posted March 07, 2017 12:11 PM            

I'm all alone. No help. I have no stability. I am at the end of my rope, I am at wit's end. This vindictive and broken heart of mine wants nothing to do with this planet anymore. It kills me to say these things because I love humanity and I seem to be much too complex for this stupid place. It wouldn't appreciate my talents, passions or progressive ideals. YOU CAN KEEP THIS ******* PLANET. AND KEEP THIS BOGUS ASS WORLD BECAUSE NONE OF YOU CARE. THE PEOPLE WHO DESERVE POWER THE MOST ARE THE ONES THAT GO THROUGH THE MOST **** .

In the grand scheme of things everything is pointless. There is no hope for another revolution anymore. Everything is manufactured and programmed. I despise everything, and now everyone. IT WILL NEVER GET BETTER AND I'M TIRED OF HEARING IT WILL.

Thank you for giving me a place for me to unleash my neurotic, self-sabotaging, depressive and manic tendencies. This ******* world doesn't deserve anyone like me, or anyone great anymore. Keep all your **** . Keep ******* everything. It's worthless and the universe is boring. I want to blow my brains out with a .45

I want to hang myself by the neck 10x over
I wish I could jump off a bridge
I want money so I can end my life and pain
I am lonely and unwanted
If your not making a lot of money you are nothing

I am nothing
I am a blissful bag of bloody thorns

posted March 07, 2017 12:31 PM            

I hope you feel better soon.You're so intelligent,I see your posts from time to time.By the way no one needs to appreciate your talents,you know your value! so many talented people ain't appreciated.MILLIONS!
In my country the music is ****** they not even good singers and the songs are "my dick loves you" kind of stuff,not something to be proud hahahaha while the people that compose amazing songs are treated like trash.

posted March 07, 2017 12:44 PM            

Am I correct in saying that you are a musician?
I am too.
It is a tough world for musicians and yeah, they have been overprocessing and manufacturing music for a while now.
This world stinks of pretentiousness.

This is why we need you. You see through the veil and you are heart sick of it.
If I may say, the revolution is within you and your life. Start a personal revolution in your life. Refuse to conform. Pursue your dreams and sing your songs anyway.

The biggest revolution is to LIVE ANYWAY in a world that seeks to destroy authenticity.
Drive your sadness and pain and anger into the music. Take it onto the streets and shake the ground with its passion.

But please live. We need you.

If you feel you are going to take your life , REBEL against the sickness in society and present at a hospital and get safety. Then return to us and sing your songs.
I'll be singing mine.

posted March 07, 2017 01:33 PM            

To be a hero is opportunity
to take aktion is decision

posted March 07, 2017 02:02 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sylven:
DannyCappy, the words and love to you too!!!! It hurts me when you hurt!

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posted March 07, 2017 02:37 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Radium:
http://astrofix.net/2011/12/16/saturnic-aspects/

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I remember when I had transit saturn in my 4th in 2013, it was the hardest year of my life so far..saturn was in my 4th for around a year before that, but I felt the worse when it started to go retrograde closer to the IC..all I could think about was death and leaving everything behind...sometimes I wish I'd known astrology back then so I could have figured out that it wouldn't stay..I honestly thought I would never get well..you have a bonus though, you know astrology so you know the source of your struggles..maybe try to feel more of your jupiter (its house and sign)?

I know exactly how you're feeling, being over it all..but let me tell you, that it will pass..it's always the darkest only right before the sunrise...

posted March 07, 2017 02:48 PM            

I have Saturn in 4th natally squaring my Pluto, conjunct my Sun and squaring my Jupiter. It is trine my ASC but what good does that do?

posted March 07, 2017 02:57 PM            

if you happen to kill yourself, it's actually the same as handing that gun to your mother and asking her to shoot you..do you want to give her that power? if you want to hurt her by killing yourself, it won't work...you can instead stay, follow your dreams and prove her wrong

posted March 07, 2017 03:20 PM            

I wish you all could spend one hour in my shoes, one hour. And you will be in awe I'm not already dead. It's easy for you to say it'll pass, or be strong. I've been strong long enough. I am sick of it. Nothing is changing. I want to lose my charm, I don't even want to be confident anymore. It gets me nowhere. I end up with pain. There is no reason for me to happy anymore so I choose not to waste the energy. Until I get some stability I won't be happy ever again. I am going to die anyways so why not do it at a young age.

posted March 07, 2017 03:32 PM            

http://theastrologyplacemembership.com/2012/12/saturn-pluto-aspects/

posted March 07, 2017 05:10 PM            

Well I'm using my phone right now.
But I live in a state that's different from my license, and if I want to get it renewed or even get an ID, I need my original birth certificate.

My mom has it and refuses to even send me a copy. (This is why I get frustrated with her) she makes a lot of things in my life harder than they need to be..

If I can get a bus ticket back home which is only about $70 I can go back and get my documents (I'm legally allowed to have them) then renew my ID there and work for the time being. By the looks of it, that won't be happening though. I really don't even like my hometown and if I'm going to be homeless I'd rather be homeless in a city. I am just VERY irritated because I get jobs easily and there's always some petty bull crap interfering. I don't think there are any jobs I can get with an expired out-of-state license. I really wish I could just focus on my music but I had to sell my one-and-only guitar.

posted March 07, 2017 07:12 PM            

------------------
Want to Read Simple, Fun,Sexy Articles on Astrology? Check Me Out, DUDE.

posted March 07, 2017 07:22 PM            

You're going through the shockwaves of this right now. You hang on.... let it explode out of you, doing NO harm to self or others or property (so you avoid trouble with the law, as much as possible).

Yes you're "a MAN" and BRAVO! And I think you're going make it through all this **** , in BETTER form than EVER.

I like what Doux said--- FUNNEL it. Write lyrics for the songs you'll Create.

Maybe in a while, you'll have a place to stay and a guitar again.

HOMELESSNESS....

AT and around the shelters.

There SHOULD be some counselors (non-mental health) that you'll find AVAILABLE to you. Maybe in a week or so, or when the dust settles more for you, you'll be able to identify where and how to get help.

At these soup kitchen places, or Salvation Army kind of places, there SHOULD be Homelessness Coalition type Counselors available to help you with things like
getting your birth certificate
getting a renewed license for the state you wish to declare as domicile?

The Goodwill Centers are more than just used clothing places. Some of them have back offices that have legal help.

Some legal help should also be available to you through the Homelessness programs.

There are WORK programs that you can be directed towards, where they help you with even where you can live, and putting resume together. Really, the license problem you have may be easily rectified BY some of these work-counselors.

AVOID the mental health people as much as you can... except for a small amount of emergency-type situations? YOU can do this. DON'T get "sucked in" to the vortex. Get the immediate help you need, then, make (clean) Friends (not with drugs or alcohol), and RELY on EACH OTHER to help MH counsel each other.... I'm telling you, AVOID the complications of BAD MH agencies.

And! There ARE VERY GOOD MH counselor around. But you'll LEARN who they are, by word of mouth. AVOID getting stigmatized by a bad MH label. It could HAUNT you.

But, YOU know your own self. If you have that feeling that you MAY be mentally ill, then BY ALL MEANS, Go Ahead and GET the (chemicalized-restraints) kind of help they will give you.

MY advice, after you've cooled a bit, which you seem to be now after the first rocking SHOCKS that you've had (...really man, I am SOOOO bummed for you, that REALLY wasn't fair)-- is to

1) Be Respectful of whatever Authority Figure you encounter right now.

LEARN the dynamics of the social environment you are in now. There are street rules to learn. If you WATCH and observe MORE, you'll SEE who is helpful and who is not. Sometimes, the ones that first befriend you?, be careful of. You need your spidey senses. Watch. Observe. There's a power dynamic you have to 'learn'.

BEING RESPECTFUL, (and taking a few unfair twists and turns in the beginning), may earn YOU Respect from the hierarchies. If you gain a good and respected reputation (allow some things to 'slide'...) you will be AHEAD of the game in the long run.

PLEASE, as much as you can, learn some anger management. Funnel.

The BEST REVENGE is ALWAYS to Live, and to become an INCREDIBLE ******* SUCCESS!!!! You read me????

NEVER ******* GIVE UP, Dude! DECIDE IT.

Like you say (and I AGREE with you)---
you're too ******* Awesome to die!!!!

This WORLD ******* needs people, (future Leaders) like you!!!

Consider this shock as an initiation! Consider this as your Boot Camp training for the Leadership role you 'feel' inside you? You HAVE to learn to be the grunt. You learn the ropes. People ARE observing you (whether YOU realize it or not-- they 'watch'). BE A ROLE MODEL. SERIOUSLY.

The BEAUTIFUL part of your Life that DOES lay ahead of you. You might be blind to it right now?, but it WILL STILL Draw you straight TO it.

We Believe in you Radium!!!!! You Rock.

(If you say what area you want to be in, I can draw up and post some urls of helping-places I can find for you? SERIOUSLY, YOU WILL be okay. I Promise. There IS help for Young Bold Courageous Beautiful Musical Souls, such as your self.)

posted March 07, 2017 07:39 PM            

I know you are in a lot of pain but you should be extremely proud of yourself for having survived everything you have. Every day that you get through the pain and choose to get up and keep trying makes you a winner in my book.

I am sorry you are going through so much pain. All I can think of is that you are meant to get through the worse part of your life at an early age but that at some point things will shift for the better and you will find peace. However ups and downs will always be a part of life IMO, everything is always changing, hard times eventually catch up to you but nothing stays the same and good times return again.

I have always described life as a "constant roller coaster" -Pluto conjunct Saturn in the 12H.

------------------
"Karma needs to be understood, acknowledged, and it needs to be either resolved or dismissed. Karma accumulates when you feed it with energy; if you stop feeding it (that is, you cease to foment the hate, the pain, the guilt, or any other negative emotion), it usually dissolves by itself."

http://vimeo.com/43444347

posted March 07, 2017 08:28 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Radium:
How can I prove her wrong when I can't even get a job at McDonald's because my License is expired. I am eating at a homeless shelter. I don't have a car. No house. Only some talent and a mind slowly swaying off the rocker.

I wish you all could spend one hour in my shoes, one hour. And you will be in awe I'm not already dead. It's easy for you to say it'll pass, or be strong. I've been strong long enough. I am sick of it. Nothing is changing. I want to lose my charm, I don't even want to be confident anymore. It gets me nowhere. I end up with pain. There is no reason for me to happy anymore so I choose not to waste the energy. Until I get some stability I won't be happy ever again. I am going to die anyways so why not do it at a young age.

How can I have so much ambition, intelligence, and passion and still be stuck. I obviously need stability help, not mental help, that won't help my situation. I had a great job lined up and now I can't get it because my License expired. I am furious. I live away from any means of support. I am a legit punk. At least when you went through your trials you had a roof over your head and food to eat, possibly some transportation. I don't have the basic tools to just ******* live. I cannot take it. There is nothing anyone can say to change my mind anymore. Nothing. If I had a gun right now I would kill myself. I am so, so, so serious. I do not care because the world does not care about me. I am nothing but a waste of space. Everyone else can get help but not me. I am done with it. Done.

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posted March 07, 2017 09:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Sulkyarcher:
I hate the word 'punk'. It's a word made up by elitist, snobby, and heartless, pricks, who have no idea what some people, like you, go through.

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posted March 07, 2017 10:27 PM            

Radium

Your post broke my heart and I'm so far from you,miles distant but I CARE.You are a survivor my friend,keep your head up!

What about taking small steps?Accept the help people are offering you,get the papers you need and try to find a job.You are very capable and smart.Just give one step at time.
💙💙💙💙💙💙