posted July 18, 2016 09:52 PM            

I am not sure if I am even allowed to create another venting thread but I wanted to create one specifically on Family/Friends and the pet peeves that they do that makes you want to vent.

I also wanted a new thread so it can be new, refreshing for others (since the other Venting thread started in 2013) and I am kinda lost in that one.

The topic is dismissive/defensive family members

I will start. Right now I am upset because I had a fight with my mum over something stupid. I was crying and she got defensive and thought it was about/because of her. I told her it wasn't and instead of assuming it was about her to just ask me. Ask me why I am upset? Why I am crying? She didn't do that and continued to get "offended" because I was crying. Anyway I got upset/frustrated, yelled at her, and now I am still upset and she's like whatever.

The upsetting part is that she's so dismissive and never asked me why I am upset. I wanted her too and I opened that door. Even so, she just let me cry and act like nothing is going. Random but is this a Venus in Aquarius trait? Even when I am done crying (it was brief) and things have cooled down, she still acts like she doesn't care. It hurts because I want to talk, talk it out, but never get a chance. My mom has already moved on. Whatever the case I feel that she never cares about my feelings .....

SMH don't know if I am making sense.

Anyway astrologically I am more watery than her. She only has 1 water planet and I have 3. Our charts have nothing but squares, sextiles and I think 1 trine/idk.

posted July 19, 2016 11:33 AM            

To me, as I get older I am continually learning to pick my battles. There's sort or a weight system you might say. Internal questions are asked:

If there is no resolution, what is the total impact?
In the end, does this affect anyone's life?
What is the ratio of value of resolution to effort needed to get there?

Based on those, I may not engage. Regardless of the other person's feelings. I admit, this is a dismissive approach. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to engage in that for feelings sake. Can't we just move on? To others, feelings ARE THE problem.

posted July 22, 2016 08:15 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by DopGang:
I'm highly mercurial.

To me, as I get older I am continually learning to pick my battles. There's sort or a weight system you might say. Internal questions are asked:

If there is no resolution, what is the total impact?
In the end, does this affect anyone's life?
What is the ratio of value of resolution to effort needed to get there?

Based on those, I may not engage. Regardless of the other person's feelings. I admit, this is a dismissive approach. Sometimes it's really difficult for me to engage in that for feelings sake. Can't we just move on? To others, feelings ARE THE problem.

Everyone is different of course and I know neither you or your mom, your relationship, etc.
Perhaps you could calmly, rationally approach your mother and tell her that it's important for you to talk about your feelings, to be listened to, to clear things up. It may or may not work but it's something to try.

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posted January 02, 2017 08:06 PM            

A guy I know had been sexually molested by someone outside the home, and when it came out that this abuser was molesting many boys and they realized he may have been one (though by now he was an adult) he admitted it did happen (though he got away before it got too bad). His mother angrily demanded why he never told her. He said he was trying but she and Dad were always fighting. He thought they might stop yelling when they went out to eat, but the fighting was just quieter, so he put a candle in between them and lit it trying (in his childlike way) to make it more romantic, which got him punished, and he just shut down because he didn't feel safe.

After he explained that very calmly (he'd gotten over it by then), he saw his mother remember that odd thing he did with the candle and then had a meltdown of anger that he was used to, being super defensive, and even declaring that he was never abused in the first place. The mum needed to believe that to avoid feeling terrible herself. (Of course, that child molester specifically chose boys like him because of how terrible their families were, thus making his capture unlikely, and he might even seduce boys starved for affection. Maybe his mum realized that as well on some level, which is why her unhealthy psychological defense mechanisms kicked into overdrive.)

It's not just mums. I heard of a husband who couldn't go to the hospital when sick because his wife was a nurse who felt she'd be judged if she couldn't keep her own husband healthy and take care of him herself when he was sick. I personally recall a guy offhand who had a meltdown when I put ketchup on the fries he made as he felt I was saying his fries were disgusting.

(Btw, I recently saw a documentary on psychology in marketing and politics. There was a time that Betty Crocker was not selling well despite market research showing there was a need for faster ways to make good food, and it was determined because too many women felt guilty "taking the easy way" so that Betty Crocker made it so you had to add an egg, as psychologists determined this would appeal to her subconscious image as like a fertile mother for her husband, and then Betty Crocker sales when through the roof. The easiest way to deal with irrational people is not by being rational, but by manipulating their irrational feelings, as the people who owned Betty Crocker products did to all the women feeling irrationally guilty for buying Betty Crocker.)

posted May 27, 2017 06:56 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by Selenite:
Lmao, Pixie, those last 2 paragraphs

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posted June 24, 2017 08:18 PM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
They can be both a blessing and a curse.

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posted October 05, 2017 10:41 AM            

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Originally posted by Randall:
That's a violation of privacy.

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