posted August 03, 2022 12:27 AM            

Please take note that I do not want pity, I hate that🤬

I just want folks to realize
that I might vanish without warning
from here and life too.
It seems the grim reaper just loves serenading me often these days👽
I often dream I am dying with just about every nap or sleep session and die
over and over in my dreams👽😢
I wake screaming and surprised to
not be dead yet.😳😳😳👽
But often I come very close to just
saying bye bye done with this agony
and poverty and the burden it puts
on my beloved😢

My husband will let Randall know
if and when such as my sudden
demise befalls me.💙

Please wish me well please and
for miracles
to come my way
and to my husband also
who is also fighting an incurable
Heriditary disease which will
eventually end him unless something
else happens.😢

I feel like this is a
preemptive goodbye to all of you
who have been loving kind and caring
towards me these over 17 years💙🌈
I guess in a way it may well be one.😳

I joined LindaLand in 2005
to help me cope and keep from going
insane when my husband literally died
from severe serotonin syndrome
seizures😳😢
and I had to do full resuscitation
on him👽😢
He is now totally disabled from
that episode and the only possible
cure for that is brain surgery👽😢
Which could leave him a vegetable👽😢

Again no pity parties please.
They do not help at all only make me feel more resigned to than I already am😢👽
I just want for folks to know that I am
doing my best to hold on and not give
up on caring for people and my own life
even though
I am in very dire straights these days.👽

I often cry over dear Mirage29 who
is going through homeless hell
and worse these days😢👽
and a person called Sorrow😢 and
even people who have been cruel
and did not appreciate
my caring and trying to help😢👽

So going to try and stop the damn
crying over people and give my eyes
time to stop bleeding👽

Send summons to me for much needed
miracles to come my way💙💖😎
No prayers please
as I am not a believer in such things.👽
Also prayers are often insidious in their
execution no matter what force or who is directing the prayers and it may well
be the well meaning
human connection psychic surges folks send that makes it appear that an outside
agent is doing the answering of their prayers.😳👽
The insidious bit is
when for example folks will say such things as;

Poor Betty is in so much pain and agony😢😢😢
I pray that her pain and agony soon ends for her💖💙

Then lo and behold Betty drops dead soon
after the well intended
but sadly not well thought wording of the prayer or wish👽😳
Such things must be very carefully worded👽
The universe or whatever generally will take the fastest and simplest way to grant such wishes and prayers and so forth👽

Oh God they cry!!!!
Betty has died why??????
We prayed for her to be out of her pain and agony soon👽😢

Well folks she has indeed been removed from her pain and agony as you all requested or wished for her
You got exactly what you wanted.👽

So no prayers or wishes for me to be out of pain and agony please👽👽👽👽👽

Just kindly send all the good luck vibes you all can and imagine me still being here at LindaLand in my body for at least another 17 years😎💖🌈

Doing my best not to just give up.
Blessings and love to you all💖💖🌈
even to the ones who
who dislike me or worse.😢💙🌈

------------------

posted August 03, 2022 12:35 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SleepyDiary:
Don’t say that Lexxigramer

The right people will see the best in you and appreciate you.
Get yourself out of negative thoughts and focus on the good you have, and have done in this world.
You have spent enough time being the company of negativity don’t let it be around you in the final chapters of your life.
You have been a warrior most of you life.
Now it’s time to heal

---

I start the first round of at least
six months of two chemotherapy Intravenous infusions this week👽😢😳
I am very scared and cannot help it😳😢👽
I must speak about something that
as it has happened in the past
upset folks who then dumped me as a
fb etcetera friend 👽
I appreciate the caring and love folks
have given me here 💖😎🌈
but saddened that for my own integrity and
all,
I must tell folks my views have nothing
to do with any gods they believe in😳
I should not have to keep apologizing about that but yes often must apologize👽😢
just for not being a believer👽😢

That upsets quite a few folks even though
it is not any kind of personal attack.
Folks can believe what they want to
but
I beg them to try and realize
that not everyone appreciates
being prayed about
and to some mythical beings
or even evil souls pretending to be gods
and getting off on scamming folks and controlling them👽🤬
I do not believe and would not expect
others to give up their beliefs
but kindly folks
in general
please do not send me that kind
of what I see as negative at best energy 👽
or at worse from the god pretender souls out there👽😳
Please folks do not expect me to love being part of a system
I am against.
Sorry to feel I must say I am sorry again just to make people maybe not be angry or hurt by
viewpoints💙😢
I ever mean it as a personal attack
unless it is being shoved at me or
used to hurt me and make folks stop being friends with me
"that godless heathen LEXX" and numerous
worse things said by such angry believers.👽🤬😢

It is just of late I have heard advice
or support even from the medical communities👽🤬👽
mentioning the gods of believers and I am not comfortable with any of it even though that usually all such god based blessings
and advice I hope is all well intended,
except by some of course👽😳😢

I posted a rant elsewhere along a
similar vein today.
I shall link or except to it for anyone
who is interested in understanding me
and my intense aversions to religions
and gods👽😳😢
Pardon any typos or weird autofills👽,

PS got some kind of good news about the
Oncological Hemotologist,
(blood cancer and all cancets)
And they have to our greatest relief
finally finally they have
actually agreed to my needs and requirements
when chemotherapy begins💖😎
The medical community has cause me much
muscle, neveres, and joint etcetera damage
and torn tendons fro their handling me in
the wrong ways, and my complaints and medical attention needed for their inappropriate
handling of and lack of following the
ADA rules for totally disabled folks like myself
which were being severely and illegally
ignored as I am totally disabled and
under the protection of
THe Americans woth Disabilities,
The ADA🌈😎
These required accomodations and
adaptations we're and still are needed
or I could not get the chemotherapy
infusions safely as possibl👽😢😳

So yeah still might not make it decades
more,
but at least gotta some comforting news
about them doing their best to accommodate
me due to my myriad physical and
psychological conditions and being
doped up because they have to do so.😳😢👽

Thank you again SleepyDiary 💖😎🌈
I have started keeping a journal of all
the good I have done in my 67 years
to date💖😎🌈

I must admit that wow
I have done more good than
I had remembered off the top of my head😳💖🌈

I write down even little things
I do to cope with all the times I feel lost and worthless and it does help
me to not feel that
I am worthless now that I am so ill👽😢

Holding on holding on🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈💖😎

😳👽
I lost over 123 of my friends at fb
because of the smear campaign by 2 very religious people who wanted nothing to
do with me after their lies and all👽😳😢
So yeah not being abelievet often leads to
rejection and worse by too many folks😢🤬👽
The rejection I can deal with but the intentionally getting folks to avoid
me because I not a believer is impossible
to deal with🤬👽

Yes I have ranted again.
😳😢👽

Bye for now
should not be online but
had to sit up a few minutes
as my entire body was slowly going numb👽😢

------------------

posted August 03, 2022 01:06 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by SleepyDiary:
Don’t say that Lexxigramer

The right people will see the best in you and appreciate you.
Get yourself out of negative thoughts and focus on the good you have, and have done in this world.
You have spent enough time being the company of negativity don’t let it be around you in the final chapters of your life.
You have been a warrior most of you life.
Now it’s time to heal

---

Oh well I guess it all is just what
it is
but I do not have to like any of it🤬
Being under house quarantine does not
make it easier and often impossible😢

Okay enough for now.
Trying my best to ignore haters😢👽

posted August 03, 2022 02:45 PM            

I want to add some music here that i find so beautiful and very healing i hope it will be of some comfort to you as it has been to me- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYNANwkwvTw

Another one- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhcbiwgZYXI

Pardon me if our music tastes are way different. I just wanted to share some music i find so beautiful and healing.

All my best wishes to you Lexxigramer

posted August 03, 2022 03:43 PM            

------------------

posted August 03, 2022 06:49 PM            

quote:

---

Originally posted by teasel:
I don’t hate you, and you dropped ME on Facebook. I’m still getting over Covid. One dog can’t walk, and needs us a lot. The other one is now having an issue. We thought he was scared of something at first, but he’s yelped when jumping up on something, and he has been all over me for no reason. I don’t want to be awake. I’m scared over my own life, and future, and scared of losing my dogs, my dad, etc. this year has been relentless. This past DECADE has been relentless.

---

I have been vomiting my guts out all day
and care about you teasel
but I am trying to not pass out or worse
at the moment
😢😢😢🥵🤮👽

I feel for you deeply dear teasel
and of all people you should should
know I don't hate you nor you me
💞💞🌈😎
Okay must go otis hard reply while explosively vomiting.🤮🤮🤮😢👽
orry sorry sorry👽😢😢
S