posted December 21, 2021 03:07 PM            

Like I was writing in a gratitude journal before my condo became unlivable.
So when someone told me to express gratitude, yesterday. I let them know.

I get people want to help, and not see me like this. I'm sure I am making others feel uncomfortable.

But I am so over the toxic positivity. Like let me just feel my feelings, and get it out of my system. Stop telling me to deny what I actually feel.

But I did start doing some more LOA exercises, again. Ready to give some fengshui /mystic stuff again too.

posted December 21, 2021 06:56 PM            

Of course I still have love for them, in my own right-to, but it’s much too compromising, stunted. In such conditions, Esteem can not function, neither faith penetrate.

in light of this factor, Surrender. It’s only his loss, which is the saddest truth I ever could know.

I’m exceptionally strong, wise, peaceful woman, yet that’s often, the cross to bear for an others behalf. ✝️

posted January 20, 2022 01:44 PM            

My mom constantly eves drops on my conversations with my husband. I appreciate her letting me stay here. But I do not have a tolerance for it at all right now. Especially from someone who refuses to work on her own marriage. I really had to have a heated discussion with my husband one day...Of course my dad was in the garage with a buddy it's cold as balls outside. So I gave my mom a warning to stay out of it and to mind her own business. Of course she isn't going to do this. But I was basically just asking her to have the decency to pretend she is minding her own damn business...she did the best she could but she still makes prying comments that make it obvious that she eves drops.

I notice I am grumpier with husband on the phone if I am around my parents...mostly mom, cause she is such a nosey snoop.

I have to sleep on the couch here because when I quarantined at the condo my dad started redoing my whole old teenage bedroom. And they keep putting things in the night stand drawer where I've been keeping my dildo. COULD YOU NOT!? Is this karma for finding my dad's porn stash when I was 13, and then telling my older sister?!

If it wasn't for weather I would be staying at the condo. But because the building has a roach problem...I can't eat inside my condo!

I think I am going to start to count down the days that Chiron is not squaring my Jupiter in Cancer anymore. Once it's at 9 degrees, no more!! It's been squaring my Jupiter Cancer(HOME) for years!

posted February 27, 2022 09:27 AM            

I was reading quietly, on my phone. Drinking my tea. A while later, I got up to reheat what was left of my drink, when I realized that the left part of my hand was red and enflamed. I thought I’d been bitten, then saw that it looked like a burn. I rubbed emu oil on it, which helped, but I gave two clear blisters formed in that area. The only thing is, I have no memory of anything burning me.

I use the hairdryer to warm up quickly, when I’m cold. I could have had it on low, when I was on the couch, and maybe my hand got too close to the hot part, before I turned it off. I don’t recall that, though. Or my hand touching the kettle, or getting scalded by the steam.

posted May 04, 2022 08:12 PM            

One of the worst experiences in my life was due to an insurance scam (and the courts were more upset over their fraud than they were their malpractice and extreme abuse, and it wouldn't have ever been stopped--for a time anyway--had one of the insurance companies not assigned a private investigator to expose them). I was a child so it was my dad's insurance that got drained. I don't want to go into the specifics, just that it was exploiting the vulnerable and helpless as the industry treating alcoholics and other addicts (and their children) is doing. Maybe that's why it's angering me so (or maybe because it's a vile thing to do, especially under the guise of helping, many of their victims not even realizing how they're being exploited and worse).

As strange as this may seem (but people have many sides and versions of themselves, they're not just a living one-dimensional trope), I have many traits of a caretaker. That's not to say I'm a martyr for others or that they can walk over me (at least not for long), and I've stood up for others as well (one organization I volunteered with had a love/hate relationship over that). But, in addition to volunteer work and taking care of those close to me, I've shown random acts of kindness (one in which I took a wheelbarrow of groceries to one suffering so I could leave it in secret--I didn't want her pestering me for more, nor for her to feel the fear of what the "hidden price tag" was since an anonymous person can't claim it--and glad that the police didn't pass by because I know they wouldn't have believed it, assuming something more criminal).

I recently saw an ep of a show where it was claimed that children of alcoholics tend to either become caregivers or alcoholics themselves. Given that I had alcoholic parents I decided to look up more about it. It was either too vague or directed at people on an emotional level, or it was, like the rehab industry toward addicts (including alcoholics), trying to squeeze money out of my pain with aggressive ads as well how they could fix my life. They don't help, they exploit.

It actually made me angry. Not irritated, but angry.

On top of that I'm frustrated as I'd like to learn more about this in an ACADEMIC way, but not sure where to look. I don't want a good cry, to be rescued, or anything like that, I just want to see if I can understand myself better, and perhaps gain insight into humanity as a whole.

posted May 10, 2022 08:07 AM            

So I was on IG and this lady I've known (reader) A spiritual person if you will, had offered me a reading earlier via different methods of payment. My spouse has cash app. I hadn't set my own up due to my bank card not being where it belongs. I am scattered here with random items in my personal space lately. Hence my needing to align my life. Getting a reading would have been so helpful.
Well Mercury is going rx. This woman is a Cappy. So I place the order via my spouse. He was fine about doing this. But she called me hack*er. I was in complete disbelief. My reading channel/accounts are now probably targets by negative talking and such. I went from confused to kind of angry. She didn't believe anything, shut me down. Was a complete *****. So I unfollowed her. I'm beyond unsettling in my feelings over this. I mean she's a "spiritualist". She came across as so low in vibe. I feel that old term "rejection is Spirit's way if protection".

His reimbursement is still pending. This tied up his $too. Since he can't use it after her nullification if the transaction.

I'm bothered this occured. I wouldn't had asked him to help me via his app, had my timing been "right". I may had been wrong to have had a "go between" (his app) but damn she was NOT very sensitive. It's like my reading is now under unhealthy attention due to this one thing that clearly was my reaching out to someone who consistently messages me to give support and offer her service too. I thought I was doing her some good, by being a client and
I very much needed another's insight in my general.

Gads. What more can go wrong? I'm having issues with Mercury rx. I do hope there's nothing if the past retuning either. My triangle is bringing me heart ache. Mercury/Gem has been out to get me, it feels too damn personal.

Oh well. Guess we all get these ugly things at some point. My blah life just turned into an amusement park full of rides that bring thrills, fear and vomit.

posted May 29, 2022 10:24 AM            

Things having gluten in them, that shouldn't have gluten in them. Like crab at a sushi place.

I always seem to be low on food when I get back from a trip, moving and am busy. I have to move/pack while holding off on food. Then once I get my stuff over to the next place I eat like a maniac and then I'm in a total food coma.