posted September 07, 2013 09:05 PM              

I think I would genuinely feel insecure about that...

"what of someone notices my baby faced knees"

posted September 07, 2013 10:40 PM            

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Originally posted by Kerosene:
Im so happy my knees do not look like faces..

I think I would genuinely feel insecure about that...

"what of someone notices my baby faced knees"

Thank you internet for perpetuating new body issues....

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posted September 30, 2013 09:41 AM            

[With apologies (and grovelling adulation) to Tina Fey]

The Mother’s Prayer for Her Son

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Celtic symbols for who-knows-what or the Southern Cross constellation stain his tender biceps.

May he be Handsome but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the needy bimbo’s eye, not the Fine Features of his Father.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may he remember the parents who picked peas out of dinners. And stick with whatever is Legal, in Moderate Amounts.

Guide him, protect him
When he gets behind the wheel, is a passenger in a car, jumps off things into water, swims with sharks knowingly or otherwise, handles power tools, cycles for fun and recreation, curses under his breath at the big idiot who hears him, downloads one more bloody dub step mp3, sees the woman of his dreams, sees the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and spends more than two hours in any bar ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead him away from Writing but not all the way to Finance.

Something where he can make his own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes. And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Life coaching? Dentist? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May he play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of his Own Heart with the sinewy strength of his Own Arms, so he need not be teased by other Wannabe Drummers who don’t get to lie with Whoever They Damn Well Please cos they’re Hot.

Grant him a rough patch from 11 to 19, or thereabouts. Let him see dogs in clouds and be interested in learning magic for much too long,
For Childhood is short – a Lion Flower blooming burnt orange for one day –
And Adulthood is long and “I’m in my room, leave me alone” will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,
That he may be spared the misspelled invective of his peers
And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when he one day turns on me and calls me a ***** in front of someone who matters,
Give me the strength, Lord, to yank him directly into a car in front of his friends,
For I will not have that **** . I will not have it.

And should he choose to be a Father one day, be my eyes, Lord, That I may see him, putting the kettle on at 4.50am, all-at-once exhausted and in love with the woman collapsed in bed next to his now-sleeping baby, who he has watched helplessly in awe for three hours trying to settle this new little life, knowing all he can do is … not much but be there. Being there matters a Lot, Lord, and let him Know It.

“My mother did this for me once,” he will realise as he gently moves the tiny sleeping form from the bed to the bassinet, and pulls the covers up over his beautiful, snoring wife. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over him as it does each generation and he will make a Mental Note to call me. And he will forget.
But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

posted October 01, 2013 07:21 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

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posted October 06, 2013 04:47 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:

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I showed this to my hubby and a coworker, they both had a good laugh!

I joked with my SO that we should send this poster to his annoying brother and tell him if he wants a cat, this one would be perfect for him lol!!!!

posted October 06, 2013 04:49 PM            

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Originally posted by PixieJane:
Sometimes it's better to laugh than to cry (thinking of how one graduating high school girl got a boob job paid for by her parents):

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We have a similar sense of humor lol!

posted October 23, 2013 12:22 AM            

http://www.amazon.com/Ravished-Triceratops-Dinosaur-Beast-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00EZCQADA

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Warning: This is a tale of monster sex. This story was written to unlock your darkest fantasies and innermost desires. It is not for the faint of heart and is not your mother's erotica. All of the sexual descriptions found in this book are very explicit in nature. It's not suitable for someone under 18 years of age. Read at your own risk.

Beliria’s pride has gotten her into trouble again.

Before she can complete her rites of womanhood and take her place in the tribe, she must provide a kill for her tribe. Beliria chooses to hunt the most dangerous herbivore on the plains, the Tri-Horn. No single hunter has ever successfully taken a Triceratops, but Beliria is determined to be the first. Naked, with no food, water, or provisions beyond her weapons, Beliria sets out. Tracking the Tri-Horn, she lays a cunning ambush, but it isn’t cunning enough.

Her attack caused the big bull Triceratops to lose his mate. Now he intends to replace her- with Beliria!

Horrified and aroused by the horned giant, Beliria must find a way to control the situation, or she may find that this Tri-Horn is really too much for her to handle.

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posted October 23, 2013 12:27 AM            

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Dianne is a shepherd, watching over flock of sheep. She is sworn to protect them against any predators– no matter the size. But when a flock of pterodactyls attack, Dianne has no choice but to use herself as bait to draw their attention away from her precious flock. One pterodactyl swoops in and picks her up, taking her to his nest. She fully expects to be eaten by the massive beast, but when it starts to peck her clothes away, leaving her naked, she begins to understand that the pterodactyl might have another, more deviant use for the young virgin. But can Dianne accommodate such a massive creature?

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posted November 08, 2013 08:59 PM            

Well Loki wasn't all too pleased either (for those who don't know the guy speaking with the children is Loki):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q-h4ulFK2Ek