posted February 06, 2013 05:14 PM
The Conjoined Twin
by me (maybe a year before I wrote the poem that follows)"Please help me, I'm doomed!"
"What's wrong?"
"Tom beat me up again, and I know he's about to do worse!"
"The ******* !"
"So I went back to Ted."
"Why?"
"Because I need to be protected from Tom."
"But doesn't he beat you up, too?"
"Yeah, but not as bad as Tom. And Ted means well. Tom is just a vile ******* when he does it."
"That's funny, Julie just left Ted and went to Tom for the same reason."
"Oh, you can't trust her, she thinks Tom is better because she listens to too much Mush Limburger."
"But she said you like Ted better because you listen to too much Despair on the Air."
"She's such a lying witch! I mean I do listen to Despair on the Air but I make up my own mind."
"Funny, she says about the same thing, too."
"Whatever. Please help me get back with Ted."
"Why not accept that Ted and Tom both suck, and you just need to get away from both of them?"
"I can't do that! I need Ted to protect me from people who would beat me up and... are you laughing at me!?"
"What? Oh, um, no. Carry on."
"Yes, I don't want to be beaten up anymore."
"Um, have you noticed that Ted and Tom are conjoined twins connected to the same body?"
"What's that got to do with anything!?"
"Um, nothing...."
"If that's all the help you're gonna be, then don't say anything!"
"Mums the word."
---I trust I don't have to explain this metaphor... ![](http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/tongue.gif)