than any other time a loved one has been treated like crap when I knew they could do/deserved better. Just the feeling is more intense, as everything is with these connections. I admit I was/am extremely protective when it comes to him...Fiercely so. She also reminds of my ex, so there is that too, lol. I've joked that our exes should get together. LoL, I would pay to see that!

Either way, I understand that it was a part of his experience in this life. He chose to partake in that, and there was a lesson to be learned...

It may be weird, but I do feel sorry for her too at times...

quote:

---

Actually it was HER I was dreaming of in 2012 (or actually witnessing a big quarrel between them, through the open door, lol), and she came out to me, pointed back into the room where he still was and said: "I`m done. He`s all yours." LOL

Well she said some other things, which were not so emotionally fuelled.
We had a bit of a chat, and most of it revolved around me denying there was any kind of connection between him and me, and her exclaiming that ONE of us would have to snap out of the denial phase eventually.

It was a weird dream, I suppose, but somehow funny, too.

I didn`t really think more of it as some weird dream, besides it was during the phase I was "forgetting" him, and not seeing him again - EVER.

Months later I realized that the dream took place in exactly the timeframe they broke up. LOL

[/b]

---

posted March 06, 2014 06:48 AM            

t-Natal
Somnium @ 14 Gem (AC @ about 17)/12th
Moon @ 16 Vir/4th
Pallas-Lilith @ 15-16 Pis/10th
Uranus @ 12 Sag/6th

Hypnos @ 18 Can/2nd
Anubis @ 20 Cap/8th
Sun @ 20 Tau/12th
Ceres @ 21 Ari/11th

There are more, but these are the biggest ones.

t-synastry

*His Moon conj. My Lilith-Pallas by a degree, opp. my Moon by 2, and trine my Hypnos (which conj. his Vesta exact).
*My Telephus is also loosely conj. his Asc, opp. his Sun-Juno.
*My Somnium opp. His Spirit, which is conj. *My Uranus (2). Our Angles (AC/IC are also conj. and my AC is off of Somnium by about 3.
*His Hypnos conj. My Hekate exact (squ. his Pluto)
*His Aura trine My Angel
*My Alma sextile His Mercury-Pallas-Hekate, trine/sextile his Nodal axis.

t-Composite

*Venus @ 28 38' Gem
*Mercury @ 26 19' Gem
*Hypnos @ 25 29' Gem

*Aura @ 16 45' Pis squ. Moon @ 15 Sag, trine Somnium @ 16 20' Can
*Telephus is @ 5 56' Aqua sextile that Anubis-Jupiter conj. @ 5 44' Sag,and trine Pallas @ 5 13' Gem
*Vesta-Sun-Hekate conj. 12 42' - 13 54' Can, and Somnium-Alma conj. @ 16 20'- 18 Can

d-Synastry

*Anubis-Hekate conj.
*Somnium-Neptune-Jupiter-Asc conj.
*Mercury-Pallas-Hekate-Spirit conj.
*Angel-Aura opp.

h-Synastry is also interesting.

posted March 06, 2014 09:19 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
BTW for those who experience that, check ANUBIS in your composites.

Was it
conjunct an angle (or in exact aspect at least)?

I also found ANUBIS configured in exact aspect with the Sun, Moon or nodal axis in this regard alternatively.

And very often in conjunction to Neptune (haven`t observed other aspects between Anubis and Neptune so far though).

For the aspects to luminaries or Vertex, other close aspects seem to come up,t oo.

In my case ANUBIS is exactly conjunct ASC (curiously the same conjunction happens in Mr Law`s and my composite, too)

with Mr Law:
ANUBIS: 9.21 Sag
ASC: 8.09 Sag
Neptune: 8.03 Sag

Anubs p AVXn 0.20
Anubis p ASC 0.11
Anubis p Neptune 0.12

with Mr Sag:
ANUBIS: 0.06 Aquarius
ASC: 1.20 Aquarius

Anubis parallel ASC: 0.16

I have found this regularity only with composite though.

EDIT

BTW I once asked IQ about what to check astrologically for the possibility of such an astral connection and he suggested
to check

Anubis, Hekate, Angel, Alma, Aura and Spirit (also the helio for the higher level connection)

---

Well I don't think m Anubis is as strong as you others so maybe that's why the OBE's don't register with me as strongly..and if I am having them, I don't remember:

In our Helio composite:
We have a 1 degree T square between Neptune, Angel and Anubis at the apex.
Aura sextile Earth/moon exact
Aura square Saturn exact
Angel very widely conjunct Spirit (4)

posted March 06, 2014 09:23 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:
Indigo, I saw your note and I appreciate so much what you've shared with us. I was busy, and busy having an emotional fit of my own today (at least, on the inside)...Occasionally, it still happens.

So much of what you've said, well...all I can say as that I really do understand...I feel you...

We are all going through this together, I'm glad you guys (or ladies, rather) are here.

---

posted March 06, 2014 11:35 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
Thank you for sharing your letter Indigo about Fate. Yes, very touching indeed💙

---

I felt I should. Even if it's as if it doesn't exist. Heh.

He's such a private, secretive person, always cracking a joke in moments deserving of tenderness; cynical and sardonic. That's why the fact he wrote that absolutely floored me. It was instantly motivating, too.

I'd had NO idea he really felt that way. He hid it superbly.

I thought ... I'd thought it meant he was ready to be real, so to speak. So, I fought to make it work.

I still don't know what happened. From that day on, everything changed. Up to January 2013. I recall in April 2013, he responded to an email of mine saying that he couldn't and didn't want to have a relationship with me. I remember being confused, since my email simply told him that I care. That he's important. I don't think I'd said that before then.

I responded rather quippily, matching his tone: oh, yeah? Who do you think you are? I'd never leave my husband, especially not for a man as unstable as you, etc, etc. Ugh. Then he countered that, and I remember telling him that I was never looking for a relationship. He and I've always been touch-and-go in that regard.

That's when his tone changed instantly, and he asked if we could've had a casual sexual relationship whenever he was in town. Uhhhh, yeah?

Then he became even more strange. He wouldn't commit to anything, (like seeing each other if I was passing through, as I tend to do once or twice a year) nor was he about to negate the option. He had several opportunities. 'I'm not sure that's a good idea,' and then 'I'm not going to take it off the table.' Jesus. Sometimes in the same bloody breath. And, ohh, the jealousy ploys! Augh!

We'd keep it up in the air, see how it all was when we were shooting. We just never got that far. September 2012, the jealousy ploys had become ubiquitous, he was cruel, and I was running. He made me crazy. I'd avoid him for weeks (he'd call every day) then email him long, emotional apologies every week or so.

What a mess.

Then it all exploded in January 2013, and I'd all but forgotten the real reason in his intense 'I don't want you, you're crazy,' routine. That he was terrified of losing me - per his July 2012 email which came out of nowhere. But that January 10th, on, up until August, when I finally answered again ... I was so broken. Just destroyed. He made me feel .... The fact he was calling me crazy, saying he didn't want me ... that he never did! ... I was so gone.

We STILL haven't REALLY discussed it. He apologised, genuinely, when we spoke the following Valentine's Day, but ... I felt the need to run, so I did. I must've intuited more pain. That he still felt a need to hurt me.

I don't get that anymore. But we haven't discussed it, either. I've just put forth the message that I love him, period, since March 2013, so, a year. I don't want to discuss it, and have him say those things again. I don't want him to say he doesn't want me because of reason 1, reason 2, reason 3 ... all boiling down to fear. Intense fear.

So his confession feels like something outside of the timeline. Separate from reality. Here's the truth; now, can we please pretend this didn't happen? That's how it feels to me.

And how can I NOT feel from that? It ripped me apart when I first read it! God, his pain .... I wanted nothing more than to tell him how much he means to me, and I'm SO sorry - that he NEVER SAID ANYTHING - but he would hear nothing of it. Pretended like that was separate from the relationship. So strange. Can't even reference it.

Anyway, that's why I thought I'd share it. Such a rare and beautiful, powerful moment of truth from him. Much like his email - which I can't reference, either. I can't mention the times he's truthful and emotional with me. It's like those simply don't exist.

posted March 06, 2014 01:14 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

---

posted March 06, 2014 01:49 PM            

However, how do I persuade my insides to feel attracted to somebody else?

I KNOW I donīt want to make him the centre of my sole attention, and instead should keep my options wide open and even just develop a crush on somebody else.

posted March 06, 2014 02:30 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
Indigo,

---

posted March 06, 2014 02:37 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I understand that sharing a soul- or spiritual connection, doesn`t mean two people are meant to get into a physical relationship too.

However, how do I persuade my insides to feel attracted to somebody else?

I KNOW I donīt want to make him the centre of my sole attention, and instead should keep my options wide open and even just develop a crush on somebody else.

But if that is so easy, simply and plain, why can`t I?

---

Evidently, we are. Otherwise we'll be 'denying millions of people.' No pressure at all. Not in the least.

And, thanks to all that Scorp, one of the big things we're supposed to be doing is exploring sexuality: physically, astrally, tantrically; it's a crucial and essential element of the whole thing.

I'm reminded of what became an homage to that series I mentioned, 'Newsroom'.

'Wow. You guys really suck at this whole 'extraordinary soul connexion' thing. Worst-period-twin flames-period-ever-period.'

Christine, as usual. The aging, disgruntled astrologer.

posted March 06, 2014 03:26 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:

'Wow. You guys really suck at this whole 'extraordinary soul connexion' thing. Worst-period-twin flames-period-ever-period.'

---

LOL

Not true though I think.

posted March 06, 2014 04:01 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I am usually never saying this, but this must be one of the dumbest things I`ve ever read.
http://loveandlivedivine.wordpress.com/soulmate/telepathic-love/

I prefer my portal to be open and in *conscious* use

---

I ... think I get it .... Kind of. But, that's ... I'm not entirely sure that's true. Usually when I'm actively thinking, 'HEY. WHERE ARE YOU?' he contacts me - regardless of how much I've been 'avoiding' him.