posted May 14, 2024 11:09 AM            

I watched it like 3 times yesterday: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs-UEqJ85KE

Added:
I still feel dead inside but at the same time I feel okay, I let myself feel my emotions and allowed them to be and not pretend and I am letting them flow through my body and maybe that is how it feels when you do that, maybe it feels a bit like you are dead inside for a while.

I am proud of myself for investing in my health and making Yoga such a big part of my life this year. I sense today that I am on this journey and that I feel dead inside right now because a part of me is dying but this needs to happen for a new me to be born. Its okay to feel dead inside for a while, I am accepting this and letting it be what is, shedding that skin feels painful but it will be good to shed that skin. My body is grieving the loss of my mother but is also grieving some kind of internal death and this process of transformation feels painful and uncomfortable so much needs to be shed and its okay to have a season of grief, of feeling dead inside, its the cycles of life. The seasons also happen internally for us but we are uncomfortable with change and winter and yin.

I let whatever needs to pass, pass away...I relinquish control and flow...maybe I will wake up in some unknown shore and take it from there...I let the wave take me were I need to go...

It feels a lot like I am in a fork in the road and it feels like its a very before and after point in my life, in terms of personal transformation and part of me passing away and embracing uncertainty. Change needs to happen...what do I need to release?

posted May 18, 2024 05:34 PM            

Is interesting that the shadow side is represented by the Yin and is interesting that the Yin side represents the feminine side and our mother...

We live in a yang polarized world and culture with terms such as male privilege and male toxicity trending to help highlight this imbalance in our culture.

This shows up with even our relationship with our parents with our relationship with our mothers often being more emotionally charged, complicated and complex while our fathers even if they were more absent or passive get a more neutral treatment from their offspring. I noticed mothers get more heat and I can't help but wonder if this is because we project so much unto them because they are yin and yin represents our shadow side. Both men and women project but it does feel like men project more unto women, again it can be this unbalance of power that sets this dynamic up to play out this way but Yin representing the shadow side also may be playing a role.

My mom passing away has made me realize the importance of motherhood and it is pushing me to integrate more Yin into my life and make peace with that female side of me, and work through ego stuff that may be getting in the way of having a more harmonious relationship with female energy in my life. Is like I am healing my relationship with my mother and this in turn will transform my connection with the feminine and female relationships in general; just like I am valuing motherhood more than ever I am also noticing I am getting more clients that value sisterhood or female friendships and want to work through issues they have with other females more and I don't think this is a coincidence. There is a Yin wound and I think living in a patriarchy culture has set it up for this to be the case for a lot of people but ultimately this means there is a yang wound too which shows up with people having absent fathers and terms such as male privilege and male toxicity, they are intertwined bc the wound is the result of a lack of balance between Yin and Yang. We are definitely trying to address this imbalance but this transition definitely comes with its growing pains and challenges for genders.

Today I took two yoga classes and towards the end of the 2nd class during the final stage savasana I had a healing experience with my mother, reconnecting with her, whatever was not healed about our relationship while she was alive is being healed now and our bond growing stronger as a result, a sort of reunion wit her that leads to connecting with parts of me I was reluctant to access and explore-- by this relationship healing and harmonizing I can now access my feminine side and be more whole. I have been feeling tremendous peace since the yoga class and it has stayed with me, feeling bathed by yin energy essentially.

Transit: Sun Conjunct JUPITER trine exact natal SUN.
Transit: Venus conjunct URANUS square exact my VENUS conjunct MARS.
Transit: VERTEX conjunct Samadhi on my Ascendant (and this trines my venus and mars) at time of spiritual healing experience during the Savasana.
Transit: Moon on my MC.

^The moon on my MC would help me feel more connected to the feminine and Yin energy.

Interesting enough tr moon exact on my MC would conjunct my mother's saturn too. Its like I was bonding with my mom and the spiritual experience felt like a coming together and pure love but also a karmic agreement that I would be her mother next time. So it fits that the moon, saturn and the MC as well as the vertex point on my AC were all involved, add sun conjunct jupiter trine exact my sun.

Namaste

posted May 18, 2024 09:19 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
I spent so much time outside, working on the garden, or just being out there, before my mum died. I still can’t get past this mental block, and really sit out there, or work out there. I need to get some plants, but once again, I can’t do nearly what I wanted to do out there.

I haven’t been able to do anything else, either, like go to the beach. I really, really need to be able to do something, that isn’t just grocery shopping. We had thought about going to the drive-in tonight, but I don’t know if that’s happening now. i

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That sounds lovely, enjoy the beach and enjoy gardening, you deserve to feel joy, allow yourself to be feel joy, your mom would want you to enjoy these things.

My mom liked Yoga and now when I go to Yoga class I feel I am connecting with her...sometimes it allows me to release some of the grief but for the most part it just feels I am nourishing and taking care of myself, re-parenting myself..you gardening is taking care of your spirit/soul, you are nourishing your spirit and by doing that you connect with your mother and that mother nourishing archetype, this way you celebrate her, you nourish yourself and you honor the feminine and mother archetype...

posted May 18, 2024 09:40 PM            

I realized I have lung karma not through astrology but through a number of other ways...I am learning about meridian points and becoming more and more intimate and aware of my body etc...so after reading an article about Lung Karma and thinking it resonated a lot with me I then looked up what planet rules the lungs and learned it was Mercury and wow talk about this getting confirmed and validated astrologically.

Since I was a child I always worried about my breathing, like I always felt like I couldn't inhale enough air; I felt worried about this as a child, my mom always struggled with constipation and so have I and the lungs and large intestines in Chinese medicine are part of the same meridian point, they are the yin and yang of each other, the lungs are yin and the large intestines are yang. I have a teeth that is loose and that teeth represents the lungs and large intestines meridian point in Chinese medicine. I have had this somatic cough for a while that I think started with my ex or I became aware of it while I was with him and that also ties to the Lung Karma thing. Anyways the last piece that put this together was astrology and it was more like a final confirmation of something I have been exploring for a while and different things are all pointing to it.

Yeah I went to the dentist this week and got a deep cleaning and in 30 days will officially be told I need to most likely remove two tooth and they have to do with that lung karma and lung/large intestine meridian point, I know this bc dentist gave me the heads up this will most likely be what happens and based on everything she told me I have realized she is right.

The irony is that SATURN rules the TEETH and tr Saturn is opposing exact my MERCURY this week and both are squaring my nodes.

posted May 21, 2024 03:53 PM            

Be Still
Notice what is there
Let it be there
Don't judge it, don't try to fix it or get ahead of it, don't try to control it
Just acknowledge is there and let yourself feel whatever is there
Let yourself be with it
Invite it to stay with you as long as it needs to
Let it leave when its ready
Surrender

I am also purchasing my plane ticket today or tomorrow for visiting my dad next month, travel has been a lot on my mind this past week which I feel has to do with the full moon in Saggy coming up this Thursday as well.

posted May 27, 2024 03:50 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Aries23Degrees:
Trans Mars Ari is opp natal Mars in Lib today and square my Moon. Mars rules my Asc, Moon rules my Ic.I hope that I am able to manage the Mars triggers coming up this weekend.

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Mission....failed🤣

I spent way too much yesterday on an impulsive decision to go out. It will haunt me for many days to come 😶

Mars in Aries 20 opp my Mars in Libra , square my Moon and Mercury, had me impulsively spending.

Mars in 1st house will suggest bad and wreckless decisions made. This makes sense. I mean, it was hectic.

posted May 27, 2024 02:49 PM            

t’s interesting how some people show up in different light once they’re coupled. I followed one girl I barely remembered why. And accidentally she started to appear more interesting to watch. The new boyfriend. And he looks like he changes much from the dating time even appearance. But they’re pretty independent and travel much, together and alone. I don’t know their synastry, but looks like Jupiter and Uranus theme. They’re long distance. And might use each other for publicity and business. So I worry they won’t make it. Strangely, I like them more as a couple than separately. She seems like mostly about her business (Leo) and doesn’t get or changes a subject when he talks about his stuff. Maybe, she doesn’t like when he tries to get into her blog too much lol When he is kinda adopting to talk and relate to her things. But it seems they have much fun together.

The other, Pisces blogger did say that her blog had zero subscribers before she got a boyfriend. Now she is pretty popular in many areas and makes several business ventures with him. Though her blog is mostly about her. She pretty much kicked him out far on the background. But the previous girl had some kind of popularity before him.

posted May 30, 2024 10:39 AM            

It seems like Saturn is teasing me, dipping itself in my 1st house for four months, this year, then goes back to my 12th house to let me tie up loose ends.

It's not over until it's over. I guess that a lot of things in my life are delayed until 2025, which is fitting, because Saturn will finally solidy be in my 1st house in 2025.

posted June 05, 2024 02:22 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by teasel:
My anxiety started up again tonight. Swirling solar plexus, thanks for joining the party again.

Mercury is conjunct my moon, venus, and south node, and square my mars.

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Oh yeah, anxiety is definitely an Mercury thing.

posted June 05, 2024 03:10 AM            

I feel like I am detaching from a close friend that I have had for years. I don't think i connect with him anymore and it has occurred to me that I might have to cut him off.