posted June 18, 2012 04:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
You hate your career yet you continue to plug away at it so your wife can own luxury cars and wear designer labels.

If that’s what it takes to live comfortably then yes that’s open for interpretation…

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It's a sacrifice that I lovingly make.

posted June 18, 2012 04:13 PM            

Thank you for enlightening me about the real world as I wasn't aware... Anyway I'll excuse myself from this conversation as you obviously aren't interested in hearing opinions that you don't agree with.

posted June 18, 2012 04:57 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
You're absolutely right. Now I'm seeing for myself.

The hatred is astounding.

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Yep
Ask people to whom you respect their opinions, things like this

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 18, 2012 05:31 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
benjamin's on the table says you can do whatever you want. dont mind the haters yta, they just making you famous.

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 18, 2012 09:09 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
benjamin's on the table says you can do whatever you want. dont mind the haters yta, they just making you famous.

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posted June 18, 2012 10:05 PM            

YTA doesn't control his wife, and from what I can see, no one has even remotely suggested that he does.

These "haters" you are referring to? Who are they?

It's like you are stirring up trouble with imaginary people or something, by alluding to "haters."

posted June 18, 2012 11:05 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by mercuranian:
i was gonna say, i didn't see any "hating" either

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I’m pretty certain I’m the hater being referred to in this thread.

Even though I did say literally… 5 times, that since it’s what his wife wants as well there’s nothing controlling about their relationship.

I meant no offense when I responded to this thread, but my statements were ignored and apparently I have EXACTLY the kind of perspective that bothers yta. I thought the OP was genuinely open to hearing various opinions on the issue, but I was mistaken, and should clearly have kept my opinions to myself.

posted June 18, 2012 11:31 PM            

Now, this is spoken from someone who tried to have a career in music, and is now turning to something more practical, because being broke all the time... just doesn't nourish my soul!! So there's a balance.

Also from someone who had to quit a FT job, because the call of my children was stronger than my need for money. The ex left and pays... $265 per month... but I've got my kids, and they've got me... Balance is tricky.

I've figured that I'd love to eventually earn $48k/year. With that I could have a cozy home, a pet, music lessons, be able to pay the bills, put money into retirement + save up for the kids' college, and have enough for some extra spending every month. Who really needs more? I don't give a damn about designer clothing, but that's just me. I'm more of a hippie, I'll admit it. It'll take me a few years to get there, but that's my goal.
No hating here, just another perspective.

posted June 19, 2012 02:21 AM            

The real question is could your family still be happy if you lost your job and couldnt afford them so many luxuries?

You seem like a well educated enough guy....could you find a job that you found more fulfilling? Even if if didnt pay as much....

Would everything still stay together?

My advice is to find something you love...and make a decent living off of that.

Thought I admit....if I were a man and had a well paying job and saw my children and wife happy....

that would probably do it for me too.

I'd suffer through a job I hated, just to make them happy.

I think it's important that you take your own happiness into account too though. If you don't, it could lead to health problems...at the very least.

Either way....you seem like a good guy who is looking out for the greater good of his family and for that I applaud you.

I don't see how someone could say you are abusing your wife. She seems like a strong headed enough woman...and if she wanted to get a job besides being a mother, she could and you wouldnt stop her.

posted June 19, 2012 03:23 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by FireMoon:
I meant no offense when I responded to this thread, but my statements were ignored and apparently I have EXACTLY the kind of perspective that bothers yta. I thought the OP was genuinely open to hearing various opinions on the issue, but I was mistaken, and should clearly have kept my opinions to myself

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I didn't get that impression. Granted, he says he hears this message from this board (as opposed to this thread specifically) and I'd like to see what exactly he's talking about, but I get the impression he hears this more offline, and his response to you seemed friendly and understanding enough.

OTOH, maybe jaiellelove is right ("I know that if there's 'hate', that its probably coming from the women on here"--though men can say similar things about such arrangements, too) as he's supposed to be some financial big shot of some kind and people like that generally don't get told things they don't want to hear (just one reason why SNAFU is so rampant in politics, military, and economics) so I can see how it would seem strange he's talking about offline matters. And then there's the wife and kids (I know taking care of my partner and kids takes up a lot of my time and they're all fairly independent with no special needs, and when I did a lot more work out of the home on top of that than I do now I almost never had time to visit LL) and then there's the abstinence program at the school he said he volunteered with as well (and not only would that make even more demands on his time but at least in both Texas and California those volunteers tend to idealize the traditional family where the man is the primary wage earner and the woman takes care of the home so that also seems unlikely that he'd be given grief there as well). IOW, given his offline life it would seem all his free time where he could be challenged would come from the internet (and I'm surprised he even has the time to post here as often as he does, it's hard to imagine him frequenting other boards as well). So maybe he DOES mean here primarily?

In any case I understood what you were saying, and he asked for an explanation and I think many of us gave good ones.

Until you and jaiellelove spoke up and got me to thinking about it just now I'd just assumed he (and others) meant mostly elsewhere/offline (and as for his saying "here" in the OP he just needed a little clarification, which he got and seemed to accept gracefully, IMO), but now I'm wondering, too.

posted June 19, 2012 03:47 AM            

YTA’s response was:

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
This is [b]exactly what I am talking about.

If this is controlling, then so be it. My wife loves the controlling me, as long as the nice stuff keeps flowing in [/B]

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Not what I meant by that at all. I was honestly surprised at the hostility and found the rest of his response to be condescending to be honest, and probably should have just left it at that and not said anything more, but I responded in a similar tone. This followed by:

"You're absolutely right. Now I'm seeing for myself.

The hatred is astounding."

posted June 19, 2012 08:02 AM            

Unfortunately this happens with alarming regularity on this board: there is some confusion, one person makes a polarizing remark to set up two camps, kissing the *ss of the allegedly "injured" party, and all hell breaks loose.

But those of us who READ your comments saw CLEARLY that you were not HATING.

posted June 19, 2012 10:24 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Faith:
Don't worry about it, FireMoon, we saw that you meant no harm.

Unfortunately this happens with alarming regularity on this board: there is some confusion, one person makes a polarizing remark to set up two camps, kissing the *ss of the allegedly "injured" party, and all hell breaks loose.

But those of us who READ your comments saw CLEARLY that you were not HATING.

I think they owe you an apology, frankly, for either meaning that or being careless enough to make you wonder.

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Couldn't have said it better myself

I'll only add that I find this thread confusing, not finding a clear reason for it. Because the OP has said several times in other threads that he basically doesn't care what other people think about him, he's not here to please them, that he and his wife are a "hard hitting" couple, etc. And then this thread????

But then I think my confusion is because the reason for the thread is not the one stated in the title or in the opening post. And I think most members are way too intelligent to not notice that

Perhaps the OP is just looking for sympathy?? Although for what ... is beyond me.

posted June 19, 2012 10:57 AM            

People are selfish and divorce with alarming regularity these days and a woman with years missing from her work history is setting herself up for complete poverty and total dependence on the income of her EX-HUSBAND(!) to go with her single motherhood later in life.

posted June 19, 2012 01:12 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by jaiellelove:
Now if we can only find out where the rest of the good men are "hiding". lol....

Ah...I know that if there's "hate", that its probably coming from the women on here. I would ask that they find out what it means to be a submissive woman...NOT a subservient woman, but a submissive woman. I was a SAHM for 8 years and though I love my children, I did not have a man who was for growth. So we struggled ALL the time...No changes were made and TOO many sacrifices also followed. I love being the independent woman I am now, but I understand that when/if I find my "king" WE will make a joint and positive decision on how we will function as a unit. I see the OP and his wife having a fulfilling marriage. And NOT for the fact he is the breadwinner, but for the fact he functions as apart of the unit. Family is a whole...he recognizes that, respects it and appreciates it. Now THAT'S success...and THAT'S SEXY! Keep it up and school some of these folks out here!!!!

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Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal

posted June 19, 2012 02:47 PM            

I meant no harm and my comments were not directed at you.

I must admit I was a tad aggravated about the reference to being controlling, but I never meant to give you the impression that you were spewing hatred.

About the rest, I won't respond to specific remarks because they are often hyper-analyzed and much hoopla is often made out of nothing.

I don't expect anyone to like me, and I don't care to make people like me.

I am, however, extremely grateful for all who support me and never take them for granted.

posted June 19, 2012 07:25 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways:
FireMoon,

I meant no harm and my comments were not directed at you.

I must admit I was a tad aggravated about the reference to being controlling, but I never meant to give you the impression that you were spewing hatred.

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No harm done.

Again, one last time… I was NOT in any way referring to you as controlling.

Thank you for everyone who had my back on this thread, I don’t come to LL to pick fights or start conflicts lol and was feeling frustrated...