Author
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Topic: Living with a lazy-a$$
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Aquacheeka Knowflake Posts: 1801 From: Toronto Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 12, 2012 03:53 PM
Has anyone dealt with this before?My balcony looks like a crackden because that's my boyfriend's "man cave" and that is surely what the rest of the place would look like if it wasn't for me. His ability to procrastinate knows seemingly no bounds. It sort of reminds me of that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Sally Field's character says, "Why do you always make me out to be the heavy?" The fact is, no one LIKES feeling like the bad guy. Nobody LIKES having to nag. Surely asking a person to do something (like clean up after themselves) once and giving a reasonable time frame should be enough. It shouldn't have to come to nagging. I hate repetition. Sometimes he even OFFERS to do something so he can feel like he's contributing, and then not bother to follow-through. How did you get around having a roommate who probably wouldn't wipe their own butt if you didn't tell them to? Any suggestions? IP: Logged |
juniperb Moderator Posts: 4705 From: Blue Star Kachina Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 12, 2012 03:57 PM
Virgo moon here and my tolerance level for a crack den appearance is zero Sorry no help here Good luck! ------------------ As Angels above guide Human beings, Human Beings have the opportunity to be Angels on Earth, who guide the Animal kingdom. - Da Vinci IP: Logged |
Padre35 Knowflake Posts: 428 From: charlotte, NC, US Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 12, 2012 03:59 PM
Crackden?Women let you do that? Really? Hmm IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways Knowflake Posts: 3620 From: Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 04:33 PM
Don't ever tolerate that! Kick him out!IP: Logged |
Junethird Moderator Posts: 2832 From: Registered: Nov 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 04:39 PM
I can compromise on alot of things but not that. I cant live with messy people. No way!!!With roomates and the common shared areas, bathroom, kitchen, living room... ive made it a point of only washing my dishes and my mess and it would alway come down to one of us moving out. It never works out if you dont have the same cleanliness values. IP: Logged |
ail221 Knowflake Posts: 1081 From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 12, 2012 04:53 PM
Depends whose name is on the lease Seriously discuss it with him and be firm about it.IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 36064 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 12, 2012 05:06 PM
quote: Originally posted by Aquacheeka: Has anyone dealt with this before?My balcony looks like a crackden because that's my boyfriend's "man cave" and that is surely what the rest of the place would look like if it wasn't for me. His ability to procrastinate knows seemingly no bounds. It sort of reminds me of that scene in Mrs. Doubtfire where Sally Field's character says, "Why do you always make me out to be the heavy?" The fact is, no one LIKES feeling like the bad guy. Nobody LIKES having to nag. Surely asking a person to do something (like clean up after themselves) once and giving a reasonable time frame should be enough. It shouldn't have to come to nagging. I hate repetition. Sometimes he even OFFERS to do something so he can feel like he's contributing, and then not bother to follow-through. How did you get around having a roommate who probably wouldn't wipe their own butt if you didn't tell them to? Any suggestions?
Is he an earth void? ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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YoursTrulyAlways Knowflake Posts: 3620 From: Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 05:41 PM
Any decent guy would clean up after himself and also help you clean up after yourself as well. Anyone irresponsible is a butt head. IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka Knowflake Posts: 1801 From: Toronto Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 12, 2012 05:41 PM
quote: Originally posted by Ami Anne: Is he an earth void?
No, I am. He's got Venus and Mercury in earth signs. IP: Logged |
RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 3805 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 05:46 PM
Honestly, if someone has been like that for this long, probably not going to change. I personally am a bit messy, though organized, which is a weird mix. However, I would try to keep that contained to my own area, and if someone asked me to try to be neater, I would do my best to try harder. And obviously if people were coming over or likely to stop by unexpectedly, that would be another motivator for me to keep things at least reasonable. If you ask him to change and he makes no effort, either kick him out or if you can't, move out yourself. I will say, though, that it's not always laziness. Honestly, I'm just not a neat freak. I like things to be lived-in enough to be comfortable, but still nice. It doesn't always occur to me that other people see a space as being this big disaster area whereas I don't. I'm not going to flip out if I see, like, a bit of dust or something. If someone asked me to dust or vacuum, I would, though, as long as they weren't rude about it/didn't go to an extreme. To me, that's being a team player and a good roommate. I'd say that clear communication is key. Be honest and upfront and reach a compromise about the neatness level. IP: Logged |
Alma Sun Moderator Posts: 1907 From: The East Coast Registered: Mar 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 06:40 PM
Oh I know the kind you speak of. The ones you keep saying the same things to, but it just doesn't seem to penetrate their thick skulls. I seriously don't nag. I mean if I say it a few times and you still don't get it, well... I type up my thoughts and leave them up in the "problem" areas and, believe it or not, they seem to work. Call me passive-aggressive. The sign in the bathroom: quote: You can't afford a maid so clean up after yourself. ;-)Sincerely, Not your Maid or Mother
The one next to the computer:
quote: I don't mind porn, but if you mess up my computer, you buy it.Thank you.
------------------ "The snake which cannot cast its skin has to die. As well the minds which are prevented from changing their opinions; they cease to be mind." --- Friedrich Nietzsche IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways Knowflake Posts: 3620 From: Registered: Oct 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 06:53 PM
My wife and I ensure our home is cleaner than the Recruit barracks at Camp Penddleton. You can bounce a coin three times across my teenage son's bed sheets. You can eat off my garage floor. IP: Logged |
sand Knowflake Posts: 5738 From: Registered: May 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 08:53 PM
This is y virgo influence is so hot! IP: Logged |
Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 36064 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 12, 2012 09:13 PM
quote: Originally posted by Aquacheeka: No, I am. He's got Venus and Mercury in earth signs.
I meant him lol ------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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Xiiro Moderator Posts: 1232 From: San Diego CA, USA Registered: Jun 2011
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posted August 12, 2012 09:17 PM
Is he a Sag? lolIP: Logged |
PixieJane Knowflake Posts: 862 From: CA Registered: Oct 2010
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posted August 12, 2012 10:18 PM
Only one was that bad...or at least that bad and not worth it. He complained that his mom was holding him back (he was 20 I was 19) and back then I naively assumed most people were like me and thus sympathized with him and expected him to do the right thing when I let him move in with me to get away from his mom. Unfortunately he wanted me to be his mom. He did nothing but make messes and expect me to take care of him and the place and not give him a hard time, ever. He sure as hell wasn't going to get a job (not unless it paid some ungodly amount doing something he really wanted, like I suppose play video games). Some stupid girl told me if I treated him like a man he'd act more like one (as opposed to a spoiled little boy) and even advised me to have sex with him to boost his self-esteem and thus drive to do something besides play video games. I did, but it changed nothing save he now wanted sex on demand, too (and on his selfish terms). The ONLY positive experience I got out of that was laughing over hearing him playing video games while using the toilet (if I walked by to or from the kitchen it was impossible not to hear the sound effects)...I suppose I should've been annoyed but the absurdity of it still cracks me up sometimes. And he's not the only guy to do that (when I've shared that with others I've heard of so many guys doing that, many of whom spend a long time as they get into their toilet game and yet have the gall to complain of women taking too long in the bathroom). So at least he was worth a laugh. But he was a pain. I finally started making ultimatums when all my hints, bribes, offers, and the like didn't work. He responded by implying he'd commit suicide (ie, he took himself hostage). That worked momentarily but then one day coming home I started FANTASIZING about finding him dead and I realized then that the situation could not stand. I told him to get out. He ignored me save to imply suicide again (he sulked & shut up when I suggested hanging so that I that I wouldn't have to clean any blood up) and finally got some big guys to literally grab him and his stuff and rudely throw him out with threats if he ever came back or even spoke to me. And that was that. I heard from others a few months later that he was living with him mom again and still very much alive. IP: Logged |
aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 4051 From: tennessee Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 01:12 AM
this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .IP: Logged |
ariesdragon Moderator Posts: 4319 From: Jupiter Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 02:13 AM
quote: Originally posted by YoursTrulyAlways: Any decent guy would clean up after himself and also help you clean up after yourself as well. Anyone irresponsible is a butt head.
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Ami Anne Moderator Posts: 36064 From: Pluto/house next to NickiG Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 13, 2012 02:28 AM
quote: Originally posted by aquaguy91: this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .
You are so cute You say things so outright. What does your Mercury do, aSpect wise and what is it's sign?
------------------ Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
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aquaguy91 Moderator Posts: 4051 From: tennessee Registered: Jan 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 02:35 AM
no your cute ami my mercury is in Capricorn in 11th house conjunct Uranus and Neptune and trine the moon.IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka Knowflake Posts: 1801 From: Toronto Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 07:05 AM
quote: Originally posted by aquaguy91: this is why its best live alone. you can have things the way you like them, i'm personally not a neat freak and would be miserable living with a person who is. i prefer putting my feet up on the couch and being comfortable .
This doesn't surprise me. Ime, it's hard to find smokers who are clean. If I could go back in time I'd deem it the dealbreaker that it should have been IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka Knowflake Posts: 1801 From: Toronto Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 07:06 AM
PixieJane, that story.... LMFAO!!!IP: Logged |
Aquacheeka Knowflake Posts: 1801 From: Toronto Registered: Mar 2012
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posted August 13, 2012 07:06 AM
quote: Originally posted by Xiiro: Is he a Sag? lol
How did you know? lol.
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RegardesPlatero Moderator Posts: 3805 From: Storybrooke, Mr. Gold's Shop Registered: Sep 2011
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posted August 13, 2012 07:16 AM
quote: Originally posted by Aquacheeka: This doesn't surprise me. Ime, it's hard to find smokers who are clean. If I could go back in time I'd deem it the dealbreaker that it should have been
--agree Smoking smells horrible, too. And secondhand smoke is very bad for your health.
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ghanima81 Moderator Posts: 979 From: Maine Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 13, 2012 09:20 AM
Oh, yes. I have lived with both ends of the spectrum. I myself am very clean and get anxiety when things begin to get messy. My last roommate was AWFUL. She went from living with her mom to me and her gf. Her gf is our "boy" and would handle the trash or any big gross project that we didn't want to do. (When I reminded her a million times and stayed on her about it. Gem sun with bi-polar disorder and depression, so it wasn't that easy with her either) but K just didn't get it. I AM a mom, so I have a tendency to just take care of things myself anyway, but it was EPIC how lazy and ungrateful she was. She just moved out and had a full week (not having a job give you a lot of free time, wouldn't you agree?) to pack and move her belongings. I have since packed up 7 trashbags of her things she left behind. Also she left a bed, a dresser, bags of old junk and a few boxes of crap she had cleaned out of her car over the 2 years we lived together. She is moving to GA in two weeks and seems to have no intention of coming to get any of it. I'm having a yard sale I have no good way of dealing with it, as I am very adverse to conflict or confrontation. I am NOT her mom and would NOT tell her what to do. I am adamant that it's NOT my job to do that. I will sit there and be irritated to the point of wanting to hit her, but I would still just end up doing it myself out of principle of NOT being responsible for teaching her how to be a grown up. She's 23. IP: Logged |