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Author
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Topic: Do you associate love with pain?
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Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 2264
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted August 19, 2012 09:18 AM
  
I always seem to associate the two, not that I want to, but it just happens.Whenever I start falling in love it's like all hell breaks loose. Insecurity, trust issues, self-destruction, drama.. It's like I'm unable to just take things lightly in matters of the heart, I always assume the worst. And because my emotions are so intense I cannot bear the thought of being hurt by someone who means so much to me. It's like death to me, in my imagination. So I tend to freak out whenever my feelings get stronger and if the person sticks around I want to run for the hills, because I really think that in the end, I'm gonna end up hurt and left alone. (That's probably why I've often been attracted to unavailable people).
Can anyone relate?
And how do you do to get rid of such negative connotations? How do you just fall in love and *enjoy* it, instead of having your mind get f###ed? IP: Logged |
sand
Knowflake Posts: 8100
From: Lake Como next to George Clooney's House
Registered: May 2011
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posted August 19, 2012 09:57 AM
Yes or a power struggle.. Letting one's guard down when you have brushed up against them..IP: Logged |
Dreamy_AriesGirl
Knowflake Posts: 217
From:
Registered: Apr 2009
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posted August 19, 2012 10:46 AM
I used to associate love with pain, because I had much more bad experiences than happy ones.And you know what helped?
When someone very special betrayed and hurted me in the most unexpected way, i went through a huge transformation and healing. At the beginning,it was soo painful that i cant even put it into words... but this pain forced me to look for ways to heal myself. And I survived it, which is exactly what i needed to experience: that losing someone important is NOT the end of the world (no matter how painful it seems at the beginning), is rather the beggining of a new chapter. And that there will always be someone new to come into our lives. So, since i went through this profound letting go process, i dont fear pain anymore, at least not that much. One year after that betrayal i mentioned, i met a wonderful guy who is now my first serious bf. So there is always hope, but I believe that there are certain bad experiences that we inevitably have to go through to learn our lessons. And well, the truth is that without pain, there is no real love. We can only accept that pain is part of life, but we can always look for ways that could help us coping better when the pain comes. At least, these are my experiences.  IP: Logged |
Ami Anne
Moderator Posts: 38691
From: Pluto/house next to NickiG
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 19, 2012 10:58 AM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I always seem to associate the two, not that I want to, but it just happens.Whenever I start falling in love it's like all hell breaks loose. Insecurity, trust issues, self-destruction, drama.. It's like I'm unable to just take things lightly in matters of the heart, I always assume the worst. And because my emotions are so intense I cannot bear the thought of being hurt by someone who means so much to me. It's like death to me, in my imagination. So I tend to freak out whenever my feelings get stronger and if the person sticks around I want to run for the hills, because I really think that in the end, I'm gonna end up hurt and left alone. (That's probably why I've often been attracted to unavailable people).
Can anyone relate?
And how do you do to get rid of such negative connotations? How do you just fall in love and *enjoy* it, instead of having your mind get f###ed?
Love you, Doux 
------------------
Passion, Lust, Desire. Check out my journal
http://www.mychristianpsychic.com/
IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 680
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 19, 2012 11:27 AM
A part of love is trust, which means there is vulnerability involved which means there is a possibility of pain.That is the nature of Love, trust builds overtime however when one first falls in love there is a feeling of walking on eggshells. IP: Logged |
ail221
Knowflake Posts: 2355
From: Mary Margaret Blanchard's home
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted August 19, 2012 01:30 PM
When someone gives birth to a child = love + painWhen someone you love dies= love +pain When someone breaks your heart = love + pain Its natural with every experience there will be some kind of pain without the bad how can you treasure the good. But you shouldn't let your ideas of the pain outweigh the possible good. edit. IP: Logged |
Padre35
Knowflake Posts: 680
From: charlotte, NC, US
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 19, 2012 01:44 PM
quote:
Originally posted by ail221:
When someone gives birth to a child = love + painWhen someone you love dies= love +pain When someone breaks your heart = love + pain Its natural with every experience there will be some kind of pain without the bad how can you treasure the good. But you should let your ideas of the pain outweigh the possible good.
I hope you meant "should not"?  IP: Logged |
Hera
Moderator Posts: 4798
From: the OR
Registered: Sep 2010
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posted August 21, 2012 03:34 PM
I do because I search in the wrong places and don't seem to learn. IP: Logged |
redshift
Knowflake Posts: 249
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 22, 2012 01:31 PM
The one constant about being human is that ultimately, we are alone in our own personal minds and perception of life and others. No matter how hard we try to know someone else, we can't fully merge. Yet, yet, yet, when you love passionately, that is what we desire more than anything else. Merging, knowing, understanding, feeling...loving. The pain is feeling the barrier between you and them. For me anyway.ETA The fear and insecurity, for me comes from wondering if I can truly understand or be understood. Evidence to the contrary is painful. It's isolating and scary if someone you love can not cross your barrier or does cross it and doesn't value what he or she finds. IP: Logged |
Doux Rêve
Moderator Posts: 2264
From:
Registered: Dec 2010
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posted August 22, 2012 03:14 PM
Thanks for the replies, guys.
redshift, I agree with you.
I have Gemini rising (so the DSC's in Sag), so I'm not that fond of the "merging" concept, but the understanding and being understood part, spot on.
I put barriers between myself and others but that's only because I'm afraid of being too clingy, too intense, too emotional, overly dependent, etc. I am tired of not being able to be MYSELF with a partner/potential partner. I am tired of having to fake it or stop my spontaneity because of the imagined consequences.
It's like there's that huge ball of unexpressed emotions inside me and it's killing me.
IP: Logged |
redshift
Knowflake Posts: 249
From:
Registered: Jul 2012
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posted August 22, 2012 06:38 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
Thanks for the replies, guys.
redshift, I agree with you.
I have Gemini rising (so the DSC's in Sag), so I'm not that fond of the "merging" concept, but the understanding and being understood part, spot on.
I put barriers between myself and others but that's only because I'm afraid of being too clingy, too intense, too emotional, overly dependent, etc. I am tired of not being able to be MYSELF with a partner/potential partner. I am tired of having to fake it or stop my spontaneity because of the imagined consequences.
It's like there's that huge ball of unexpressed emotions inside me and it's killing me.
I'm not sure what age you are Doux Reve. If you are young, I can say that it gets easier with age and experience to accept yourself and act with less fear. I'm still in my 30s but it's a massive improvement from my 20s. But, as a fellow Scorpio (you are one right?), I totally get it. Holding back the intensity is learned by us Scorps from an early age and people never have mild reactions to us so we are careful. I think there's hope for you Doux Reve, to learn to take more leaps of faith with love, when you feel more confident about yourself and your judgement of other people.
IP: Logged |
Faith
Knowflake Posts: 2961
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted August 22, 2012 10:59 PM
If you don't cry, it isn't love. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8W97YAYPFGw IP: Logged |
Severus'Soulmate
Newflake Posts: 5
From:
Registered: Dec 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 04:36 PM
Love and pain are linked together in many ways. In a bad relationship, the pain is the pain your lover inflicts. The pain he/she makes you feel. In good relationships, it's the pain you feel for the other person. How can I explain it? For example, when something bad happens to him/her, or when you find out something awful that's happened to them in the past, you feel such intense pain for them... You feel their pain. And it's because you love them. I tend to have the role of the "comforter" in relationships... Maybe it's my Moon in Cancer (5H). I don't know... I have a shitload of planets in Aquarius and the 12 House (Jupiter, Neptune, Uranus, Venus, Mars), and the others are spread out in all houses and signs (Sun & Mercury 10H Sag, Pluto 9H Sag, Chiron & Psyche 8H Scor, Eros & Lilith 7H Lib, Saturn Aries 2H). My aspects... Moon sq Saturn, Moon tri Chiron & Lilith, Venus conj Mars & Neptune & Uranus, Venus tri Eros & Lilith, Venus sex Pluto, Lilith conj Eros, Eros tri Uranus & Pluto, Psyche tri Moon and Psyche sq Uranus.IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 1088
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 05:21 PM
I don't usually associate love and pain. I mean - I'm well aware that I can have very good and normal relationships with most people - as friends or lovers.But every so often I'm met with a difficult person - and when this happens.. it really annoys the crap out of me.
Anyone who turns the love experience into something painful or unnerving - will be getting a cold shoulder from me. I like mature people who can enjoy life & love and who appreciate what they have. That's my Cap Moon talking. I really can't stand people who create painful situations and problems that are completely unnecessary.
I'm dealing with one now... The Moon/Pluto person.
*facepalm* IP: Logged |
Odette
Knowflake Posts: 1088
From:
Registered: May 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 05:41 PM
quote:
I am tired of not being able to be MYSELF with a partner/potential partner. I am tired of having to fake it or stop my spontaneity because of the imagined consequences.
No No.. don't *ever* stop being yourself. The problem is - maybe you are not going out and meeting enough people.
Obviously not everyone will be 'into' you.. because people are very different.
But it's EASY to find people who do like you for you... as long as you put yourself out there. Personally - even though I have a lot of earth happening in my chart.. and I have a very laid back side to my personality - I can also very much BE myself (Aries sun) and I'm not scared of expressing who I am 100% - to others. I feel like - if they don't like me or if they are scared - congratulations! - highway is that-a way! If anything - this is my way to weed out the ones who are not worth it. quote:
Afraid of being too clingy, too intense, too emotional, overly dependent
The way you should look at it is.... If they can't take the fire - they can get out of the kitchen.
Who wants to be with someone who is unable to "cope" with their personality?
There is nothing to be afraid of here.
All there is is - REALITY.
And the REALITY of the situation is that some people might not be able to cope with *you*, as you are. These people need to get out of your life.
The ones who DO like you as you are - will stay.
Trust me - this is not a situation where they will ALL run for the hills. Only *some* will. If you are afraid of the feeling of being rejected or losing someone.... -- all I can say is... from my perspective - avoiding the pain of rejection is NOT WORTH missing out on genuine & loving relationships.
The problem is - if you are not being yourself - while it may protect your feelings from rejection - it is also putting up a wall, so the *right* people can't get through either. IP: Logged |
Lexxigramer
Moderator Posts: 891
From: The Etheric Realms...Still out looking for Schrodinger's cat...& LEXIGRAMMING.♥.. is my Passion!
Registered: Feb 2012
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posted December 18, 2012 06:07 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Odette:
The way you should look at it is.... If they can't take the fire - they can get out of the kitchen.
Who wants to be with someone who is unable to "cope" with their personality?
There is nothing to be afraid of here.
All there is is - REALITY.
And the REALITY of the situation is that some people might not be able to cope with *you*, as you are. These people need to get out of your life.
The ones who DO like you as you are - will stay.
Trust me - this is not a situation where they will ALL run for the hills. Only *some* will. If you are afraid of the feeling of being rejected or losing someone.... -- all I can say is... from my perspective - avoiding the pain of rejection is NOT WORTH missing out on genuine & loving relationships.
The problem is - if you are not being yourself - while it may protect your feelings from rejection - it is also putting up a wall, so the *right* people can't get through either.
 Well said Odette!  ------------------
NumeroLexigrams
~I remember,
therefore I am immortal
~Lexxigramer
My Lexigramming Biography IP: Logged |
Ceridwen
Knowflake Posts: 5026
From:
Registered: Jul 2011
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posted December 19, 2012 02:34 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I always seem to associate the two, not that I want to, but it just happens.Whenever I start falling in love it's like all hell breaks loose. Insecurity, trust issues, self-destruction, drama.. It's like I'm unable to just take things lightly in matters of the heart, I always assume the worst. And because my emotions are so intense I cannot bear the thought of being hurt by someone who means so much to me. It's like death to me, in my imagination. So I tend to freak out whenever my feelings get stronger and if the person sticks around I want to run for the hills, because I really think that in the end, I'm gonna end up hurt and left alone. (That's probably why I've often been attracted to unavailable people).
Can anyone relate?
And how do you do to get rid of such negative connotations? How do you just fall in love and *enjoy* it, instead of having your mind get f###ed?
Oh WOW, exactly the same here! I mean really, I would have even used the same words!
I attribute it to the fact that Venus is square Pluto (and maybe also that Venus is conjunct ISIS and OSIRIS - as if I can`t fall in love the normal way, it always has to be cineastic and epic. lol) IP: Logged |
YoursTrulyAlways
Knowflake Posts: 4336
From:
Registered: Oct 2011
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posted December 19, 2012 04:42 PM
My stance is no more pain. I've had too much pain in my life. If love comes with pain, I rather not love and be by myself. Once upon a time, I was on the verge of declaring permanent singlehood. I've dried my eyes off tears. I have no more tears to shed. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=em328ua_Lo8 IP: Logged |
hannaramaa
Knowflake Posts: 3014
From:
Registered: Nov 2011
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posted December 19, 2012 09:12 PM
quote:
Originally posted by Doux Rêve:
I always seem to associate the two, not that I want to, but it just happens.Whenever I start falling in love it's like all hell breaks loose. Insecurity, trust issues, self-destruction, drama.. It's like I'm unable to just take things lightly in matters of the heart, I always assume the worst. And because my emotions are so intense I cannot bear the thought of being hurt by someone who means so much to me. It's like death to me, in my imagination. So I tend to freak out whenever my feelings get stronger and if the person sticks around I want to run for the hills, because I really think that in the end, I'm gonna end up hurt and left alone. (That's probably why I've often been attracted to unavailable people).
Can anyone relate?
And how do you do to get rid of such negative connotations? How do you just fall in love and *enjoy* it, instead of having your mind get f###ed?
I'm the same exact way Doux! The only difference is I stay and suffer silently because it's better than being alone. Maybe I'm a masochist. I have Moon opp. Pluto, Venus square Saturn, and Pluto in the 5th house. My moon is also strongly aspected to Neptune and I have Mars in the 12th. I don't know abuot others but I feel like all my moon and mars placements gives me the ability to FEEL and SENSE a lot but not be able to act on it. How can I prove anything with intuition? What if it's just me being crazy? It usually feels like love right in front of me but I'm behind a thin glass wall thus never really being able to experience it. It's sad but in a weird, beautiful way. IP: Logged | |
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