posted December 17, 2020 10:43 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:

you thought servers were acting a certain way because of your looks and never just considered they dont like single diners

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posted December 17, 2020 11:07 PM            

quote:

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Originally posted by aquaguy91:
Dumuzi,
F#ck you dude. Seriously, f#ck you. You don't know me or the type of women I'm attracted to. I have pursued women who were very overweight and women who were very plain looking. So again, STFU if you don't know what you are talking about.
I say I'm ugly only because my self esteem has been shattered by women. They treat me horribly. You want to know one of the things that triggered me to make this post? A female classmate wrote me a seemingly nice message. She said she was sorry about my loss and then offered to talk to me if I needed someone to talk to. So I thought maybe I can at least make friends with her. I thought she might not be a thot like the majority of young women today, but then when I actually tried to talk to her she disappeared. But she still posts 24/7 and still hasn't responded to my message. So yes, that offended me and ****** me off.
I'm getting too ****** off??? Again, F#CK YOU. YOU Came into my post being a disrespectful prick. Please, just stfu. You are an idiot and don't know what you are talking about.

---

i asked you because i didn't know, i made no assumptions you're just being angry instead of paying attention to my words

and hey you need to lash out and let out some aggression feel free i'm not bothered

i openly said i didn't know your exact situation and asked to get details, you're being very reactive but you aren't reading

she might not be a thot just because was insincere towards you, that's not a direct correlation, a lot of people are unfortunately insincere and say things out of politeness rather than authenticity

posted December 17, 2020 11:09 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:

I know a guy right now who is in a completely sexless marriage. His wife isn't attracted to him and never was. Are you such a f##king moron that you believe women always marry men they love and are attracted to? Wow.
My uncle's ex wife got back with him before he died to get his house and money. I could go on and on with examples like that from people I know in real life.

---

where did i say women always do that? absolutely nowhere as a matter of fact i talked about bottom tier women existing and about how finding quality tends to happen more as a fated connection kind of deal

a lot of relationships are bad yeah, karma stuff most likely not really like people in general

posted December 17, 2020 11:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:

See. This part right here proves you didn't really read what I said. I talked about how I consistently get bad service when I go out alone. Not just okay service, I'm talking terrible service. And I also clarified that I take the busyness of the restaurant into account when I rate service. If a restaurant is completely empty there is no excuse for the server completely neglecting me.

But you don't care about all that nuance. I can already tell that by the fact that you "assumed" I only go for the hottest chicks. I had to laugh at that.

---

servers like i said legitimately do not care about single tables and are often lazy, this is why they're waitresses

you mentioned your looks, and from working in a kitchen years ago i can honestly tell you waitresses barely look at people half the time

and they come and go from restaurants typically very quickly

it really is a matter of sit at the bar if you're alone and want good service

didn't assume **** , if you look at my comment you'll see "?"s because i asked rather than assumed

posted December 17, 2020 11:18 PM            

People need to listen and show curiosity more often. If you imply I'm just bitter because I can't date out of my league you are not acknowledging all the work I have put in. I'm 29. I'm a little over a month away from turning 30 and I have spent most of this decade "leveling up" in the hopes of having a better love life. I worked really hard to overcome extreme shyness. I forced myself to talk to a lot of people, especially women I found attractive. I read books. I even paid for dating coaches. I took dancing classes and started dressing better. And now I'm on my way to a master's degree. Don't come at me assuming I'm a dork living in the basement playing video games.

posted December 17, 2020 11:31 PM            

but i did follow it up by asking, again you just want to be angry at someone and it's pretty obvious

posted December 17, 2020 11:36 PM            

what i did tell you was you need some internal healing it seems, including your rage issues, which is nothing external

people can be in all kinds of situations and still find someone, again i mentioned fate and karma even but sure ignore that just to stay mad

i laughed at the ridiculousness of your words because you were talking about all women wanting chad and free abortions and yeah... that's not reality it's delusion

but i'm not laughing at your misery, it's not your misery at all that made me laugh

you're twisting things to fit your narrative and to paint a view of me that isnt real

posted December 18, 2020 12:00 AM            

did i come off tactless initially? i suppose so, though i feel as though someone getting caught in closed up bitter thoughts sometimes needs someone to say "cut the ******** " and people could stand to laugh at themselves a bit when they let their **** overtake them to the point of them saying things that just don't line up with reality

i'm personally someone who if i'm being that way is comfortable with being called out harshly and can even laugh at myself when i see how i'm sounding

not everyone can take that my bad, but that's not me laughing at your pain

as a matter of fact i said i was sorry about your loss and like i said i asked questions, but what i do see from you is very unhealthy locked thoughts and as within so without

when you internalize these thoughts as true it becomes part of the energy you put out into the world around you, all of the energy that we self generate can affect our external environment and how others relate to us

i don't know if you've ever encountered this but there are people who can walk into a room and fill it with this negativity that just seeps off them, and if you watch everyone in their vicinity subtly responds to that even if they're not generally energy sensitive

i called it something harsh because i want you to be aware of the vibe you're giving in your pain and to understand that it alienates and isolates and does not bring people closer

now i'll say sorry for upsetting you, because while i am tactless and blunt that wasn't my intention believe it or not however i'm really against just coddling toxic thinking because it perpetuates toxic cycles that are not good for the other person

now we aren't close enough for that brand of tough love so i overstepped there, but i absolutely don't think i was wrong to tell you that when you start going down the "chads" and "staceys" and "free abortions" "thots" etc route with your words you get even further from what you want just energetically

it's why i suggested internal work, because you're doing all these things externally going "why is no one here?" but it seems to me based on your behavior and thoughts that it isn't what you acquire at all that does it

also you called me a "gamma male" there's an assumption and so on

now you can take me choosing to change the way i speak to you as me "pretending" or you could accept the reality that i'm just not what you're saying and maybe scale down your rage a bit and actually speak

but if you're going to talk from a place of absolute bitterness towards like half the population as if they're all the same it's not productive at all

again i don't think your pain is funny, you can think i'm a bad person and choose to believe that's where me laughing came from, but it wasn't the pain it was what you said 100% because you're so caught up in your anger that you sound very much like the sort of person who continually pushes others away unwittingly and then blames everyone else

and i mean you phrased it the way you did, even using the typical rhetoric, that i honestly struggle to take seriously because it's not real

i feel bad for you, that's why i offered advice and asked questions and considered possibilities then asked you about them

because i thought maybe it's where you're meeting women or the kind of women you look for etc and so on, like i personally wouldn't go on tinder or to a bar to meet another human because i know what's there you know? and these things very often can give people a bad perception of what people are like

posted December 18, 2020 01:14 AM            

Maybe one of them will tell you about the trauma of men like my father - who was 78 years old before being able to tell anyone of the shame he felt (in thinking "thank god, it was not me") when he caught the dismembered head of his best friend as it passed by him - after a shell exploded alongside them whilst "temporarily withdrawing from engaging the enemy, to re-group at Dunkirk".

However, be aware that - over here - when asked out by someone whom they like, a woman might reply with something along the lines of "why would I want to spend any time with you when there are better looking dogs roaming the street?" ... And your response to that question will determine whether or not she considers you to be a person that can handle her honesty/straight-talking.

posted December 18, 2020 04:38 AM            

Aquaguy has been open in Sweet Peas about his difficulties with women, however he has just lost possibly the most important woman in his life. For goodness sake just let him express his feelings safely. Try extending some understanding. We don't have to agree with what someone is saying to understand their feelings. Not everyone who is upset is looking for you to fix them, sometimes it's just about expressing difficult feelings. You have to recognise this and react accordingly if you truly care about being 'helpful'.

These 'tough love' reactions to men in pain are what leads to many depressed and suicidal men. The whole 'man up' crap. I worked in mental health for almost a decade - why do you think men have the highest suicide rate? Because society forbids men to admit they are struggling and pressures them to keep the 'stiff upper lip' - 'emotionality' is for women. This is not only inauthentic and unhealthy, it is dangerous.

So, please can we recognise the context here (grief) and take the appropriate tack when responding. You are afterall simply speculating anyway, you don't know if your evaluation of the situation is correct, and stating it over and over clearly hasn't helped. Aquaguy is going through a horrendous time, give it up and be someone's friend.

posted December 18, 2020 05:03 AM            

He should be given a month or two before tough love - if ever. His feelings are valid. He's not mysoginist. He just feels as he does. This is a sad era for so many these recent months.

posted December 18, 2020 05:42 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Dumuzi and Graham, have either of you realised that now may not be the best time for your 'tough love'? Aquaguy is grieving. The process of grief (as you may unfortunately know) is complicated and anger is nearly always involved.

Aquaguy has been open in Sweet Peas about his difficulties with women, however he has just lost possibly the most important woman in his life. For goodness sake just let him express his feelings safely. Try extending some understanding. We don't have to agree with what someone is saying to understand their feelings. Not everyone who is upset is looking for you to fix them, sometimes it's just about expressing difficult feelings. You have to recognise this and react accordingly if you truly care about being 'helpful'.

These 'tough love' reactions to men in pain are what leads to many depressed and suicidal men. The whole 'man up' crap. I worked in mental health for almost a decade - why do you think men have the highest suicide rate? Because society forbids men to admit they are struggling and pressures them to keep the 'stiff upper lip' - 'emotionality' is for women. This is not only inauthentic and unhealthy, it is dangerous.

So, please can we recognise the context here (grief) and take the appropriate tack when responding. You are afterall simply speculating anyway, you don't know if your evaluation of the situation is correct, and stating it over and over clearly hasn't helped. Aquaguy is going through a horrendous time, give it up and be someone's friend.

---

i literally said i overstepped with tough love and apologized however people can go through horrible times without acting this way, and that's just the truth

there isn't an excuse for lashing out and blaming others and so on ultimately because bad things happen and bitterness is still a choice

pitying someone and accepting horrible behavior without saying anything about it just because they've been through a sad time is not kind imo, because you're never addressing the issues they actually have

it's softer but sometimes softness is worse

if i let my whole life affect how i treated people unapologetically and acted like he has i'd be wrong and i've been through far more than most people for much longer

the fact that everyone is watching him act in this way and not even calling it out but instead treating him with pity is very twisted and kind of sick to me

suffering is part of life and it sucks but it's not ever an excuse for bad behavior or being hateful towards others, there's lines drawn past a certain point

there's a difference between pity and actual care

i didn't tell him to just suck it up and move on about his mother's death but i did tell him that he'a wrong about the things he's stated here, and not saying that will not help his situation

he wants love from a woman and he'a not going to get it with an attitude that will actively push women away not being real about that will not help him, it's detrimental ultimately

tolerance for people in a bad time should not extend to giving them a green light to say and do whatever no matter how wrong it is

it reinforces the negativity and justifies it and suffering is not justification for bitterness and lashing out, it can affect people in that way but it shouldn't be given a pass unless acknowledged and apologized for by the person acting out

i didn't even make the assumptions he accused me of making i asked him questions and tried to have an actual conversation with him, but let's pretend that and an apology didn't happen while his behavior is applauded 🤷‍♀️

posted December 18, 2020 05:50 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MoonMystic:
@ Aquaguy and Voix.
I agree Voix.
I was sitting here and reading this
and feeling awful for Aquaguy.

He should be given a month or two before tough love - if ever. His feelings are valid. He's not mysoginist. He just feels as he does. This is a sad era for so many these recent months.

This is definitely a painful
time. I just did a reading that expressed his current emotions. I am sorry Aquaguy - for your loss. Your mother is always with you and the world is saving a perfect mate for you. Perhaps she crossed over to Match make.
However You need to not think of that, now, just allow yourself time to grieve. Ignore the tough love.
Please don't give up on your opposite gender yet. Just get through this chapter, knowing people do care. Take your time to grieve.
*Hug*

---

since when is it valid to say all women are looking for guys like him to pay taxes to fund their abortion because they're thots? are you not aware of the incel community at all? it is misogynistic and this sort of rhetoric is extremely common word for word regurgitations of it

coddling ****** behavior and saying to ignore someone telling him that he's wrong isn't kind because the behavior he displays is pushing people away and let's be real no one here who's ok'ing this is going to really be there for him in the end

not the way he needs, he needs to work on himself internally to get what he needs not continue the things he does that are keeping him from that

because for all the hugbox turn a blind eye to the issues because he's sad stuff none of you will actually give him what he needs or wants, whereas acknowledging the problems and working on them will

posted December 18, 2020 06:04 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:
since when is it valid to say all women are looking for guys like him to pay taxes to fund their abortion because they're thots? are you not aware of the incel community at all? it is misogynistic and this sort of rhetoric is extremely common word for word regurgitations of it

coddling ****** behavior and saying to ignore someone telling him that he's wrong isn't kind because the behavior he displays is pushing people away and let's be real no one here who's ok'ing this is going to really be there for him in the end

not the way he needs, he needs to work on himself internally to get what he needs not continue the things he does that are keeping him from that

because for all the hugbox turn a blind eye to the issues because he's sad stuff none of you will actually give him what he needs or wants, whereas acknowledging the problems and working on them will

it isnt kind to ignore issues and play pretend in a display of empathy because it's not actually helpful

---

Dumuzi,

I did not research his background or this thread but he lost his mom. So he should have temporary pass but this is up to voix. She is the mod. But anyone who has lost a loved one does need to grieve. I don't know more about his views.

Dumuzi, I respect your pov and I know you're a level headed guy. I'm just thinking of the heartbreak he's in.

posted December 18, 2020 06:27 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by MoonMystic:
Dumuzi,

I did not research his background or this thread but he lost his mom. So he should have temporary pass but this is up to voix. She is the mod. But anyone who has lost a loved one does need to grieve. I don't know more about his views.

Dumuzi, I respect your pov and I know you're a level headed guy. I'm just thinking of the heartbreak he's in.

Like I said I didn't read thru it all but he might be the type to realize his wrong thinking, after the fact. It might occur to him. He still could change his attitude and apologize to you. He's in his worst now

---

i don't want and i'm not asking for an apology i legit don't care about that, literally told him if he needs to rage at someone it's cool with me if it's me 🤷‍♀️ because i'm not affected by it and not taking it personally

however this thread is not about his mother, and telling him that all women aren't ****** and so on is not wrong, neither is asking questions about where he's meeting women and the sort of women he's meeting

pointing out that hatespeech towards an entire group of people is a net negative that will affect him internally (and is) and that his attitude is probably keeping him from what he wants is not wrong, it's just true

his mother has nothing to do with this and irrational hateful behavior and tantrums aren't ok no matter what happened and people need to be real about that

end of the day we're responsible for our own actions and acting hateful and bitter out of pain isn't actually ok and that's something that ends up ultimately causing more harm to the individual acting that way

i say as much not because i feel like i'm owed an apology (as a matter of fact i apologized to him before mirage and voix spoke for the one thing i felt was a potential line crossed) but because i see all the red flags he's giving off (and there's ways to handle pain that aren't hatespeech and lashing out) and being real with him about that

because i care about the longterm effects of this sort of toxic thinking which he's displayed prior to his mother's death

losing someone is hard and no one told him not to grieve but that doesn't mean anything goes and no accountability and also you're never wrong just because you're sad

it's far worse to not point out the holes in his thinking because in those holes there's actual hope for him to get to a place where he has what he wants

people can be simultaneously sad and wrong

posted December 18, 2020 06:49 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i don't want and i'm not asking for an apology i legit don't care about that, literally told him if he needs to rage at someone it's cool with me if it's me 🤷‍♀️ because i'm not affected by it and not taking it personally

however this thread is not about his mother, and telling him that all women aren't ****** and so on is not wrong, neither is asking questions about where he's meeting women and the sort of women he's meeting

pointing out that hatespeech towards an entire group of people is a net negative that will affect him internally (and is) and that his attitude is probably keeping him from what he wants is not wrong, it's just true

his mother has nothing to do with this and irrational hateful behavior and tantrums aren't ok no matter what happened and people need to be real about that

end of the day we're responsible for our own actions and acting hateful and bitter out of pain isn't actually ok and that's something that ends up ultimately causing more harm to the individual acting that way

i say as much not because i feel like i'm owed an apology (as a matter of fact i apologized to him before mirage and voix spoke for the one thing i felt was a potential line crossed) but because i see all the red flags he's giving off (and there's ways to handle pain that aren't hatespeech and lashing out) and being real with him about that

because i care about the longterm effects of this sort of toxic thinking which he's displayed prior to his mother's death

losing someone is hard and no one told him not to grieve but that doesn't mean anything goes and no accountability and also you're never wrong just because you're sad

it's far worse to not point out the holes in his thinking because in those holes there's actual hope for him to get to a place where he has what he wants

people can be simultaneously sad and wrong

edit: and i'm willing to bet most of the people reading this are unfamiliar with the incel community, which is where a lot of the rhetoric here is coming from (and that's not an assumption, his wording is identical as are his views)

---

posted December 18, 2020 10:22 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dumuzi:
i literally said i overstepped with tough love and apologized however people can go through horrible times without acting this way, and that's just the truth

there isn't an excuse for lashing out and blaming others and so on ultimately because bad things happen and bitterness is still a choice

pitying someone and accepting horrible behavior without saying anything about it just because they've been through a sad time is not kind imo, because you're never addressing the issues they actually have

it's softer but sometimes softness is worse

if i let my whole life affect how i treated people unapologetically and acted like he has i'd be wrong and i've been through far more than most people for much longer

the fact that everyone is watching him act in this way and not even calling it out but instead treating him with pity is very twisted and kind of sick to me

suffering is part of life and it sucks but it's not ever an excuse for bad behavior or being hateful towards others, there's lines drawn past a certain point

there's a difference between pity and actual care

i didn't tell him to just suck it up and move on about his mother's death but i did tell him that he'a wrong about the things he's stated here, and not saying that will not help his situation

he wants love from a woman and he'a not going to get it with an attitude that will actively push women away not being real about that will not help him, it's detrimental ultimately

tolerance for people in a bad time should not extend to giving them a green light to say and do whatever no matter how wrong it is

it reinforces the negativity and justifies it and suffering is not justification for bitterness and lashing out, it can affect people in that way but it shouldn't be given a pass unless acknowledged and apologized for by the person acting out

i didn't even make the assumptions he accused me of making i asked him questions and tried to have an actual conversation with him, but let's pretend that and an apology didn't happen while his behavior is applauded 🤷‍♀️

we're all accountable for ourselves no matter how much pain we're in

---

Dumuzi,

now is not the right time to continue hammering this point. There is no applause here, some of us are just trying to be empathetic to someone who is struggling. If you can't do the same, I suggest you let it go. Stress amplifies troubles, death amplifies troubles. Aquaguy apologised and yet the antagonism continues. Let it go.

posted December 18, 2020 10:26 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
There is no applause here

---

excuse me? where do you get off even implying i'm looking for some **** like that? cool you want to appear empathetic that doesn't mean you project some **** like that onto me

i'm not saying anything i've said for an audience and i'm not saying it for personal validation from other people, that is beyond ****** of you to even imply

everyone has stress and troubles, do mine give me a free pass? apparently not because you're projecting a lot of garbage onto me with a statement like that, but that's ok right? you don't know **** about me or my life and yet here you are projecting absolute **** onto me and not saying "well where is this behavior coming from?" kind of ironic for someone so empathetic to not consider other people at all when saying ****** things

posted December 18, 2020 11:16 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Voix_de_la_Mer:
Dumuzi and Graham, have either of you realised that now may not be the best time for your 'tough love'? Aquaguy is grieving. The process of grief (as you may unfortunately know) is complicated and anger is nearly always involved.

Aquaguy has been open in Sweet Peas about his difficulties with women, however he has just lost possibly the most important woman in his life. For goodness sake just let him express his feelings safely. Try extending some understanding. We don't have to agree with what someone is saying to understand their feelings. Not everyone who is upset is looking for you to fix them, sometimes it's just about expressing difficult feelings. You have to recognise this and react accordingly if you truly care about being 'helpful'.

These 'tough love' reactions to men in pain are what leads to many depressed and suicidal men. The whole 'man up' crap. I worked in mental health for almost a decade - why do you think men have the highest suicide rate? Because society forbids men to admit they are struggling and pressures them to keep the 'stiff upper lip' - 'emotionality' is for women. This is not only inauthentic and unhealthy, it is dangerous.

So, please can we recognise the context here (grief) and take the appropriate tack when responding. You are afterall simply speculating anyway, you don't know if your evaluation of the situation is correct, and stating it over and over clearly hasn't helped. Aquaguy is going through a horrendous time, give it up and be someone's friend.

---

Aqua guy's mother was not ill in 2013 ... when his anger towards women was already being expressed on this board, in the thread at http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum27/HTML/001574.html

And my guess is that expressing anger towards women has been a regular feature on this board for several years before his mother's illness was diagnosed in June 2020.

posted December 18, 2020 11:44 AM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by Graham:
Aqua guy's mother was not ill in 2013 ... when his anger towards women was already being expressed on this board, in the thread at http://www.linda-goodman.com/ubb/Forum27/HTML/001574.html

And my guess is that expressing anger towards women has been a regular feature on this board for several years before his mother's illness was diagnosed in June 2020.

So ... in what way is this board/safe place helping Aquaguy?

---

posted December 18, 2020 12:11 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by aquaguy91:

You are a loathsome little gamma male too. Going back years to bring up trouble when I am grieving. F#### you. Go to H#//. And no it hasn't been a regular feature, so f### off you weak, miserable, and disingenuous little gamma male. The world would be a better place if sociopaths like you would off yourselves. Seriously, #### you. Burn in h#//.

---

>too

i'm going to be real here i'm a woman i just say i'm a guy online because it makes many interactions easier and i came here from anonymous messageboards and so on where my chart was known for consistency when i'm in those places (because many of those people will stalk and search and be crazy to dox) because those are places where being openly female is not always a good idea (because of the sort of rhetoric you are using)

i'm not some "gamma male" and what i told you about women has everything to do with caring that you get yourself to a point where you're able to form a healthy relationship with another person

do not use your grief as an excuse to be hateful

i'll level with you and be 100% i have spent 34 years of my life in really bad situations i have experienced every form of abuse for over 30 years

dated a very abusive narc (so voix your applause comment was completely ****** up given my life, you going to say it's fine?) and didn't see red flags because i was so used to abuse growing up i thought things were normal until i couldn't get out

i've been raped, given concussions, had my ex try to kill me etc and so on i suffer cptsd and have nightmares pretty much nightly paired with flashbacks

so why am i telling you this? i don't expect you to care but because i'm being 100% when i say that our pain does not excuse poor behavior and blindness to the others

there is no acceptable way to throw a tantrum as an adult just because we're being disagreed with

it's manipulative to hide behind the things that are bad in our life to excuse poor behavior and lashing out

i'm very sorry about your mother and i'm sorry you're in pain but acting from a place of pain with other people because they disagree with you or say things you don't like will always make you the one who loses

because it affects who you are and who you become, don't let your pain eat you alive and affect you treat the outside world

when people disagree with you or point out patterns that doesn't mean they're trying to harm you, sometimes harsh reality is needed in order to better ourselves

no one has to be honest with you and you don't invite honesty with your behavior, the truth isn't always pleasant but there's no reason to assume that people are saying things from a place of ill will or trying to cause you harm

graham pointed out that you have a pattern of this behavior, that you aren't saying these things because of what happened to your mother and that's true

i'm sorry for your loss, but at the end of the day you still are accountable for the energy you put out and it's not ok to be so bitter and hateful that all you see around you are enemies if anyone dares to say something you dislike