posted March 06, 2014 04:20 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I understand that sharing a soul- or spiritual connection, doesn`t mean two people are meant to get into a physical relationship too.

However, how do I persuade my insides to feel attracted to somebody else?

I KNOW I donīt want to make him the centre of my sole attention, and instead should keep my options wide open and even just develop a crush on somebody else.

But if that is so easy, simply and plain, why can`t I?

---

posted March 06, 2014 04:31 PM            

After I would be haunted by these dreams after inadvertently seeing him again, I at one point would blurt out - meant as a joke of course!- "If you want to see me, you will have to meet me in the physical dimension!"

Not even a month after that our first meeting took place.

But anyway, what I find faulty with it, is that it can be manipulative to coax someone into doing something they are not yet ready for, and I think we all know how well THAT would work!

Also, the telepathic link is part of the connection, or even more basically, this sense of intuiting, some of it may even be just fantasy. lol, but then there is the rest that can`t be rationalized away, so let`s call it this telepathy, or psychic reception/communicating is so much a part of what I am. Not just in regards to him, but stronger in regards to him than with everyone else.

But anyway, cut me off this sense (and I did for many many years, so I know what I am talking about), and I feel incomplete, like a very vital sense like hearing or eyesight, is missing.

I have cut myself off not only from this sense, but also from him, naturally, in the forgetting-phase, and it felt like I have been cut off from a very vital part of myself, everything just became muffled and numb somehow, flat, shallow, lifeless.

Nah, I certainly donīt want that anymore.

So may it be only dreams, but if dreaming like this, makes me happier than cutting him out of my life completely, what sense is really in the cutting?

Why would I inflict pain on myself?
Not that I didn`t do this before, but actually I have tasted this kind of self-denial for a long time and wallowed in it, and I am tired of trying to pretend he is not what makes me happy.

And the world doesn`t understand it? So what? I donīt understand it either, but for now I am beyond caring.

I just wanna feel good, and seeing him, makes me feel good. So why cheating me out of this?

Many years ago my friend had to bury her boyfriend, who had died in a motorcycle accident, (of course I had known him, too).
He would have turned 25 the month after that.

The day when he was being buried, I realized something:

Keeping distance, keeping other people an armlength away to not let anyone close to you or touch your heart, it doesn`t lessen the pain of losing them even a tiny little bit. All it does is prevent you from creating happy memories.

Unfortunately it took 10 more years to understand what I realized that day.

I am all for creating happy memories now. Whatever that means. And how I create my happy memories might be very different from what other people need to do.

But it`s my life. And if I donīt live my life, noone else will either.

And closing myself off from my feelings, my senses will NOT make me happy at all.
I know that from yearlong experience.

posted March 06, 2014 05:32 PM            

Really. That's positively startling.

Okay. That thought ends right there. Hear me, Universe? Thought. Over.

I just couldn't help but notice. BIZARRE.

Okay. Hang on. I'm REALLY feeling something from this girl. In a, 'are you okay? Are you sure? How's everything going? Are you happy? ARE YOU EATING WELL?'

OH, Christ.

Her MOON's in Libra, (SUN's same sign as my tropical CERES, but conjunct my Draco MOON) and her JUP is the same as one of my dearest soul-sisters.

This is probably the first time I've had this happen - outside of my stepdaughter, but THAT felt explicable. If only a little. I remember her saying how much she loves the show she's in, and especially the character she plays. I never thought that much of it, except a distracted 'oh, you're right' kind of thing.

But now, seeing these photos, it's like ... BAM.

My intended-younger-brother actually ended up being born in 1987, (rather than 1984 - yeah, I know, right? 1984) because it was definitely a no-go with him being born to my mother. Instead, he was born to another double-Leo woman who very tragically passed 3 years ago.

We had something of a Luke-and-Leia thing going on. All the usual soul connexion jazz, with the dreams and astral stuff, and INSTANT connexion, but there was always this weird sense of, but, but, not you; no, not you - you're - you're my brother / sister! And, again, were it not for Fate, I would've been wondering WHAT was UP. But I knew. IF that were true, then it wasn't THAT.

And so I've wondered sometimes, and joked; will the souls that might've been born to me simply come through in other ways? And will they still look like me?

Have I shown you the connexions I have with the Kiddo? Ohhhh, my God, they're staggering. You can see how she's clearly 'next in line' on my mother's side.

Whenever we're all out together, she's ALWAYS mistaken for my daughter. Always. Once an artist did a rendering of her mother at the same age she was at the time (eight, I believe), but since it's a sketch, there's no sense of colour, and everyone thinks it's me. Her mom's a blue-eyed blonde. And, really, we look NOTHING alike. But the kiddo?

She has my mannerisms, too. And quirks. And issues. And childhood behaviour. And adolescent behaviour. And - EVERYTHING.

She couldn't be more my kid if we shared genetics. Really. It's crazy.

Hrm. Well, Ms Grande, all the best to you. I'm glad she's in the spotlight. I would want my soul-children to be ridiculously talented and famous.

posted March 06, 2014 05:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MorpHnStorM:

I agree, dreams are a way of processing things, problem solving, etc. Some could be just the imagination playing on your desires (or fears/concerns). Things like that. Then there are the dreams, or visions where you receive messages/information/ideas of some kind, which could be from the past, present, or future. My DC/TF does use this as a means to communicate too.

Then you have astral travels, out-of-body experiences, visitations, which I think you (Gabby, and Indigo) are getting at? Now these can be very powerful experiences...Esp. if you can actually remember the travels. These are the things that happen regularly with my DC/TF and I.

I saw it mentioned recently about the visitations, or feeling the presence of your TF...You're not crazy, it's real.
Mo Chuisle's presence and the way it's felt, as mentioned by others, where I can actually feel him with me. Not just his energy, his presence, but his touch....Oh, it's real...

---

Thank you!! That makes sense!!!

posted March 06, 2014 06:32 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by tgem:
That's my problem...I don't even want to try to look for someone else...I literally have no desire. I have a lot of Pluto/Scorpio in me as well.

---

Okay. About the desire part.

THIS is driving me NUTS.

I'm pretty sure I've shut down that part of me, as usual, to avoid pain. But desire ....

I swear, I begun the sexual relationship with my costar because of two things: I was being REALLY intensely driven to resolve some sort of major karma there - and my husband dared us.

Really. Dared us. Okay, I take that back. He, his ex-girlfriend, and her mother all dared us. My husband actually saying that we'd never get that far, and his ex-girlfriend's mom (very cool lady, by the way) saying that he was clearly hopeless and we'd never have a sexual relationship.

Evidently, that was enough of an impetus for us both to just do it, for crying out loud. And so last December, we did. (19 December, actually. I know. I know. AUGH. I know.)

Well, if Fate felt a thing, it was confusion. And focus. It was more like a grand experiment than any sort of sex. Sorting out logistics. And, yes, being relieved that we actually could manage it.

The second time was positively ... droll.

I just don't think I like sex. Horrible thing to say, isn't it? See, we HAD this kind of powerful, intense, wonderful soul connexion thing going on, which just ... collapsed somewhere in between 19 December and 12 February. Probably because there was a LOT of freaking out in the interim. I was out of town for the holidays for a month, and he's not at ALL the communicative sort.

I liked that, because it would force me to have some faith. But my faith was wearing extremely thin after New Year's. All that focus upon him and the new relationship also unintentionally brought me 'away' from Fate - and I MISSED him. SO much.

And nothing bloody compares. Even an hour-long phone conversation with him about nothing affects me more deeply and totally than two hour sexual experiences - with whomever. WHAT is WRONG with ME?

And the new relationship taught me that what I'd always been feeling from my husband, I think, was very low interest, or even mild boredom. He needs particular things, and, in that sense, I just didn't feel like he was getting them. Sex was technically good. In a technical sense, it was fantastic. I should have NO reason to complain. I feel ridiculous. Selfish. Idiotic.

I began very much looking forward to the relationship with my costar after we had this phenomenal borderline (okay, a little more than borderline) sexual experience a few months before we actually had sex. Things have always been a bit wonky and ethereal with him, and THAT experience was just so perfect - exactly what I was looking for. (Hence my surprise / shock at seeing Fate's eyes in the mirror when I saw my reflection; after I'd just been thinking, 'or maybe this will be enough.' Augh.)

Naturally, I thought sex would be on the same level. Where we both just let go of all our fears and gave into whatever wonderful thing was surrounding us and between us.

Nope.

Not by a mile.

Wracked with fears, I guess, and too much uncertainty. No rhythm. And so I've had to resolve to stick with it, knowing it'll improve.

But ... augh. I haven't wanted to for awhile. It's terrible. WTF.

I don't feel desire for ANYBODY. Because I've shut that pipeline down, so to speak, regarding Fate, as it's JUST. TOO. HARD.

And now it's just ... no one. Nothing.

I liked being a sexual person. I felt more complete. Impassioned. Empowered. I'm running on a lot of Scorp, after all.

But ... the experience itself has just been so ....

I want MORE now. And I can't get that.

Maybe I'm angry. Maybe I'm frustrated. Maybe that's why I'm feeling very, 'LEAVE ME ALONE! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M writing / charting / researching / reading, etc. ?!'.

Sigh. And I DON'T mean to be that way. I don't.

posted March 07, 2014 12:14 AM            

What're we all supposed to do anyway?

http://youtu.be/iqF9QuJ0Gws

posted March 07, 2014 01:17 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Sigh.

What're we all supposed to do anyway?

http://youtu.be/iqF9QuJ0Gws

---

posted March 07, 2014 07:38 AM            

Eventually, that was one of the reasons I cut it off as well. Both of us being married and all...I knew he and I would be an all or nothing...not just a casual friendship...and the scariest part? That I didn't TRUST MYSELF if I were ever to be alone with him! That says a lot because I pride myself on having tremendous self control and will power. So funny...for once it wasn't about not trusting the guy wouldn't step over the line...it was me!!! I mean things would come out of my mouth that were completely subconscious! Then the shock on my face would clearly express to him, "OH MY GOD...did I really just say that??"

How can two people have a platonic friendship being married to two seperate people and continue to avoid that magnatism? It was torture...especially since we both were missing something significant in the bedroom at home...he has a lot of Scorpio as well.

Interestingly IQ told me we had been husband and wife before....possibility several times. Oh ok...so you mean to tell me we've come into this life with so much passion for eachother and we're NOT supposed to end up together??!! That's like.....torture!!!!

posted March 07, 2014 08:30 AM              

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ceridwen:
I understand that sharing a soul- or spiritual connection, doesn`t mean two people are meant to get into a physical relationship too.

However, how do I persuade my insides to feel attracted to somebody else?

I KNOW I donīt want to make him the centre of my sole attention, and instead should keep my options wide open and even just develop a crush on somebody else.

But if that is so easy, simply and plain, why can`t I?

---

Because you've kept your heart closed.

posted March 07, 2014 08:50 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
Because you've kept your heart closed.

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posted March 07, 2014 08:54 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Astro keen:
Ceri,

Full marks to you for 'finding your own power'. This phrase has different meanings for psychologists. I had the misfortune of running into one recently, thankfully only online. Some of them would argue that putting your life on hold for a distant dream is the antithesis of being powerful. But one cannot show a psychologist the myriad colours of great depth and beauty that form a particular relationship - a relationship that cannot be slotted into a type described in text books. Also, even is one was wrong, nothing is to be gained by denying one's truth, identity and whatever brings one joy. What you have said is wonderful and as it should be.

---

Astrokeen,

I get what you are saying.

I often find myself in the position of these psychologists to myself, though, and I have repeatedly told a friend of mine that I would NOT put my life on hold, and would NOT wait for a dream that might never come true.

And I donīt. I live my life, and actually have been more socially active and going out than ever before in my life, more creative, more extrovert and open than I used to be.

But while I once thought that "not putting my life on hold for him" would neccessarily mean and have to result in "cutting him off completely", the second option just didn`t feel good. lol

I have realized by now that this is not an "either-or" Dilemma, there is a different path between these two extremes.

posted March 07, 2014 09:00 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by tgem:
I remember when I had our synastry first read, they said, "wow he really touched your sexuality!" Uhhh, YEAH!!!! It was like the intensity between us lit something in me that has been dormant my entire life...what it feels like to be that ultimate feminine figure...an Aphrodite...the intensity was so HOT everybody could just see it...

Eventually, that was one of the reasons I cut it off as well. Both of us being married and all...I knew he and I would be an all or nothing...not just a casual friendship...and the scariest part? That I didn't TRUST MYSELF if I were ever to be alone with him! That says a lot because I pride myself on having tremendous self control and will power. So funny...for once it wasn't about not trusting the guy wouldn't step over the line...it was me!!! I mean things would come out of my mouth that were completely subconscious! Then the shock on my face would clearly express to him, "OH MY GOD...did I really just say that??"

How can two people have a platonic friendship being married to two seperate people and continue to avoid that magnatism? It was torture...especially since we both were missing something significant in the bedroom at home...he has a lot of Scorpio as well.

Interestingly IQ told me we had been husband and wife before....possibility several times. Oh ok...so you mean to tell me we've come into this life with so much passion for eachother and we're NOT supposed to end up together??!! That's like.....torture!!!!

Sigh...I don't know..

---

Oh yeah. Totally understand what you mean.

In fact I think it was important for me to meet him to realize that I am not AS controlled and indifferent and "floating above" as I liked to picture myself.

The thing is I never was attracted to anyone, with the attraction sort of "overpowering" my reason (at least not since I left puberty). I have always been able to do the "switch-on/switch-off" thing (Aquarius Moon with Moon parallel Uranus); with him the chemistry I feel is instant, immediate and simply doesn`t ask my mind what it thinks of it. It just happens, even if I donīt want it or try to control it or push it back or sublimate it, like I have had been an expert in doing before.
The only thing i can control are my actions, barely keeping myself from running towards him and hug him, which is what I would instinctively do. lol

posted March 07, 2014 09:48 AM              

The catalyst effect.

I think mel mentioned catalyst in TF videos, but can't remember what it was about.

posted March 07, 2014 12:55 PM            

I'm importing some pieces from other parts of the site so bear with me while this is under construction...

**********

quote:Originally posted by micole maree:

My Moira conjunct my anti-Vertex (in 11th Cancer) and opposing Saturn and Angelica; sextile Venus and square NN.

In synastry, my Moira conjunct partner's NN. (His SN conjunct my Vertex, Saturn and Angelica.) His Moira sextile my ASC and opposed my Destinn. His Destinn conjunct my DSC.

His Moira in Gemini conjunct Eros, trine Angel, square Chiron and opposed his Moon.

**************

quote:Originally posted by Gabby:

IQ said, whatever falls exact opposed your Saturn is your freedom point!

Gabby, THIS is what I've been looking for! I've looked all over the net for the meaning of this Saturn set-up I/we have.

My Moira is opposed my Saturn/conjunct Vertex and sitting on my anti-Vertex in Cap.

In synastry, my Saturn is conjunct partner's SN ; so that is opposed my Moira conjunct his NN in Cancer.
How does my Saturn on his SN work as a gift again?

Gabby
Reply w/Quote: His NN path would be your freedom point, very karmic fated relationship as he pushes forward toward his destiny he will naturally be helping you learn how to release saturns karma!

***********

My Angel conjunct Sedna in my 9th (Taurus).

DW Saturn opposed Venus.
DW Saturn conjunct Amor; one wide orb, 3.5 degrees.
Lots of squares to my ASC/DSC.

I don't have the degrees handy, but I'll edit if they're needed. Still working without a printer. Is this looking a *little bit* more hopeful, given that I don't (yet anyway) have any soulmate pairings?

posted March 07, 2014 01:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
I have to catch up on your posts but thought I'd do something a bit different - for me. Actually post some astrology.

I'm importing some pieces from other parts of the site so bear with me while this is under construction...

**********

quote:Originally posted by micole maree:
My Moira conjunct my anti-Vertex (in 11th Cancer) and opposing Saturn and Angelica; sextile Venus and square NN.

In synastry, my Moira conjunct partner's NN. (His SN conjunct my Vertex, Saturn and Angelica.) His Moira sextile my ASC and opposed my Destinn.

His Moira in Gemini conjunct Eros, trine Angel, square Chiron and opposed his Moon.

This newbie is confused, natally and synastry-wise. Good grief!

Anti-vertex is the souls ascendant or the way your soul appears to others, your outward expression of your core self.
Moira here would show that your souls fated path will be very visible to others they will be able to see your soul shining through and following this fated path!

The Saturn opposition to your partners NN shows as he walks his path towards his NN he will be able to help guide you towards releasing your Saturn karma.

---

I disagree with this definition of the Vertex.

The IC is the soul`s ASC, as it starts the soul/ emotional quadrant.

posted March 07, 2014 01:23 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by micole maree:
Anti-vertex is the souls ascendant or the way your soul appears to others, your outward expression of your core self. Moira here would show that your souls fated path will be very visible to others they will be able to see your soul shining through and following this fated path.

---

Lovely notion, Michelle, but I've got a secondary interpretation.

Long ago, in another land, 1994, this crazy teenager couldn't find anything on the Vertices axis, so she dug into her godmother's old library of astro books from ages back, did personal research in her massive database of charts, and applied that knowledge to the pamphlet she published electronically for all to consume freely in 1995.

That information has been lost to time, though, unfortunately.

Fortunately, it was me! So, I still have many copies and files I've recently found.

posted March 07, 2014 01:24 PM            

Yes, Indigo, I'd love to see your Vertex writings.

Ceri, thanks for the pointer on the IC. I will remember that. Do you have an interpretation of that my Moira/my Anti-Vertex/his NN opp Saturn/his SN/my Vertex?

I've long suspected that the "turning point" (his first dream visitation) and then the astral business were both Vertex activations. The first dream literally woke me up, shook me up and I started to put myself together enough to leave my marriage.

posted March 07, 2014 01:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by summerlite:
Maybe it takes you to date other men (not foolishly or rashly but wisely) and still find yourself be uncomfortable with it to realise how much you want him, or finally take action.

The catalyst effect.

I think mel mentioned catalyst in TF videos, but can't remember what it was about.

---

Summerlite,

you seem to be a very down-to-earth person.
At least I think that is why you are suggesting I am taking action, implying that I am not doing enough.

But to what effect?

I suppose (and I can be wrong) you think that if I get more active (however that will be), there are two solutions possible:

A. he is interested and consequently we will start a relationship

B. he is not interested and I will move on from that.

If you think like that, that is very reasonable, and unerstandable, and as I said down-to-earth.

It`s just not what it`s about for me right now.

Datin other men just to find out if I want him?
Well seriously, I would have to date HIM to find out if I want and can live a real relationship with him.

Other men do not have anything to do with it.

But while I understand this thought, cause it possibly would take my mind off him, to be honest, I like having him on my mind.
And I need to move in my own way, in my own speed.

If another guy crosses my path, who I feel attracted to and who wants to date me, we probably will. I wouldn`T close my eyes to this.

But for now, I am simply not interested.

It is not easy to explain, but I am in an emotional healing phase, no in an emotional waking-up-phase (and probably in this regard more like a 17 year old than a grown-up woman. Yes I missed THAT much in my earlier life), but this phase needs to be honored and it needs time.

I am just learning to be happy and enjoy my life as it is now, and also start getting reaquainted with myself, or rather a part of myself that had been buried deep for a long time; this is why I can`t or don`t want to act, like it is "socially expected".

Oh and I am dedicating this song to myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEVYsnGWhTA

posted March 07, 2014 01:30 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by micole maree:
Actually, I was still fixing and importing pieces. That wasn't my interpretation. See edited version above.

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posted March 07, 2014 01:34 PM            

Antivertex 21.28 Capricorn
Sun/Moon-mp 21.31 Capricorn
ARTHUR 21.36 Capricorn

Vertex 21.28 Cancer
EROS 21.00 Cancer
PAN 21.02 Cancer
DESTINN 23.18 Cancer

my current Venus return has Jupiter on 20 Cancer, ASC on 24 Cancer

my current Solar REturn has ASC on 20.54 Cancer

on the exact day of when I am going to watch the Artus-musical, my pr Moon will be on 21.36 Cancer

and pr EROS on 23.28 Cancer (very closely aligned with natal Destinn).

And co-incidentally th composite Moon is on 22 Capricorn and Davison Moon on 20 Cancer. Docking onto this.

posted March 07, 2014 01:36 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
Oh, I wasn't sure if you were saying you agree. There's a lot out there NOW that goes in every direction, but I still feel it's very simple and basic. EP a bit more perplexing to me than AVX. Anyhow.

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Shoot, Indigo, bear with me. I know what AVX is. What is EP?

posted March 07, 2014 01:38 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by micole maree:
Shoot, Indigo, bear with me. I know what AVX is. What is EP?

And I'm sorry for the confusion as I tried to put these pieces together. Maybe I should have left the comments out...

---

posted March 07, 2014 01:40 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by IndigoDirae:
EP is the EastPoint. Honestly, I've a feeling Ceri's got a better handle of that. I'm still fuzzy on it.

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Oh that is one I just came across last week and hadn't gotten around to looking up.