posted August 22, 2016 04:30 PM            

I always notice huge events happening around eclipses--and lots of times I think that's a good thing, as an 8th house Leo I like drama. The good kind of drama.

But i'm worried that this eclipse for me will mean some kind of terrible breakdown. Some of you are familiar with my story from my other threads....I'll be thinking about your comforting words as I try to power through this.

The eclipse (9"21' Virgo)has the following tight-orbed conjunctions:

-Conjunct my daughter's Sun (it's also on her birthday) at 9"47' Virgo, h5
-conjunct my Mars, h8
-Conjunct my composite Part of Fortune-Venus-Saturn with my daughter
-Conjunct my progressed composite Saturn/Vertex with my ex, h7 (and our composite Saturn, h8)

The weekend before the eclipse, we have an extended family bday party. For those who haven't read my other threads, more daughter is small and I haven't split up her holidays yet, I've been spending them with my ex who I have this devastating heartbreaking Nessus-Venus thing with. The weekend after the eclipse, a family member of his is having a destination wedding in the very small town where the man I was falling in love with when my ex swooped back into my life owns a home and might be there....my Nessus-ex's entire extended family will be there. I have put on a bit of weight and have mental/emotional health problems, his whole family knows he ditched me when we had a one-year-old. My daughter is part of the wedding party and....

My daughter has always been super-volatile. She has a Moon-Mars conjunction in Leo. She's been having a lot of screaming meltdowns lately.

posted August 22, 2016 05:24 PM            

The fits may be because she is picking up on all of this and she needs protection from these psychic assaults. Good luck with everything. I hope I don't sound like I'm lecturing. My heart just always jumps out of my chest for single mothers and their munchkins

posted August 22, 2016 05:45 PM            

I used to have a rule of saying NO to anything I had mixed feelings about....but since I got into this situation (I mean my whole life right now) nothing is a YES. Saying no to the wedding felt wrong, saying yes felt wrong, everything feels wrong. That would sure be a big eclipse event for me and for my daughter, though--if I bailed on that wedding short-notice.

posted August 22, 2016 11:36 PM            

There are transits today tomorrow and the next that feel like one foot is on the gas (Mars) and the other is riding the brake (Saturn). These are square (friction) with your Mars Virgo. Mars Virgo is really really really into those tiny little details. Transiting Mars squaring Mars for you, tSaturn squaring Mars right now for you (internally) could be feeling extra unsure and sensitive. tNeptune has been across from your Mars during early days with your child. It's going backwards now and you might be feeling re-reminded of all that again. Virgo... energy tends to be more fretful (I know, my Moon is Virgo).

As much as you can, keep finding that soft calm place way way deep inside you. Hug you innerchild... your own inner 3-year old.

Little girls are soooo amazing, aren't they? And you have that girl inside you.

Amazing that your inlaws (H9?) ARE understanding of what happened (when he left you and child age 1). Try to just breathe and let go and appreciate that they ARE 'for' you? Lucia, THEY have included you... Breathe that in, and now YOU 'allow' yourself into 'their' inclusion?

Allow yourself to be okay that you yourself are not legally married to him anymore, but you STILL have the inlaws who welcome you. You gave them the gift of that little girl. Why wouldn't they love you? Let yourself be included.

Also, think about your future Love... He accepts you 'as you are'... despite what you say that you've gained a bit of weight, etc. That's not what concern your current boyfriend has? That's your worrying and trying to measure self to old image of when you were married to ex?

Like Tinker says, kids feed off your worries too, unconsciously. She's doing the tSaturn-tMars square Sun... and finishing with all that mutable T-Square we'd been having.

ENJOY your 3-year old. The Trusting Three's! Then, Fabulous Fours-- the little professors. You've got a Virgo!! Amp it!! LOL. Got Mensa????

Things are going to really work out for you. TRUST that. I think a part of you knows it already.

Through all that Virgo time, you might feel more anxious and fret? But, Be Your Own best friend at that time, and Count every Blessing you can find... Venus Leo ? Go for walks, feeling like the total Princess-- Look at the leaves on plants and details in the sky and clouds. They LOVE to Present themselves to their Beloved wonderful Princess. Shiny shiny shiny. Everything is there for you to play and enjoy.

What you feed grows. What you judiciously look the other way about (meltdowns, flaws), can stop after a time of Grace with it.

I know that life can be hard, super hard. Don't need to tell you that.... Try as MUCH as possible to Believe that things will work out for you and your little-one. She is Loved. YOU are Loved!

Trust... Allow Life to Happen. Some things we can't control, and others we can.

I think it's important to be around your tribe and family. There are a lot of world things that are soooo incredibly sad, and devastating. There may be more of those happen... Looking at Fixed Stars in Virgo and Sag (western). But there is STILL much Promise there too.... Hold on, and Love Each Other Well.

If you are a person of faith?... I try to think of this song, when I need to chill, and wait, and have patience.

May God and The Angels cover you, and your little child, in Safe Havens.

posted August 23, 2016 07:49 AM            

That's what I want, to just enjoy my daughter!

Part of what's so rough for me is that I don't have a tribe or family right now, other than my little daughter. SHE has a big family, my ex's family (he and I were not married) and I had a lot of power in terms of how close to them she would be. I've kept her close and they (and I) have been kind and polite about the situation. But since she was born, for various reasons, I've lost my mother and been distanced from my closest friends and not had emotional care or support that would feel good to me. It's a long story, but I had such a different life before this.

posted August 23, 2016 01:16 PM            

Again, I know you feel like bible-Hagar, cast out into the cold, into the desert alone, to raise a Child. But you are Not Alone. There is Cosmic Help as a Covering for you, when you tap your ability to have faith. You might feel stripped of those things that were sooo close, and of Value that you thought couldn't go from your life.

But you were born for a Purpose on this Earth. A Purpose that is MORE than just the Child you threaded into this earth through your womb. Hold her, knowing she doesn't belong you, and yet, she IS yours. ... Practice holding her like you're preparing her for HER Mission and Purpose in life. Children are LENT to us, for a time. Then, they go.... I pray she'll be a Loyal Soul to you. Leo is Loyalty. I pray she'll Be There for you, at your End of Life. That she will be established, and Know her Calling EARLY in Life. That she be a tremendous Light for the Earth... and She will rise and call YOU Blessed that you were her mother on earth.

Mothers and daughters can be close, then have space, then close again.... Be willing to let her go. Practice. She's love the vibe, and won't have to split so horrendously when the time comes for her some day to individuate from you. ... She will come back, and Bless you.....

Lucia... I haven't read any of your postings.

Maybe 'just a little crack in the door of belief' for you, could help you 'accept' being included? ... Unless you are threatened that *they* may want to take her from you (saying you are not fit-- could that be an underlying yet false fear-vibe?)...

Don't give in to that, okay? Love you. Love your Child. Feel Security, and live that purposefully.

The sky is rife with energies right now that are mind-boggling. ....

You Stay At Peace, within yourself. Be KIND to your insecurities. Hug you. You will be Okay! ...

(humor) *looking* ... Okay. I checked, and there's nobody's around. You're safe. Now... Look him in the eye, open your heart, and let him sing this "specially" to you!!! ROF LOL!!! Ready?

(music) You are my Friend, You are Special (Mr. Rogers) [0:49] http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uocHKmdCOvc

May God replace your Losses, and Bring you. GOOD and LongTerm Lasting Friends!

posted August 23, 2016 02:14 PM            

I've made sacrifices to keep my daughter's world bigger than just me--to let her spend time lots of with her dad and his family (he sees her daily), because even though they're not my family, they're HER family.

I do think there's a big, beautiful universe out there and I've had trouble reconciling my experiences before this with the extreme negativity that's happened with my ex and his decisions and behavior. I believe my daughter is a blessing, and I am ready for the universe to help end the bad parts of the situation.

@venus2tinkerbell, I've been thinking so much about what you said about making decisions based on what's best for the child. Thst's what I aim to do, and I keep getting blindsided by situations that make no sense based on the world I thought I lived in before all this. I keep finding situations where ALL of the options seem wrong. Virgolet's meltdowns are a tough cycle, because a stressed/depressed mom and bad vibe are surely making her more anxious, but having a hard situation be even harder because I know I can't count on it working out if I try to do things with my daughter that would increase my happiness and health, and hers. (Like have playdates with other moms with kids the same age, or go out to eat, or go to storytime, or have someone nice watch her while I get a break, or go for her checkup at the doctor without my ex coming along to help out.). It's made me more dependent on my ex and his family for childcare help....what I'd like is to be in a position where I can let her see them and be close to them, but I don't NEED them.

That would help me detach more emotionally from my ex, who makes me feel awful, and seeing him hurts me.

I do hope and believe that maybe in small steps, I'll find bits more happiness or independence or support, and Virgolet will be less wriggly and meltdowny and difficult, so I'll be able to do errands with her with me without it being not worth it, and do more things I like to do (especially hiking and going out to casual restaurants) with her.

Transiting Uranus is conjunct my 4th house Chiron (exact), opposite my Uranus, loosely square my 7h Venus---I think this is the formation that's getting triggered off to give me a feeling of shock with the pain.

posted August 23, 2016 04:06 PM            

I know how all the options can seem wrong, and I know the confusion you experience when everything that was once so simple becomes very complicated. First, one of the options is right. It's just not an option that can please everyone (e).

You don't have the partner you relied on. The one you leaned on, and let carry half the load. Things change and sometimes the changes are abrupt and painful. Now it's all you making all the decisions, taking all the risks. It's scary. And when there's no one there to tell you how wonderful you are and what a great job you're doing it's hard to trust yourself. But that is the only thing you need to be doing right now- Trust Yourself Silence the voices that are telling you what a great dad he is even though he abused you (because that's a truly awful father- one who does not love his child's mother, and who puts her down rather than build her up for the sake of his child ), and silence the voices that encourage you to do things so you don't look hostile to the family, so look normal to society, so your child doesn't miss out on what the kids in two parent homes have. Silence the voices that say you don't know what you're doing, and that it's wrong to put the Leo Queen and the Leo Princess above everyone else. When you two are at a less vulnerable time in your lives you can start making sacrifices for others, but now you just need safety and peace and everything your way. You might not be able to simply make declarations (the way my Leo Merc loves) and everything falls into place and everyone agrees. You might have to make some compromises (that you are comfortable with). You might have to use strategy. You might have to go to war. But your daughter needs to see this. She needs it more than she needs her cousins. She needs to see you defend your interests in the world. Even if your interests are regular nature walks on Thursday mornings

Cancer Venus: You can't make yourself love a family. You might need to make a family you love. His family is important, but if you have to limit your time and her time with them, that is not your fault. It's his fault. And your daughter will not suffer in the slightest as long as you are sure of yourself. Your little Leo Moon needs to see you stand up for yourself. His mother should be trying to get in good with you, not you pleasing them for the sake of your daughter and at your own expense. Let her come to you. When people have to reach out they are usually willing to accept your terms. She should be willing to go on more private outings that don't involve all these people and stressors.

Right now you are the most important person in your daughter's life. A mother to her child is like guru to seeker. You are her first inspiration to higher and greater things. It is you who will teach her to look up and to look within. She will see how you navigate the world in peace and strength and know she can do it too. If the world is a place where you make magic she will make magic. Don't let the world be a place that victimizes you. Don't let the world be a place where everyone but you comes first for the sake of a facade.

I'm a Cancer Sun/Venus. I'll be your sister.

posted August 24, 2016 09:06 AM            

I simply hope for you to feel more empowered and for you to trust how wonderful and capable you are. And you can get along with anyone, but you are not at all dependent on people you don't want to need. It will take time to heal and feel strong, confident, independent and also happy to make loving connections. It will take time. It took me 3 years to begin to think about being strong. Hear? It took my father giving me permission to take a break. Sometimes someone needs to intervene and tell you it's ok to not be the hero for a while. Let yourself heal. Lick your wounds and your daughter's. Start to enjoy life and creation together. She really will have everything she needs if you are present, in a state of love and enjoyment of life, and able to share the joy of wonder with her.

posted August 24, 2016 12:32 PM            

Sooo happy to have a sister to turn to! With your Sun-Venus in my 7th.

This weekend is her bday party with both families, next weekend (starting the day after the eclipse) is the destination wedding.

Virgolet's been pretty happy the last couple of days, so that's helped me. A lot of my problems are grief over my mom. My mom would have laughed with me over what a d-bag Nessus ex is, and helped me not take myself fo seriously, and she would have just helped me with everything. I have mixed feelings about my dad and his wife and my half-sister. My ex's mom has been the best grandma she could be---she does lots of private things with Virgolet too, not just trotting her out at family events. They are close. She is an Aqua/Pisces Moon.

Yesterday I just broke down in the morning after sending baby off with ex for the day. I couldn't stop crying. But now I feel stronger again. The vibe with him feels so bad. Virgolet and I went out to breakfast this morning and she behaved very well and we both had fun.

Part of the decision to keep Virgolet close to her paternal grandmother is that I've been so traumatized/depressed/angry, and i have no experience with babies and tots, and I wanted her to have a bigger world than me and influences other than me. I wish there was a way for me to be my happiest self, and then the vibe with me would be really good for her.

My ideal situation now is coming up with some wonderful enormous income source (that I earn, independently, through my work) doing something that makes me happy--enough to afford all the childcare help I need and a good therapist. A lot of people I know/knew from the fancy city I used to live in would do things like go on an outing with their toddler, and have a mother's helper join them and take care of any hassles. I might not be THAT decadent, but I'd like the option....and also just things like, I fantasize about having a mother's helper do the handoff so I don't have to see my ex.

I'm not sure I know the right place to be geographically. I love this small town, but I haven't found the right work here (I'm freelancing with clients from my old city). My style pre-baby if I felt depressed would be to go off and travel the world for a few months until I felt better. My mom sort of did that with me when I was Virgolet's age, and something a lot more stable would have been better. After my ex left me, I sublet a couple of beautiful apartments in my old city (ex and I had moved away), and Virgolet's happiness increased HUGELY when I moved with her to this small town instead and rented a house with room to run and play, a porch and a backyard. (She is Taurus rising, 4h Moon-Mars, Cancer Jupiter---she just kept saying, "I love our new house!" over and over.). If I had a large, steady income (something I never cared about, I have h2 Jupiter in Pisces, the universe has always lavished me with what I wanted but in sort of magical and mystical ways, I'm a great saver--Cap Rising--but haven't been a major earner yet).....I think public success in my work would make me feel like I was giving Virgolet the example I want to give, and I think those resources would increase my sense of safety and protection. And it would be a better base for meeting people I love.

posted August 24, 2016 03:17 PM            

We'll see if it lasts--as you know, my moods are not stable lately. But a rare feeling of strength.

posted August 25, 2016 09:39 AM            

Quote: He always wins every power struggle. I wish I could just detach from it.

You just had a Victory when you recognized it. Give yourself credit for that today. That's a positive step, in the right direction.

Awareness is always key. Let yourself have some time with that. Feelings are good. You're getting in touch with your Power, and learning how to hold the reins. Not too tight, not too loose. Steady.

There's a grand square right now with the Gemini Moon connecting up with that tight T-Square in the Heavens. Saturn-Neptune square is really tight, and will be for a while longer. Mars will start picking up speed and working its way through Sag, loosening your Mars square Mars.

Uranus-Chiron.... That's a generation of you that have been wading through that energy... Remember, Chiron brings healing, Uranus is awakenings and realizations too.

Stay chill as much as you can manage over the next few weeks, then month of September after the eclipses.

And!... It's OKAY to make Mistakes, it's how we Learn. Shrug it off, next time you'll and the time after that, you'll know more than you do now. And it's ALL Okay. {Do I sound like the Eric Berne book??? haha, I have that asteroid Eric Berne in Cancer... I'm Okay, You're Okay. (name of book)}

{{Again, so sorry you lost your mother. Allow that grief to process... It takes time. ... You Are Valuable. }}

Thanks for saying I remind you of Linda... When I first picked up her relationships book at the store, I 'felt' the place that she writes from. Deep calleth unto Deep.

Tinker.... .... I Love You, too.
What you wrote is awesome.

{{{{{GROUP HUG!!! LOL *Hearts* Little Princess included. -- For that matter??, Pass those tierras around! LOL}}}}}

posted August 25, 2016 10:01 AM            

I hate having this as part of motherhood for me.

And re awareness, I'm still so blocked about figuring this out--about understanding the WHYs. And figuring out how to really be free and really be happy and healthy and really triumph. I have been stuck for a long time.

posted August 25, 2016 12:47 PM            

I hate having this as part of motherhood for me.

And re awareness, I'm still so blocked about figuring this out--about understanding the WHYs. And figuring out how to really be free and really be happy and healthy and really triumph. I have been stuck for a long time.

posted August 25, 2016 12:59 PM            

The mark of a truly powerful person is knowing so completely that you are in your power that what looks like victory for the other is really not... I'm not describing this well... I'm familiar with the kind of dynamic you're describing and I think I might be able to help clarify for you the fact that you ARE in fact very powerful, and whatever meekness you display actually causes you to accrue virtue... the meek shall inherit the earth...

When another person acts in an underhanded or controlling or angry violent vindictive way, they are "throwing their virtue" to you, throwing away their own good karma and giving you good karma, the more you're able to stay in a peaceful place and not engage in the power struggles.

Disengage from them as much as you can. I know that's hard because you feel defensive of your daughter, of yourself.

But the more you can tap into the wealth of the universe, of your inner self, the more secure you will feel.

You say "even if everything were ideal, and you were richand famous"... well, those are hollow victories.

You can have everything and still feel empty and bereft;.many people do.

possibly the thing worth having most is inner peace. That sacred silence from which all abundance and miracles spring. The more you can cultivate that, the less you will be bothered by him, the less power he will have to manipulate you, because you won't be clinging to anything.

posted August 25, 2016 01:05 PM            

But I can tell you're an amazing mom. Amazing. And I know that it's easy to zero in on negatives and worry... that's actually.your love, but it's being twisted by fear. Do not fear. She is going to nature and grow into all those aspects. Moon Mars is amazingly dynamic! It's challenging but so so beautiful. I have a friend with the conjunction, she is a wilderness guide and nurse. She loves being physical and channels her energy in gorgeous ways.

If you'd be interested in a reading which takes into account your chart, your daughter's, and her father's, I would be happy to work with you. I do quite a bit of work on a probono basis, and would be happy to help you get some clarity if possible. Donations would be gratefully accepted but if you're not in a position to offer any money that's totally ok.

My email address is on my website, in my signature below.

------------------
___
http://www.intimatesky.net

posted August 25, 2016 01:27 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by yungang_grotto:

If you'd be interested in a reading which takes into account your chart, your daughter's, and her father's, I would be happy to work with you. I do quite a bit of work on a probono basis, and would be happy to help you get some clarity if possible. Donations would be gratefully accepted but if you're not in a position to offer any money that's totally ok.

My email address is on my website, in my signature below.

---

I wondered onto this thread heart open, eyes closed.. as usual. I haven't been paying attention to the eclipse though most certainly I should be.. My NN @ 9'31 Virgo. I'd like to make a gift of it (a reading for Lucia) even though you don't need payment Yun. And Lucia if you let me give you a gift, I'll be grateful to you (bday present for you and Virgolet ?). Just let Yun know if you want the reading, and I'll contact her re donations. Thank you Lucia

I'm here ladies, just working a double..or a triple. I don't want to comment while I can only lend a portion of my attention.

posted August 25, 2016 05:38 PM            

Re being rich and famous, I never have been, but I'm a writer and when I'm doing my real work rawly and purely and getting recognition for it, I feel like I'm truly being my 8h Leo self...I could afford to do that pre-baby even though I'm not "successful"--and it DID fulfill me--I had a tiny footprint and a lot of freedom. Something Mareiposa wrote on another thread of mine really struck a cord with me and inspired me, about how her kids see their mom happy and healthy. I realized that whatever was going on in my love life, if I am really doing my work purely and NOT settling for less than that, I'll be setting the example I want for my daughter. Faith and others also said some brilliant and helpful things and I realized that the main way I want to be a different mom than my mother was isn't about my love life or emotions, it's that she was a (very) talented and devoted artist who never had public success. I would like my daughter to see me doing my real work. So I need to find good and FUN ways to support us while I do that, which will make me feel safer and more free, I think.

posted August 25, 2016 05:46 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by yungang_grotto:

The mark of a truly powerful person is knowing so completely that you are in your power that what looks like victory for the other is really not... I'm not describing this well... I'm familiar with the kind of dynamic you're describing and I think I might be able to help clarify for you the fact that you ARE in fact very powerful, and whatever meekness you display actually causes you to accrue virtue... the meek shall inherit the earth...

When another person acts in an underhanded or controlling or angry violent vindictive way, they are "throwing their virtue" to you, throwing away their own good karma and giving you good karma, the more you're able to stay in a peaceful place and not engage in the power struggles.

Disengage from them as much as you can. I know that's hard because you feel defensive of your daughter, of yourself.

But the more you can tap into the wealth of the universe, of your inner self, the more secure you will feel.

You say "even if everything were ideal, and you were richand famous"... well, those are hollow victories.

You can have everything and still feel empty and bereft;.many people do.

possibly the thing worth having most is inner peace. That sacred silence from which all abundance and miracles spring. The more you can cultivate that, the less you will be bothered by him, the less power he will have to manipulate you, because you won't be clinging to anything.

Desirelessness is very powerful. Non attachment is incredibly powerful. Giving up power, surrendering--paradoxically--powerful!!!

---

posted August 25, 2016 09:10 PM            

I think I was a bit off with the "hollow" bit--I'm happy to hear about your writing, and your vision for it! That is beautiful.

Looking forward to your email. Anything you'd like to share will be useful, and the birth data of course. And... venus2tinkerbell... that's so kind of you... Will gratefully accept the donation for the time and do my very best to be of help... have emailed you.

It sounds like you know just what you need, Lucia, and the holistic, diverse help you're finding here is so wonderful... I'll be very happy to act as a support in a counseling capacity and look deeply into the charts, honoured to.do so...