posted August 07, 2024 07:12 PM            

when I was a child i was typically cancerian (my ascendant). Shy, quiet a but moody. Not exactly confident. I was somewhat emotionally attached to my caregivers and in turn caring and motherly to peers and younger children.

So it took me by total surprise that when I started playing a game of basketball with my brother and uncles at the age of 6, that they were taken back by my natural athletic abilities and ability to hold my own amongst men in the game.

At that point I my uncle started teasing me and calling me an amazon woman. lol

Growing up I found that i would elicit many similar responses any time i partook in contact sports. It was a bit of an ego boost and helped me gain confidence i had not yet recognized in myself.

I would not otherwise see in my self as an outwardly assertive, aggressive or confident person until just after puberty. As a mater of fact I seemed to attract those energies in others due to suppression and negativity placed on those traits by social programming.

I remember in high school sleeping over at my friends house and we were watching a movie. It was a pretty adult movie~ the generals daughter. I was quite baffled when she told me that the daughter reminded her of me. I certainly did not understand where she got that impression as …my reluctance to give away the movie… in the beginning of the movie shows her being quite risqué and have been murdered as a result of some very heavy bdsm situation. At the time i had no sexual experience nor was i risky in any means of the word. LOL I was the “good girl” and a giver. But in due time i came to see what she meant.. i had started to come into my mars and i had not yet seen myself in such a sexual context. I was just starting to develop my sense of self..which was very delayed due to my upbringing. Once again i think my natal mars in Scorpio has always led to this seething undercurrent that others saw in myself long before I did.

At times I have been told in hindsight of situations that i was intimidating . I remember asking what I may have did or said to come off this way. I’ve been told my confidence and assertiveness is intimidating.

Also That my assertion and familiarity with my emotions is overwhelming and intense. (Moon leo 2nd house) That my mater of fact assertive emotional nature can come off a bit hoyty which causes people to feel inferior in comparison.
It really sucks because It’s usually when I am doing my best to comfort someone I deeply care about and the last thing I want to do it make them feel small. I actually try very hard to lift them. Perhaps leo doesn’t sit well in emotional humbling situations.

I can relate is a previous post. I too have been told I do not do well with people trying to control me. Once again I too relate with the controlling childhood upbringing.
After this being brought to my attention, I noticed people also trying to control me by exploiting this part of my retaliation. Much reverse psychology and mental mind games. I can see this through my natal moon square pluto. Moon opposite kaali. Ekkk. lol

posted August 27, 2024 10:31 AM            

Good: nothing specific but I've been told to just keep on being me because "it's great". I've tried to decipher what that means and the only thing I can come up with is that I'm a weird mixture of being kind, goofy and aloof. I'm also always opposites for some reason. I can dress really girly and act like a man only to switch to a suit and act very feminine.