posted August 09, 2012 12:55 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Oookay lol. Still don't know why you brought it up. But nvmd lol.

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It was an anecdotal failure on a massive scale..

posted August 10, 2012 02:51 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Things are going really well! I've got back to work, started my vegetarian diet and hoping to become a vegetarian and raw food enthusiast lol ^_^, I have a lot of energy, I am upbeat and proactive.

The only cloud on my sky is my noisy aunt who's coming to check up on me, to see what I am upto and if I have lost my mind or not . I'm meeting her tomorrow, she is actually staying at a friend, not my place. Big surprise I didn't insist haha. Well I don't want visitors, it's her problem she wants to come visit, I didn't call her here.
I'm gonna do some yoga and meditation to calm myself down before meeting her, she is one manipulative, smothering woman, grrr.

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Noisy or Nosey?

I ask because iirc you had an aunt who was trying to fix you up?

Sounds like you are trying new things, good for you, raw vegan though?

posted August 11, 2012 01:18 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Padre35:
Noisy or Nosey?

I ask because iirc you had an aunt who was trying to fix you up?

Sounds like you are trying new things, good for you, raw vegan though?

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Nosey, sorry This is another aunt. I have a lot of "helpful" aunts lol. It passed, it went sort of well, except for the part when she tried to guilt me into mellowing up to my parents. She always sticks up with my dad, even though he is a loser, so I don't trust her. In the face of unquestionable evidence, she still has his back, no matter what he does.
But that is over and it's cool now. I had a pretty awful emotional day yesterday, though.

posted August 11, 2012 01:35 AM            

Sounds like there is this phalanx of Aunts or something..

"Oh, I met the nicest young man today.."

posted August 11, 2012 11:59 AM            

I have just read and replied to someone who's dating a child sexual abuse victim.. I am still sort of in shock. I have wondered how confessing that to a partner affects the relationship.. and jesus.. what I read made me not want to tell this to anybody, ever. The OP reacted with anger, jealousy and eventually distanced herself (lesbian relationships) from her partner.. But another poster said this :

"Ive dated a few girls who loved to bring up their sexual abuse to get me to do or not do something. And it made me wonder if they were sexually abused at all and not just manipulative girls. Ive dated girls that most definitely had rape trauma syndrome and denied ever having been sexually abused because they didnt want me to know. I personally wouldnt ever date a girl who had issues with sexual abuse. Purely because if they dont get over it they use it an excuse for bad behavior, manipulation, lying, drug use, alcohol abuse, anything they can. If they didnt plan on working it into their lives they would just get over it. To me in my mind sexual abuse isnt that bad. Yea it sucks and its terrible but its not something that should consume someone for the rest of their lives. I mean if they were left mutilated, injured, disfigured, yea sure that carries on. But thats rarely the case. Emotional wounds should heal."

Oh wow.. As if it wasn't enough the fact that I blamed myself all those years and didn't think anybody would believe me.. but when I actually reach out to someone, to get this reaction.. Oh wow.. I guess nobody really can know what it's like for us and hoping someone who wasn't abused to understand is sheer utopia. I guess maybe I hoped for a more empathetic attitude.. but I guess I was, once more, just a silly naive girl.

posted August 11, 2012 12:18 PM            

Well Hera, I'm acquainted with studies that find some 20% of young women are sexually abused prior to adulthood and when I'm thinking of asking someone out, or am in a relationship with them I sort of assume this is a possibility whether they speak about it or not.

posted August 11, 2012 08:19 PM            

Dont worry girl, you will not be alone for long, im pretty sure. Afterall, if *I* was able to find a great guy finally, then it will happen with everybody at the right time.

And dont worry about the opening up part. With the right person, it will come naturally and he will surely listen to you and care for your past. Although, i must say that its really true that only we can heal our wounds. Others can make it easier for us through their love and support, but the real work has to be done by ourselves. So just continue with your self-healing and you will see that the reward is coming soon... You're doing great, just dont ever give up!

posted August 11, 2012 09:13 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Yeah. Well then I am going to make things very easy and just remove myself.

I don't want to friggin understand what it's like for the other person. I always have to be the one who understands. Tired of it. That's what my mom said, I must be the mature one and understand my father. Say what??? I don't friggin have to understand anything anymore, except the fact that a terrible injustice has been done to ME. Yeah, to ME. This is about ME, not anybody else. I've taken enough cr@p in life, I don't have to take anymore from anyone. ENOUGH! And if that means I have to be alone forever, so be it.

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I hesitate to respond however, this may be helpful..or not

No one should take crap from anyone, no one should be bitter enough that ones' life is basically over..right when it is becoming interesting and self discovery is occurring.

In latin, there is a thought of "potior est condito possidentis"

Meaning, you possess something, your position is thusly your own, what to do then is up to you.

posted August 11, 2012 11:46 PM            

We all need time to heal and it's not for anyone to tell us how and when we should do it. God forbid that something happens to this guy or his daughter, should he have one. Sexual abuse is not something you can get over just like that and there is a screw loose in his head for him to say that it's not a big deal.

I get not knowing how to react to such a comment because when I read it I wanted to jump through my screen and beat the holy p!ss out of him. All I can say is that there's something very wrong with him and would like to ask him if he's a sociopath or troll.

You're not silly or naive. It's not you at all. It's people like him who should question whether there's something wrong with them. Never allow someone like this to silence you. It'll just make their lives easier and they don't deserve that. You have convictions and someone like this does not. Honestly, he sounds more like a predator or some useless f*ck who stands by when he should jump into action.

As for the average man, this is not how he would respond. This is what a cowardly man would say and they like to pretend that they're average and above, but cannot prove it.

Sorry for ranting. It just... Oh, I need to go hit something.

posted August 12, 2012 12:02 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Hera:
Oh wow...

I have just read and replied to someone who's dating a child sexual abuse victim.. I am still sort of in shock. I have wondered how confessing that to a partner affects the relationship.. and jesus.. what I read made me not want to tell this to anybody, ever. The OP reacted with anger, jealousy and eventually distanced herself (lesbian relationships) from her partner.. But another poster said this :

[b]"Ive dated a few girls who loved to bring up their sexual abuse to get me to do or not do something. And it made me wonder if they were sexually abused at all and not just manipulative girls. Ive dated girls that most definitely had rape trauma syndrome and denied ever having been sexually abused because they didnt want me to know. I personally wouldnt ever date a girl who had issues with sexual abuse. Purely because if they dont get over it they use it an excuse for bad behavior, manipulation, lying, drug use, alcohol abuse, anything they can. If they didnt plan on working it into their lives they would just get over it. To me in my mind sexual abuse isnt that bad. Yea it sucks and its terrible but its not something that should consume someone for the rest of their lives. I mean if they were left mutilated, injured, disfigured, yea sure that carries on. But thats rarely the case. Emotional wounds should heal."

Oh wow.. As if it wasn't enough the fact that I blamed myself all those years and didn't think anybody would believe me.. but when I actually reach out to someone, to get this reaction.. Oh wow.. I guess nobody really can know what it's like for us and hoping someone who wasn't abused to understand is sheer utopia. I guess maybe I hoped for a more empathetic attitude.. but I guess I was, once more, just a silly naive girl.

What can you say to something like that, really?.. I guess it is a lot to put on a person, you entrust them that they can handle it but clearly they can't. I would have liked to say it's not about them, it is about the victim.. but it isn't exactly so. Like it or not, one's abusive past is carried into their relationships, knowingly or not, and affects the other person as well, indirectly. But to reach out to someone and spill your darkest secret out and get this......... I will know better next time to shut the f*ck up. [/B]

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posted August 12, 2012 07:43 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Dreamy_AriesGirl:
Heraaa

Dont worry girl, you will not be alone for long, im pretty sure. Afterall, if *I* was able to find a great guy finally, then it will happen with everybody at the right time.

And dont worry about the opening up part. With the right person, it will come naturally and he will surely listen to you and care for your past. Although, i must say that its really true that only we can heal our wounds. Others can make it easier for us through their love and support, but the real work has to be done by ourselves. So just continue with your self-healing and you will see that the reward is coming soon... You're doing great, just dont ever give up!

We should continue in email
I just wanted to say a hi
(((hugs))))

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posted August 12, 2012 08:48 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Padre35:
I hesitate to respond however, this may be helpful..or not

No one should take crap from anyone, no one should be bitter enough that ones' life is basically over..right when it is becoming interesting and self discovery is occurring.

In latin, there is a thought of "potior est condito possidentis"

Meaning, you possess something, your position is thusly your own, what to do then is up to you.

---

posted August 12, 2012 09:10 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Delilah:
Hera, ignorance is bliss to a lot of people. It's normal to reach out to someone to help them and become angry in defending them against others who have their heads up their a$$es. We live in a society where people just don't want to care and think that those who have been hurt can get over the abuse like the flip of a switch. If a person can do that then there's is something deeply wrong with them.

We all need time to heal and it's not for anyone to tell us how and when we should do it. God forbid that something happens to this guy or his daughter, should he have one. Sexual abuse is not something you can get over just like that and there is a screw loose in his head for him to say that it's not a big deal.

I get not knowing how to react to such a comment because when I read it I wanted to jump through my screen and beat the holy p!ss out of him. All I can say is that there's something very wrong with him and would like to ask him if he's a sociopath or troll.

You're not silly or naive. It's not you at all. It's people like him who should question whether there's something wrong with them. Never allow someone like this to silence you. It'll just make their lives easier and they don't deserve that. You have convictions and someone like this does not. Honestly, he sounds more like a predator or some useless f*ck who stands by when he should jump into action.

As for the average man, this is not how he would respond. This is what a cowardly man would say and they like to pretend that they're average and above, but cannot prove it.

Sorry for ranting. It just... Oh, I need to go hit something.

---

I am sorry if I triggered something . I know this is a sensitive subject for you as well. When I first read it, my jaw literally dropped. But I think such thinking is more common than we think. Maybe not everyone is saying it out loud, but I think indeed as a society we really prefer to avoid these issues. I am actually guilty of that myself. I remember before, when I wasn't in touch with my pain, was in total denial, that I was quite insensitive to other people's pain and thought the same, that they should just get over it. I think we just don't want to face our own weaknesses.. and seeing victims makes us painfully aware that it can happen to anyone, including to us. It is of course much more comfortable to just ignore this altogether. But I guess I can't really blame him for thinking like that, it would make me a hypocrite. I know around that time when I felt that, I really couldn't stand weak people. I couldn't stand people crying in front of me (in our house crying was forbidden) but I guess it was because I didn't want to face my own hurt. It does catch up with you, though, eventually.. I think maybe this guy has had moments in his life when he also felt powerless. I think our reaction to this kind of things says a lot about us and our own issues and yeah, most people just don't want to know they exist..
The person I told seemed to avoid me and it bothered me. I understand it is pretty frustrating not knowing what to do or say.. but people don't know you don't need to do or say anything.. just be there. What could anyone say, really?.. Idk.. I also don't know what to say. Or what would like to hear to feel better. Well, actually, what made me burst into tears instantly was when my therapist said "I believe you".. I felt very relieved. As a kid, I tried to tell my mom and to a female relative but I guess they didn't want to believe it and preferred to ignore it.. Why should I be surprised that my initial reaction was to ignore it as well? That's what I learned you should do. I am glad I am shaking it off. I am glad I am not indifferent to other people's suffering. I am glad this didn't turn me into a monster as many victims of abuse become abusers themselves. I am glad that I am finding my way out of the darkness, at last.

He didn't silence me. I replied and I think I managed to be civil, too lol. The weird thing is that I do understand where he is coming from.. but no longer think it is acceptable behavior. We need to ask more of ourselves if we want to break this vicious circle..

posted August 12, 2012 09:19 AM            

quote:

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Originally posted by ShyVirgo1979:
Ohhh no he didn't go there......I have a close family member that was sexually abused as a child and I've seen what it it to her, b4 and after adulthood. When I read what that guy said, I wanted to reach thru this phone and slap the pi** out of him. How selfish and insensitive can he b??

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posted August 13, 2012 12:09 AM            

I have moon(sporpio h6) square mars (aquarius h10)
I have issues with expressing anger sometimes. Leading me to be passive aggressive at times. But if someone really pushes my buttons, or is flat out rude. I will blow up. And I can really surprise myself...since I can be very good at being pleasant and pleasing to others. (also Sun trine Mars)

Anger and blowups just happens for me sometimes.

I was passive aggressive with the guy yesterday...cause he said he wasn't feeling good. So I was like "if you need to go let me know" and he basicly just kept saying stuff like "I have a headache too...ohh I don't feel good." So then all of a sudden I say in a very passive aggressive tone "Alright well have a good night!"

I don't know I just got paranoid that he was just saying that so he had an excuse to get off the phone.

and then he did that tonight again...I was just like "really...!" I probably sounded like such a b!tch.

Like I would feel bad if he really doesn't feel good. But I don't know. If this keeps up though, I want to find a mature way to tell him 'If you want to get off the phone, just say you got to go...you don't need to act like you don't feel good. I'm not stupid, I'd rather you tell me you want to get off the phone now, rather than insult my intelligence. I'd take that way less personal than a white lie.

I need to find a medium I know.

But I just can't act all gung ho and go with it. And act like I'm fine with that.

But I don't want to flip the fuk out either over this...Cause he is a good guy and doesn't deserve that. And I'm afraid I might do that. And I've learned that doing that will get me nowhere...but ya know sometimes my lid just flips off, and there is no holding back.

posted August 13, 2012 12:19 AM            

Also taking a dance class this semester.

posted August 13, 2012 01:24 PM            

Sure, just write me when you feel like. I have Mercury in Pisces so i understand

Im happy that you're being optimistic, i really start to belive that everything is just the matter of time.