posted June 29, 2014 12:15 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Very sorry to hear that.But I think that you should view that relationship as something that your Father and Mother called into their experience(you are not to blame because you did not "intend" it)

"Intent" is not limited to wanting something to happen and choosing it the first time, but is also extended to continually choosing that same thing again and again.

So your mother should not be absolved from this responsibility. She is also responsible for your father's behavior because , not only did she marry him,but(and even more tragically) she allowed for you to be exposed to all that. She allowed him to be the monster he was and continue the behavior to you too.

But you know, from a higher spiritual point of view, the role your father played in your life was in part beneficial.

Now you have a clear idea of the kind of environment that you do not want. You can start visualizing, in great detail, the kind of environment that you would like to have and attract into your experience.

The challenge here would be for you to avoid "carrying over" this terrible experience and owning it as "yours" and letting it make a statement , from a fundamental level, of your own "worth" as a person.

My Father takes advantage of my Mother a lot. But she is also responsible for this behavior as she continually condones it. So I blame them both equally.

There are no victims in relationships; just those who do awful things and those who allow these awful things to be done.

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thankyou very much Aries23Degrees <33 you are correct about everything i forgot to mention that he also took it upon himself to sleep with as many of my mothers friends as he could. (one time he was rolling around with one of them right in front of me and my mum! she didnt say anything, just led us both out and left them to it)

i didnt really know there were nice husbands out there lol i remember when is was sixteen, my mum and i were talking about their marriage and i asked her how she still found him attractive after what he did to her and said to me "but he was nice in the beginning". she still loved this long-dead version of him. what she said also translated to me as, "and every guy that you meet will be nice in the beginning but will turn nasty later". its taken a good 15 years to stop thinking like that. and i dont have any good experiences with men. my first/last legitimate boyfriend cheated then ditched me for his ex.

i should say that i was never afraid of my father and i laugh at any guy who tries to intimidate or scare me (particularly if it is sexually driven) because only weak people make others feel uncomforable for their own pleasure. i can react quite badly to all that, my mouth doing most of the work . its to the point where i enjoy watching them squirm and get embarrassed. im essentially using violence against violence but whats positive about that. in the meantime all the nice guys are gravitating towards the less conflicted women . and its probably safer considering the likelihood they could be attacked at some point )

im trying to be more positive in my dealings with others, my trouble is i dont know when guys are trying to take advantage or are being genuinley nice. i have been quite mean to guys who were just trying to be nice to me in the past. and they ran off rightfully believing i was a wank*r.

posted June 29, 2014 06:25 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by iliketurtles:
thankyou very much Aries23Degrees <33 you are correct about everything i forgot to mention that he also took it upon himself to sleep with as many of my mothers friends as he could. (one time he was rolling around with one of them right in front of me and my mum! she didnt say anything, just led us both out and left them to it)

i didnt really know there were nice husbands out there lol i remember when is was sixteen, my mum and i were talking about their marriage and i asked her how she still found him attractive after what he did to her and said to me "but he was nice in the beginning". she still loved this long-dead version of him. what she said also translated to me as, "and every guy that you meet will be nice in the beginning but will turn nasty later". its taken a good 15 years to stop thinking like that. and i dont have any good experiences with men. my first/last legitimate boyfriend cheated then ditched me for his ex.

i should say that i was never afraid of my father and i laugh at any guy who tries to intimidate or scare me (particularly if it is sexually driven) because only weak people make others feel uncomforable for their own pleasure. i can react quite badly to all that, my mouth doing most of the work . its to the point where i enjoy watching them squirm and get embarrassed. im essentially using violence against violence but whats positive about that. in the meantime all the nice guys are gravitating towards the less conflicted women . and its probably safer considering the likelihood they could be attacked at some point )

I'm trying to be more positive in my dealings with others, my trouble is i don't know when guys are trying to take advantage or are being genuinely nice. i have been quite mean to guys who were just trying to be nice to me in the past. and they ran off rightfully believing i was a wank*r.

@bansheequeen: your boyf is a lucky ducky!

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Peace and love to you. Peace and love to you

To witness your mother being degraded like that, right in front of you, not only hurts you but also hurts any ideas that you may have of a healthy relationship.

That behavior by your father was not normal. That behavior of condoning by your mother is not normal. And the fact that your mother still held on to that tired piece of memory of when once your father was kind, is not unusual. My mother is the same, the same, the same.

But I must stress that I knew then and still know now that their relationship is THEIR relationship and not mine.

My Father's attitude and way of treating her is his experience with her, it has nothing to do with me.

I never married him and wasn't there when they fell in-love.I'll never fully understand the dynamics of what is at work.I can only judge.

You have to find a way of removing your attention from all that charge and emotional imprints of the past and putting it into something else. That is the only way you'll start rebuilding your idea of love.

You have to create from scratch and give yourself leeway to want what you know is the "good-feeling" place for you. In every area of life-not just relationships.

Parents have little idea of how their actions affect children. To children, parents are the closest thing to God. No matter how "imperfect" the parents may feel that they personally are, the children know no better and are sponges that just absorb the behavior shown by them and interpret it as "normal". Parent don't understand this. Not from a fundamental point of view.

My grandmother(my mother's mother) had a similar relationship with my grandfather; very painful.

When my mother related how her current marriage bears similar resemblance, my grandmother's heart was broken: It is never a loving parent's intention to have the child live the pain the parent went through. And yet my mother did and here we are- on the verge of doing the same.

posted June 29, 2014 09:23 AM            

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
The Sun/Moon square nataly is said to bring about a very troubled childhood because of the antagonistic relationship between the mother and the father. As stated earlier in response to another post.

I think, in your sisters case, her Sun/Moon in-conjunct ca have the effect of overlooking everything and anything that is "wrong", for fear of change and to keep this imagined "peace".

It's interesting that she has two signs that don't want to rock the boat and, even more telling, is her Libra Moon that views partnership as a very necessary part of feeling "stable".

Could this pattern be repeated in her relationships too? I suspect so.

She seems to be seeing what she wants to see. I think she may want a "partner" and not pay much attention to the details of the personality of the partner that she seeks.

Its is also likely that with this aspect in ,gives more than she gets.

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She definitely gives more than she gets.
She wants the company of a relationship, but I also think she chooses people "beneath" her to make herself feel more together.

She also loves to use their "hindrances" as an excuse to drop them when she wants to feel single and independent.
.... then when she's lonely she'll call them up.

She definitely sees the flaws because she calls me almost on a daily basis to tell me about them
Boy, the stories I've heard.
I just want to ask her what kind of stories she's going to tell her grandkids

But she does have a bad habit of overlooking their flaws when she wants company.