posted February 26, 2011 09:47 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
I also think many people believe falsely that you can "love someone until they're better". Never ever have I seen someone's love transform someone from an unhealthy state into a healthy state.

If someone is mentally ill or suffering from abuse, they have to get to the point of accepting responsibility so that they can get better.

Almost never will someone's caring and enabling lead someone to get better and stop hurting themselves and others. The sick person has to do that for themselves.

Another reason why I am extremely suspicious of people who try to offer themselves to others in loving reliance/psychological help. It's just not based in reality.

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posted February 26, 2011 09:50 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Here are some important facts about mental illness and recovery:

* Mental illnesses are serious medical illnesses. They cannot be overcome through "will power" and are not related to a person's "character" or intelligence. Mental illness falls along a continuum of severity. Even though mental illness is widespread in the population, the main burden of illness is concentrated in a much smaller proportion-about 6 percent, or 1 in 17 Americans-who live with a serious mental illness. The National Institute of Mental Health reports that One in four adults-approximately 57.7 million Americans-experience a mental health disorder in a given year
* The U.S. Surgeon General reports that 10 percent of children and adolescents in the United States suffer from serious emotional and mental disorders that cause significant functional impairment in their day-to-day lives at home, in school and with peers.
* The World Health Organization has reported that four of the 10 leading causes of disability in the US and other developed countries are mental disorders. By 2020, Major Depressive illness will be the leading cause of disability in the world for women and children.
* Mental illness usually strike individuals in the prime of their lives, often during adolescence and young adulthood. All ages are susceptible, but the young and the old are especially vulnerable.
* Without treatment the consequences of mental illness for the individual and society are staggering: unnecessary disability, unemployment, substance abuse, homelessness, inappropriate incarceration, suicide and wasted lives; The economic cost of untreated mental illness is more than 100 billion dollars each year in the United States.
* The best treatments for serious mental illnesses today are highly effective; between 70 and 90 percent of individuals have significant reduction of symptoms and improved quality of life with a combination of pharmacological and psychosocial treatments and supports.
* With appropriate effective medication and a wide range of services tailored to their needs, most people who live with serious mental illnesses can significantly reduce the impact of their illness and find a satisfying measure of achievement and independence. A key concept is to develop expertise in developing strategies to manage the illness process.
* Early identification and treatment is of vital importance; By ensuring access to the treatment and recovery supports that are proven effective, recovery is accelerated and the further harm related to the course of illness is minimized.
* Stigma erodes confidence that mental disorders are real, treatable health conditions. We have allowed stigma and a now unwarranted sense of hopelessness to erect attitudinal, structural and financial barriers to effective treatment and recovery. It is time to take these barriers down.

www.nami.org

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posted February 26, 2011 11:27 AM            

Hey plutosquared, I am impressed with your posts, You are letting that mercury grow strong legs.

posted February 26, 2011 11:38 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Mblake81:
On a side note:

Hey plutosquared, I am impressed with your posts, You are letting that mercury grow strong legs.

Good job.

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posted February 26, 2011 11:49 AM            

I was thinking this might be a good place to make somewhat of a collage of our experiences, whatever they may be?

posted February 26, 2011 12:49 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
LEXX,

I understand very well what it's like to lose someone who has mental illness. I was in love with someone who suffered with severe addiction issues, and I suspect was anti-social.

It was very hard for me to lose the illusion that my love was going to transform him better.

I have had to fight to survive after this relationship, fight to feel whole - and to recover my connection to the feeling "love" because I had to betray my feelings for him in order to survive.

My sister is also someone that I loved very much growing up, but who is so abusive verbally/physically/emotionally (brutal) and controlling, that I've also had to separate myself from her, too.

All I can say, is that I grew up thinking that everything could be reconciled with forgiveness and understanding, and that love would conquer all.

But, what I've learned is that some individual's problems are so bad, that unless they work to deal with them, staying in those relationships can actually destroy you.

Anyways, this is why I am so fired up about this subject. It hurts my heart.

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It is hard, very hard.
We are not enemies.
Been good friends too long for that.
However;
yes;
for my own sanity I have to think of myself now.
The relationship nearly destroyed me.
And this is so true;

quote:

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I grew up thinking that everything could be reconciled with forgiveness and understanding, and that love would conquer all.

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posted February 26, 2011 12:54 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by LEXX:
I have had to separate myself from many folks with diagnosed mental problems and addictions.
It is really all one can do, or go down into the deep abysses with such people.
Or be injured or killed by the violent ones such as my mother.

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LEXX, could you share how it was from your perspective to move on and separate yourself. Were there things that helped you get through the process of disconnecting. Do you have any advice, now having so much experience with this issue, for someone who may be in a toxic relationship with someone who won't get help?

posted February 26, 2011 02:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
LEXX, could you share how it was from your perspective to move on and separate yourself. Were there things that helped you get through the process of disconnecting. Do you have any advice, now having so much experience with this issue, for someone who may be in a toxic relationship with someone who won't get help?

---

Ex#1 (heroin addict control freak)I just left after 19 years. He held me at gunpoint for a month after I said I was leaving him, and terrorized me for years, using our son as a tool.
I had also just become disabled.
It was just sheer will that made me break from him, for the sake of my son.
If it were not for my son, I would have most likely killed myself, as my going from super fit to a physical wreck was a terrible nightmare for me in addition to the several years of more terrorizing and harassment from ex#1.
But I had to be strong for my son.
In a way ex#2 was a crutch for me, and sadly after the fact, I was a mommy to him.
The first two years were fine. He did not reject me even after I gained 200 pounds.
He still saw me as beautiful.
Leaving him was easy....he had molested my son, a thing I could not live with ....and
I knew the woman he had pined for was finally free.
I walked away from him whilst pushing him towards her. (they have been married for 12 years to date)My son did not want to file charges.
My son wanted to go live with his dad, and so
again very depressed, I was ready to end my life.
Ex#2 and his friends and family trashed my mobile home.
Took almost everything whilst I was staying elsewhere to avoid him.
So having nowhere to live, I began hunting for places.
A few young fellows, betwixt 18 and 21 wanted me as a roommate, despite my being disabled and 43 years old.
Well I already a few weeks before met my future husband, ex to be #3,
who said hell no you are not going to go live with those guys!
LOL! Part of that deal with the young men was roomies with sex benefits. Well one will do what they gotta do to survive.
So I moved in with him, and about 1 1/2 years later we went from friends to married.
That was a big mistake. Should have just stayed good friends without sex benefits.
Like I said, spilling out my heart to folks here at LL is what did and is helping me break from him.
I don't have all the answers or even the right ones.
However, when it is not working, you have to think of yourself and your own sanity and move on.
If they will not get help, you have to leave them pure and simple.
I see no other choice.
You have to think of yourself.

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
It's amazing to me that you have survived so much. How are your emotions, now, at this point? How to you focus on the positives?

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posted February 26, 2011 02:50 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Thank you for sharing here with me, LEXX. There's a lot of things I can relate to in what you've gone through.

I am also at the point where I see issues as black/white survival or not issues.

I think it comes off somewhat badly to others, as if I do not want or care to bond with people, but I have learned that relationships are delicate issues -

I no longer want to give my love to people who will not honor it, and treat me with a sacred respect.

I no longer want to break my oaths of love.

I want to survive - for my sake at a happy life, and for my kids.

Survival is key.

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posted February 26, 2011 03:47 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
Thank you, Mblake81. I really look forward to your posts. They're always friendly, informative, and positive for me.

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posted February 26, 2011 04:57 PM            

Aqua energy, I know you will like this one PS, me and you have related styles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKTe3s-4meg

Lyrics to Greed :
Two faced! I feel you crawling under my skin
Sickened by your face.
By the way, to think that your so ******* kind?
You ain't!

Hard to find how I feel, especially when your smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me!

I knew when an angel whispered into my ear,
You gotta get him away.
Hey little ***** ! Be glad you finally walked away or
you may have not lived another day.

Hard to find how I feel, especially when your smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me.
Hard to find how I feel, controlling me every step of the way.
Hard to find how I feel, you greedy little baby!!

posted February 26, 2011 05:57 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
I also know my personal experiences with suffering with depression and anxiety from an early age. This is something that my father has suffered with, as well.

I have heard repeatedly (as judgment often from healthy folks who have no idea what mental illness is like) that behavior and thought patterns have caused my depression and anxiety. I beg to differ when anxiety strikes me out of no where, on a good day, without reason.

I beg to differ (that I need a peer-reviewed test) when I spent years of being pretty much bed-ridden without energy, unable to think, eat, or desire anything, at all. After I forced myself to the gym, ate healthy, went to church, prayed for God's help, etc.

I also severely resent people's belief that mental illness is not real - try speaking with someone with BPD, a person who is bent on controlling you and not accepting your opinion, no matter what - someone who will in a moment's time slam their head into a wall, punch themselves until they are unconscious, or threaten suicide - over a missed phone call, or being 5 minutes late.

Then, blame you for it... also, letting you in on a little joke - that they get off on being in "control" of others.

I truly believe these individuals are beyond
"behavior modification", don't care to hear the theories, and believe that many times people are hard-wired for mental illness...

---

Oh, I can relate to some of this. The anxiety that still hits out of nowhere, and someone just recently threatened suicide (out of nowhere). (This person laughed it off, and sees themselves as healthy, compared to others, including myself. I'm ****** that I reconnected with him.)

posted February 26, 2011 06:04 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by PlutoSquared:
It's too bad we don't have a few more members here with mental illness willing to speak up, here.

The best stories are personal stories.

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posted February 26, 2011 08:24 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
http://alamaris.blogspot.com/2011/01/apologies.html

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posted February 26, 2011 08:29 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
Oh, I can relate to some of this. The anxiety that still hits out of nowhere, and someone just recently threatened suicide (out of nowhere). They knew I was keeping away from anyone or anything that might stress me out, and then they hit me with that. I was sitting here in tears, trying not to make noise as I freaked out and hoped that they hadn't sliced their wrists after sending me the email.

I've been wondering about bipolar disorder for myself, but then I only fit a little bit of the description. I feel fine at times, and then am back into a deep depression, suicidal thoughts/feelings (at times, not all of the time). I hate anxiety - I avoided meds for years, because I was afraid of side-effects, and also thought that my condition was thanks to learned behaviours as I grew up (not from my mother, but my grandmother, the sociopath my mother dated, kids at school... but I've been into that before). I was feeling so out of it last August (again, at times), that my mother, who has been against most meds, asked me if I wanted to try some. It sucks not feeling normal. Sometimes I know what causes it, sometimes it just hits me, when I've been feeling just fine.

Sorry for the rant. I might delete later.

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So, teasel, did you try the meds, or not?

That actually sounds somewhat similar to the depression I experience. My depression/anxiety can also hit out of nowhere.

posted February 26, 2011 08:36 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mblake81:
Language:

Aqua energy, I know you will like this one PS, me and you have related styles.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKTe3s-4meg

Lyrics to Greed :
Two faced! I feel you crawling under my skin
Sickened by your face.
By the way, to think that your so ******* kind?
You ain't!

Hard to find how I feel, especially when your smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me!

I knew when an angel whispered into my ear,
You gotta get him away.
Hey little ***** ! Be glad you finally walked away or
you may have not lived another day.

Hard to find how I feel, especially when your smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me.
Hard to find how I feel, controlling me every step of the way.
Hard to find how I feel, you greedy little baby!!
Hard to find how I feel, especially when your smothering me.
Hard to find how I feel, please someone help me.
Hard to find how I feel, controlling me every step of the way.
Hard to find how I feel, you greedy little baby!!

---

posted February 26, 2011 08:59 PM            

Don't come around here no more
Don't come around here no more
Whatever you're looking for
Hey, don't come around here no more

I've given up, I've given up --
I've given up on waiting any longer
I've given up, on this love getting stronger

I don't feel you anymore
You darken my door
Whatever you're looking for
Hey, don't come around here no more

I've given up, I've given up
I've given up, you tangle my emotions
I've given up, honey please admit it's over

(Repeat Chorus)

Stop walking down my street
Who do you expect to meet?
Whatever you're looking for
Hey, don't come around here no more

posted February 26, 2011 09:17 PM            

Hey this clip has no relevance to the thread, But I wanted to share a favorite clip of mine, Donnie yen movies are usually good quality.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buITXcldEcY